Light That Shines Through

 Page 1526

Just binged on this stunning horror series called 'Midnight Mass' with my partner over the weekends.

Directed by Mike Flanagan (Haunting of Hill House, Bly Manor).

It was.. a masterpiece.

To put it simply.

His works somehow, always hits a deep spot.

Yet this was another level.

*****Some spoiler alert*****

It touched on every uncomfortable topic I could think of; religion, suicide, death, dementia, miscarriage, animal deaths. Just a lot of unsettling, horrific scenes in this small town. It was like evil lurked at every corner. 

That EP 5 audio at the end where the screams of grief just kept stretching out. It sticks in your head. Me and my partner had to take a walk after. Cause it was so brutal. Traumatising.

A woman losing her newborn child and grieving. Seeing two different doctors and both saying that she should see psych. It was devastating.

The play of religion and the discrimination against a modern muslim man, which just hits so close to home.

I could go on.

It was crafted so delicately. Each time.

And after seeing Mike's tweets, I could tell how passionate he was in creating this.

It truly is, something else.

And the monologues. Oh god, the monologues. Mike has a way of doing this even in his previous works.

Sometimes I wonder if it was all improvised. Impromptu.

They just hit really hard. Especially the topics of death they discussed just.. lingers in the back of your head. Describing every detail.

Where do we go when we fall asleep?

It was a beautifully tragic ending for Erin. As she pictured herself with Riley. And going through a different monologue.

'I Am That I Am.'

I am just in awe at the actors for being able to memorise all that in one take, with SO much emotions.

The light that shines through them.

With everyone sharing the same fate.

As they burned away.

Into nothing but ashes. 

'Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return'.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Emitt Fenn - Light That Shines Through

Mother can you
Let me go
I want to fly
But I don't want to fall anymore

Father can you
Pull me up
I want to fight
But it feels like my times almost out

Sister can you
Stay and talk
I know you're here
Cause you were there from the start

Baby can you
Forgive what I did
I want to love
But I can't get these thoughts out of my head
Who's gonna save me now?
Who's gonna save me now?
Who's gonna save me now?
Who's gonna save me now?

Mother can you
Tell me what do
Is this all there is
Or is there ever light that shines through

Father can you
Here me scream
I want to show you I am
But you're not listening

Brother can you
Say your proud
I know you are
But I need to hear you say it out loud
Who's gonna save me now?
Who's gonna save me now?
Who's gonna save me now?
Who's gonna save me now?

All My Love

 Page 1525

Well, survived the week at last.

It was quite a tough one.

After going on a long leave and coming back,

It felt like stepping into a battlefield without an armour.

The shortness of manpower and chaos ensued.

And soon enough, I was back on the routine.

Tanked it for the week.

Funny how your anxiety seems to amplify even more when you’re older.

I had such bad panic attacks going back.

Never thought I'd go through it again.

I’m sure some of you can resonate with that.

It felt like I couldn’t function.

The blues I supposed.

But ah well.

I'm back and that's all that matter.

Thankful for my partner for keeping me sane throughout the week out.

All my love to you. 🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Riley Pearce - All My Love (LANKS Remix)

All the madness in life that gets hit by the rain
Is calmed at her side
Heaven was only a word, a place out of reach
But I felt it in her

Every last-minute call, the rushing of blood
The backs to the wall
Disappeared from my view, oh I let it all go
In the quiet she drew

Frozen in time
I see her lights, I see her lights
Helps me to find
This peace of mind, this peace of mind
All my love, it's all for her

All that fate had designed to fit to my feet
To sync with the signs
Hope and all of his friends wait for our call
Should we need them again

Frozen in time
I see her lights, I see her lights
Helps me to find
This peace of mind, this peace of mind
All my love, it's all for her

(All my love) it's all for her
(It's all for, can you come over here?)

I want this, yeah, I want this
All my love, all my love
It's all for her

Frozen in time
I see her lights, I see her lights
(All my love)
Helps me to find
This peace of mind, this peace of mind
(All my love)
Frozen in time
I see her lights, I see her lights
(All my love)
Helps me to find
This peace of mind, this peace of mind
(All my love)
All my love, it's all for her

Far From Here

 Page 1524

And that concludes my annual leave for this month. Heh.

It went by like a breeze as expected. 

Yet the blues and vulnerability just kept sinking in today.

I just spent the day, soaking in the moment.

Reflecting.

I did what I could. Heh.

It really was a good break.

 

A lot of catching up with loved ones and good food. Yas.

As I spent the evening watching the sun set.

Pondering about what's next.

Time just slips through like sand through your fingers.

We do whatever we can to just live in the moment.

So thankful for my partner for holding me throughout.

What would I do without you?

:)

One day.. we'll get our own freedom & peace.

