Flower In The Dark

 Page 1541

Hi guys :)

It's currently mid-Jan and I just wanted to post some updates.

My mental health

Been away from soc med for about 2 weeks (on and off) and I've got to say, I've never felt this good in a long time.

It took me back to the days where social media wasn't a thing and I was just living life as a normal little boy.

It's been the best thing I've done for my mental health lately, asides from the diets that I've been putting myself on.

Started having fish and veggies daily and I must say - I've noticed a significant difference in my body. Each day I feel like myself again. It really does work wonders, and I'm gonna keep on doing it :)

Of course, weekends are still for cheat days hehe.

 3 Years Anniversary

Celebrated my anniversary with my partner at Gardens By The Bay.

I suppose the most memorable part was walking through the sky walk (holy shit).

Yeap, definitely confirmed that I'm still scared of heights HAHA.

Here are some really fantastic shots by my partner:

I'm so lucky. Hehe. Such a fun night! And a breathtaking view from the bridge. Also, we had Satay By The Bay. Damn.  The food was amazing. I miss it already. Will definitely come back. 😍

Scream 5 

Ok. SCROLL AWAY IF YOU HAVENT WATCHEDDDDDD

.

.

.

Hands down, the most brutal Scream movie I've seen.

The fact that they killed of some OG characters like the amazing Dewey???

Oh man. That was heartbreaking.

Officer Judy and Wes (Dylan Minnette) didn't deserve to die the way they did.

I could cry just thinking about it.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO. </3

This movie is different, and paid respects to its legacy.

I'm all here for it.

And to the future sequels.

>_<

Ok that's all.

A big thank you to my partner for keeping me sane.

Take care guys. x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Fiji Blue - Flower In The Dark

Guess you're gone now (guess you're gone)

When the sun hides at night

Does it fall down (does it fall down)

Or does someone cut its ties?

I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay

'Cause I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

And I wonder why I feel this way

And I don't think I could wait

And there's nothin' you could say

That would keep me from the stars

Yeah, I think I need a place

With somewhere to escape

Like a flower in the dark

I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay

'Cause I've been lonеly (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

And I wonder why I feel this way

Guess you'rе gone now (guess you're gone)

When the sun hides at night

Does it fall down

Or does someone need its light?

I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay

'Cause I've been lonely

Every day

And I wonder why I feel this way

And I don't think I could wait

And there's nothing you could say

That would keep me from the stars (keep me from)

Yeah, I think I need a place

With somewhere to escape

Like a flower in the dark

I've been lonely (I've been lonely)

Every day (every day)

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay (I should stay)

'Cause I've been lonely

Every day (every day)

And I wonder why I feel this way

I've been lonely

Every day

I've been wonderin'

If I should stay

'Cause I've been lonely

Every day

And I wonder why I feel this way

Zero

 Page 1540

Happy New Year!

I know I haven't been blogging much. 

Sometimes I have a lot of things to say, but I just don't know how to put them into words.

I'm still figuring out what's the best way to express myself.

But I guess this shall do, for now.

2021 has been a rollercoaster of emotions, much like other years.

Highlights of 2021:

-Releasing an acoustic EP. I've always felt that my first EP lacked in terms of its poor mastering. Took some guts, sought out a producer I've always wanted to work with, and created another version of my music that I was really proud of. The fact that I have a few regular listeners just makes me smile. :) Thank you.

- Getting through my wisdom tooth removal. Something very painful I went through, but very much necessary. It was also the period where I finally saw some weight loss, albeit it eventually got gained back. I think it's so important to do a thorough check on your dental, very much a self-care thing that I plan to have every 6 months. You'll feel so much better!

-Gaming made me feel like myself. I got back into gaming the start of the year. It made me feel like I was reclaiming a lost part of myself. Because I used to play RuneScape when I was younger. I've accomplished a lot there, and it's always nice to banter with your online friends. It was definitely a safe space for me to escape. 

-Starting a side job. I've always felt that I wasn't earning enough for myself. Or for my qualifications. Starting a side job, was the start of a hustle. I had slightly more financial freedom. However, I was constantly tired, and it drained the life out of me. It was nice while it lasted. Maybe I'll find some other things to do in 2022? :)

-Lots of Food-Hopping. All thanks to my partner and his close friends. Hahah. I'm really grateful to them for having me around. And I feel like I've visited so many places and experienced new things because of them. I don't have a lot of friends I can do that with, and I also have a hard time coming out of my shell. So I'm very very thankful. 

