The Great Divide

Page 604

Feeling a little drained today.

Maybe cause it's Monday.

Maybe cause it was a busy day.

Maybe because I fed off other's negativity.

Some people can be such dickheads.

Gah.

Stay far away from me.

Cause the only thing I wanna feel right now is love & positivity.

Nothing but that.

I may be nice to everyone. But.

There's a line that can't be crossed.

And that's the great divide.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Rebecca Black - The Great Divide

You go where the wind blows
Destroying everyone on your path
I'm done feeding your ego
Forgetting everything that we had

Funny how history ends in an instant
How something so close can end up so distant

Dancing on the line
Of the great divide
Wash my hands, turn my back
I don't need the memories we had
I'm leaving you behind
Across the great divide

Good luck when you wake up
And realize all that you've lost
Shining lies are what you made of
I hope it worths the price that it costs

Funny how history ends in an instant
How something so close can end up so distant

Dancing on the line
Of the great divide
Wash my hands, turn my back
I don't need the memories we had
I'm leaving you behind
Across the great divide

I let you go, so let me go
Let us go
I let you, I let you
I let you go, oh

Dancing on the line
Of the great divide
Wash my hands, turn my back
I don't need the memories we had
I'm leaving you behind
Across the great divide
The great divide
Hey, yeah

In Here Somewhere

Page 603

I wanna dedicate a post.

To Mr Khairul Ikhwan.

A senior of mine who just passed away from Stage 4 Cancer.

He battled it for the longest time.

I knew him from secondary school.

He was well known. For his moves. His passion.

He broke out dancing - to a Lady Gaga song in the middle of the parade square, at one of our school events. I was in awe of his bravery and passion. He was so good that the teachers decided to get him on stage and performed for everyone. We cheered. We laughed. We were all happy.

We graduated but kept in touch through Facebook. I learned that he kept having a bad headache and a ringing sound in his head. He soon lost his hearing ability. Can you imagine losing that? I can't.. And still he fought through. He kept smiling. Continued his passion in arts. Kept spreading love.

He tweeted me last year. During one of my darkest periods. I guess he saw my depressed tweets. He showed his support and told me to keep following my dreams. And that I shall.

And now he's gone.

Your art will live on.

In here somewhere.

Al-Fateha.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Frank Ocean - In Here Somewhere

At Night (I Think About You)

Page 602

I strolled out of the gates.
Ears plugged.
The weather seemed to be in the same frequency as my feelings.
I don't know what's gonna happen.
Everything's so uncertain.
What if..
What if it really happens.
What am I gonna do with my life then?
Trust.
I gotta trust in His plans.

----------------------------------------------------------

Another weekend spent alone.

Im not sure if that's a bad thing.

Did some recording today after a while.

Boy, it felt therapeutic.

If only I have the time to do it everyday.

Cant help but think about you at night.

Gotta set everything straight.

Dwelling on my past won't change things.

Gotta focus on my present.

And be my personal best.

Love, Eran.

Still foolishly waiting.

Current Song Mood: MNEK - At Night (I Think About You)

In the morning I'm okay
Just fine in the afternoon
But at night I think about you
Like an echo in my brain
I wonder if you hear it too
Cause at night I think about you

And it's just madness
How love can lead you to sadness
I lay awake and imagine

At night I think about you
In a way I am not supposed to
Baby, sleeping without you just isn't right
Trust me, I've tried it a thousand times
At night I think about you
Do you still think of me too?
Cause I can't shake you off my mind
And I don't know what to do
At night I think about ya
Cause at night I think about you

Slowly when I close my eyes
Every time I go to bed
Your song still plays in my head
How foolish of me to fantasize
Bout everything we used to be
Letting go ain't that easy

It's just madness
You're here then you're gone
It's like magic
I lay awake and imagine
You think of me
The way I think of you, baby
Cause every night I'm going crazy

At night I think about you
In a way I am not supposed to
Baby, sleeping without you just isn't right
Trust me, I've tried a thousand times
At night I think about you
Do you still think of me too?
Cause I can't shake you off my mind
And I don't know what to do
Cause at night I think about ya

Ooh, time after time
Enduring watch you go, goodbye
Show up in my dreams at night
Cause, baby, in the dark you still shine
Sad but true
Nothing's the saddest getting over you
Eyes are wide open the whole night through

Cause at night I think about you
In a way I am not supposed to
Baby, sleeping without you just isn't right
Trust me, I've tried a thousand times
At night I think about you
Do you still think of me too?
Cause I can't shake you off my mind
And I don't know what to do
(Don't know what to do)
Cause at night I think about you

At night I think about you
You, yeah
I can't get no sleep at night
At night I think about ya

At Your Best (You Are Love)

Page 601

Had a lot of time to think.

