Drift

Page 889

Sometimes I question myself.

What does it take to be truly happy?

A stable job.

A loving spouse.

A fancy car.

A huge house.

A big happy family.

Or is this all just a facade?

I'll just follow the drift..

And see where it leads me.

Love, Eran.

https://apollosmn.bandcamp.com/track/drift

Current Song Mood: Apollos - Drift

This is not the first time that I've been here 
And I find in myself an ocean full of fear 
So I set sail like everything's going to hell 
But if I check myself, I'd know that I am wrong 
But that's a tough sell 

So let me get closer before you grow tired 
Of all we've done, let's start again 
You're all I could hope for 
It's not like the last time 
But you never know, unless you let go 

This is not the last time, I know it very well 
And I find in myself an anxious mind and will 
It's like I figured out everything I need to know 
And I wish I'd change 
But I like it here all to myself 

So let me get closer before you grow tired 
Of all we've done, let's start again 
You're all I could hope for 
It's not like the last time 
But you never know, unless you let go 

You said this was enough 
You said this would be easy

Escape My Mind

Page 888

I guess it's been a fruitful week.

Even though there were some unexpected setbacks..

Unfortunately.

That's life.

And it's okay...

Your mind is a powerful tool.

It can make you, or break you.

I've had a hard time controlling mine.

Sometimes it gets so overwhelming.

Sometimes.. I can't escape my mind.

It's crazy.

Just like this song.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Grace VanderWaal - Escape My Mind

It was wrong, well, it never worked
Or at least I told myself
To not make it hurt
I try to blast music
In attempt to get you out of my eyes
But I can't escape my mind

I hate you 'cause I've always
Look at your picture
And I tell myself
That I'm over you
But then I get a little unsure

I wish I could get you
Out of my mind
But I think about it all the time
And I wish I could not think
For once in my life
But when I see your face
I can't escape my mind

I know we were never a thing
But I always think about
What could've happened if we kept going
And I never had this happen to me
Only in the movies
But honey it is happening

I hate you 'cause I've always
Look at your picture
And I tell myself
That I'm over you
But then I get a little unsure

I wish I could get you
Out of my mind
But I think about it all the time
And I wish I could not think
For once in my life
But when I see your face
I can't escape my mind

I can't escape my mind
I wish I could turn it upside down
Oh, I can't escape my mind
Oh, no matter how hard I try
I wish I could turn it upside down

I wish I could get you
Out of my mind
But I think about it all the time
And I wish I could not think
For once in my life
But when I see your face
I can't escape my mind

Pray

Page 887

As I stood on my knees.

And the world just revolved around me.

As I took out my hands.

And the prayers fell upon me.

All I could do was whisper in my heart.

And say how sorry I was.

For all the sins before me.

The present, and the past.

And I prayed.

And I prayed.

And I pray.

Till I felt like my self again.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Sam Smith - Pray

I'm young and I'm foolish, I've made bad decisions
I block out the news, turn my back on religion
Don't have no degree, I'm somewhat naive
I've made it this far on my own
But lately, that shit ain't been getting me higher
I lift up my head and the world is on fire
There's dread in my heart and fear in my bones
And I just don't know what to say

Maybe I'll pray, pray
Maybe I'll pray
I've never believed, and you know, but I'm gonna pray

You won't find me in church (no!) reading the bible (no!)
I am still here and I'm still your disciple
I'm down on my knees, I'm begging you please
I'm broken, alone, and afraid
I'm not a saint, I'm more of a sinner
I don't wanna lose, but I fear for the winners
When I try to explain, the words run away
That's why I am stood here today

And I'm gonna pray, pray
Maybe I'll pray, pray for a glimmer of hope
Maybe I'll pray, pray
Maybe I'll pray
I've never believed, and you know that I'm gonna

Won't you call me?
Can we have a one-to-one, please?
Let's talk about freedom
Everyone prays in the end
Everyone prays in the end
Won't you call me?
Can we have a one-to-one, please?
Let's talk about freedom
Everyone prays in the end
Everyone prays in the end

Oh, and I'm gonna pray, I'm gonna pray
I'm gonna pray, pray for a glimmer of hope
Maybe I'll pray, pray
Maybe I'll pray
I've never believed, and you know, but I'm gonna pray

Coupure Electrique

Page 886

I realised something today.

Release.

Everyone has a source of release.

Unhealthy ones.

Smoking.

Alcohol.

Drugs.

Sex.

It's a distraction.

An addiction.

To block out the pain.

And ease your mind.

Comme une, Coupure électrique.

Everyone has it.

What's yours?

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Britney Spears - Coupure Electrique

[Refrain]
J'oublie le monde, quand tu fais
Fais-moi l'amour, mon l'amour
J'oublie le monde, quand tu fais
Fais-mois l'amour, mon l'amour
Comme une, coupure électrique
J'oublie le monde, quand tu fais
Fais-moi l'amour, mon l'amour

[Verse]
Un moment avec toi, dans le noir
Un moment avec toi, dans le noir
Comme une coupure électrique
T'es la lumière, t'es la lumière

[Refrain]
J'oublie le monde, quand tu fais
Fais-moi l'amour, mon l'amour
J'oublie le monde, quand tu fais
Fais-mois l'amour, mon l'amour
Comme une, coupure électrique
J'oublie le monde, quand tu fais
Fais-moi l'amour, mon l'amour

Rainbow

Page 885

When there's rain..

There's got to be a rainbow.

Even though today didnt really put my fears away.

It was the start of something.

I'm sure.

Life is scary but..

