Contaminated

Page 1227

I don't know why those flashbacks reappeared today.

The sorrow...

Of being abandoned.

And neglected.

I guess some demons just don't go away.

My mind will always be contaminated.

It makes me feel.. anxious.

About everything.

About myself.

That I'm not good enough.

Or just a burden.

But I am still thankful.

That despite my insecurities.

That you still love me for who I am.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: BANKS - Contaminated

You wanna get to know me
You memorized the lines of my thighs
I knew before you told me you'd get it right
And you took the dark for granted
And you love me like you promised your wife
It's almost like you planned it in the daylight

Ooh, I can attain it
Ooh, I can attain it
Ooh, I can attain it
Ooh, I can attain it
Ooh, I can attain it
Ooh, I can attain it

I like the way you say it
Tell me the words you told me that day
Maybe if I could believe it I could just stay
'Cause I like the way you do it
Yeah I like the way you move it baby show me the way
I like the way you get it on the freeway

And I wish I could change it
And we're always gonna be contaminated
And oh, I know what we need
You start letting me go
Our love is tainted

You said they'd be against us
I say, "You care too much what they say"
You said, "Do me a favor, give me some faith"
'Cause you promised me you'd do it
You said, "Baby, let me prove it, look at me in the face
This is the face of someone who loves you, babe"

And I wish I could change it
And we're always gonna be contaminated
And oh, I know what we need
You start letting me go
Our love is tainted

You start letting me go
You start letting me go
(Stay)
You start letting me go
You start letting me go
(Stay)

And I wish I could change it
And we're always gonna be contaminated
And oh, I know what we need
You start letting me go
Our love is tainted
And I wish I could change it
And we're always gonna be contaminated
And oh, I know what we need
You start letting me go
('Cause our love is tainted)

Ooh, I can attain it
Ooh, I can attain it
Ooh, I can attain it
Ooh, I can attain it
Ooh, I can attain it

Till Now

Page 1226

It was weird.

I haven't been in these parts of Yewtee in a while. 

I forgot you stayed near Kranji Camp.

Everything changed so much.

The air was peaceful.

Renovations here and there.

.. Peaceful.

It was weird.

Walking down that same route.

The same route i'd always go to your place, 4 years ago.

The same place where I felt pure love.

The same place where our toxicity strangled me dead.

It was weird.

Walking past all that.

Looking back at my past.

Till now.

Because I'm in such a different place in life right now.

Some things just can't be forgotten.

But we are all meant to be where we are meant to be.. right now.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: BANKS - Till Now

I saw you outside
Wearing my shirt
That I gave you to remember me by
I don't respect you much
But I hate you much
And I hate the way I miss you sometimes

Something 'bout the way it's like you're running me over and over
Something 'bout the way I miss you kissing me over and over

But you been messing me around till now
And I let you push me around till now

Had me in your clutch
Had my trust and such
Had my head, had my heart, had my eyes

And your words don't add up
Had your gas light on
And you promised I'm the one who's crazy

There's something bout the way it's like you're running me over and over
Something bout the way I miss you kissing me over and over

And you put your words in my mouth till now
And I let you turn me around till now
And you been messing me around till now
And I let you push me around till now

Senorita

Page 1225

What a time to be alive.

And feeling like a senorita.

Long day of work and rehearsals.

Thank you guys for cooperating with me and listening to my ideas.

It means a lot.

This project.

Feeling a little under the weather lately.

Bad timing, yeah.

But that's not gonna stop me.

Popping some yellow pills, and getting ready for work tomorrow.

And after that, another set of break, and then.. the shoot.

Here we go.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello - Senorita

I love it when you call me Señorita
I wish I could pretend I didn't need ya
But every touch is ooh-la-la-la
It's true la-la-la
Ooh I should be running
Ooh you keep me coming
For ya

Land in Miami
The air was hot from summer rain
Sweat dripping off me
Before I even knew her name la-la-la
It felt like ooh-la-la-la
Yeah, no

Sapphire moonlight
We danced for hours in the sand
Tequila Sunrise
Her body fit right in my hands, la-la-la
It felt like ooh-la-la-la
Yeah

I love it when you call me Señorita
I wish I could pretend I didn't need ya
But every touch is ooh-la-la-la
It's true la-la-la
Ooh I should be running
Ooh you know I love it

When you call me Señorita
I wish it wasn't so damn hard to leave ya
But every touch is ooh-la-la-la
It's true la-la-la
Ooh I should be running
Ooh you keep me coming
For ya

Locked in the hotel
There's just some things that never change
You say, "We're just friends."
But friends don't know the way you taste-la-la-la
'Cause you know it's been a long time comin'
Don't you let me fall, oh

Oh, when your lips undress me
Hooked on your tongue
Ooh, love, your kiss is deadly
Don't stop

I love it when you call me Señorita
I wish I could pretend I didn't need ya
But every touch is ooh-la-la-la
It's true la-la-la
Ooh I should be running
Ooh you know I love it

When you call me Señorita
I wish it wasn't so damn hard to leave ya
But every touch is ooh-la-la-la
It's true la-la-la
Ooh I should be running
Ooh you keep me coming
For ya

All along I'll be coming for ya (for ya)
And I hope it meant something to ya
Call my name I'll be comin' for ya (comin' for ya)
Comin' for ya (comin' for ya)

For ya, for ya (oh, she loves it when I call her), for ya
Ooh I should be running
Ooh you keep me coming
For ya

It Don't Matter

Page 1224

It don't matter what you say.

Nothing is going to get in the way of me and my passion.

Nothing.

I've had dreams since I was a young boy.

And I'm finally in a place where I can afford to chase them.

Or at least, enjoy life as it is, doing what I love.

I don't care about your 'organisation' at all.

