Impaled

 Page 1559

I'm so fucking broken.

Impaled in the guts.

I want to die.

I've been drained the whole day.

Ran out of tears to cry.

Depressed.

Panic attacks.

Yet, everything comes back to me.

I'm the fucking problem right?

Fuck me.

I might do something stupid.

I guess it serves me right.

I dont fucking want to be here anymore.

I dont even know... if I can see you again.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Skylar Grey - Impaled

I keel over
At the sound of your name
Crimson and clover
There's no cure for this pain

I believed you
I adored you
I revered you
Like I was born to

Now there's just a hole
Right here where my heart should be
And, no, it's not your fault
Baby, this is all on me

I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right

I fell for the bullshit
I fell for the lies
I feel so stupid
I set myself up for this, alright

I believed you
I adored you
I revered you
Like I was born to

Now there's just a hole
Right here where my heart should be
And, no, it's not your fault
Baby, this is all on me

I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right
I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right
I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right

I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right

My Dying Spirit

 Page 1558

Started my 2-weeks leaveeeeeee.

And its been pretty productive so far :)

Been spring cleaning, decluttering, organizing, working out, catching up on shows & taking care of myself.

It feels good... to have all this time to myself.

To rejuvenate my dying spirit.

Just want to take things slow this time, spend more time at home.

Also exciting tingzzzz happening. Like finally recording my album hahah.

Initially wanted to use my leaves for travelling this year, but since that's not happening, gotta make use of it yeah? :)

Went to F1 for the first time with my partner last Friday, and boy, it was amazing.

Saw WINGS live and they were absolute rockstars. LEGENDS!!!

We chilled the rest of the evening away, had pretty awesome drinks and food, and waited for Marshmellow, who was the main headline.

I did noooot expect it to be a rave HAHA.

But heck, I enjoyed myself, and so did my partner whom went all out.

Spent the weekends with coffeee and had a patient outing with my company on Sunday.

Took the cable car ride for the first time. Holy heck it just kept going higher and higher. Theres goes my anxiety. Hahaha. But it was definitely fun xD And what a pretty view.

Went home to my partner to catch TWD Finale. The first two episodes wereeeeee. Insaneeeee.
Cant believe this series is ending.

I started watching when I was in Secondary School. I remember how intrigued I was. And I was a big fan of zombies. Look how far we've come.  Also now I have someone to share that with, I just feel.. blessed. 😂

Time to go make use of my holidays.

Stay safe & hydrated. :)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Greyson Chance - My Dying Spirit

I'm barely on my feet, mama
I'm barely holding on by a thread
Every night I lose a different friend
Thought I had it how I wanted
And far away as I could ever dream
I don't think California's my speed

All on my own
All I know

If I'm high like those other guys you've kissed
Maybe I'll find you in my bed again
But I'm all alone, living on the edge
I'm right at the limit
Will I ever heal my dying spirit?

I'm hanging on a needless hunger
That keeps the tears out the devil's eyes
I don't eat because he tells me that it's fine
I'm barely even standing now
But goddamn, I need another round
I can hear my name out in the crowd, yeah, yeah

If I'm high like those other guys you've kissed
Maybe I'll find you in my bed again
But I'm all alone, living on the edge
I'm right at the limit
Will I ever heal my dying spirit?

If I was a hotel lobby, you'd be mighty fucking sorry
To be staying at this piece of shit right off Highway 9
I'm on the floor of my kitchen on a vaporizing mission
To find a little calm, please ease my mind
I'm so sorry Alexa, I won't make her graduation
But tell this lonely girl she's the apple of my eye
Tell her, take your time, take your time
Take your, take your, take your time
I get high

Yeah, oh baby, yeah
Every night I'm hanging by a thread
Yeah, oh baby, yeah

I'll never heal it, my dying spirit

Eat Me

 Page 1557

It doesnt end does it?

One thing after another.

While i'm grasping on my sanity.

I think work is just taking a toll on me today.

Sigh.

Eat me.

Difficult patients are not worth the mental toll. So do whatever you want.

It just sucks that I know what to expect.

That I will get an earful on Monday, for just being human.

Lol.

I'm quite sick and tired of this shit.

Just take me away.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato Feat Royal & the Serpents - Eat Me

Be more predictable
Be less political
Not too original
Keep to tradition, but stay individual

Dirty but washable
Winning but stoppable
All that I'm hearing is
You want to make the impossible possible

Is this what you'd all prefer?
Would you like me better if I was still her?
Did she make your mouths water?
Uh

I know the part I've played before
I know the shit that I've ignored
I know the girl that you adored
She's dead, it's time to fucking mourn
I can't spoon feed you anymore
I can't spoon feed you anymore
Dinner's served, it's on the floor
I can't spoon feed you anymore
You'll have to eat me as I am
You'll have to eat me as I am

Clean and digestible (Clean and digestible)
Less of a spectacle (Less of a spectacle)
More one dimensional
Try to be sexy, but don't be too sexual (Don't be too sexual)

Please be presentable
Bit more accessible
Get up on your pedestal
Everyone's watching, so don't be forgettable

Longer hair and tighter clothes
Would you like me better if I didn't appose?
Silver platters, pretty bows
Fuck

I know the part I've played before
I know the shit that I've ignored
I know the girl that you adored
She's dead, it's time to fucking mourn
I can't spoon feed you anymore
I can't spoon feed you anymore
Dinner's served, it's on the floor
I can't spoon feed you anymore
You'll have to eat me as I am
You'll have to eat me as I am

Choke on it
Choke on it

I know the part I've played before
I know the shit that I've ignored
I know the girl that you adored
She's dead, it's time to fucking mourn
I can't spoon feed you anymore
I can't spoon feed you anymore
Dinner's served, it's on the floor
I can't spoon feed you anymore
You'll have to eat me as I am
You'll have to eat me as I am

Billie Bossa Nova

 Page 1556

OMFGGGGG BILLIEEEEEE

Can't believe I got to see her perform live.

