Nobody Gets Me

 Page 1562

Sweet Jesuuus.

That was a pretty fast year.

Time just sieves through us like sand.

I started the year wanting to disappear...

I guess I was going through some stuff mentally.

I did what I could to stay sane.

Disappeared from social media (except for Twitter. Tried it for a month and couldnt leave it lmao.)

Changed my workplace. To somewhere closer to home.

Felt like I was too dependent on others. Well now i'm an independent bitch. Hahah. Yet I do find myself missing my old colleagues.

I've been working my ass off in this new place.

Even harder than I did previously.

I dont expect much, but I do hope it will lead to something better this year.

Worked on my own project which I'm so anxious/stoked to release this year.

All I wanted to do was just, keep my head down and keep working. On myself. On everything else.

And make a comeback that slaps. Kidding hehe.

Spent the last few days with my partner away on a quiet location in Singapore.

Dusit Thani Laguna.

It was super beautiful. The view was perfect to end the year.

Watching the airplanes go by. Wishing we were on planes to Melbourne instead. We will. Hahah.

Sadly I fell super sick.

But I still enjoyed it nonetheless. With the right company.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Nobody gets me like you. :)

I'm proud to say that I've managed to hit most of my goals this year. 

I'm not sure what holds for me. I'm not even sure if I will still be in the same job.

But that's the beauty of it all. The mystery innit?

 

Everything that's meant to be, will be.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: SZA - Nobody Gets Me

Took a long vacation, no makeup, just Jay Z
You were balls deep, now we beefing
Had me butt naked at the MGM
So wasted, screaming, "Fuck that!"
Blurry now, but I meant it then
Hurry now, baby, stick it in
'Fore the memories get to kicking in
It's too late, I don't want to lose

What's left of you
How am I suppose to tell you
I don't wanna see you with anyone but me?
Nobody gets me like you
How am I suppose to let you go?
Only like myself when I'm with you
Nobody gets me, you do
You do
Nobody gets me, you do
You do
Nobody gets me, you do
You do
Nobody gets me, you do

Took me out to the ballet
You proposed, I went on the road
You was feeling empty, so you left me
Now I'm stuck dealing with a deadbeat
If I'm real, I deserve less
If I was you, I wouldn't take me back
I pretend when I'm with a man it's you
And I know that it's too late, I don't want to lose

What's left of you
How am I suppose to tell you
I don't wanna see you with anyone but me?
Nobody gets me like you
How am I suppose to let you go?
I only like myself when I'm with you
Nobody gets me, you do
You do
Nobody gets me, you do
You do
Nobody gets me, you do
You do
Nobody gets me, you do
Nobody gets me, you do

Far

 Page 1561

Hey :)

It's been a while..

Have a lot going on in life, but still hanging in there.

Proud to say that I've just wrapped up the album. 

And I'm so happy I finally got to share it with my partner & best friend first.

The look on their faces made me so happy.

How proud they are..

Relieved. Grateful. Blessed.

I had no idea I would end up making an album.

The idea at the start of the year seemed so far.

And here we are.

It's certainly a big accomplishment for myself.

I.. cant wait to share it next year. 

x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: SZA - Far

How do I deal with rejection?

I'm dealing with a lot of rejection right now
It makes me feel very small
Oh, that's great
If nobody wants you, you're free

Try to watch all on my silhouette
Try to watch all my emotions
Need a few brews, need a palm tree
I be drinkin' in private, don't call me to party it up
Fuck on your nigga for cardio
Took a dip and he fell in love right away
I put my feelings on layaway (Ah)

Done being used, done playing stupid
Done faking cool (I don't want none of that shit, I don't want it)
Done being screwed, done feeling clueless
That's how you do (I don't want none of that shit, got me runnin' so)

Far, far, like I don't recognize me
Far, far 'cause I let you define me
I'm far, far 'cause I can't trust nobody
Far, stay far, it's so far

Lately, I feel less cool than before
(Already under my bed about)
(Don't need you around to tell me I'm special)
Made you check your bullshit at the door
(Got it every time, need to feed my ego)
(Nobody wanted to be my hero)
Always on my mind, trust is hard to find
Everything reminds me of us
I just want my sanity back
Better than being your enemy
(Better than letting go, scared of that, oh)

Done being used, done playing stupid
Done being cool (I don't want none of that shit, I ain't goin')
Done getting screwed, done playing clueless
That's how you do (I don't want none of that shit, got me runnin' so)

Far, far, like I don't recognize me
Far, far 'cause I let you define me
I'm far, far 'cause I can't trust nobody
Far, stay far, it's so far

I remember when you had me upside down
Stressed me out and turned me out, it's all back now
I remember when I wasn't so burnt out
I'd rather that than be your enemy, ready to let it go

Draggin' me far, far, like I don't recognize me
Far, far 'cause I let you define me
I'm far, far 'cause I can't trust nobody
Far, stay far, it's so far

Bigger Than The Whole Sky

 Page 1560 

There's only so much we can do.

