Love Incredible

Page 713

I love the Arts.

Feeding my soul and nourishing my mind with music and feelings and creative processes.

It's good to appreciate other cultures and the hard work put behind it.

Today I felt incredible love for the arts.

And one day, I imagine myself being on a stage like that.

Performing my heart out.

And showing who I really am.

Love, Eran.

Here's hoping to a good start to the month.

Current Song Mood: Cashmere Cat Ft Camila Cabello - Love Incredible

I forgot the feeling
The feeling of being alone but not lonely
I guess when you touch me
My fears and my secrets belong to you only
Close the door behind you
Just let me love you, slow you, hold you
My mind stays on you
So does my body, let me show you

But I wanna go through
And I wanna need you
Could you be my muse?
Lately all I think about is you
I'm never sick about it

This love's incredible-credible
Have a little mercy on me, baby, you got me
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love
Incredible-credible
Have a little mercy on me, baby, you got me
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love

I know you've been hurt
By the way that you look away
From me too early
You don't like to talk about it
And that's fine, I get it
So don't worry

But I wanna go through
And I wanna need you
Could you be my muse?
Lately all I think about is you
I'm never sick about it

This love's incredible-credible
Have a little mercy on me, baby, you got me
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love
Incredible-credible
Have a little mercy on me, baby, you got me
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love

Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love
This love
Wanting more, wanting more

Heavy

Page 712

Time passes so fast.

It was good catching up.

For a moment, it feels like I went back in time.

Look at where we are now. 

Different ranks, different experiences, yet we're still in the same goddamn place.

Sometimes we hold on to the good memories just for the sake of it.

Just cause we're too scared to let go.

It's heavy, I know.

I've been there so many times.

But life is about being beaten to the pulp, and picking yourself from scratch.

It's the only way to grow stronger.

Here's hoping you'll find the way.

<3

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Linkin Park Ft Kiiara - Heavy

I don't like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me
Yeah I drive myself crazy
Cause I can't escape the gravity

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy
 
You say that I'm paranoid
But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me
It's not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy

I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me
 
I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy

Feels

Page 711

Been up in my feels lately.

Its just not the same anymore.

Too emotional.

Did the things that I told myself I wouldn't.

And yet I knew the outcome.

And yet I still did it.

Over and over.

It's the same cycle.

Get a hold of yourself Syah.

You're better than this.

F*ck it.

Just keep going.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Kiiara - Feels

And I got way too many feels, way too much emotion
I don't even know what's real, I just say fuck it, keep on going
And I get deeper, I get deeper, yeah I feel I'm rolling
I can see you, yeah I see you
I don't know I think I'm rolling
Yeah it's way too many feels, way too much emotion
I don't even know what's real, I just say fuck it, keep on going
And I get deeper, I get deeper, yeah I think I'm rolling
I can see you, yeah I see him
I don't know I just keep on going

And I got way too many feels, way too much emotion
All this Xans inside my body, I say fuck it keep on drowning
You can bring a juice I'll match you
Yeah you mix it, pour the potion
I don't know who you are, but I'd dive into your ocean
Yeah you say you smoking grams, I'm smoking into the Grammys
You say you got them bars, but all I see is candy
Still you came through so low-key, think you understand, I don't know me
Still I get along with your best friends, even better with your family

I got way too many feels, way too much emotion
I don't even know what's real, I just say fuck it, keep on going
And I get deeper, I get deeper, yeah I think I'm rolling
If you see him, yeah I see him
I don't know I just keep going

Yeah I have way too many feels, way too much emotion
I don't even know what's real, I just say fuck it, keep on going
I got all I need, you don't know what I mean
Yeah we pour up 'til we go up
And I got way too many feels, not enough to forfeit
So many fuckin' bands, so you know we finna blow it
We be faded when I'm sober, sober when I'm faded
Over scrutinized by all your counterparts there's no debating

You say it's cause they jaded, yeah they jealous that I made it
Do you remember that first time I missed you in the basement?
Back when we really didn't known it, we were searching for some
Now they pay full advance, and there ain't no fucking discussion
At the stage they jumping because it's like that
You see all these chicks and now your girl ain't even write back
You drink all my rose, and you know what to do
Someone dropped up a dose, so we finna get screwed

You know I got like way too many feels, way too much emotion
Don't know how to make you feel, but I'm sorry bitch I'm flowing
You know I just drop top in that coupe, zoom, don't know where you been at, true,
now I'm searching for who, you, yeah I'm coming right back

And I got way too many feels
Way too many feels

Nobody Like You

Page 710

Don't know why.