To reflect.

On past events.

And just.. be grateful.

Eternally grateful for everything.

For being given a second chance.

To live.

I've come to realize.. from experience, that we can't be too happy.

So I'm just gonna let the feeling be short-lived.

It's good enough.

Just wanna say, to whoever that is reading this.

At your best.

At your worst.

You are loved.

Have faith.

Everything will be fine.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Frank Ocean - At Your Best (You Are Loved Cover)

When I feel what I feel
Sometimes it's hard to tell you so
You may not be in the mood to learn
What you think you know
There are times when I find
You wanna keep yourself from me
When I don't have the strength
I'm just a mirror of what I see

But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
If you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know
(Luhh) Let me know

When you feel what you feel
It's hard for me to understand
So many things have taken place before this love affair began
But if you feel more like I feel
Confusion can give way to doubt
For there are times when I fall short of what I say
What I say I'm all about

But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know
(Luhh)

Tell me what it is
What it is, no need to make believe
Look beyond your world
Try to find, find a place for me

Cuz when you're at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know

Stay at your best, baby (oh oh oh)
Let me know, let me know

Too Much Love

Page 600

A miracle.

That's the only word that I could describe tonight.

I felt like I was gonna lose my mind.

So many thoughts.

So many overflowing negativity.

So many 'What ifs'.

I was prepared to lose it all.

I prayed hard.

And I got through it.

It was a defining moment for me.

A turning point.

And I feel like my life will never be the same again.

It might not be over yet.

But things are looking up for now.

I've felt too much love.

When I didn't feel like i'm worthy enough.

But God is fair.

So have faith in the path He leads you to.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato - Too Much Love

I never thought this heart of stone
Deserved a love like yours
I never thought I'd let anyone
Ever get this close, yeah
But since you came into my life
I'm not afraid anymore
And even though I've made mistakes
I'm the one you choose, yeah
And I need you

I need you to know, I could never feel too much love
I've waited so long for something that's real, something strong
And I wanna shout it loud, let the words fall out and leave nothing left unsaid
I need you to know, I could never feel too much love for you

You make me feel like a kid again, before I lost myself
But now I know I don't have to change for somebody else, yeah
You filled the hole in my empty heart with your faith in me
Yeah I can see us making memories for eternity, yeah
And I need you

I need you to know, I could never feel too much love
I've waited so long for something that's real, something strong
And I wanna shout it loud, let the words fall out and leave nothing left unsaid
I need you to know, I could never feel too much love for you

Too much love for you
Too much love for you
For you
I need you to know that you saved my life with your love, oh

And I wanna shout it loud, let the words fall out and leave nothing left unsaid
I need you to know, I could never feel too much love for you
Too much love for you
Too much love for you

Mind Games

Page 599

Who would've thought.

Who would've fucking guessed.

I'd come across another victim.

Someone that survived the same ordeal that I went through.

Someone that got really messed up in life because of one motherfucker.

The same motherfucker that ruined mine.

Fucking sociopath that goes after innocent young guys and abuses them.

Playing your tricky manipulative self-obsessive MIND GAMES.

And get them to care for you. Get them to love you. And then just fucking disappear.

It's true huh.

You do this to everyone you meet.

Motherfucker.

I'm lit.

FUcking burning in anger.

If I ever see your face again..

Just don't.

I don't know what I'll do.

You probably won't live to know what's next.

All I know is how badly I want to ruin your life.

You can't run forever.

The truth will set me free.

Love, Eran.

See me now.

Current Song Mood: BANKS - Mind Games

I foresee it's true, that you would love me better
If I couldn't screw
All your moves that make me wanna run away
But I got stuck with faulty legs
I believe it's true that you would screw me
If I let you in my bedroom
And if I did then do I try to move away?
Cause I know you like mind games

Do I ever have to notice?
I've been standing here and I don't know why
Did you ever even see me try?
Do you-oh-oh, see me now?
Do you-oh-oh, see me now?
Do you-oh-oh, see me now?
See me now, see me now, oh, see me now?
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh...