-Therapeutic music & movies. Last year was an influx of so many amazing tv shows, movies and albums, that I even made a long list. Haha. The best being Marvel movies, which they have really fed us really well last year. The songs released this year have also been very therapeutic. Most notably Hayley Williams, Emmitt Fenn, Lonely The Brave, JoJo etc. There is really too many to list out and digest. But man, they've added so much value to my life. So thankful. 

Sometimes I feel like I have been through a lot, personally.

And sometimes I feel like I haven't changed, that I'm back to square one.

Yeah, I'm talking about my insecurities.

I try to convince myself that I have tried my best. But maybe it wasn't hard enough.

My emotions got the better of me last night, and I even felt...

Well.. 

Lets just say I wasn't in control of my thoughts.

And that was really scary for me.

So I decided I direly needed to work on myself more.

And that shall be my main resolution for this year.

For a start, I decided to temporarily disable all of my social media.

For how long? I'm not sure. I'll give it a week, a month, even a year. To see if it makes any difference.

Why?  Because its not the best place to be for your mental health.

You tend to compare yourself to others. Their accomplishments and happiness.

Anyway.. It's just something I've been wanting to do. If my sis Hayley Williams can do it, why cant I?

I'm just trying to find my own. Which I do have, and am very grateful for (My stable job, my loving partner, a roof over my head etc). I just feel that I'm better off without social media, for now. 

I've learnt to be more private this year. Posted lesser, and lived in the moment more. Of course I should probably take more pictures so that I *can* remember the good times haha.

I've also drifted from a few close *friends* whom, I was really disappointed for not making any effort to catch-up. And I'm okay with that. I wish you all the best. This year, I won't be chasing anyone anymore haha. 

So here's a list of things that I plan for 2022:

-A more healthier lifestyle. I plan to work-out 3-4x a week now, and a better control of my diet. (No more sweet stuff!!!1111) Haha, of course I will have my cheats on weekends. But I hope to be more compliant this time. Today has been a good start and I wish to maintain it. I'm quite determined / positive about it.

-Less consuming, more creating. I haven't been creative at all as of late. I'd like to change that. Starting with music production tutorials maybe? I really want to get back into music man. But the Singapore scene is either too expensive, or completely dead. Enough of excuses, I have to try do this on my own. 

-Less gaming. As much fun as it is, I'm going to try cut down on the gaming. I started by not renewing my membership - as tempted as I was hahah. It just takes too much of my time, And I really want to focus on being more productive with my real life. 

-Finding some kind of peace. Yeah, it's something I feel everyone should strive for. To find that zen that you need. On your own. I need to be happier with myself. I need to find.. some kind of peace. Its still quite a work to reach that state. Maybe I'll start slow; more walks in the park (fresh air is always good), reading a book, meditation. I'll get there.. somehow. Even if it means starting from zero.

To more positive changes in my life. And a happy new year.

I wish you all the best. x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Olafur Arnalds - Zero

Erase Me

 Page 1539

Sometimes I feel so…

Disconnected from my past.

And am now, aimlessly lost.

Trying to get by, each day. 

With no definite end goal in mind. 

I used to have a lot of friends.

I used to have big dreams.

Adulting life came and it took a lot of that away.

I.. faded away. 

I am grateful for those that have stuck by me. 

But yet, there is this aching pain whenever I reminisce about a nostalgic moment from the past.

And I just wonder, where did the rest go?

Sometimes I look at myself and wonder, am I not worth missing or keeping?

Why am I not included anymore?

What have I turned into?

Who will erase me?

Sometimes I don’t even see myself in the mirror 

I can’t.. see me anymore.

Or maybe it’s just a seasonal depression.

Cause it’s fucking November, after all. 

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Lizzy Mcalpine, Jacob Collier - Erase Me

Why am I awake?
Nails on the floor
And soot on my tongue
I don't know his name
But I still taste the rum

Nothing there but skin
Skeletons crawl on the ceiling
They know
That him and his aftershave hit like a drug
(Drug)
(Drug)

Don't answer me
I'm calling just to hear you scream
And you're fading
But he feels like you in between
I've said too much
In and out of wanting us
Now you're fading
And I wonder who will erase me
Who will erase me?