Maybe far from here.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Emitt Fenn - Far From Here

I was afraid of facing the cores of my own fear
I guess I was wrong about our love
You still aren't here
Just pictures of you on my shelf there
I guess you were wrong about our love

Well I hope you're fine now
Wherever you are
Can anybody show me the easy way to break a heart

Well I hope your fine now
Wherever you are
And I don't wanna fake it pretend
I didn't do you no wrong

Now I'll keep on watching
As the days go flying by ooooh I

Yes I'll keep on counting
As the days go passing by oooh I
Oooh my
Oooh my

Don't mean to invade
Called up to check up on you
Just in case my text ain't go through

So far from here been almost a year since you've gone now
I guess we were wrong about us

Well I hope your fine now
Wherever you are
Can anybody show me the easy way to break a heart

Well I hope your fine now
Wherever you are
And I don't wanna fake it pretend
I didn't do you no wrong

Now I'll keep on watching
As the days go flying by ooooh I

Yes I'll keep on counting
As the days go passing by oooh my
Oooh my

Into The Deep

 Page 1523

What a beautiful Monday.

Finally done with reservist. (!!!!!)

Honestly, It's been such a chill / laid-back one. 

And I know I shouldn't get used to it (It's supposed to be damn shag), but I really enjoyed how carefree it was tbh haha. It was a nice getaway from the crazies at work.

And now, I'm just soaking in this little bit of freedom I get before work starts (Will be on a week of leave).

Went to gym. Bought Starbucks and groceries. Had some guitar lessons. And just chilling.

I get a bit of anxiety thinking of how to make it all worthwhile.

If it was the old me, I'd just waste the holidays away sleeping/waking up late & just not doing anything 'productive'. 

But you know what, I'm just gonna take it day by day and use this time to really unwind.

Have some 'me time'.

Do what I love.

And just.. live.

Bought some new equipments over the weekend (A Shure SM7B microphone and a Takamine Guitar, both of which I've been dying to get for the longest time)!!!! 

It feels fulfilling ya know? You worked so hard. Just reward yourself man.

Make yourself happy.

You deserve it. 

Take a deep breath. 

& dive into the deep. 

Have a good week ahead. x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Emitt Fenn - Into The Deep

Secrets in my head
Haunt me in my sleep
When your lying next to me

Things I should of said
Stuck between my teeth
I wonder if you see

Perfect shade of silence
Underneath your eyelids
How'm I gonna leave?

Now I'm into deep
Now I'm into deep

Pull me like the waves
Wash me off my feet
Drift away with me

Beauty on the inside
Like diamonds and gold
When you show me underneath

Now I'm into deep
Now I'm into deep

I'm weightless now
In your gravity
I'll float away with you
Into the deep

I'm weightless now
In your gravity
I'll float away with you
Into the deep

I'm weightless now
In your gravity
I'll float away with you
Into the deep

Mood Ring

 Page 1522

It's been quite a week.

Started reservist and I must say, it was nice to see familiar faces.

Reconnecting & reminiscing old days.

And just, seeing ourselves live our lives.

At least it's a nice break from work.

And I have the weekends to myself.

The future scares me..

So much so, I had an anxiety attack and cried myself to sleep last night.

I don't know how to feel about that.

I don't quite know how to talk about it, but I know I cant run from it either.

And that's okay.

I'll just wait, till the mood rings.

I guess everyone's feeling off these days too huh?

Well, here's another week to get through.

Let's do this.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Lorde - Mood Ring

I'm tryna blow bubbles, but inside
Can't seem to fix my mood
Today it's as dark as my roots
If I, if I ever let them grow out (Ah-ah)
Now all of my oceans have riptides
Can't seem to find what's wrong
The whole world is letting me down
Don't you think the early 2000s seem so far away? (Ay-ay-ay-ay)

Ladies, begin your sun salutations
Transcendental in your meditations (Love and light)
You can burn sage, and I'll cleanse the crystals
We can get high, but only if the wind blows (Blows just right)

I can't feel a thing
I keep looking at my mood ring
Tell me how I'm feeling
Floating away, floating away

I'm tryna get well from the inside
Plants and celebrity news, all the vitamins I consume
Let's fly somewhere eastern, they'll have what I need (They'll have what I need)
Let's go

Ladies, begin your sun salutations
Pluto in Scorpio generation (Love and light)
You can burn sage, and I'll cleanse the crystals
We can get high, but only if the wind blows (Blows just right, ri-ri-ri-right)

I can't feel a thing
I keep looking at my mood ring
Tell me how I'm feeling
Floating away, floating away
All the sad girls sing
We'll keep dancing 'til the mood rings
Tell us how we're feeling
Floating away, floating away

Take me to some kinda
Take me to some kinda
Take me to some kinda place (Anywhere)
Watch the sun set, look back on my life (Take me to some kinda)
I just wanna know, will it be alright? (Take me to some kinda)
Take me to some kinda place (Anywhere)