Better look amusing cause my addiction to
These contradictions make it confusing
And if I walk away I'm scared I will find other muses
Cause I know you like olden days
I don't understand, you claim that I'm a handful
When you show up all empty-handed
The way you say you love me
Like you've just been reprimanded
Cause I know you like mind games

Do I ever have to notice?
I've been standing here and I don't know why
Did you ever even see me try?
Do you-oh-oh, see me now?
Do you-oh-oh, see me now?
Do you-oh-oh, see me now?
See me now, see me now, oh, see me now?
Do you-oh-oh, see me now?
Do you-oh-oh, see me now?
Do you-oh-oh, see me now?
See me now, see me now, see me now?
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh...

Do you, oh, oh
Do you, oh, oh
Do you, oh, oh
See me now, see me now, see me now?

Do You Remember

Page 598

Days passed by slowly.

As I reminisced.

Being in the same location again.

The one that changed my life.

It brought back sweet memories.

Bitter ones too.

I sat up in my Safari bed.

Surrounded by the forest.

Surrounded by the darkness.

Flashing lights in a distance.

There was a certain comfort.

I was surrounded by higher-maintainence.

I was right where I belong.

Do you remember? 

The way you made me feel.

Cause I do.

Clearly.

Love, Eran.

When did we lose our way?

Current Song Mood: Jarryd James - Do You Remember

When did we lose our way?
Easier to let it go (mmm...)
So many can't tell anybody
Harder to let you know

Call me when you've made up your mind but you won't
Caught up in the way that you played my heart
Only love could ever hit this hard

Oh, don't be scared about it
Don't forget it was real
Do you remember the way it made you feel?
Do you remember the things it let you feel?

How do I make you stay
When it's easier to let you go?
Nobody knows what we know about it
No one needs to know

Call me when you've made up your mind but you won't
Caught up in a way that you played my heart
Only love could ever hit this hard

Oh, don't be scared about it
Don't forget it was real
Do you remember the way it made you feel?
Do you remember the things it let you feel?

When you love to your limit
You gave all you're given
Who you gonna pray to when you're there?
Will you find out that there ain't no other love
No other love for you?

Oh, don't be scared about it
Don't forget it was real
Do you remember the way it made you feel?
Do you remember the things it let you feel?

Oh, when you think about it
Do you remember me?
Do you remember the way it made you feel?
Do you remember the things it let you feel?

Cant Help It

Page 597

Family day.

Sometimes that's all you need.

Spent time at my cousin's place as they did wedding preps for tomorrow.

One by one they're all getting married. :)

I was feeling anti-social for a while. But not for long.

Got to catch up with my cousins.

I'm surprised we don't do this often.

We click so well and I couldnt help giggling away at their antics.

Nad kept telling me about her boy issues.

Sometimes... we just can't help it, can we?

We go back to the same person that hurts us, over and over.

Until the day it strikes us.

That we deserve so much better.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Jarryd James - Cant Help It

Hurting, don't need it
Lonely, don't leave it
Angry, don't feed it
Don't feed it
Trouble, can't shake it
Long as I know how to take it
How to take it

On and on and on we go back
Even when these odds can't help us at all
On and on and on we crawl back
Knowing that we're not the only ones

Cross my heart and hope to try
I know tears will fall but you know I can't help it
You know I can't help it
Close my eyes a hundred times
Tears will fall but you know I can't help it
You know I can't help it

Hungry for meaning
Give me a reason
If only for the meantime

On and on and on we go back
Even when these odds can't help us at all
On and on and on we crawl back
Knowing that we're not the only ones

Cross my heart and hope to try
I know tears will fall but you know I can't help it
You know I can't help it
Close my eyes a hundred times
Tears will fall but you know I can't help it
You know I can't help it

All the things that we do in the name of love
And the things that we do to avoid it
All the things that we do in the name of love
And the things that we do to destroy it

Cross my heart and hope to try
I know tears will fall but you know I can't help it
You know I can't help it
Close my eyes a hundred times
Tears will fall but you know I can't help it
You know I can't help it
Cross my heart and hope to try
I know tears will fall but you know I can't help it
You know I can't help it
Close my eyes a hundred times
Tears will fall but you know I can't help it
You know I can't help it

Diamond Hard

Page 596

I'm back.