Race you to the end
My innocence waits like it desperately knows
That I'll crash if I don't let you go

Don't answer me
I'm calling just to hear you scream
And you're fading
But he feels like you in between
I've said too much
In and out of wanting us
Now you're fading
And I wonder who will erase me

Erase me
Erase me
And I wonder who will erase me

Don't answer me
I'm calling just to hear you scream
And you're fading
But he feels like you in between
I've said too much
In and out of wanting us
Now you're fading
And I wonder who will erase

Don't answer me
I'm calling just to hear you scream
And you're fading
But he feels like you in between
I've said too much
In and out of wanting us
Now you're fading
And I wonder who will erase me
Oh who will erase me?

Bite Me

 Page 1538

GOOD TO BE BACK AT WORK

..said no one ever.

Technically I started yesterday at my side job, cause I didn't want to feel the blues at home on my off day.

It be like that when you're coming back from leave.

Anyway.

Such an interesting journey to work today though.

Was waiting for my bus at the bus stand.

I was busy scrolling through my phone.

Looked up, and out of nowhere, this primary school kid popped up.

'Can I have $1? My knee is injured, and I need to go to my mother's house.'

Me: 'Uhh. Okay. Sure.' Cause what the heck, it was just $1 right? And I pitied the dude.

I burrowed through my wallet for a dollar, passed it to him.

And he literally.... skipped away. Like a fucking deer. 

I was like.... 'Wait a daaaaam minute.'

Watching in confusion. 

'I guess his knee suddenly got better' Lol.

I could here some giggling and whisperings behind.

I turned and saw 3 Pri school girls, who immediately looked away when I turned, and walked ahead.

The fucking kid skipped back to them, started chatting and laughing, and all the dots connected for me.

I was like. Lol. Such a contrast from the sweet kid I met a few weeks ago.

I've really seen two diff sides of people huh. 

Meh, it didn't matter. Just fucking kids. I carried on my journey to work.

It was nice to feel needed again at work. LOL.

The moment I stepped into the room, there was a whole lot of gossip for me. Lmao.

Also as sad as it may sound, I think I do my job pretty well. Bite me if you will. 

One of the people from HQ came down, and that could only mean good news or bad news.

I suppose it's good.

My manager and her came up to me and asked if was still interested to go to the new centre nearer to my place. 

I didn't give them a yes or no. I just said 'I don't mind.'

I honestly don't. I could use a change right now. Heh.

So she said, tentatively, I could start there in February.

I said alright, sure. My journey to work now is around 1hr 15 mins. Just to reach early.

I could take 20 mins to reach this newer centre. So yeah, why the heck not right?

I'm kind of excited for a new environment too.

She also mentioned the government giving some sort of incentive soon. So yeah. Hopefully it's good enough for me to stick around LOL.

Things are kindaaa looking up. 

But only time will tell.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Avril Lavigne - Bite Me

Hey you, you should've known better, better to fuck with someone like me
Hey you, forever and ever you're gonna wish I was your wifey

Don't act so innocent
This was no accident
You planned this in the end
And now it's over

Say what you want to say
You lied and I got played
You threw it all away
And now it's over

Just face it
We didn't make it
You bit off more than you can chew
Can you taste it?

Hey you, you should've known better, better to fuck with someone like me
Hey you, forever and ever you're gonna wish I was your wifey
Should've held on, should've treated me right
I gave you one chance, you don't get it twice
Hey you, and we'll be together never, so baby you can bite me

Don't hold your breath
Cause you're still choking on your words
Those things you said
Might be the last ones that I heard

So come pick up your clothes from the front yard
Sprinklers on, burn the rest in the backyard
Should've had the guts just to say goodbye
Now you're gonna have regrets for the rest of your life

Just face it
We didn't make it
You bit off more than you can chew
Can you taste it?