Something great will come out of this.

I know it.

The future is slowly pathing it's way for me.

And I'm looking forward to it.

Love, Eran.

Come and paint the world with me.

Current Song Mood: Kesha - Rainbow

I used to live in the darkness
Dress in black, act so heartless
But now I see that colors are everything
Got kaleidoscopes in my hairdo
Got back the stars in my eyes, too
Yeah, now I see the magic inside of me

Yeah, maybe my head's fucked up
But I'm falling right back in love with being alive
Dreaming in light, light, lights
This kitty cat lost her mind
Been looking for a star-sent sign that I'll be alright
Look to the skies

I've found a rainbow, rainbow, baby
Trust me, I know, life is scary
But just put those colors on, girl
Come and play along with me tonight

I'd forgot how to daydream
So consumed with the wrong things
But in the dark, I realized this life is short
And deep down, I'm still a child
Playful eyes, wide and wild
I can't lose hope, what's left of my heart's still made of gold

And I know that I'm still fucked up
But aren't we all, my love?
Darling, our scars make us who we are, are
So when the winds are howling strong
And you think you can't go on, hold tight, sweetheart

You'll find a rainbow, rainbow, baby
Trust me, I know life is scary
But just put those colors on, girl
Come and play along with me tonight
You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you
Trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you
But just put those colors on, girl
Come and paint the world with me tonight
Night, night, night, night, night

I found a rainbow, rainbow, baby
Trust me, I know life is scary
But just put those colors on, girl
You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you
Trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you
But just put those colors on, girl
Come and paint the world with me tonight
Oh, put those colors on, girl
Come and paint the world with me tonight

Come and paint the world with me tonight

Ready For Ya

Page 884

A little nervous for tomorrow..

But I hope it all goes smoothly.

With enough people behind me,

I can get through this..

I know it.

I wasnt ready for ya.

But now, I am.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato - Ready For Ya

Insecure situations
Had me down, so degraded
Felt no pain
Didn't know what I wanted
Coulda had it and lost it all
In one day
Gravity without centre
Came and pulled me together
Just the same
Saw the gold in the embers
Way before I had ever called your name

I wasn't ready for ya
Ready for ya
Then you came in like I adore ya
I adore ya
You caught me coming' off the back of another mistake
That was all I could make
In my immature state
I wasn't ready for ya
Ready for ya
Then you came in like I adore ya
I adore ya
You caught me coming' off the back of another mistake
That was all I could make
In my immature state
I wasn't ready for ya
Ooh, I wasn't ready for ya

You were done with the fake shit
These put-on situations had
To change
I'd been high
I'd been wasted
Using like I had nothing left to save
Called me out you were honest
Must be crazy to want this mess I'd made
I was broken and wildish
Dumb, I was childish
And anything good was too good for me

I wasn't ready for ya
Ready for ya
Then you came in like I adore ya
I adore ya
You caught me coming' off the back of another mistake
That was all I could make
In my immature state
I wasn't ready for ya
Ready for ya
Then you came in like I adore ya
I adore ya
You caught me coming' off the back of another mistake
That was all I could make
In my immature state
I wasn't ready for ya
Ooh, I wasn't ready for ya

I was trying too hard (too hard)
Thought I could hold my cards (my cards)
When you threw me off my guard
You took me by surprise (surprise)
And that's when you saved my life (my life)
Now I want you 'til I die

I wasn't ready for ya
Ready for ya
Then you came in like I adore ya
I adore ya
You caught me coming' off the back of another mistake
That was all I could make
In my immature state
I wasn't ready for ya
...

Smoke & Mirrors

Page 883

It's October already.

Wow.

Spent some time doing some memory cleaning today.

So much junk hanging around.

Came across some old pictures...

Pictures that made me smile.

Pictures that made me laugh.

Pictures I wish I hadn't seen.

Because they triggered some memories.

Memories I've buried over the years.

Was it only smoke & mirrors?

 Everything was so blur & hazy.

Now... I see it a little clearer.

Love, Eran.

Did you really love me?

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato - Smoke & Mirrors

Standing on the front lines
Staring at the sun rise over the hills
Waiting for the kill
Sweet anticipation, never conversation
Tears in our eyes from holding too tight

Waiting till the demons come
Wait for us to see them run in our direction
Now they're staring at us through the trees
Got us falling to our knees to teach us a lesson

So tell me
Did you ever really love me?
Did you ever really want me?
Now that I see you clearer
I wonder was I ever really happy
Didn't get the chance to ask me
Now that I see you clearer
Was it just smoke and mirrors?
Was it just smoke and mirrors?

Holding onto tables, pulling out the staples
Keeping you close, now we're not afloat
Point me in the right direction, answer me one question
'Cause I could've sworn that I wasn't wrong

Waiting till the demons come
Wait for us to see them run in our direction
Now they're staring at us through the trees
Got us falling to our knees to teach us a lesson (teach us a lesson)

So tell me
Did you ever really love me?
Did you ever really want me?
Now that I see you clearer
I wonder was I ever really happy
Didn't get the chance to ask me
Now that I see you clearer
Was it just smoke and mirrors?
Ooh, was it just smoke and mirrors?

Darling I have been afraid
I could only call your name
Thank the heavens that you stayed
But if I'm telling you the truth
When I cut the tether loose
It was me, saving you

So tell me
Did you ever really love me?
Did you ever really want me?
Now that I see you clearer
I wonder was I ever really happy
Didn't get the chance to ask me
Now that I see you clearer
Was it just smoke and mirrors?
Was it just smoke and mirrors?