But I went through your posts today.

Seeing it just felt so.. wrong.

That should be me.

But I guess you don't want that anymore.

Everytime I try, it just feels like you're repelling away for some reason.

Maybe I know that reason.

I hope you're happier now.

I swear.

There's nobody like you..

...

I miss you.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Little Mix - Nobody Like You

[Jesy:]
I'm alive, if living's just a beating heart
'Cause we won't admit we've taken it too far
I know it's love cause I will always be the first
To start making up excuses when it hurts

But I'm alone, I'm alone, I'm alone again
And all I want, all I want is to feel again

There's nobody like you, nobody like you
I've tried goodbye a hundred times, not one of them true
Nobody like you, nobody like you
I'm screaming "I don't want you" but you know that I do
Nobody like you

[Leigh-Anne:]
Strong, a side of me you never found
'Cause you only see me when my guard is down
And it's wrong, and I hate that it's the truth
But I only like myself when I'm with you

[Jade:]
But I'm alone, I'm alone, I'm alone again
And all I want, all I want is to feel again

[Leigh-Anne:]
There's nobody like you, nobody like you
I've tried goodbye a hundred times, not one of them true

[Jade:]
Nobody like you, nobody like you
I'm screaming "I don't want you" but you know that I do

[Leigh-Anne:]
Oh, I wanna feel you in the dark
I could use, I could use sun
But all you left me with was scars
And that's the hardest part

[Perrie:]
There's nobody like you, nobody like you
I've tried goodbye a hundred times, not one of them true

There's nobody like you, nobody like you
I've tried goodbye a hundred times, not one of them true
Nobody like you ([Jade:] Nobody like you)
Nobody like you ([Jade:] Nobody like you)

[Perrie, Jade:]
I'm screaming "I don't want you" but you know that I do
Nobody like, nobody like, nobody like you
Nobody like, nobody like, nobody like you
Nobody like, yeah, nobody like you
Nobody like

[Jade:] Nobody like you

The Truth

Page 709

I sat on the chair quietly. 

My mind blank.

My heart racing.

Was this really gonna happen?

The silence was deafening.

'You're negative.' he said.

I exhaled all the air in me.

'Wow.'

And here I was.. prepared to have my life changed for the worst.

For the past year, my mind wasnt put to ease.

'Im gonna change' I told myself.

'I'm gonna do it.'

--------------------------------------------------------------

Blood results have always been the death of me.

I can't believe I scared myself for the second time.

I heaved a big sigh of relief as my eyes scanned the paper.

'Neg Reaction'.

I'm clean again.

Okay.

Gosh.

It's like a big lesson for me.

All the things that's hinted to this moment.

I'm so affected by what I read online today.

This isn't coincidental.

It's a friggin sign.

And I'm really counting my blessings.

Seeing life in a different view now.

I'm gonna cherish this.

And the precious life I have left.

The truth sets me free.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: James Arthur - The Truth

It was good to be there in the bright lights, mmm
But I lost good friends under the spotlight, woah
Imagine if everybody knew your name
And they had nothing nice to say, nothing nice to say
It was good to be living up the high life, woah
But the comedowns harder in the headlines, woah
Everybody tells you, you should play the game
But there's only you to play, there's only you to play
And I tried

I set fire to the glory
I set fire to the dream
I set fire to the only thing
That lead me from the streets
Don't tell me it's over, cause I don't want to believe
Cause now I've opened my eyes and I have found a way to breathe
The truth sets me free

I broke my back to make a breakthrough, mmm
I lost my mind, look what it came to, oh
I had to lose it all so I could understand, woah
I was just a boy in the shadow of a man

I set fire to the glory
I set fire to the dream
I set fire to the only thing
That lead me from the streets
Don't tell me it's over, cause I don't want to believe
Cause now I've opened my eyes and I have found a way to breathe
Oh, the truth sets me free
Oh, the truth sets me free

I set fire to the glory
I set fire to the dream
I set fire to the only thing
That lead me from the streets
Don't tell me it's over, cause I don't want to believe
Cause now I've opened my eyes and I have found a way to breathe
Oh, the truth sets me free
Oh, the truth sets me free

It sets me free

Invinsible

Page 708

I strided out of the gates.

