I told her I'd definitely make it for her wedding.
And then.. she told me something that made me feel.. surprised.
A gathering without me?
Awkward.
It made me question a lot of things..
But I guess, I'll just let it slide for now.
I continued sharing her about my life.
A lot has changed since we last met..
I was still heartbroken that time.
And she was there for me too.
My songs.
I let her listen, and she loved them.
She was genuinely excited & happy for me, as I was for her.
How far we've made it since Poly days...
Life goes back and forth like a sawzall.
But its up to you to hold it together.
Heh.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: BANKS - Sawzall
I go over every word you said to me Every single syllable I could repeat Certified to scuba dive in my memory
Why didn't you tell me how you felt that day? How was I supposed to know? I can't mind read How was I supposed to see It was underneath
Caught you singing from the ceiling I thought that meant you were healing Looking back I see the meaning I didn't notice the teething Why didn't you say you need me? Why don't you say what you mean?
I told you I'm sorry I know you are
Shoulda read into you drifting from your friends But you were the apple of both of my eyes So I couldn't see the signs Baby I was blind
Miss being self-conscious why you laughed at me Said it was embarrassing but secretly It made me feel special when I saw you smile cause of me
Caught you singing from the ceiling I thought that meant you were healing Looking back I see the meaning wish I asked more I didn't notice the teething Why didn't you say you need me? Why don't you say what you mean!? I told you I'm sorry
I donate my love I donate my I do I donate my love
I gave you nothing I understand I understand I gave you nothing
Sometimes it feels like everything's crumbling into breadcrumbs.
I guess that's the reason why I prefer to be outside most of the time.
With you.
I'm so glad that I have you in my life.
To run to.
In your arms.
A second home.
Where I can be completely myself.
That's.. all I've ever needed.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: Jacob Lee - Breadcrumbs
I've been away a little while And it don't make sense to me Haven't seen you in a little while And I get a bit lonely
But do you ever wonder Where I went? Do you ever leave the lights on At 7:30 when I would go to bed? Do you ever wonder Where I've been? For so long
Mum and Dad Did you ever search for me? I swear when they think I'm asleep I hear you on their TV screens Keep calling out my name Cause it helps me see your face And if I could let you know I'd let you know I'm okay
I've been gone a little while And I miss you dearly Blue skies, cold nights I saw outside And I recognize the trees
But do you ever wonder Where I went? Do you ever leave the lights on At 7:30 when I would go to bed? Do you ever wonder Where I've been? For so long
Mum and Dad Did you ever search for me? I swear when they think I'm asleep I hear you on their TV screens Keep calling out my name Cause it helps me see your face And if I could let you know I'd let you know I'm okay enough
Maybe if I pray enough He'll show you where I am He'll guide your hand And then you'll turn up Maybe if I talk too much Maybe if I run amok They'll get it in their head That I'm not theirs And then they'll give me up
I've been away a little while It's been a few years I think And I don't know where you are But I've changed a bit Since I was six
I rushed back to the auditorium. Searched where I sat.
Nothing.
I asked the big shots if anyone had my phone.
Nothing.
I went back to the Out-Pro area. In the hot sun.
Heard a shout from the back.
'DONT CUT THROUGH THE PARADE SQUARE'
I couldnt give any fucks, you idiot.
I went back, reevaluating everything.
Saw one of the laojiaos. Approached him and told him my situation.
He was sympathetic, and gave some reassurance.
But it ended off with.
'Most probably someone already stole it.'
Great.
I continued back to the Out-Pro area.
And looked around.
700 people... how TF was I gonna find my phone.
I decided to just queue and out-pro.
While queueing, another few laojiaos looked in my direction.
One of them asked.
'You lost your phone?'
Great, news is already spreading.
'Yeah'
'Wah good luck man, its going to be impossible to find.'
'uh yea okay.'
'Come I try call'
*no signal*
'Oh yea, I put it in airplane mode.'
'you what... oh'
Yup.
I joined them in the queue, and they tried getting through to my phone.
The malay seniors in the back helped out as well.
It was an embarrassing situation to be in.
But I was desperate to fix this.
'Let me see if i can find with the app.' the Malay SGT behind me offered.
He took out the 'Find My IPhone' App
I logged in, but to no avail.
'Its okay... thanks.'
I out-pro'ed and walked away.
Evaluate... evaluate... fuck my life.
I decided to find my bunkmates who were in the queue. Went all the way back. and finally found them.
More reassurance.
Tried calling again.
And again.
'What phone is it?
'IPhone 8.'
'OH SHIT.'
Yep.
Same reactions.
I was close to giving up.
'You know what, I'll do one more sweep.' I told them.
I was gonna rush back to the auditorium in the hot sun.
And then I came across some familiar faces.
Friends I made from the past week. I asked one of them if he saw my phone.
'OH. I saw xxxxx picking a phone up just now.'
I was relieved.
Finally. A lead to where it is.
That was all I needed.
I borrowed a phone, pen, paper, and took a call.
Turns out that dude was already in the Grab to Tampines.
Fuck. Oh well.
Didnt matter, at least this was going somewhere.
