Peak

Page 1050

Seeing you in that pic, in that place.

It brought back a lot.

I guess, I'd never get to see you there again.

No... I won't see you ever.

I guess.. those feelings will cease to exist.

All this while... I've been numbed with disappointment.

I can't help but wonder...

Where did it all go wrong.

Did I do something wrong?

Wasn't I enough?

Didnt I amount to you.

No, I didnt do anything, but show love to you.

But you pushed that aside. 

I thought I was in love.

I thought you were too.

I wish you could be honest with your feelings.

Instead of trying to look cool.

I dont blame you...

J.

Cause I've lost myself since.

And I've been taking time to find myself again.

Half a year has passed.

And I've reached the peak.

It's time I move past these feelings.

Or maybe.. they'll haunt me forever.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Anne Marie - Peak

Wasn't I enough?
Didn't I amount to you?
I don't blame you for the love
That I lost to you
It will take time
A lot of heartache too
But I was in love
I thought you were too

No one compares, if I'm honest
I've beaten myself blue
I wish you could've been honest
Instead of trying to look cool

Did I breathe? Did I?
Did I sleep?
Did I eat?
Did I cheat? Did I?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I hit the peak? Did I?
Did I feel?
Did I steal?
No, I didn't do anything but love

Now we get along
That's just what we have to do
But I know every song
Sang out my heart for you
I've gotta stay humble
And you have to too
It was the hope, he crumbles
Where it once stood tall

No one compares, if I'm honest
I've beaten myself blue
I wish you could've been honest
Instead of trying to look cool

Did I breathe? Did I?
Did I sleep?
Did I eat?
Did I cheat? Did I?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I hit the peak? Did I?
Did I feel?
Did I steal?
No, I didn't do anything but love

Like To Be You

Page 1049

I had never seen beauty like you.

As you gazed on your phone.

Amongst the crowded bus.

Your beautiful hair falling in its place.

Your concentration.. strong.

Just like you were, standing tall.

Confident.

Sexy.

I wonder what it's like...

To be you.

And I couldnt help but give one last glance,

Our eyes almost meeting,

As you alighted. 

Knowing.. I'd never see you again.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Shawn Mendes Ft Julia Michaels - Like To Be You

Don't cry or do whatever makes you comfortable
I'm tired too, there's nothin' left to say
Let's call a truce, 'cause I don't really wanna go to
Bed like this

I'm so sorry
That we're still stuck in the middle
I'm so sorry
'Cause in the moment I

I don't know what it's like to be you
I don't know what it's like but I'm dying to
If I could put myself in your shoes
Then I'd know what it's like to be you

Can I kiss you or not?
'Cause I'm not really sure right now of what you want
Are you still mad at me? I'm hopin' not
'Cause maybe we could go to the movies
I know that always cheers us up, hey

I'm so sorry
That we're still stuck in the middle
Yeah, I'm so sorry
'Cause in the moment I

I don't know what it's like to be you
I don't know what it's like but I'm dying to
If I could put myself in your shoes
Then I'd know what it's like to be you

Tell me what's inside of your head
No matter what you say I won't love you less
And I'd be lying if I said that I do
I don't know what it's like to be you
I don't know what it's like to be you

I get worried
I might lose you a little
Every time we
Every time we argue and get caught up in the moment

I don't know what it's like to be you
I don't know what it's like but I'm dying to
If I could put myself in your shoes
Then I'd know what it's like to be you

So tell me what's inside of your head
No matter what you say I won't love you less
And I'd be lying if I said that I do
I don't know what it's like to be you
I don't know what it's like to be you
I don't know what it's like

Let's Go

Page 1048

Focus.

On yourself.

On the things that mean something to you.

On the things that matters.

Focus..

Cause they're the only things that keep you going.

Let go.

& 

Let's go.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Khalid - Let's Go

Everybody 2 step in the motherfucker
2 step in the motherfucker, yeah
Everybody 2 step in the motherfucker
2 step in the motherfucker, everybody get up, yeah
Can you feel this energy?
This is the start of something great
We might be a little late
Hey but at least we're on our way
You got too much time to waste
Focusing on what people say
They might not like that we were right
But we're here to stay

Leave your sorrow on the table
Pick up your worries and throw them out the window
You don't gotta let your friends know
There's so much trouble to get into
Let's go, let go
Let's go, let go

I got a blacked out Chevrolet
You don't have a destination
Travelling where the wind will take
That might be from place to place
Oh shit, I just graduated
I don't have any obligations
So let's have a little fun
Go 'head and drop all the relations

Leave your sorrow on the table
Pick up your worries and throw them out the window
You don't gotta let your friends know
There's so much trouble to get into
Let's go, let go
Let's go, let's go
So let's go, let's go
Let go, let's go

Keep Me

Page 1047

Finally feeling a little like myself today.