Determined with each step.

The gloomy weather above me,

Dark and epic.

And the empowering vocals of the late Christina Grimmie in my ears.

I feel like God's given me another chance to live.

Am I worthy of it?

Maybe not.

But I'm gonna make good use of it.

And turn my life around once and for all.

After all, we all deserve a chance.

Tonight, I feel Invinsible.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Christina Grimmie - Invinsible

I'm solid, not apparition
Better check your vision, see what you're missing, boy
I don't need your permission
To go on existing with or without you, boy
I ain't gonna let it go, 'cause this been going on too long

I won't be another ghost
No, I won't be invisible
You see me everywhere you go
No, I won't be invisible, yeah

Invisible
Invisible

I had my suspicions, you kept me at a distance
I ain't disappearing, boy
I thought you were worth it
Pulling back the curtain
I see why I was hurting boy
And I ain't gonna let it go
Now you see me with the lights on

I won't be another ghost
No, I won't be invisible
You see me everywhere you go
No, I won't be invisible, yeah

Invisible
Invisible

I won't be diminished, eclipsed, or hidden
You're gonna see my light blaze black to life
Like the phoenix rise
I won't be diminished, eclipsed, or hidden
You're gonna see my light blaze black to life
Like the phoenix rise

Invisible
Invisible
Invisible, tonight

Living Out Loud

Page 707

I tried my best to concentrate.

To block out the thoughts. 

To be happy.

But your post struck a chord in me.

'All Of Me' started playing.

Remember when I covered that song for you on your birthday?

I guess you don't.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Another karaoke session with the peeps today.

I love this kind of company..

It's healthy.

It's best to be living out loud.

Although I was personally deep in thoughts.

Gotta sort out myself first.

It's your choice.. sigh.

I hope you are happier now.

Cause I'm done trying.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Brooke Candy Ft Sia - Living Out Loud

Twenty-five ounces in a bottle of wine
Twenty-four hours it's a day at a time
Twenty-three lived a hell of a life
Twenty-two such a blur, it's passing me by
Twenty-one I caught a glimpse of the light
Twenty drinks later in the back of a ride
Nineteen momma kicked me outta the house
Eighteen minutes 'till you bail me out
Seventeen magazine was telling the truth
When they said we all have issues

Just thinking out loud
Screaming so loud
Foolish and proud
Living out loud
Living out loud
Out loud

No, nothing can stop me now
(Gonna live out loud)
And no one can break me down
(Gonna live out loud)
I'm screaming my demons out
(Gonna live out loud)
'Cause living out loud, is the only way I know how
'Cause living out loud, is the only way I know how
Living out loud is the only way I know how

Sixteen candles, yeah, I'm faking my age
Fifteen minutes till they need me on stage
Fourteen K I would have done it for free
Thirteen roses and they bought them for me
Twelve step program but I don't like to walk
Eleven wet kisses just to get me to talk
Ten fingers when you're holding my hand
Nine, Eight, Seven she lives

Just thinking out loud
Screaming so loud
Foolish and proud
Living out loud
Living out loud
Out loud

No, nothing can stop me now
(Gonna live out out loud)
And no one can break me down
(Gonna live out loud)
I'm screaming my demons out
(Gonna live out loud)
'Cause living out loud, is the only way I know how
'Cause living out loud, is the only way I know how
Living out loud is the only way I know how

I gotta live out loud, out loud
Yeah living out loud, is the only way I know how
Cause living out loud, is the only way I know how

No, nothing can stop me now
(Gonna live out out loud)
And no one can break me down
(Gonna live out loud)
I'm screaming my demons out
(Gonna live out loud)
'Cause living out loud, is the only way I know how
'Cause living out loud, is the only way I know how
Living out loud is the only way I know how