But to keep on moving forward.

Lost another patient today.

And she was someone so nice. So kind. So approachable.

She was bigger than the whole sky. 

Keeping you in my prayers tonight.

Goodbye.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Bigger Than The Whole Sky 

No words appear before me in the aftermath
Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears
Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness
'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
You were bigger than the whole sky
You were more than just a short time
And I've got a lot to pine about
I've got a lot to live without
I'm never gonna meet
What could've been, would've been
What should've been you
What could've been, would've been you

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?
Did some force take you because I didn't pray?
Every single thing to come has turned into ashes
'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be
So I'll say words I don't believe

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
You were bigger than the whole sky
You were more than just a short time
And I've got a lot to pine about
I've got a lot to live without
I'm never gonna meet
What could've been, would've been
What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you
What could've been, would've been
What should've been you
What could've been, would've been you

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
You were bigger than the whole sky
You were more than just a short time
And I've got a lot to pine about
I've got a lot to live without
I'm never gonna meet
What could've been, would've been
What should've been you

Impaled

 Page 1559

I'm so fucking broken.

Impaled in the guts.

I want to die.

I've been drained the whole day.

Ran out of tears to cry.

Depressed.

Panic attacks.

Yet, everything comes back to me.

I'm the fucking problem right?

Fuck me.

I might do something stupid.

I guess it serves me right.

I dont fucking want to be here anymore.

I dont even know... if I can see you again.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Skylar Grey - Impaled

I keel over
At the sound of your name
Crimson and clover
There's no cure for this pain

I believed you
I adored you
I revered you
Like I was born to

Now there's just a hole
Right here where my heart should be
And, no, it's not your fault
Baby, this is all on me

I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right

I fell for the bullshit
I fell for the lies
I feel so stupid
I set myself up for this, alright

I believed you
I adored you
I revered you
Like I was born to

Now there's just a hole
Right here where my heart should be
And, no, it's not your fault
Baby, this is all on me

I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right
I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right
I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right

I ran into your knife
I guess it serves me right

My Dying Spirit

 Page 1558

Started my 2-weeks leaveeeeeee.

And its been pretty productive so far :)

Been spring cleaning, decluttering, organizing, working out, catching up on shows & taking care of myself.

It feels good... to have all this time to myself.

To rejuvenate my dying spirit.

Just want to take things slow this time, spend more time at home.

Also exciting tingzzzz happening. Like finally recording my album hahah.

Initially wanted to use my leaves for travelling this year, but since that's not happening, gotta make use of it yeah? :)

Went to F1 for the first time with my partner last Friday, and boy, it was amazing.

Saw WINGS live and they were absolute rockstars. LEGENDS!!!

We chilled the rest of the evening away, had pretty awesome drinks and food, and waited for Marshmellow, who was the main headline.

I did noooot expect it to be a rave HAHA.

But heck, I enjoyed myself, and so did my partner whom went all out.

Spent the weekends with coffeee and had a patient outing with my company on Sunday.

Took the cable car ride for the first time. Holy heck it just kept going higher and higher. Theres goes my anxiety. Hahaha. But it was definitely fun xD And what a pretty view.

Went home to my partner to catch TWD Finale. The first two episodes wereeeeee. Insaneeeee.
Cant believe this series is ending.

I started watching when I was in Secondary School. I remember how intrigued I was. And I was a big fan of zombies. Look how far we've come.  Also now I have someone to share that with, I just feel.. blessed. 😂

Time to go make use of my holidays.

Stay safe & hydrated. :)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Greyson Chance - My Dying Spirit

I'm barely on my feet, mama
I'm barely holding on by a thread
Every night I lose a different friend
Thought I had it how I wanted
And far away as I could ever dream
I don't think California's my speed

All on my own
All I know

If I'm high like those other guys you've kissed
Maybe I'll find you in my bed again
But I'm all alone, living on the edge
I'm right at the limit
Will I ever heal my dying spirit?