Tried to be positive most of the day.

It worked.

I guess it all depends on your mind huh.

And that's scary.

How your mind works.

It's such a powerful tool.

And it's hard to control.

A little bit empty right now.

But that's alright.

Slow steps.

Keep me... alive.

I want to be.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Khalid - Keep Me

Roses were your favorite flower
And I couldn't stand the scent
But if it's what it takes to put a smile on your face
I guess I'll deal with it
You hung with the popular kids
And I couldn't stand them
But I sucked it up, because I wanted to be more than friends

You should walk away with me
In your heart
Keep me in your mind
You don't have to speak
Of our past, just
Keep me in your life
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Ohhhhh
Nooooo
Ohhhhh
Nooooo

We were ridin' down Dyer with my top down
Singin' our favorite songs
But the funny thing is
Every time we did, you'd always get the words wrong
And I was your biggest fan
You should never forget it
I bet your new man
Doesn't love you like I did
Does he love you like I did?
Does he love you like I did?
Noooo…

You should walk away with me
In your heart
Keep me in your mind
You don't have to speak
Of our past, just
Keep me in your life
Keep me alive

Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Ohhhhh
Nooooo
Ohhhhh
Nooooo

You should walk away with me
In your heart
Keep me in your mind
You don't have to speak
Of our past, just
Keep me in your life
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Keep me alive
Ohhhhh
Nooooo
Ohhhhh
Nooooo

Breathe Me

Page 1046

I stared at the reflection.

What did I see?

Those.. pitiful eyes.

This.. dark place that I'm in.

Have you ever wondered...

What it'd be like.

When you're gone? 

Like when you just.. suddenly disappear.

Off forever.

Who would be affected?

Who would miss you?

I don't know why but those thoughts were prominent in my head today.

Took a while to shake them off.

But you can't help but wonder, can you?

Breathe Me.

Here's hoping this goes away...

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Sia - Breathe Me

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah, I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

You Can Cry

Page 1045 

'Are you ok?' 

My colleague asked as I snapped out of my daze.

'Huh? Uhh. Yeah.' 

Lies.

I was... deep in my thoughts.

About everything.

Heck, I wasnt even prepared for the audit which I failed at work today.

No... I was in my own world.

I couldnt.

I'm sorry.

I couldnt put it out there.

It just made me sound so... petty.

Everything's been so shitty lately.

I have my doubts about everything.

About who I can trust.

And I'm probably overthinking it.

I just completed watching '13 Reasons Why.'

Another trigger.

I need to stop this.

Shit.

I know I can change this.

I hope.

'You can cry.'

I tell myself as the tears welled up.

Everything's alright.

It will be.

I just need to.. close my eyes.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Marshmellow x Juicy J Ft James Arthur - You Can Cry

[James Arthur:]
Oh, you can cry on my shoulder
Everything's alright
All the pain is finally over
You can close your eyes

[Juicy J:]
Listen to me, close your eyes baby, picture this:
Sunset, on the ocean, that's Pacific
New whips, new tips, now your wrist lit
You can get anything off your wish list
Every day is Christmas (I got you)
Look, I promise you won't wanna miss this (I got you)
All I got is bread like a biscuit (biscuit)
Got a secret location, unlisted
We can get twisted (woo)
I don't wanna wait (hey)
I don't need a break (hey)
You just bring he gifts (hey)
I'ma bring the cake (uh-huh)
Go for two rounds
Light a spliff (uh-huh)
You land next to a star, make a wish (a wish)
I got somethin' you can ride if you need a lift (yessir)
Whenever you with me, the problems don't exist
Anywhere you wanna go, scratch it off your list
You wouldn't even wanna cry if you imagine this

[James Arthur (Juicy J):]
Oh, you can cry on my shoulder
Everything's alright (I got you)
All the pain is finally over
You can close your eyes

