Wednesday, September 28, 2016

FAB.

Page 620

I walked around the Centre.

Observing my surroundings.

Observing the people around me.

A frown on my face.

A little intense.

A little tired.

Had to walk around to clear my mind.

This workload was taking a toll on me.

Fake Ass Bitches.

I'm sick of tired of them.

You wanna help? Then help.

You wanna slack? Then slack.

You wanna talk behind my back? Then talk.

But I'm not here for the bullshit.

I'm too busy for that.

I've done a lot for this place.

I'm not gonna let a few people take it all away.

I'll build it up on my own.

Even if I have to.

Love, Eran.

Wicho bitchass.

Current Song Mood: JoJo Ft Remy Ma - FAB.

[JoJo:]
Sweetie I don't want your cookies
If you're looking for applause, keep lookin'
Your recipe's boring, need a little more spice in my cookin'
Honey you don't want my problems
If you had 'em you would sink to the bottom
You should bring your life jacket
Cause people like you can't handle this, no

Where were you when I needed you?
Tell me, where were you when I needed you?

Fake ass bitches
When they smile in your face, but behind you it ain't well wishes
When they eatin' all the food off your plate and they don't do dishes
When they words and they actions blur and they don't know different
No time for these fake ass bitches

You can go jump on the bandwagon
You yell money with your lame ass friends
Go ahead and jump on the bandwagon
With you fake ass bitches

I been down in the trenches, you should know but you don't pay attention
You wouldn't know real talk if it screamed out loud in your face, now listen
You got away with it, I believed in your for a hot minute
Good as a friend in the moment but you had to go ghost, leave me lonely

Where were you when I needed you?
Tell me, where were you when I needed you?

Fake ass bitches
When they smile in your face, but behind you it ain't well wishes
When they eatin' all the food off your plate and they don't do dishes
When they words and they actions blur and they don't know different
No time for these fake ass bitches

You can go jump on the bandwagon
You yell money with your lame ass friends
Go ahead and jump on the bandwagon
With you fake ass bitches

[Remy Ma:]
You not my BFF, you not my bestie
You a fake ass bitch just like the rest, see
I was all the way down, you was all the way gone
Now you tryna come back cause I'm all the way on
I got both middle fingers all the way up
If a fraud broads, I don't give two fucks
If I say something, my moves'll back it
You be running your mouth and it don't match your actions
And I ain't throwing shade, I'm just saying
Act like it's a buffet and eat off your own plate
Cause it not a compliment when I say you fab
You just a F-A-B with your fake ass, bitch

[JoJo:]
How about a hand for the real ones?
Put it down, had my back since day one
Never hear about 'em throwing no shade, no
So if you one of us, stand up
Tired of the gossip? Think you had enough?
Don't worry about 'em, middle fingers up to these...

Fake ass bitches
When they smile in your face, but behind you it ain't well wishes
When they eatin' all the food off your plate and they don't do dishes
When they words and they actions blur and they don't know different
No time for these fake ass bitches

You can go jump on the bandwagon
You yell money with your lame ass friends
Go ahead and jump on the bandwagon
With you fake ass bitches

With your bitch ass
With your bitch ass


Monday, September 26, 2016

Cold Water

Page 619

I held the walls of the four walls.

Closing my eyes.

As the cold water washed away my sorrows.

My mind played back those times.

Where I was at this exact same position.

What a different time it was.

I won't let go of the past.

But I won't let it drag me down as well.

Be my lifeline tonight, will you?

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Major Lazer Ft Justin Bieber - Cold Water

[Justin Bieber:]
Everybody gets high sometimes, you know
What else can we do when we're feeling low?
So take a deep breath and let it go
You shouldn't be drowning on your own

And if you feel you're sinking,
I will jump right over into cold, cold water for you
And although time may take us into different places
I will still be patient with you
And I hope you know

I won't let go
I'll be your lifeline tonight
I won't let go
I'll be your lifeline tonight

Cause we all get lost sometimes, you know?
It's how we learn and how we grow
And I wanna lay with you 'til I'm old
You shouldn't be fighting on your own

And if you feel you're sinking,
I will jump right over into cold, cold water for you
And although time may take us into different places
I will still be patient with you
And I hope you know

