Issues

Page 719

TGIF.

I need a break.

Too much bullshit from the past week.

Whatever, won't let it get to me.

Got to reconnect a bit today.

Feels a little weird because...

I always find myself distancing away from people.

It's a bad habit.

I guess I'm too scared to start afresh.

Because it's always the same old shit.

I've got issues.

And one of it is us.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Julia Michaels - Issues 

I'm jealous, I'm overzealous
When I'm down, I get real down
When I'm high, I don't come down
I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I could leave you just this fast

But you don't judge me
'Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don't judge me
'Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too

'Cause I got issues
But you got 'em too
So give 'em all to me
And I'll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
'Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve 'em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

You do shit on purpose
You get mad and you break things
Feel bad, try to fix things
But you're perfect
Poorly wired circuit
And got hands like an ocean
Push you out, pull you back in

'Cause you don't judge me
'Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don't judge me
'Cause you see it from the same point of view

'Cause I got issues
But you got 'em too
So give 'em all to me
And I'll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
'Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve 'em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

(I got issues, you got 'em too)
And one of them is how bad I need you
(I got issues, you got 'em too)

'Cause I got issues
(I got)
But you got 'em too
So give 'em all to me
(You got 'em too)
And I'll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
(I got issues)
Of all our problems
'Cause we got the kind of love
(You got 'em too)
It takes to solve 'em

Yeah, I got issues (I got)
And one of them is how bad I need you (You got 'em too)
Yeah, I got issues (I got issues)
And one of them is how bad I need you (You got 'em too)
Yeah, I got issues (I got)
And one of them is how bad I need you

Drown

Page 718

Woah.

Don't know how I pulled through today.

What a tough day it was.

Getting overworked.

I dont wanna drown.

Your words won't bring me down.

I've had enough of men and their high egos.

F*ck you.

And your selfish self.

What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead.

Love, Eran.

Who will fix me now?

Current Song Mood: Bring Me The Horizon - Drown

What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead.
Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper.
And I can't take one more moment of this silence.
The loneliness is haunting me.
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up.

It comes in waves, I close my eyes.
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay, and it's not alright.
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.

What doesn't destroy you, leaves you broken instead.
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper.
And I can't take one more moment of this silence.
The loneliness is haunting me.
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up.

It comes in waves, I close my eyes.
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay, and it's not alright
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.

'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.
(Woah oh oh oh)
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.
(Woah oh oh oh)
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.
(Woah oh oh oh)
('Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.)

Who will fix me now?
Who will fix me now?
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.

I Won't

Page 717

Sorry. 

I need to.

I HAVE to.

You guys won't understand.

And I don't even expect you to.

This is really important to me.

I know for sure, I won't get another chance like this again.

If only you knew.

But you won't.

And I won't care either.

I won't.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Little Mix - I Wont

I got my pride, my self-respect
Need nothing more, want nothing less
Cause all that I got should be enough to make it work
Cause all that I want is to love and just be loved

I'll never let it go cause we can do this on our own
I'll never let it go, we have too much to let it fall
I'll never let it go cause we can do this on our own
I'll never let it go, we have too much to let it fall

And I won't let anybody tell me no
I won't take anything for granted
Cause I know that nothing good comes easy
If it did, I wouldn't be me, let it go and let me do it cause
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't

I got my heart, my head up high
I will be strong, I will survive
Cause all of the hurt will wash away with the rain
And all that we've learned will be enough to shine again

I'll never let it go cause we can do this on our own
I'll never let it go, we have too much to let it fall
I'll never let it go cause we can do this on our own
I'll never let it go, we have too much to let it fall

And I won't let anybody tell me no
I won't take anything for granted
Cause I know that nothing good comes easy
If it did, I wouldn't be me, let it go and let me do it cause
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't

Hold your head up, see the daylight
Hold your head up cause your future's looking bright
Hold your head up, see the daylight
Hold your head up cause your future's looking bright
These stones and sticks are what makes me
These stones and sticks are all I need
These stones and sticks are what makes me
These stones and sticks are all I need

And I won't let anybody tell me no
I won't take anything for granted
Cause I know that nothing good comes easy
If it did, I wouldn't be me, let it go and let me do it cause
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't

I won't

Sermon

Page 716

Moments where I feel weak as f*ck.