I'm hanging on a needless hunger
That keeps the tears out the devil's eyes
I don't eat because he tells me that it's fine
I'm barely even standing now
But goddamn, I need another round
I can hear my name out in the crowd, yeah, yeah

If I'm high like those other guys you've kissed
Maybe I'll find you in my bed again
But I'm all alone, living on the edge
I'm right at the limit
Will I ever heal my dying spirit?

If I was a hotel lobby, you'd be mighty fucking sorry
To be staying at this piece of shit right off Highway 9
I'm on the floor of my kitchen on a vaporizing mission
To find a little calm, please ease my mind
I'm so sorry Alexa, I won't make her graduation
But tell this lonely girl she's the apple of my eye
Tell her, take your time, take your time
Take your, take your, take your time
I get high

Yeah, oh baby, yeah
Every night I'm hanging by a thread
Yeah, oh baby, yeah

I'll never heal it, my dying spirit

Eat Me

 Page 1557

It doesnt end does it?

One thing after another.

While i'm grasping on my sanity.

I think work is just taking a toll on me today.

Sigh.

Eat me.

Difficult patients are not worth the mental toll. So do whatever you want.

It just sucks that I know what to expect.

That I will get an earful on Monday, for just being human.

Lol.

I'm quite sick and tired of this shit.

Just take me away.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato Feat Royal & the Serpents - Eat Me

Be more predictable
Be less political
Not too original
Keep to tradition, but stay individual

Dirty but washable
Winning but stoppable
All that I'm hearing is
You want to make the impossible possible

Is this what you'd all prefer?
Would you like me better if I was still her?
Did she make your mouths water?
Uh

I know the part I've played before
I know the shit that I've ignored
I know the girl that you adored
She's dead, it's time to fucking mourn
I can't spoon feed you anymore
I can't spoon feed you anymore
Dinner's served, it's on the floor
I can't spoon feed you anymore
You'll have to eat me as I am
You'll have to eat me as I am

Clean and digestible (Clean and digestible)
Less of a spectacle (Less of a spectacle)
More one dimensional
Try to be sexy, but don't be too sexual (Don't be too sexual)

Please be presentable
Bit more accessible
Get up on your pedestal
Everyone's watching, so don't be forgettable

Longer hair and tighter clothes
Would you like me better if I didn't appose?
Silver platters, pretty bows
Fuck

I know the part I've played before
I know the shit that I've ignored
I know the girl that you adored
She's dead, it's time to fucking mourn
I can't spoon feed you anymore
I can't spoon feed you anymore
Dinner's served, it's on the floor
I can't spoon feed you anymore
You'll have to eat me as I am
You'll have to eat me as I am

Choke on it
Choke on it

I know the part I've played before
I know the shit that I've ignored
I know the girl that you adored
She's dead, it's time to fucking mourn
I can't spoon feed you anymore
I can't spoon feed you anymore
Dinner's served, it's on the floor
I can't spoon feed you anymore
You'll have to eat me as I am
You'll have to eat me as I am

Billie Bossa Nova

 Page 1556

OMFGGGGG BILLIEEEEEE

Can't believe I got to see her perform live.

It feels like a dream come true.

And who else better to share it with than my partner? :)

Cause I'm the one who introduced Billie's music to him HAHA.

First full concert after 2 years and here we are.

What a great start to to experience gigs again.

She was soooo amazing.

Rocking each performances. With FINNEAS supporting her on the side.

Man.

It's everything I could dream of.

And more.

🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Billie Eilish - Billie Bossa Nova 

Love when it comes without a warning
'Cause waiting for it gets so boring
A lot can change in twenty seconds
A lot can happen in the dark
Love when it makes you lose your bearings
Some information's not for sharing
Use different names at hotel check-ins
It's hard to stop it once it starts
(It starts)

I'm not sentimental
But there's somethin' 'bout the way you look tonight
Makes me wanna take a picture
Make a movie with you that we'd have to hide

You better lock your phone
And look at me when you're alone
Won't take a lot to get you going
I'm sorry if it's torture though
I know, I know

It might be more of an obsession
You really make a strong impression
Nobody saw me in the lobby
Nobody saw me in your arms

I'm not sentimental
But there's somethin' 'bout the way you look tonight
Makes me wanna make 'em jealous
I'm the only one who does it how you like

You better lock your phone
And look at me when you're alone
Won't take a lot to get you going
I'm sorry if it's torture though
I know, I know

You better lock your door
And look at me a little more
We both know I'm worth waiting for
That heavy breathing on the floor
I'm yours, I'm yours
(I'm yours)

I'm not sentimental
I'm not sentimental
I'm not sentimental