Swimming Pools

Page 611

Managed to complete my fast today.

Alhamdullilah.

Tomorrow's already Hari Raya.

It doesn't even feel like it.

Time passes so fast.

Cant seem to outrun it.

Now matter how hard you try.

And here I am, still back at square one.

Still empty.

Like empty swimming pools.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Troye Sivan - Swimming Pools

I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run

So tell me how I'm gonna get past this wave to empty swimming pools
Cause I just wanna be at the start of after loving you
I plant my feet and I clench my teeth
I can't outrun what's coming after me
So tell me how I'm gonna get past this wave to empty swimming pools

But I see a lighthouse in the distance calling my name
But I can't get there 'til I go through all of this pain
There's a glimmer of hope like an exhale of smoke in the sky
And sometimes you drain out all the shit that used to feel right
Empty swimming pools

I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run

So tell me how I'm gonna get past this wave to empty swimming pools
Tell me how I'm gonna feel less secure when I look at you
So I close my eyes and just visualize
The greenest grass on the other side
So tell me how I'm gonna get past this wave to empty swimming pools

But I see a lighthouse in the distance calling my name
But I can't get there 'til I go through all of this pain
There's a glimmer of hope like an exhale of smoke in the sky
And sometimes you drain out all the shit that used to feel right
Empty swimming pools
Empty swimming pools
Empty swimming pools
Empty swimming pools

I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run
I've been running, running, run

Say It

Page 610

Funny.

Thinking about all the peculiar people I've met in my life.

Today was one of the funniest.

Such a wonder.

People with disabilities, intrigue me.

Their way of life.

How they survive in this horrible world.

Wow.

Respect.

Thank you.

Say it.

Even though I know you can't.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Flume Ft Tove Lo - Say It

[Verse 1: Tove Lo]
Feeling the song, party done
Shadows walking home
Walking with our game on
You are my kind, classic mind
And you look so fine
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Loving the cold, smoke a roll
See your fingers shake
I'm getting through your heart break
Some kinda freak, sing for me
Don't know what I need
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

[Pre-Chorus: Tove Lo]
Don't doubt me babe
You make me wanna change
Break my bed to make me wanna stay
I can't...
Bite me babe
You make me love the pain
Break my bed to make me wanna stay
I can't...

[Chorus: Tove Lo]
When you say it like that
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Got me falling right back
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
When you say it like that
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Let me fuck you right back
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

[Verse 2: Tove Lo]
I'm getting the door, silent walk
Whose the first to speak?
Speak it like a real freak
Voice in my head, in my bed
Filled with you instead
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Taking your time, work my mind
And I play with you
I play pretend it's so true
Follow me down
Listen 'round to the deep dark sound
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

[Pre-Chorus: Tove Lo]
Don't doubt me babe
You make me wanna change
Break my bed to make me wanna stay
I can't...
Bite me babe
You make me love the pain
Break my bed to make me wanna stay
I can't...

[Chorus: Tove Lo]
When you say it like that
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Got me falling right back
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
When you say it like that
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Let me fuck you right back
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

[Bridge: Instrumental]
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
When you say it like that
Oh, oh, oh, oh

[Pre-Chorus: Tove Lo]
Don't doubt me babe
You make me wanna change
Break my bed to make me wanna stay
I can't...
Bite me babe
You make me love the pain
Break my bed to make me wanna stay
I can't...

[Chorus: Tove Lo]
When you say it like that
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Got me falling right back
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
When you say it like that
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Let me fuck you right back
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Atlantis

Page 609

Every day is passing by in slow motion.

Like as if I'm underwater.

While I desperately try to gather enough strength to get through the currents.

I know love exists.

But it seems to be deep down in Atlantis.

It's getting tiring.

And I'm just floating.

Trying to find it.

Trying.

I don't know what He has in store for me.

Or know what's underneath.

I can only wonder.

As I sink...

Deeper & deeper.

In the ocean deep. 

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Bridgit Mendler Ft Kaiydo - Atlantis

Deep underwater
Is where I left my love
Clean at the surface
Shallow to the touch
Nothing left
He's a wreck
Buried deep in the sand
Now I don't feel a thing
When I'm holding his hand
And I'm asking myself
Will I sh-sh-sh-sh shiver again

Oh, I know how to feel
I know that love exists
It's asleep with the fishes
Down in Atlantis
Oh my Lord, where's my soul
How did we end up like this
Fast asleep with the fishes
Down in Atlantis

Dig a little deeper
Baby hold your breath
Take a seat at the counter
Just give it a chance
Every bro
In the building
With his back to the wall
Not for me, be discreet
I should try not to yawn
I shut em' down, shut em' down
Like a sniper on call

Oh, I know how to feel
I know that love exists
But it's asleep with the fishes
Down in Atlantis
Oh my Lord, where's my soul
How did we end up like this
Fast asleep with the fishes
Down in Atlantis