Hey you, you should've known better, better to fuck with someone like me
Hey you, forever and ever you're gonna wish I was your wifey
Should've held on, should've treated me right
I gave you one chance, you don't get it twice
Hey you, and we'll be together never, so baby you can bite me

I bet you taste me on the tip of your tongue
Tip of your tongue, tip of your tongue
I fell fast when I know I shoulda run
Know I shoulda run, know I shoulda run

I bet you taste me on the tip of your tongue
Tip of your tongue, tip of your tongue
I fell fast when I know I shoulda run
Know I shoulda run, know I shoulda run

Hey you, you should've known better, better to fuck with someone like me (Like me)
Hey you, forever and ever you're gonna wish I was your wifey
Should've held on, should've treated me right (Yeah yeah yeah)
I gave you one chance, you don't get it twice (Yeah yeah yeah)
Hey you, and we'll be together never, so baby you can bite me

Dancing On A Cloud

 Page 1537

A chill break

It has been a nice break, like I was dancing on a cloud. There’s not as much anxiety this time since I’ve only been away for a week. Also I have another week off in December so I can't complain HAHA. Just spent the time resting, catching up on shows, gaming, meeting up with my bestie and spending time with my partner :)

Partner’s Birthday

Celebrated le partner’s bday the past week and we had fun eating at burger joints and playing bowling. 

It was our first time at K Bowling, and the atmosphere was amazinggg.

I've seen some of my friends gone here and have always wanted to try.

Had so much fun kicking someone's ass in bowling. 🤣😇

The food: 

- Wolfburger ❌❌❌

- T Bob's Corner 💯💯💯

Look at those succulent fooood.

Went around Esplanade and took some pics :) it was um. Quite a journey. Let's just say I went home limping. LOL. But hey, it was such a beautiful view that we don't get to appreciate everyday.

Kenyang mode.

There's something hauntingly beautiful about chapels. 

A Chill Sunday 

The days we went out were great, but the indoors were even better. HAHA. We are just indoor cats, and prefer to cosy up together and get mentally prepared for the week ahead. It's been such a great week.

To more good days ahead.

x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Honne - Dancing On A Cloud

Let me take you through the moment
When I worked out you're the one
I was feeling hopeless
But then you hit me like a home run
Living in the shadows
And now it feels like I'm in full sun
And If love was a game I've won

I do I do I do
Take you take you take you
To be my morning, noon, and night
And I knew I knew I knew
That you that you that you
Would show me dizzying heights

And I'll be dancing on a cloud
Thirty-thousand feet above the ground
'Cause that's how I feel when you're around
I'll be dancing on the cloud
Thirty-thousand feet above the ground
'Cause that's how I feel when you're around
I don't, I don't, I don't wanna get down

I feel light-headed
Is it 'cause I'm way up high
Or maybe it's 'cause you said
I could be your guy
I was living in the shadows
But now I'm floating in the sky
Love is a game you should try
At least once in your life

I do I do I do
Take you take you take you
To be my morning, noon, and night
And I knew I knew I knew
That you that you that you
Would show me dizzying heights (yeah that's right)

I'll be dancing on a cloud
Thirty-thousand feet above the ground
'Cause that's how I feel when you're around
I'll be dancing on the cloud
Thirty-thousand feet above the ground
'Cause that's how I feel when you're around
I don't, I don't, I don't wanna get down

I'm not afraid to admit this
I'm lucky to call you mine
I'm on no cumulonimbus
I'm up on cloud nine
And as long as I've got you beside me
I know that I'll be fine
Right now
Until the end of time

I do I do I do
Take you take you take you
To be my morning, noon, and night
And I knew I knew I knew
That you that you that you
Would show me dizzying heights (yeah that's right)

I'll be dancing on a cloud
Thirty-thousand feet above the ground
'Cause that's how I feel when you're around
I'll be dancing on the cloud
Thirty-thousand feet above the ground
'Cause that's how I feel when you're around
I don't, I don't, I don't wanna get down

Angel Baby // Starlight

 Page 1536

The cute encounter.

I had the cutest encounter on the way to work on Monday.

I had to go pick up some documents as requested by my manager, so I headed to work slightly later than usual.

By the time I reached my work place, it was raining heavily. I usually don't bring an umbrella. And the nearest shelter was about 3 minutes away.

As I stepped off the bus, clutching the documents, I found myself stranded at the bus stop. 

Out of the blue, a small boy, about 5-6 years old, came up to me.

'Excuse me, do you want to share?' he asked innocently.

I was taken aback, but I told him 'Its okay, you go ahead :)'

'Its fine, where are you heading?'

'Block 6.'

'Oh me too, I stay there'

Surprised, I decided, 'might as well'!

I thanked him and offered to hold the umbrella.

'Its okay, I can hold it for you.'

I laughed because the dude was sooo smol.

'Here, let me hold it for you.'

We walked into the rain like two buddies.