Waking up in my own home has never felt so good.

With the chilly weather.

Just wanna snuggle all day.

Totally knocked out the entire day yesterday.

That's how tired I was.

A week of outfield with poor-minded folks and outstanding stupidity was enough to drive me insane.

Activities were endless.

But nothing lasts for ever.

The longest days of my life man.

Enough time to reflect on my life.

I've learnt a lot.

I've become.. diamond hard.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Kerli - Diamond Hard

You're rolling me in gravel, I'll leave without a scratch
You throwing rocks at my way, but I just won't react

The less I see the sun
The brighter I'll become
Outnumbered and outgunned
That's where I'm shining at

My skin is soft like velvet but my nails are razor sharp
My scent is sweet like honey but I am diamond hard
My ways they cut through plastic, rust free my golden heart
This shit is so bombastic, yeah I am diamond hard

Unbreakable, unbreakable, unbreakable
Unbreakable, unbreakable, unbreakable heart
I am diamond hard
Unbreakable, unbreakable, unbreakable
Unbreakable, unbreakable, unbreakable heart
I am diamond hard
I am diamond hard

Push comes to shove I'll revel, rising under attack
When no one betting on me, is when I'll own the track

The less I see the sun
The brighter I'll become
I'm fast and stop when I'm run
With knives stuck in my back

My skin is soft like velvet but my nails are razor sharp
My scent is sweet like honey but I am diamond hard
My ways they cut through plastic, rust free my golden heart
This shit is so bombastic, yeah I am diamond hard

Unbreakable, unbreakable, unbreakable
Unbreakable, unbreakable, unbreakable heart
I am diamond hard
Unbreakable, unbreakable, unbreakable
Unbreakable, unbreakable, unbreakable heart
I am diamond hard
I am diamond hard

I am diamond hard

Rise

Page 595

Happy National Day!

I still remember the last celebration I had.

All the SG50 celebrations.. I didnt even go.

Wow.

That was a year ago, and things were so much different then.

I was sad because I was enlisting the next few days.

That being said, I'm gonna be a 1-year soldier soon.

Wow.

Time flies...

Army changed my life.

Got me occupied as I was battling my disorders.

Made me grow into a better man.

Enlarged my circle of friends which I lacked.

And formed better bonds with the guys I knew.

Got me posted to the best vocation/unit possible for me.

I can't appreciate it enough.

Thank you Singapore.

-----------------------------------------------------------

More interesting encounters today.

A little disappointed with myself.

Made me realise certain stuff I lacked.

Made me realise, how far my dreams are from where I am.

I can't stay at this same spot all the time.

I gotta move.

I'm gonna rise.

I have to.

I want to.

I'm gonna take some time off.

And be away for awhile.

A week or so.

The only way OUT is THROUGH.

I'll be back.

I'll fight it.

Love, Eran.

I will still rise.

Current Song Mood: Katy Perry - Rise

I won't just survive
Oh, you will see me thrive
Can't write my story
I'm beyond the archetype

I won't just conform
No matter how you shake my core
'Cause my roots they run deep, oh

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don't doubt it, don't doubt it
Victory is in my veins
I know it, I know it
And I will not negotiate
I'll fight it, I'll fight it
I will transform

When, when the fire's at my feet again
And the vultures all start circling
They're whispering, "You're out of time”
But still I rise

This is no mistake, no accident
When you think the final nail is in
Think again
Don't be surprised
I will still rise

I must stay conscious
Through the madness and chaos
So I call on my angels
They say

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don't doubt it, don't doubt it
Victory is in your veins
You know it, you know it
And you will not negotiate
Just fight it, just fight it
And be transformed

'Cause when, when the fire's at my feet again
And the vultures all start circling
They're whispering, "You're out of time”
But still I rise

This is no mistake, no accident
When you think the final nail is in
Think again
Don't be surprised
I will still rise

Don't doubt it, don't doubt it
Oh, oh, oh, oh
You know it, you know it
Still rise
Just fight it, just fight it
Don't be surprised
I will still rise

Make Me

Page 594

Good day out with friends over the borders.