And moments where I feel empowered.

Such mixed feelings the past week.

It shows that I haven't found my place yet.

Keep getting myself into stupid situations.

When will I learn?

I'm totally done with that shit.

I guess action speaks louder than words.

I'm not gonna let myself be put in such a place a gain.

I'm gonna take anything that's thrown to me.

I'm gonna work damn hard.

That is my sermon.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: James Arthur Ft Shotty Horroh - Sermon

[James Arthur:]
You don't have to say you're sorry
Or redeem yourself to me, oh
I'm not asking for confessions
You don't even have to speak, no

I need you to feel that you're more than enough
I already know you're deserving of love
It's not a question that you are the one that I need

These are my words
This is my voice
That is my sermon
Give me your heart
Give me your pain
Give me your burden
Cause I can take anything that you can give
Forgiving everything that you did
These are my words
This is my voice
That is my sermon
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh, time to turn this wine to water, yeah
Time to turn this gold to lead, oh
Time to stop taking this for granted, oh
Gotta keep my family fed

I need you to feel that you're more than enough
I already know you're deserving of love
It's not a question that you are the one that I need

These are my words
This is my voice
That is my sermon
Give me your heart
Give me your pain
Give me your burden
Cause I can take anything that you can give
Forgiving everything that you did
These are my words
This is my voice
That is my sermon
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Shotty Horroh:]
I don't know nothing about the service the clergy do in the churches
I never read the book though I knew the pages were turning
I tried to sing the hymns but I couldn't think of the verses
Tried to confess my sins, but I didn't know how to word it
But this is my sermon fest that I'm emotionally drained
Self-medicating hoping I can cope with the pain
I need a face cause that'll fix whatever's broke in my brain
Who am I kidding, no I'm going insane
I wrote some quotes on this page, just trying to reach you and I hope you relate
Well I'll probably just throw them away
Cause I don't know what to say
I feel weak when I'm supposed to be brave
I seem free but I'm enclosed in a cage
Though I continue to ponder over the plastic
And I ain't gonna do any better
Do I whimper from the future, and buckle under the pressure
Or do I step to the plate, and gon' take the chance with my life
Come face to face with the darkness so I can stand in the light like

[James Arthur:]
When I feel your love upon me
I know I am truly blessed
Sometimes you've gotta face the darkness
To step into the light again

These are my words
My voice
That is my sermon
Give me your heart
Give me your pain
Give me your burden
Cause I can take anything that you can give
Forgiving everything that you did
These are my words
This is my voice
That is my sermon
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
My sermon, yeah, yeah, yeah
That is my sermon

Sleepover

Page 715

Sometimes I feel like I live a fantasy in my head.

The feeling of holding someone close to me.

Someone I can hold dearly to.

Be cute with.

Be happy with.

Building a relationship.

Building a family.

Have a stable job.

Have kids.

Go out to explore.

Have sleepovers in my bed.

Just.. going through life together.

Where?

All in my head.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hayley Kiyoko - Sleepover

I don't wanna talk about it
I don't wanna think about it
I'm just feeling low, feeling low
Even when you're next to me
It's not the way I'm picturing
I'm just feeling low, feeling low
You wanna be friends forever
I can think of something better,
I'm just feeling low, feeling low
Sleeping here right next to me,
But will you ever mess with me? No.