I won't let go (I won't let go, no, no, no, no, no, no)
I'll be your lifeline tonight
I won't let go
I'll be your lifeline tonight

[MØ:]
Come on, come on
Save me from my rocking boat
I just want to stay afloat
I'm all alone
And I hope, I hope
Someone's gonna take me home
Somewhere I can rest my soul
I need to know

[Justin Bieber & MØ:]
You won't let go (I won't let go, no, no, no, no, no, no)
I'll be your lifeline tonight
You won't let go
I'll be your lifeline tonight

[Justin Bieber:]
I won't let go
I won't let go


Sunday, September 25, 2016

Mercy

Page 618


So tired.

Burnt my Saturday away working on my own.

Literally drained all my brain juice.

I know I'm pushing myself.

But I have to.

So tired. 

So much pressure inside me.

I feel like exploding.

Your words keep replaying in my head.

What did you mean?

I'm still trying to figure it out.

So tired.

Please have mercy on me..

Take it easy on my heart.

I'm as emotionally drained as this song.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Shawn Mendes - Mercy

[Humming]

You've got a hold of me
Don't even know your power
I stand a hundred feet
But I fall when I'm around you

Show me an open door
Then you go and slam it on me
I can't take anymore
I'm saying baby

Please have mercy on me
Take it easy on my heart
Even though you don't mean to hurt me
You keep tearing me apart
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart

I'd drive through the night
Just to be near you baby
Heart old and testified
Tell me that I'm not crazy

I'm not asking for a lot
Just that you're honest with me
My pride is all I got
I'm saying baby

Please have mercy on me
Take it easy on my heart
Even though you don't mean to hurt me
You keep tearing me apart
Would you please have mercy on me
I'm a puppet on your strings
And even though you got good intentions
I need you to set me free
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart

Consuming all the air inside my lungs
Ripping all the skin from off my bones
I'm prepared to sacrifice my life
I would gladly do it twice
Consuming all the air inside my lungs
Ripping all the skin from off my bones
I'm prepared to sacrifice my life
I would gladly do it twice

Oh, please have mercy on me
Take it easy on my heart
Even though you don't mean to hurt me
You keep tearing me apart
Would you please have mercy on me
I'm a puppet on your string
And even though you got good intentions
I need you to set me free
I'm begging you for mercy, mercy
I'm begging you, (on my heart) begging you please baby
I'm begging you for mercy, mercy
Oh, I'm begging you, (on my heart) I'm begging you, yeah

[Humming]

Friday, September 23, 2016

What's It Gonna Be

Page 617

A whirlwind of emotions.

Cant seem to fathom it.

Everything that's been going on lately.

Was that a hint?

Is it time for me to change?

I'm pretty confused with myself.

Honestly.

I honestly.. can't see you with anyone else.

So.. what's it gonna be?

I guess I'll let life take it's flow.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Shura - What's It Gonna Be

Do I tell you I love you or not?
Cause I can't really guess what you want
If you let me down, let me down slow
If you let me down, let me down slow
If you got feelings for me
You just gotta speak honestly
If you let me down, let me down slow
If you let me down, let me down slow

I'm on my own
You're at the beach
Hundreds of miles away
I don't wanna be that girl
I don't wanna be that girl

I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna let you love somebody else but me
So what's it gonna be?
So what's it gonna be?
I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna make it out like it's no big deal
So what's it gonna be?
So what's it gonna be?

I'm praying you don't see the signs
Praying for you to be mine
If you let me down, let me down slow
If you let me down, let me down slow
And I don't believe in forever
I still wanna give it try
If you let me down, let me down slow
If you let me down, let me down slow

I'm on my own
You're at the beach
Hundreds of miles away
I don't wanna be that girl
I don't wanna be that girl

I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna let you love somebody else but me
So what's it gonna be?
So what's it gonna be?
I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna make it out like it's no big deal
So what's it gonna be?
So what's it gonna be?

What it's gonna be?
What it's gonna
What it's gonna be?
What it's gonna
What it's gonna be?
What it's gonna
What it's gonna be?
What it's gonna be?
What it's gonna
What it's gonna be?
What it's gonna
What it's gonna be?
What it's gonna
What it's gonna be?