Watched Suicide Squad, window shopped and ate a lot of good food.

And coincidentally bumped into Dan and Shuqri as well on the way back.

Man, what are the odds?? Hahaha.

Funny how life brings people together at unexpected times.

I can only depend on my friends to make me happy and smile.

I need more of this.

Especially since... I'm gonna be away.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Britney Spears Ft G-Eazy - Make Me

[Britney Spears:]
Friday, I'm dreaming a mile a minute 'bout somebody
This feeling, I wanna go with it, cause there's no way
We're hiding away from this tonight, oh, this tonight
Can tell you want me
By the way I see you starin' 'cross the room, babe
No shame in the game
Just cut the shit, be honest
Yeah, you know what you gotta do tonight, do tonight

I just want you to make me move
Like it ain't a choice for you, like you got a job to do
Just want you to raise my roof
Something sensational (oh yeah)

And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh
And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

No rules
From the bar to the car, let's take it back to my room
Igniting the heat of the moment; let the sparks fuse
Blowing up to the ceiling, we're burning bright
When we cross the line

Cause you're the flame I can't do without
The fire comes in the sapphire sun
There's no way I'm gonna be fighting this tonight, this tonight

I just want you to make me move
Like it ain't a choice for you, like you got a job to do
Just want you to raise my roof
Something sensational (oh yeah)

And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh
And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

Baby, cause you're the spark that won't go out
My heart's on fire when you're around
Make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

[G-Eazy:]
(Yeah, Eazy)

I don't care if it's a random person or the biggest star
Out in Vegas or little bars
Really not a difference if it's near or far
Listen, here we are; need you
I've always wondered what was off limits
Staring at you til I'm caught in this
Back and forth like this was all tennis
I'm all jealous, you came with someone
But we could tell that there's changes coming
See I could tell that you're a dangerous woman
That means you're speaking my language, come on
Now follow me, let's go
Like Penelope in "Blow"
Well worth the stealing you, it's a felony, yeah I know
That's why they keep on telling me to let go, yeah

But I need you and I can take you
All the way and I'm able
To give you something sensational, so let's go, yeah
Said I need you and I can take you
All the way and I'm able
So follow me and I can make you

[Britney Spears:]
And make me oooh (move), oooh, oooh (yeah), oooh
And make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

Baby, cause you're the spark that won't go out
My heart's on fire when you're around
Make me oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh
Yeah, you make me oooh

Kicks

Page 593

Went window shopping on my own today.

Alone.

Haha, that was just how bored I was.

Scanning for new kicks.

Scanning for Pokemon.

Scanning for hotties.

Trying to kill time.

Trying to get through the weekend.

But then, I lost interest.

And still felt empty.

As I walked past couples and happy people.

I was stuck in my own reality.

What do I do when you're not here?

We're in different places now.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: FKA Twigs - Kicks

When I'm low (Low, low)
I feel for you (You, you)
Time passes by (By, by, by)
Feel it for you

I explore
Stroke my side
Yes, I do
Feel for you

So, I tell myself it's cool for me to wait for you, just for you
I collect my thoughts and breathe
Because I take your lead
Take your lead

Tell me, what do I do when you're not here?
What do I do when you're not here?

Tell me, what do I do when you're not here?
What do I do when you're not here?
I get my kicks like you

When I'm alone (Lone, lone)
I don't need you (You, you)
I love my touch
Know just what to do

So, I tell myself it's cool to get my kicks like you, just like you
I just touch myself and say
"I'll make my own damn way"
Own damn way

Tell me, what do I do when you're not here?
Tell me, what do I do?
Baby, it's clear

Tell me, what do I do when you're not here? (When you're not here)
What do I do when you're not here? (When you're not here)

(When you're not here)

Tell me, what do I do when you're not here? (When you're not here)
What do I do when you're not here? (When you're not here)
I get my kicks like you

(When you're not here)

Tell me, what do I do when you're not here? (When you're not here)
What do I do when you're not here? (When you're not here)

(When you're not here)

Tell me, what do I do when you're not here? (When you're not here)
What do I do when you're not here? (When you're not here)
I get my kicks like you

(When you're not here)

What do I do when you're not here?
I get my kicks like...
I get my kicks like...
I get my kicks like you
Tell me what do I do?
Baby, it's clear