And there goes my Friday.
A really long silly one.
TGIF.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - You Need To Calm Down
You are somebody that I don't know, But you're taking shots at me like it's Patrón. And I'm just like, "Damn! It's 7 AM."
Say it in the street, that's a knock-out. But you say it in a tweet, that's a cop-out. And I'm just like, "Hey! Are you OK?"
And I ain't tryna mess with your self-expression, But I've learned the lesson That stressing and obsessing 'Bout somebody else is no fun. And snakes and stones never broke my bones.
So, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh! You need to calm down. You're being too loud. And I'm just like, "Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh! You need to just stop. Like, can you just not step on my gown? You need to calm down."
You are somebody that we don't know, But you're coming at my friends like a missile. Why are you mad When you could be GLAAD? (You could be GLAAD.)
Sunshine on the street at the parade, But you would rather be in the dark ages Just making that sign. Must've taken all night.
You just need to take several seats And then try to restore the peace And control your urges to scream About all the people you hate 'Cause shade never made anybody less gay
So, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh! You need to calm down. You're being too loud. And I'm just like, "Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh! You need to just stop. Like, can you just not step on his gown. You need to calm down."
And we see you over there on the Internet Comparing all the girls who are killing it, But we figured you out. We all know now. We all got crowns. You need to calm down.
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh! You need to calm down. (You need to calm down) You're being too loud. (You're being too loud) And I'm just like, "Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh! You need to just stop. (Can you stop?) Like, can you just not step on our gowns. You need to calm down."
I don't know why those flashbacks reappeared today.
The sorrow...
Of being abandoned.
And neglected.
I guess some demons just don't go away.
My mind will always be contaminated.
It makes me feel.. anxious.
About everything.
About myself.
That I'm not good enough.
Or just a burden.
But I am still thankful.
That despite my insecurities.
That you still love me for who I am.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: BANKS - Contaminated
You wanna get to know me You memorized the lines of my thighs I knew before you told me you'd get it right And you took the dark for granted And you love me like you promised your wife It's almost like you planned it in the daylight
Ooh, I can attain it Ooh, I can attain it Ooh, I can attain it Ooh, I can attain it Ooh, I can attain it Ooh, I can attain it
I like the way you say it Tell me the words you told me that day Maybe if I could believe it I could just stay 'Cause I like the way you do it Yeah I like the way you move it baby show me the way I like the way you get it on the freeway
And I wish I could change it And we're always gonna be contaminated And oh, I know what we need You start letting me go Our love is tainted
You said they'd be against us I say, "You care too much what they say" You said, "Do me a favor, give me some faith" 'Cause you promised me you'd do it You said, "Baby, let me prove it, look at me in the face This is the face of someone who loves you, babe"
And I wish I could change it And we're always gonna be contaminated And oh, I know what we need You start letting me go Our love is tainted
You start letting me go You start letting me go (Stay) You start letting me go You start letting me go (Stay)
And I wish I could change it And we're always gonna be contaminated And oh, I know what we need You start letting me go Our love is tainted And I wish I could change it And we're always gonna be contaminated And oh, I know what we need You start letting me go ('Cause our love is tainted)
Ooh, I can attain it Ooh, I can attain it Ooh, I can attain it Ooh, I can attain it Ooh, I can attain it
I haven't been in these parts of Yewtee in a while.
I forgot you stayed near Kranji Camp.
Everything changed so much.
The air was peaceful.
Renovations here and there.
.. Peaceful.
It was weird.
Walking down that same route.
The same route i'd always go to your place, 4 years ago.
The same place where I felt pure love.
The same place where our toxicity strangled me dead.
It was weird.
Walking past all that.
Looking back at my past.
Till now.
Because I'm in such a different place in life right now.
Some things just can't be forgotten.
But we are all meant to be where we are meant to be.. right now.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: BANKS - Till Now
I saw you outside Wearing my shirt That I gave you to remember me by I don't respect you much But I hate you much And I hate the way I miss you sometimes
Something 'bout the way it's like you're running me over and over Something 'bout the way I miss you kissing me over and over
But you been messing me around till now And I let you push me around till now
Had me in your clutch Had my trust and such Had my head, had my heart, had my eyes
And your words don't add up Had your gas light on And you promised I'm the one who's crazy
There's something bout the way it's like you're running me over and over Something bout the way I miss you kissing me over and over
And you put your words in my mouth till now And I let you turn me around till now And you been messing me around till now And I let you push me around till now
Thank you guys for cooperating with me and listening to my ideas.
It means a lot.
This project.
Feeling a little under the weather lately.
Bad timing, yeah.
But that's not gonna stop me.
Popping some yellow pills, and getting ready for work tomorrow.
And after that, another set of break, and then.. the shoot.