[Juicy J:]
You was up late night callin' (woo)
I was up late night ballin' (woo)
Almost made you wanna throw the towel in (hey)
Almost made you wanna trade the style in (uh-oh)
Countin' up hunnids by the thousands (uh-oh)
100 stacks, run it back, hester
Double up, one more time, no pressure (nope)
I believe in you, so you next up
I put diamonds in your cross, God bless ya
You put the work in (woo), you deserve that
Hard work pays off, I know you heard of that (heard of that)
Slow it down, lemme show you how to work that (oh)
The coupe you was dreamin' 'bout, you can swerve that (it's yours)
You just gotta take a chance, take control of that
You just gotta chase the dream, get a hold of that (uh-huh)
Then you puttin' in overtime over that
Then you do it one more time, gotta run it back

[James Arthur:]
Oh, you can cry on my shoulder
Everything's alright
All the pain is finally over
You can close your eyes

[Juicy J:]
You can get anythin' you want
You know I'm sayin'
You want that over there? You want that over there?
Got you

[James Arthur:]
Oh, you can cry on my shoulder
Everything's alright
All the pain is finally over
You can close your eyes

Learn Ya

Page 1044

Getting triggered a lot today.

I almost broke down at work.

Coming across pictures I don't want to see.

My mental health has been deteriorating lately.

Why do I feel this way?

Why does it affect me, when it shouldn't?

Shouldn't the past remain the past?

But it does.

It gets to me.

It always does.

Even when I don't show.

I'm seriously disappointed.

I've been keeping quiet about it for a long time.

And I think I need to learn ya something.

I thought you were my friend..

In fact, you're one of my closest friends.

But you've been talking to my ex dates.

Going out with them.

Texting them.

How does that make me feel?

Fucking betrayed.

Fuck.

I'm trying not to take it personal but it's just so goddamn hard.

You know it yourself.

Go figure.

Eran.

Current Song Mood: 6LACK - Learn Ya

Umm-umm-ummm

You still got a lot to learn
I ain't saying I'm the best
I'm saying that I got a lot to work with
You fuck talk and we capped enough
I ain't tryna make it look like I just wanna fuck
I'm just tryna show this ain't no temporary love

I think you need to let me learn you something
How you gon' get better with a nigga who don't even measure up?
Shame-shame-shame, you've been fucking regular
I think you need to let me learn you something
Know I need to tell ya not to sneak
I let my hands speak
And learn a couple things about me

Girl when you go
Don't try to act like your last one hit it the same way
Girl when you go
Don't try to act like your last one did ya the same way
Your last one did ya the same way
Your last one hit it the same way

Girl we still got a lot to do
If you need a quick fix for your day I be on the way
Got a couple things that I gots to prove
You lack and it hurts to know
I tell ya cause I'm really tryna help ya but you take it personal
I think I really need to learn you something
Here, I met you in a past life
I know everything oh you that type
Bad-bad girl, won't you act right

I think I need to learn you something
Know I need to tell ya not to sneak
I let my hands speak
Just learn a couple things about me

Girl when you go
Don't try to act like your last one hit it the same way
Girl when you go
Don't try to act like your last one did ya the same way
Your last one did ya the same way
Your last one hit it the same way, girl

Yeah-yeah, oh-ohhh

Another Sad Love Song

Page 1043

Accidentally read through some old messages.

...

Guess it triggered some stuff in me.

What do is it mean?

To be in love.

I don't know, anymore.

It's been so long.

I guess I'll buy some time.

With another sad love song.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Khalid - Another Sad Love Song

I'm not the best at showing my emotions
You cut me deep and you left me wide open
I fought the demons that lie in between us
They'd think we're perfect if they'd ever seen us, but
I guess this sounds like another sad love song
I can't get over how it all went wrong
But, I let the words come together
Then, maybe I'll feel better

Bridges they are burning
Lover, I am worried
Tables they are turning
Lover, I am hurting
Burning burning burning, dadadadada
Turning turning turning turning, dadadadada
Burning burning burning, dadadadada
Turning turning turning turning, dadadadada

I took the time to think of what you said
You were tap-dancing in my head
I must be honest, I have a lot of pride
But I'm broken inside
I guess this sounds like another sad love song
I can't get over how it all went wrong
But, I let the words come together
Then, maybe I'll feel better

Bridges they are burning
Lover, I am worried
Tables they are turning
Lover, I am hurting
Bridges they are burning
Lover, I am worried
Tables they are turning
Lover, I am hurting
Burning burning burning, dadadadada
Turning turning turning turning, dadadadada
Burning burning burning, dadadadada
Turning turning turning turning, dadadadada
Burning burning burning, dadadadada
Turning turning turning turning, dadadadada
Burning burning burning, dadadadada
Turning turning turning turning, dadadadada
Bridges they are burning
Lover, I am worried
Tables they are turning
Lover, I am hurting
Bridges they are burning
Lover, I am worried
Tables they are turning
Lover, I am hurting

Coaster

Page 1042

As this song played..