But at least I got you in my head, oh yeah
At least I got you in my head, in my head,
Sleepovers in my bed, oh yeah
At least I got you in my head, in my head
In my head
In my head

Always there to brush your hair,
Help you pick out what to wear
I just feel alone, feel alone
You will never understand
Even when you hold my hand
I just feel alone, feel alone
I don't wanna talk about it
I don't wanna think about it
I just feel alone, feel alone
Even when you're next to me
It's not the way I'm picturing, no

But at least I got you in my head, oh yeah
At least I got you in my head, in my head, ooo, ooo
Sleepovers in my bed, oh yeah
At least I got you in my head, in my head
In my head
In my head

Come on, let's sleep in my bed,
Can I just be in my head with you?
Come on, let's sleep in my bed,
Can I just be in my head with you?
And it breaks my heart, yeah it breaks my heart
I do this every single time, every time

But at least I got you in my head, oh yeah
At least I got you in my head, in my head,
Sleepovers in my bed, oh yeah
At least I got you in my head, in my head

Green Light

Page 714

I tried not to show any expression.

But he over to me with open arms.

'Awww' 

I went in for the hug.

It was a sweet moment.

Because we've been through so much.

Even though we've had our differences over the months.

The past few months had been memorable.

He and H came to see each other.

Apologised for what happened overseas.

Forgave each other.

I was touched at the sight.

We've all come a long way...

So much growth.

It's time for you guys to leave now.

There's the green light.

Go.

Love, Eran.

I'll wait for my turn. I want it.

Current Song Mood: Lorde - Green Light

I do my makeup in somebody else's car
We order different drinks at the same bars
I know about what you did and I wanna scream the truth
She thinks you love the beach, you're such a damn liar

Those great whites, they have big teeth
Hope they bite you
Thought you said that you would always be in love
But you're not in love no more
Did it frighten you
How we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?
On the light up floor

But I hear sounds in my mind
Brand new sounds in my mind
But honey I'll be seein' you 'ever I go
But honey I'll be seein' you down every road
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it

'Cause honey I'll come get my things, but I can't let go
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
Oh, I wish I could get my things and just let go
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it

Sometimes I wake up in a different bedroom
I whisper things, the city sings 'em back to you

All those rumors, they have big teeth
Hope they bite you
Thought you said that you would always be in love
But you're not in love no more
Did it frighten you
How we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?
On the light up floor

But I hear sounds in my mind
Brand new sounds in my mind
But honey I'll be seein' you 'ever I go
But honey I'll be seein' you down every road
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it

'Cause honey I'll come get my things, but I can't let go
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
Oh, honey I'll come get my things, but I can't let go
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
Yes, honey I'll come get my things, but I can't let go
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
Oh, I wish I could get my things and just let go
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it

I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it

Love Incredible

Page 713

I love the Arts.

Feeding my soul and nourishing my mind with music and feelings and creative processes.

It's good to appreciate other cultures and the hard work put behind it.

Today I felt incredible love for the arts.

And one day, I imagine myself being on a stage like that.

Performing my heart out.

And showing who I really am.

Love, Eran.

Here's hoping to a good start to the month.

Current Song Mood: Cashmere Cat Ft Camila Cabello - Love Incredible

I forgot the feeling
The feeling of being alone but not lonely
I guess when you touch me
My fears and my secrets belong to you only
Close the door behind you
Just let me love you, slow you, hold you
My mind stays on you
So does my body, let me show you

But I wanna go through
And I wanna need you
Could you be my muse?
Lately all I think about is you
I'm never sick about it

This love's incredible-credible
Have a little mercy on me, baby, you got me
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love
Incredible-credible
Have a little mercy on me, baby, you got me
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love

I know you've been hurt
By the way that you look away
From me too early
You don't like to talk about it
And that's fine, I get it
So don't worry

But I wanna go through
And I wanna need you
Could you be my muse?
Lately all I think about is you
I'm never sick about it

This love's incredible-credible
Have a little mercy on me, baby, you got me
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love
Incredible-credible
Have a little mercy on me, baby, you got me
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love

Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love
Wanting more, wanting more
Of your love
This love
Wanting more, wanting more