Chatting along the way.

We approached the traffic light, and the man turned green.

'Theres... a huge puddle.'

I realised this dude couldn't possibly jumped across cause he was so tiny LOL.

So we proceeded around the big puddle.

'Ok get ready... 1.. 2.. jump!!!!'

I was dying inside. This was too cute. Is this real??? What must other people be thinking xD

I walked slowly for him to keep up but the dude kept walking slower. 😭🤣

We finally reached the shelter where his friends were waiting. 

'Whats your name?' 

'Zachary.'

'Thank you very much Zachary.' :)

And I left for work.

Such an angel.

Thank you for making my day.

An innocent & pure heart, more human than most humans I know.

God bless.

Perfectly sketched by my partner. :)

Another break.

It's time for another round of annual leave. I think I totally deserve this. Haha. I mean, I didn't take any annual leave the first half of the year. Been hustling and working my ass off. So I definitely deserve this break :)

A day at USS.

Started off my leave with a day at USS with my partner & friends.

I felt like a kiddd again.

Took so many fun rides.

Some I'll never take again. LOL.

Cylon took the life out of me. I honestly thought I was gonna die.

But the rest of the rides were so fun.

And I had the bestest time in a long time with these guys. Thank you for making my weekends so fantastic. 🤍

Time for some 'me' time.

Have a good week ahead. x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood #1: Troye Sivan - Angel Baby

I need a lover to keep me sane
Pull me from hell bring me back again
Play me the classics
Something romantic
Give him my all when I don't even have it
I always dreamed of a solemn face
Someone who feels like a holiday
But now I'm in pieces, barely believing
Starting to think that I've lost all feeling

You came out the blue on a rainy night, no lie
I tell you how I almost died, while you're bringing me back to life

I just wanna live in this moment forever
'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better
Started giving up on the word forever
Until you give up heaven so we could be together

You're my angel, angel baby
Angel, you're my angel, baby
Baby, you're my angel, angel baby

I'll fall in love with the little things
Counting the tattoos on your skin
Tell me a secret
And baby I'll keep it
And maybe we can play house for the weekend

You came out the blue on a rainy night, no lie
I'll tell you how I almost died
While you're bringing me back to life

I just wanna live in this moment forever
'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better
Started giving up on the word forever
Until you give up heaven so we could be together

You're my angel, angel baby
Angel, you're my angel, baby
Baby, you're my angel, angel baby

All the sick and twisted nights that I've been waiting for ya
They were worth it all along, yeah

I just wanna live in this moment forever
'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better
Started giving up on the word forever (Ooh, forever)
Until you give up heaven so we could be together

You're my angel, angel baby
Angel, you're my angel, baby
Baby, you're my angel, angel baby
Angel, angel baby (You're my angel, baby)
Angel, you're my angel, baby
Baby, you're my angel, angel baby

Current Song Mood #2: Westlife - Starlight

Could it be, could it be the start of something
Maybe our, maybe our lucks about to
Turn around, around a little
'Cuz right now we're caught in the middle

Could it be, could it be the start of hoping
Maybe now, maybe now the doors are opening
To a place that we've never been
Seeing things that we've never seen

So many times I turned away
But something held me back that day
And all I want to say is I hope you're here to stay

Starlight
Lighting up the darkest night
Something I can see in your eyes
Keeps me alive tonight, oh, oh-oh
We can all be starlights
Racing at the speed of light
I found you in my darkest time
Now look how we shine so bright, whoah

Maybe now this is our time for lovin'
You're the one, you're the one who made me smile
All over again and again now I'm singing
You saved me, this is a new beginning

So many times I turned away
But something held me back that day
And all I want to say is I hope you're here to stay

Starlight
Lighting up the darkest night
Something I can see in your eyes
Keeps me alive tonight, oh, oh-oh
We can all be starlights
Racing at the speed of light
I found you in my darkest time
Now look how we shine so bright, whoah

Dancing at the speed of light
You know you are my starlight
Dancing at the speed of light
You know you are my starlight

I was in my darkest place
And then I saw your face
Lately all I wanna say is I hope you're here to stay

Starlight
Lighting up the darkest night
Something I can see in your eyes
Keeps me alive tonight, oh, oh-oh
We can all be starlights
Racing at the speed of light
I found you in my darkest time
Now look how we shine so bright, whoah

We can all be starlights