And the rest of Khalid's songs that came flowing.

I laid beside you. Eyes closed. Hands interlocked.

Curtains drawn.

As the stormy skies outsides surrounded us.

Thundering.

Feeling.

Breathing.

Maybe you...

Weren't the one for me back then.

But deep down, I realised now.

You're just like me.

Broken.

Alone.

Just needing... someone.

By your side.

We've both been through the same shit.

I... feel you.

Rollercoastin' through my emotions.

As you... come back to me.

Love, Eran.

Don't come back to me.

Current Song Mood: Khalid - Coaster

As time passes, I feel so low
Searchin' for pieces, covering up the holes
I'll fight for your love, I'll fight for your soul
I'll throw all of my cares away for you
I'll be there to wait for you
Maybe you weren't the one for me,
But deep down I wanted you to be
I'll still see you in my dreams,
All the things that I did for you, just wasn't it for you

So I'll be coasting, I'm roller-coasting,
Through my emotions
I will be coasting, roller-coasting,
I'm hoping that you'll come back to me

Moving on seems harder to do
When the one that you love moves faster than you
I gave you my all, I showed the proof, realizing
You weren't worthy, you don't deserve me
As time passes I'm feeling high
You're not the one I'm thinking of tonight
I may not be over you, but I'll try inside
I'm feeling better now, finally feeling special now, I'm

Coasting, I'm roller-coasting,
Through my emotions, oh
I will be here coasting, I'm roller-coasting,
I noticed you weren't the one for me

You weren't the one for me
You weren't the one for me
You weren't the one for me
You weren't the one for me
You weren't the one for me
You weren't the one,
You weren't the one for me,
So don't come back to me, no
No, don't come back to me, no
No, don't come back to me
No, don't come back to me, no
No, don't come back to me
You weren't the one for me
You weren't the one for me
You weren't the one for me
You weren't the one for me
You

No Tears Left To Cry

Page 1041

No time to waste.

No tears left to cry.

Just work hard.

And work hard I will.

I'm picking myself up.

And pick myself up I shall.

No more bullshit for now.

It's time to change my mentality.

My state of mind.

And be the better person I promised to be.

Let's do it.

Love Eran.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - No Tears Left To Cry

Right now, I'm in a state of mind
I wanna be in like all the time
Ain't got no tears left to cry
So I'm pickin' it up, pickin' it up
I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up
So I'm pickin' it up, pickin' it up
I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up (oh, yeah)

Pickin' it up (yeah), pickin' it up (yeah)
Lovin', I'm livin', so we turnin' up
Yeah, we turnin' it up

Ain't got no tears in my body
I ran out, but boy, I like it, I like it, I like it
Don't matter how, what, where, who tries it
We're out here vibin', we vibin', we vibin'

Comin' out, even when it's rainin' down
Can't stop now, can't stop so shut your mouth
Shut your mouth, and if you don't know
Then now you know it, babe
Know it, babe, yeah

Right now, I'm in a state of mind
I wanna be in, like, all the time
Ain't got no tears left to cry
So I'm pickin' it up, pickin' it up (oh yeah)
I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up
Oh, I just want you to come with me
We're on another mentality
Ain't got no tears left to cry
So I'm pickin' it up, pickin' it up (oh yeah)
I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up

Pickin' it up (yeah), pickin' it up (yeah)
Lovin', I'm livin', so we turnin' up
Yeah, we turnin' it up

They point out the colors in you, I see 'em too
And boy I like 'em, I like 'em, I like 'em
We're way too fly to partake in all this hate
We're out here vibin', we're vibin', we're vibin'

Comin' out, even when it's rainin' down
Can't stop now, can't stop so shut your mouth
Shut your mouth, and if you don't know then now you know it, babe
Know it baby, yeah

Right now, I'm in a state of mind
I wanna be in, like, all the time
Ain't got no tears left to cry
So I'm pickin' it up, I'm pickin' up (oh yeah)
I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up
Oh I just want you to come with me
We're on another mentality
Ain't got no tears left to cry (so don't cry)
So I'm pickin' it up, I'm pickin' up (oh yeah)
I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up

Comin' out, even when it's rainin' down
Can't stop now, (umm, ohh..)
Shut your mouth
Ain't got no tears left to cry
Oh yeah, oh yeah

Oh I just want you to come with me
We're on another mentality
Ain't got no tears left to cry (cry)
So I'm pickin' it up, I'm pickin' up (oh yeah)
I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up

I'm pickin' it up, I'm pickin' it up
Lovin', I'm livin', so we turnin' up
Yeah, we're turnin' it up

Location

Page 1040 

Finally got to meet you.

