Flower In The Dark

 Page 1541

Hi guys :)

It's currently mid-Jan and I just wanted to post some updates.

My mental health

Been away from soc med for about 2 weeks (on and off) and I've got to say, I've never felt this good in a long time.

It took me back to the days where social media wasn't a thing and I was just living life as a normal little boy.

It's been the best thing I've done for my mental health lately, asides from the diets that I've been putting myself on.

Started having fish and veggies daily and I must say - I've noticed a significant difference in my body. Each day I feel like myself again. It really does work wonders, and I'm gonna keep on doing it :)

Of course, weekends are still for cheat days hehe.

 3 Years Anniversary

Celebrated my anniversary with my partner at Gardens By The Bay.

I suppose the most memorable part was walking through the sky walk (holy shit).

Yeap, definitely confirmed that I'm still scared of heights HAHA.

Here are some really fantastic shots by my partner:

I'm so lucky. Hehe. Such a fun night! And a breathtaking view from the bridge. Also, we had Satay By The Bay. Damn.  The food was amazing. I miss it already. Will definitely come back. 😍

Scream 5 

Ok. SCROLL AWAY IF YOU HAVENT WATCHEDDDDDD

.

.

.

Hands down, the most brutal Scream movie I've seen.

The fact that they killed of some OG characters like the amazing Dewey???

Oh man. That was heartbreaking.

Officer Judy and Wes (Dylan Minnette) didn't deserve to die the way they did.

I could cry just thinking about it.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO. </3

This movie is different, and paid respects to its legacy.

I'm all here for it.

And to the future sequels.

>_<

Ok that's all.

A big thank you to my partner for keeping me sane.

Take care guys. x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Fiji Blue - Flower In The Dark

Guess you're gone now (guess you're gone)

When the sun hides at night

Does it fall down (does it fall down)

Or does someone cut its ties?

I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay

'Cause I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

And I wonder why I feel this way

And I don't think I could wait

And there's nothin' you could say

That would keep me from the stars

Yeah, I think I need a place

With somewhere to escape

Like a flower in the dark

I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay

'Cause I've been lonеly (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

And I wonder why I feel this way

Guess you'rе gone now (guess you're gone)

When the sun hides at night

Does it fall down

Or does someone need its light?

I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay

'Cause I've been lonely

Every day

And I wonder why I feel this way

And I don't think I could wait

And there's nothing you could say

That would keep me from the stars (keep me from)

Yeah, I think I need a place

With somewhere to escape

Like a flower in the dark

I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay (I should stay)

'Cause I've been lonely

Every day (every day)

And I wonder why I feel this way

I've been lonely

Every day

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay

'Cause I've been lonely

Every day

And I wonder why I feel this way

Zero

 Page 1540

Happy New Year!

I know I haven't been blogging much. 

Sometimes I have a lot of things to say, but I just don't know how to put them into words.

I'm still figuring out what's the best way to express myself.

But I guess this shall do, for now.

2021 has been a rollercoaster of emotions, much like other years.

Highlights of 2021:

-Releasing an acoustic EP. I've always felt that my first EP lacked in terms of its poor mastering. Took some guts, sought out a producer I've always wanted to work with, and created another version of my music that I was really proud of. The fact that I have a few regular listeners just makes me smile. :) Thank you.

- Getting through my wisdom tooth removal. Something very painful I went through, but very much necessary. It was also the period where I finally saw some weight loss, albeit it eventually got gained back. I think it's so important to do a thorough check on your dental, very much a self-care thing that I plan to have every 6 months. You'll feel so much better!

-Gaming made me feel like myself. I got back into gaming the start of the year. It made me feel like I was reclaiming a lost part of myself. Because I used to play RuneScape when I was younger. I've accomplished a lot there, and it's always nice to banter with your online friends. It was definitely a safe space for me to escape. 

-Starting a side job. I've always felt that I wasn't earning enough for myself. Or for my qualifications. Starting a side job, was the start of a hustle. I had slightly more financial freedom. However, I was constantly tired, and it drained the life out of me. It was nice while it lasted. Maybe I'll find some other things to do in 2022? :)

-Lots of Food-Hopping. All thanks to my partner and his close friends. Hahah. I'm really grateful to them for having me around. And I feel like I've visited so many places and experienced new things because of them. I don't have a lot of friends I can do that with, and I also have a hard time coming out of my shell. So I'm very very thankful. 

-Therapeutic music & movies. Last year was an influx of so many amazing tv shows, movies and albums, that I even made a long list. Haha. The best being Marvel movies, which they have really fed us really well last year. The songs released this year have also been very therapeutic. Most notably Hayley Williams, Emmitt Fenn, Lonely The Brave, JoJo etc. There is really too many to list out and digest. But man, they've added so much value to my life. So thankful. 

Sometimes I feel like I have been through a lot, personally.

And sometimes I feel like I haven't changed, that I'm back to square one.

Yeah, I'm talking about my insecurities.

I try to convince myself that I have tried my best. But maybe it wasn't hard enough.

My emotions got the better of me last night, and I even felt...

Well.. 

Lets just say I wasn't in control of my thoughts.

And that was really scary for me.

So I decided I direly needed to work on myself more.

And that shall be my main resolution for this year.

For a start, I decided to temporarily disable all of my social media.

For how long? I'm not sure. I'll give it a week, a month, even a year. To see if it makes any difference.

Why?  Because its not the best place to be for your mental health.

You tend to compare yourself to others. Their accomplishments and happiness.

Anyway.. It's just something I've been wanting to do. If my sis Hayley Williams can do it, why cant I?

I'm just trying to find my own. Which I do have, and am very grateful for (My stable job, my loving partner, a roof over my head etc). I just feel that I'm better off without social media, for now. 

I've learnt to be more private this year. Posted lesser, and lived in the moment more. Of course I should probably take more pictures so that I *can* remember the good times haha.

I've also drifted from a few close *friends* whom, I was really disappointed for not making any effort to catch-up. And I'm okay with that. I wish you all the best. This year, I won't be chasing anyone anymore haha. 

So here's a list of things that I plan for 2022:

-A more healthier lifestyle. I plan to work-out 3-4x a week now, and a better control of my diet. (No more sweet stuff!!!1111) Haha, of course I will have my cheats on weekends. But I hope to be more compliant this time. Today has been a good start and I wish to maintain it. I'm quite determined / positive about it.

-Less consuming, more creating. I haven't been creative at all as of late. I'd like to change that. Starting with music production tutorials maybe? I really want to get back into music man. But the Singapore scene is either too expensive, or completely dead. Enough of excuses, I have to try do this on my own. 

-Less gaming. As much fun as it is, I'm going to try cut down on the gaming. I started by not renewing my membership - as tempted as I was hahah. It just takes too much of my time, And I really want to focus on being more productive with my real life. 

-Finding some kind of peace. Yeah, it's something I feel everyone should strive for. To find that zen that you need. On your own. I need to be happier with myself. I need to find.. some kind of peace. Its still quite a work to reach that state. Maybe I'll start slow; more walks in the park (fresh air is always good), reading a book, meditation. I'll get there.. somehow. Even if it means starting from zero.

To more positive changes in my life. And a happy new year.

I wish you all the best. x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Olafur Arnalds - Zero