Here we go.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello - Senorita
I love it when you call me Señorita I wish I could pretend I didn't need ya But every touch is ooh-la-la-la It's true la-la-la Ooh I should be running Ooh you keep me coming For ya
Land in Miami The air was hot from summer rain Sweat dripping off me Before I even knew her name la-la-la It felt like ooh-la-la-la Yeah, no
Sapphire moonlight We danced for hours in the sand Tequila Sunrise Her body fit right in my hands, la-la-la It felt like ooh-la-la-la Yeah
I love it when you call me Señorita I wish I could pretend I didn't need ya But every touch is ooh-la-la-la It's true la-la-la Ooh I should be running Ooh you know I love it
When you call me Señorita I wish it wasn't so damn hard to leave ya But every touch is ooh-la-la-la It's true la-la-la Ooh I should be running Ooh you keep me coming For ya
Locked in the hotel There's just some things that never change You say, "We're just friends." But friends don't know the way you taste-la-la-la 'Cause you know it's been a long time comin' Don't you let me fall, oh
Oh, when your lips undress me Hooked on your tongue Ooh, love, your kiss is deadly Don't stop
I love it when you call me Señorita I wish I could pretend I didn't need ya But every touch is ooh-la-la-la It's true la-la-la Ooh I should be running Ooh you know I love it
When you call me Señorita I wish it wasn't so damn hard to leave ya But every touch is ooh-la-la-la It's true la-la-la Ooh I should be running Ooh you keep me coming For ya
All along I'll be coming for ya (for ya) And I hope it meant something to ya Call my name I'll be comin' for ya (comin' for ya) Comin' for ya (comin' for ya)
For ya, for ya (oh, she loves it when I call her), for ya Ooh I should be running Ooh you keep me coming For ya
Nothing is going to get in the way of me and my passion.
Nothing.
I've had dreams since I was a young boy.
And I'm finally in a place where I can afford to chase them.
Or at least, enjoy life as it is, doing what I love.
I don't care about your 'organisation' at all.
And if it's gonna get in the way, then I won't be sticking around much longer.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: Jacob Collier Ft JoJo - It Don't Matter
It don't matter what your papa gon' say (Gonna love you any old way) It don't matter 'bout the games you play now (Gonna love you any old way) It don't matter what the preacher gon' pray (Gonna love you any old way) 'Cause when you wake up in the morning, gonna throw it all away
It don't matter if you're here to stay (Gonna love you any old way) What the people think about you never gonna stay the same (Gonna love you any old way) Well, maybe you're gonna run away (Gonna love you any old way) When you wake up in the morning, gonna throw it all away
And it feels like (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa) In the morning gonna feel like (whoa, oh, no-whoa-whoa) Ooh-ooh-ooh, oh-oh-oh it feels like (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa) See everybody clap your hands if it feels like (whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-oh)
It don't matter if you gone astray (Gonna love you any old way) 'Cause tomorrow will come it's gonna be okay, yeah (Gonna love you any old way) Never even matter if you sleep all day (Gonna love you any old way) 'Cause when you wake up in the evening, gonna throw it all away
Feels like (ah, ah, ah, ah) Does anybody here know what I'm talking about, say (whoa, oh, no-whoa-whoa) Oh, feel like (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa) Everybody clap your hands if you feel like (whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-oh)
Jay, play
(Play it boy)
Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yes, oh-oh
It feels like (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa) And in the morning gonna feel like (whoa, oh, no-whoa-whoa) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa-oh-oh-oh (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa) In the morning gonna feel like (whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-oh)
It don't matter what they say I will be there Let those voices fade away I will be there It don't matter what they say I will be there Let those voices fade away I will be there It don't matter what they say I will be there Let those voices fade away I will be there It don't matter what they say I will be there Let those voices fade away I will be there
But I know you're getting older, growing, changing. And I guess... if i'm being really honest, that's what scares me. I don't want things to change. So I think maybe that's why I came here, to try to maybe... stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were.
But I know that's naive. It's just... not how life works. It's moving. Always moving whether you like it or not. And yeah, sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's sad and sometimes it's surprising. Happy.
So you know what? Keep on growing up, kid. Don't let me stop you. Make mistakes, learn from 'em, and when life hurts you - because it will - remember the hurt. The hurt is good. It means you're out of that cave. But, please, if you don't mind, for the sake of your poor old dad, keep the door open three inches."
Moving.
Keep moving.
Keep growing.
And making mistakes.
Remember the hurt.
Cause.. hurt is good.
Yeah.
Thanks Hopper.
Thank you.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: Peter Gabriel - Heroes
I, I will be king And you, you will be queen Though nothing will drive them away We can beat them, just for one day We can be heroes, just for one day
And you, you can be mean And I, I'll drink all the time 'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact Yes we're lovers, and that is that Though nothing will keep us together We could steal time just for one day We can be heroes for ever and ever What d'you say?
I, I wish you could swim Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim Though nothing, nothing will keep us together We can beat them, for ever and ever Oh we can be Heroes, just for one day
I, I will be king And you, you will be queen Though nothing will drive them away We can be Heroes, just for one day We can be us, just for one day
I, I can remember (I remember) Standing, by the wall (by the wall) And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads) And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall) And the shame, was on the other side Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever Then we could be Heroes, just for one day
We can be Heroes We can be Heroes We can be Heroes Just for one day We can be Heroes
We're nothing, and nothing will help us Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay But we could be safer, just for one day