:)

It was nice.

To cuddle and..

Just.

Be in your arms.

Forget everything.

As I thought about life.

And what this all meant.

And that probably..

This would be the first and last time.

Just like the others.

It's the same cycle.

It's part of the game.

And I know that by now.

I know that.

But it shouldn't stop here.

Send me your location.

And I'll be there for you.

Nothin' else, but you.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Khalid - Location

Send me your location
Let's focus on communicating
'Cause I just need the time and place to come through
Place to come through

Send me your location
Let's ride the vibrations
I don't need nothing else but you
I don't need nothing else but you

At times I wonder why I fool with you
But this is new to me
This is new to you
Initially
I didn't wanna fall for you
Gather my attention it was all for you

So, don't take advantage
Don't leave my heart damaged
To understand that things go a little bit better when you plan it

So, won't you send me your location
Let's focus on communicating
'Cause I just need the time and place to come through

Send me your location
Let's ride the vibrations
I don't need nothing else but you
I don't need nothing else but you

I don't wanna fall in love off of subtweets
So, let's get personal
I got a lot of cool spots that we can go
Tell me what's the move and I got you

I'm only acting like this 'cause I like you
Just give me the vibe to slide then
I might make you mine by the night and

Send me your location
Let's focus on communicating
'Cause I just need the time and place to come through
Place to come through

Send me your location
Let's ride the vibrations
I don't need nothing else but you
I don't need nothing else but you

Ride, ride, ride
Come and vibe with me tonight
I don't need nothing else but you
I don't need nothing else but you

Ride, ride, ride
Come and vibe with me tonight
I don't need nothing else but you
Nothing else but you

I don't need nothing else but you

Stoop So Low

Page 1039

Sigh.

I hate catfishes.

Why you gotta stoop so low?

I kind of pity your insecure soul.

Oh well, I guess I gave in to the moment.

One thing lead to another.

Regret?

Yeah?

Did I lose anything? 

Nahh..

I can do better.

What happened after was more interesting though.

Didnt expect to bump into an old.. 'friend'.

And we went somewhere to chill and talk.

And I opened up about my eventful night.

And I actually..  really enjoyed it.

The casual conversation.

And all the relatable things we talked about.

Opening up and telling a somewhat-stranger about my shitty life.

Yeap.

Totally made the night worth it.

:) 

Oh well.

Stay safe and have a fun night.

xx

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: alextbh - Stoop So Low

Should've known your history

Know you're gonna do this to me

All I wanna do is moving on, but

Goddamn these boys are all the same

You switch boys like you switch lanes

And you don't know how to give brains

I hate the sex and your flex is lame

Don't pay tax but you still claim

My friends, they tried to warn me

But I'm stuck up and I'm desperate

I'll admit that you played me

But I'm wide awake and I'm over it

Why you gotta stoop so low like this, huh?

Abusing my feelings like this, huh?

Why you gotta stoop so low like this, huh?

Abusing my feelings like this, huh?

Why you gotta stoop so low like this, huh?

Abusing my feelings like this, huh?

Why you gotta stoop so low like this, huh?

Abusing my feelings like this, huh?

Talk shit, same tricks, different days

I wonder if it's tiring, if this pays

Shame that we couldn't be a thing

But you just had to do this, yeah you just had to

Switch boys like you switch lanes

And you don't know how to give brains

I hate the sex and your flex is lame

Don't pay tax but you still claim

My friends, they tried to warn me (warn me)

But I'm stuck up and I'm desperate

I'll admit that you played me (huh)

But I'm wide awake and I'm over it

Why you gotta stoop so low like this, huh?

(Why you gotta, why you gotta)

Abusing my feelings like this, huh?

(Feelings like this)

Why you gotta stoop so low like this, huh?

Abusing my feelings like this, huh?

Why you gotta stoop so low like this, huh?

Abusing my feelings like this, huh?

(Abusing my feelings like this)

Why you gotta stoop so low like this, huh?

(Why you gotta stoop so low)

Abusing my feelings like this, huh?

Why you gotta, why you gotta?