And if it's gonna get in the way, then I won't be sticking around much longer.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Jacob Collier Ft JoJo - It Don't Matter

It don't matter what your papa gon' say
(Gonna love you any old way)
It don't matter 'bout the games you play now
(Gonna love you any old way)
It don't matter what the preacher gon' pray
(Gonna love you any old way)
'Cause when you wake up in the morning, gonna throw it all away

It don't matter if you're here to stay
(Gonna love you any old way)
What the people think about you never gonna stay the same
(Gonna love you any old way)
Well, maybe you're gonna run away
(Gonna love you any old way)
When you wake up in the morning, gonna throw it all away

And it feels like (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa)
In the morning gonna feel like (whoa, oh, no-whoa-whoa)
Ooh-ooh-ooh, oh-oh-oh it feels like (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa)
See everybody clap your hands if it feels like (whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-oh)

It don't matter if you gone astray
(Gonna love you any old way)
'Cause tomorrow will come it's gonna be okay, yeah
(Gonna love you any old way)
Never even matter if you sleep all day
(Gonna love you any old way)
'Cause when you wake up in the evening, gonna throw it all away

Feels like (ah, ah, ah, ah)
Does anybody here know what I'm talking about, say (whoa, oh, no-whoa-whoa)
Oh, feel like (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa)
Everybody clap your hands if you feel like (whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-oh)

Jay, play

(Play it boy)

Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yes, oh-oh

It feels like (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa)
And in the morning gonna feel like (whoa, oh, no-whoa-whoa)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa-oh-oh-oh (whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa)
In the morning gonna feel like (whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-oh)

It don't matter what they say
I will be there
Let those voices fade away
I will be there
It don't matter what they say
I will be there
Let those voices fade away
I will be there
It don't matter what they say
I will be there
Let those voices fade away
I will be there
It don't matter what they say
I will be there
Let those voices fade away
I will be there

Heroes

Page 1223

Sigh.

 Stranger Things 3.

So emotional.

And I thought last season was... 

But this season hits like a truck.

Heroes.

All of them.

Hopper's last speech really.. moved me.

But I know you're getting older, growing, changing. And I guess... if i'm being really honest, that's what scares me. I don't want things to change. So I think maybe that's why I came here, to try to maybe... stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were.  

But I know that's naive. It's just... not how life works. It's moving. Always moving whether you like it or not. And yeah, sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's sad and sometimes it's surprising. Happy.  

So you know what? Keep on growing up, kid. Don't let me stop you. Make mistakes, learn from 'em, and when life hurts you - because it will - remember the hurt. The hurt is good. It means you're out of that cave.
But, please, if you don't mind, for the sake of your poor old dad, keep the door open three inches."

Moving. 

Keep moving.

Keep growing. 

And making mistakes.

Remember the hurt.

Cause.. hurt is good.

Yeah. 

Thanks Hopper.

Thank you.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Peter Gabriel - Heroes

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can beat them, just for one day
We can be heroes, just for one day

And you, you can be mean
And I, I'll drink all the time
'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact
Yes we're lovers, and that is that
Though nothing will keep us together
We could steal time just for one day
We can be heroes for ever and ever
What d'you say?

I, I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim
Though nothing, nothing will keep us together
We can beat them, for ever and ever
Oh we can be Heroes, just for one day

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can be Heroes, just for one day
We can be us, just for one day

I, I can remember (I remember)
Standing, by the wall (by the wall)
And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads)
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)
And the shame, was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever
Then we could be Heroes, just for one day

We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
Just for one day
We can be Heroes

We're nothing, and nothing will help us
Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay
But we could be safer, just for one day

Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh, just for one day

Hold Me

Page 1222

I wish I can take away your sorrows.

There are certain things which I can't stop from happening.

And I've accepted that. 

I get your pain.

& It pains me to see you like that.

Sometimes not all blood is.. family.

Every family has its problems.

You can forgive, but you can never truly forget.

Thank you for letting me spend time with you.

Just hold me.

It will all be okay.

Love you.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: The Sweeplings - Hold Me

Take me by the hand, lead me to a place where

Slowly back and forth, moonlight dances on the water

It's only you and me there, through the rise and fall

Won't you hold me while the waves sing us to sleep

Won't you hold me while the waves rock us gently

Feel the sway beneath our feet, won't you hold, just hold me

Listen to the hum, of silence getting closer

Feel your every breath, nothings meant to last forever

It's only you and me there, till the darkness calls

Won't you hold me while the waves sing us to sleep

Won't you hold me while the waves rock us gently

Feel the sway beneath our feet, won't you hold, just hold me

Let's face the dawn together, we'll brave whatever comes

Let's face…

Fourth Of July

Page 1221

My Fourth of July didnt start very well.

Just put yourselves in my shoes for once.

Do you think I'm proud of you guys?

There's so many things I wish I could say but I choose to bite my tongue out of respect.

What a waste of time to be upset over little things.

I don't have the time for that.

We're all gonna die anyway.

It's about what we do with the remaining time left, that matters.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Sufjan Stevens - Fourth Of July

The evil it spread like a fever ahead
It was night when you died, my firefly
What could I have said to raise you from the dead?
Oh could I be the sky on the Fourth of July?

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We’re all gonna die

Sitting at the bed with the halo at your head
Was it all a disguise, like Junior High
Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction
Now, where am I? My fading supply

Did you get enough love, my little dove
Why do you cry?
And I’m sorry I left, but it was for the best
Though it never felt right
My little Versailles

The hospital asked should the body be cast
Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky
Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth
Do you find it all right, my dragonfly?

Shall we look at the moon, my little loon
Why do you cry?
Make the most of your life, while it is rife
While it is light

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We’re all gonna die