I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna let you love somebody else but me
So what's it gonna be?
So what's it gonna be?
I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna make it out like it's no big deal
So what's it gonna be?
So what's it gonna be?
I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna let you love somebody else but me
So what's it gonna be?
(What it's gonna)
So what's it gonna be?
I don't wanna give you up
I don't wanna make it out like it's no big deal
So what's it gonna be?
(What it's gonna)
So what's it gonna be?

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Perfect

Page 616

I walked behind someone today.

And I smelled it.

The smell..

Your smell.

So familiar.

Visions of myself flashed.

My body against yours.

In the dark.

Sniffing your scent.

Till today, I still don't understand what happened.

But I guess I can't give you what you want.

I.. I'm not perfect.

I know where I stand.

As a person.

Especially after today.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Selena Gomez - Perfect

Different inflection when you say my name
Kiss me, but your kiss don't taste the same
Is it real or am I going out of my mind?
Curious 'bout the company that you keep
'Cause I hear you talking 'bout her in your sleep
And now you've got me talking 'bout her in mine

Ooh, and I bet, she has it all
Bet she's beautiful like you, like you
And I bet she's got that touch
Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest
I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips
Maybe I should be more like her
Maybe I should be more like her
I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too
Ay she's perfect
Ay she's perfect

How does she touch you? Can I try it, too?
I know you're twisted, but baby, I'm twisted, too
I wanna know how she could make a man lose his mind

Ooh, with the smell of her perfume
I could love her, too, like you, like you
And I can almost hear her laugh
Curving on her back for you, for you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest
I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips
Maybe I should be more like her
Maybe I should be more like her
I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too
Ay she's perfect

I can see her body rushing into you
Crashing on your skin
Burning within, burning so deep, deep
On your skin, skin next to me
She's crashing on your skin
Settling in, burning so deep, deep
On your skin, skin while you sleep, uh

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest
I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips
Maybe I should be more like her
Maybe I should be more like her
I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too
Ay she's perfect


Sunday, September 18, 2016

Mad Love

Page 615

Love is just one of those things.

It makes you. 
It breaks you.
You can't really explain... its.. insane.

My weekend has been filled with mad love.

I got to see my Buddy commission.
I was on duty.
Me and my other medics were there early.
Prepared our stuffs well.
Had a lot of funny conversations in the holding room.
Everyone was just laughing and smiling.
Just so full of love.

The Parade started.
Bumped into Andrew - we chatted for a bit.
When it was time, I went down with him.
Running around looking for Buddy.
And we finally saw him
- Puffy eyed.
He ran to us, giving us a big hug.
And we hugged back.
<3 
Proud of you man.
You deserve this.

Took our pictures and we left.

Went back to my workplace where my Doctor treated us to pizza. 
Our regular routine haha.
I then rushed off to meet my best friends.

RIR AND GF!!!!
OMG.
Been so long since I've met them.
Due to certain reasons.
I'm just so so happy.
To have them back in my life.
Even bumped into Minie - unexpected!!!
We had Mac, while updating about each other's lives.
It was therapeutic.
And we all needed it.
Thanks girls.

I just want to keep the people I love close to me. 

I love each and everyone of you so much.
Truly,
Madly,
Deeply.


 Mad Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Mad Love

You know, love is just one of those things
You can't really explain, that's insane

Lay here with me in the dark
I know my edges are sharp
But sometimes the pain is what hurts you so good
You took a knife to my heart
And cut out the rational parts
I knew that you were just misunderstood

Cause you give me mad love
How far can we go? Nobody knows
You give me bad love
But I'll take what I get, I'm starvin' for it
Like I've never had love
You keep me insane, I'm not ashamed
Don't give a damn, love
I want you so bad
You give me (mad love, mad love, mad love, mad love)

Twisted like wire in your arms
A dangerous place for my heart
But you know I love getting off on the thrill
Turn me from water to wine
I'm wasted all of the time
So do it, baby
Go in for the kill

You give me mad love
How far can we go? Nobody knows
You give me bad love
But I'll take what I get, I'm starvin' for it
Like I've never had love
You keep me insane and I'm not ashamed
Don't give a damn, love
I want you so bad, love
You give me
[repeated]


Thursday, September 15, 2016

Lullabies

Page 614

Been super duper busy in camp.