It feels like a dream come true.

And who else better to share it with than my partner? :)

Cause I'm the one who introduced Billie's music to him HAHA.

First full concert after 2 years and here we are.

What a great start to to experience gigs again.

She was soooo amazing.

Rocking each performances. With FINNEAS supporting her on the side.

Man.

It's everything I could dream of.

And more.

🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Billie Eilish - Billie Bossa Nova 

Love when it comes without a warning
'Cause waiting for it gets so boring
A lot can change in twenty seconds
A lot can happen in the dark
Love when it makes you lose your bearings
Some information's not for sharing
Use different names at hotel check-ins
It's hard to stop it once it starts
(It starts)

I'm not sentimental
But there's somethin' 'bout the way you look tonight
Makes me wanna take a picture
Make a movie with you that we'd have to hide

You better lock your phone
And look at me when you're alone
Won't take a lot to get you going
I'm sorry if it's torture though
I know, I know

It might be more of an obsession
You really make a strong impression
Nobody saw me in the lobby
Nobody saw me in your arms

I'm not sentimental
But there's somethin' 'bout the way you look tonight
Makes me wanna make 'em jealous
I'm the only one who does it how you like

You better lock your phone
And look at me when you're alone
Won't take a lot to get you going
I'm sorry if it's torture though
I know, I know

You better lock your door
And look at me a little more
We both know I'm worth waiting for
That heavy breathing on the floor
I'm yours, I'm yours
(I'm yours)

I'm not sentimental
I'm not sentimental
I'm not sentimental

Found

 Page 1555 

Things are finally looking up.

My dad got discharged 2 weeks ago and has been recovering pretty fast.

It's good to have him back home.

But that also means more responsibility now.

Something that has to be shared.

Work has been hectic, but I'm learning to take it with a pinch of salt.

It's important to have something to look forward to. To find light in the darkness.

And for me, its to spend time with my partner over the weekends :)

Coffee, movies, and just. Chill.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Sandrayati - Found

Horses

 Page 1554

Things have gotten a little less chaotic these days.

Well, not so at work. (Cant wait for it to subside, ugh)

But at least in other aspects.

My dad's been recovering since getting admitted to ICU, and is currently resting in a general ward.

He's been doing PT everyday, not relying on oxygen at the moment and just waiting for some follow up scans.

It's not completely over, but I'm thankful.

At least I can breathe a bit now. :)

Been going through some existential crisis lately as well.

I feel that I'm missing out work wise, because I'm not working in a restructured hospital.

Well, we'll see how it goes.

Next year could be a turning point.

In the meantime, I'm gonna keep my head low and just work. :>

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Maggie Rogers - Horses

Watch you go
Cross the street
Like a dream
Out my window
Sucking nicotine down my throat
Thinking of you giving head

You said
You wondered 'bout the world
Well I have since I was a little girl
Watching white birds graze the hedge

Took me all this long to figure out
It's not worth it if I can't touch the ground
Can't believe I let it turn me 'round
Turn me onto you

I see horses running wild, I wish
I could feel like that for just a minute
Would you come with me or would you resist?
Oh, could you just give in?
I see horses and I know there's a way
I hear thunder, oh and I start to break
Would you come with me or would you resist?
Oh, could you just give in?

I believe in you
But the truth about dreams
Is they're a feeling that meets you in between
What you want and what you really need

Took me all this long to figure out
It's not worth it if I can't touch the ground
Can't believe I let you turn me 'round
Waiting up for you

I see horses running wild, I wish
I could feel like that for just a minute
Would you come with me or would you resist?
Oh, could you just give in?
I see horses and I know there's a way
I hear thunder, oh and I start to break
Would you come with me or would you resist?
Oh, could you just give in?

I can't wait up for you today
I'm leaving
Are you coming with me?
Can't hold me back
Can't hold me back
I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going away

I see horses running wild, I wish
I could feel like that for just a minute
Would you come with me or would you resist?
Oh, could you just give in?
I see horses and I know there's a way
I hear thunder, oh and I start to break
Would you come with me or would you resist?
Oh, could you just give in?

Oh, could you just give in?
Give in, give in, give in, give in

Borderline

 Page 1553

My life appears in shambles these days.

With a major crisis my family is facing.

My dad landed in ICU a week ago, and he's still there right now.

Things look pretty borderline.

I... I dont know what's going to happen.

But yet, I'm thankful.

Thankful I caught it on early.

Thankful for all the support I have from my close friends.

Thankful I about all the concerned family & relatives.

I have to be strong.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Ry X - Borderline

Fall into the night, bodies swaying
Hold onto the silence, mine is heavy
The hardest part, want you to stay
Feel you breathing, are you ready?

I, I can take you there
I can take you there
Through the dark, to the borderline
I can take you there
I can take you there
Through my heart, to the borderline

Reach for me, call my name
Leave me here in this higher plane
This higher plane

I, I can take you there
I can take you there
Through the dark, to the borderline
I can take you there
I can take you there
Through my heart, to the borderline

Borderline
Through my heart, to the borderline
Borderline
Through my heart, to the borderline