Sigh.

Finding it hard to sleep as well lately.

My anxiety keeps coming back.

Just when I thought I'm better.

Sigh.

All the new feels..

All I need are lullabies.

That float forever in my mind.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Yuna - Lullabies

Like lullabies you are,
Forever in my mind.
I see you in all,
The pieces in my life.
Though you weren't mine,
You were my first love.

I wanted to go away with you,
And I will leave all my troubles here.
I wanted to run away with you,
And I will bring all my dreams and fears.

Like lullabies you are,
Forever in my mind.
I see you in all,
The pieces in my life.
Though you weren't mine...
Like lullabies you are,
Forever in my mind.
I see you in all,
The pieces in my life.
Though you weren't mine

Though you weren't mine,
You were my first love.
You were my first love.

I wanted to start again with you,
And I will leave all my worries here.
I wanted only you.
I know that I felt with you.

Like lullabies you are,
Forever in my mind.
I see you in all,
The pieces in my life.
Though you weren't mine...
Like lullabies you are,
Forever in my mind.
I see you in all,
The pieces in my life.
Though you weren't mine,

Though you weren't mine,
You were my first love.
You were my first love.
You were my first love.
You were my first love.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Stand Up

Page 613

Why do we constantly live in fear.

I won't let myself be terrorised by fear.

I won't be scared by you.

Stand up for yourself.

Stand up for what's right.

And fight.

Love, Eran.

https://soundcloud.com/vforvertel/stand-up-1
Current Song Mood: Vertel - Stand Up

You, me, what do you see?
Picture the silence
And this free
Mercy, mercy on me
Working on my anxiety
You fall onto your knees
Baby just give me one chance to plead
There will, never be 'we'
Get off the ground and look at me

Did you have to take me by the hand?
Did you wait for me?
You were half the man and here you stand
Looking back at me.

So stand up
Stand up and take it
Just stand up
Stand up and take it

Baby come clean
Dreaming of you and misery
I hope you think of me
Everytime that you lay with she
Is she all that you need?
Baby I gave you everything
There will, never be 'we'
Get off the ground and look at me

Did you have to take me by the hand?
Did you wait for me?
You were half the man and here you stand
Looking back at me.

So stand up
Stand up and take it
Just stand up
Stand up and take it
x4


Monday, September 12, 2016

Hands On

Page 612

My heart is with you tonight, friend.

I can't imagine what you must be feeling tonight.

A part of me is devastated, but a part of me is relieved.

Everything happens for a reason.

Please believe.

Keep your hands on your faith.

Hold on.

Love, Eran.

https://soundcloud.com/vforvertel/hands-on
Current Song Mood: Vertel - Hands On

I got a secret
That no one's supposed to know
I get a feeling
Whenever you're around and I'm alone
Hey, I can't dealx3
Alone.
Tell me what to dox2
When I
I need you x2
Boy just tell me what to do
When I need you
I need you x2
Woahhh

I can feel your presence in my mind
But can you feel mine?
Feel it
Can you feel it?
Why you leave me here boy all the time?
Its your heart or mine
I need it x3 our love right now

When I'm late you're wide awake
And Im here you're far away
Got my walls crashing down on me
And I'm calling out your name

When I'm torn you find a way
Fill you between my lips
Cant get you out of my head
I'll just kiss my own pain
With my two hands

I dont wanna do it by myself
I need you now
I need it
I need it

Boy you got me underneath your spell
Why can't you tell
Im not feeling well

When I'm late you're wide awake
And Im here you're far away
Got my walls crashing down on me
And I'm calling out your name

When I'm torn you find a way
Fill you between my lips
Cant get you out of my head
I'll just kiss my own pain
With my two hands

Gonna love me 
When you just can't
I'll hold me
Like no one can
I love me
Im not ashamed
I love me 
With my two hands

When I'm late you're wide awake
And Im here you're far away
Got my walls crashing down on me
And I'm calling out your name

When I'm torn you find a way
Fill you between my lips
Cant get you out of my head
I'll just kiss my own pain
With my two hands

My two hands x2
I love me
I love me with my two
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
Love me with my two hands
With my two hands