[Kaiydo:]
Hey, hey
I know sometimes we lose sight of hope
I know that you don't falter often and when you do, you grow
I know that life can have you lost like your compass broke
A ship adrift at sea, oh me just tryna be your rope... oh
And I don't think they really know the rest of it
Everyday is Friday, so your calendar irrelevant
Photobombing planets, never planned to take a better pic
Knocking on Atlantis doors, I'm surprised they let us in, let us in
I can see you working on your patience
Working on your nerves, need a better occupation
You just say the word and then we right back to the basics, yeah
When you out here ballin', guess you bound to catch a flagrant
I'm just tryna wild out with the fam
We came from the bottom, I don't think you understand
House up in the sky, I guess that always was the plan
You was flying with me, I think I forgot to land

Oh, I know how to feel
I know that love exists
But it's asleep with the fishes
Down in Atlantis
Oh my lord, where's my soul
How did we end up like this
Fast asleep with the fishes
Down in Atlantis

Rot

Page 608

Rotting away.

That's all I've been doing lately on my off days.

Watch movies.

Listen to music.

Record.

A never-ending cycle.

I've lost my purpose.

I've lost myself.

And I pray that I find it again.

Love, Eran.

Need to step it up.

Current Song Mood: Lacey Sturm - Rot

I can't hold my head up in this dark room anymore 
I need a lightning bolt to raise me from this grave 
Here comes fresh fire 
Fresh fire, fresh fire 

So infatuated by the darkness and so surrounded by the light 
Oh my God, save my soul 
And still I want what's pure and want what's right 
But I need another fix tonight
Oh my God, save my soul 

Beneath her glowing eyes that call like fire to a moth
The most disgusting lies are dressed in beauty that'll rot
Oh my God, you've won the coldest battle we've fought 
Deliverance is mine, from more of this beauty that'll rot 

Mirror mirror on the wall, will there be glory if I fall?
Oh my God, save my soul 
I need a faith that's solid as concrete, but the impact's broken both my knees 
Oh my God, save my soul

Beneath her glowing eyes that call like fire to a moth
The most disgusting lies are dressed in beauty that'll rot
Oh my God, you've won the coldest battle we've fought 
Deliverance is mine, from more of this beauty that'll rot 
Don't wanna rot 

I can't hold my head up in this dark room anymore 
I need a lightning bolt to raise me from this grave 
Here comes fresh fire

Breathtaking blinding truth, freedom I never knew 

Oh my God, you've won the coldest battle we've fought 
Deliverance is mine, from more of this beauty that'll rot

Hold Up

Page 607

Hold up.

Hold uuuuuuup.

I need a break.

From all this mental stress.

My body clock's so screwed.

Sometimes I feel as crazy as Beyonce.

I mean, who doesn't wanna swing a bat around on the streets and vent their frustration by smashing cars and shit?  

:D

Been there gurl, been there.

Yes, there's still bitterness.

And I'd shove it in your mouth with a bat if I could.

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Beyonce - Hold Up

Hold up, they don't love you like I love you
Slow down, they don't love you like I love you
Back up, they don't love you like I love you
Step down, they don't love you like I love you
Can't you see there's no other man above you?
What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you
Hold up, they don't love you like I love you
Oh, down, they don't love you like I love you

Something don't feel right
Because it ain't right
Especially comin' up after midnight
I smell your secret, and I'm not too perfect
To ever feel this worthless
How did it come down to this?
Scrolling through your call list
I don't wanna lose my pride, but I'm a fuck me up a bitch
Know that I kept it sexy, and know I kept it fun
There's something that I'm missing, maybe my head for one

What's worse, lookin' jealous or crazy, jealous or crazy?
Or like being walked all over lately, walked all over lately
I'd rather be crazy

Hold up, they don't love you like I love you
Slow down, they don't love you like I love you
Back up, they don't love you like I love you
Step down, they don't love you like I love you
Can't you see there's no other man above you?
What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you
Hold up, they don't love you like I love you
Slow down, they don't love you like I love you

Let's imagine for a moment that you never made a name for yourself
Or mastered wealth, they had you labeled as a king
Never made it out the cage, still out there movin' in them streets
Never had the baddest woman in the game up in your sheets
Would they be down to ride?
No, they used to hide from you, lie to you
But y'all know we were made for each other
So I find you and hold you down
Me sing say

Hold up, they don't love you like I love you
Slow down, they don't love you like I love you
Back up, they don't love you like I love you
Step down, they don't love you like I love you
Can't you see there's no other man above you?
What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you
Hold up, they don't love you like I love you
Slow down, they don't love you like I love you

Oh it is such a shame
You let this good love go to waste
I always keep the top tier, 5 star
Backseat lovin' in the car
Like make that wood, like make that wood
Holly like a boulevard

What's worse, lookin' jealous or crazy, jealous or crazy?
Or like being walked all over lately, walked all over lately
I'd rather be crazy

Hold up, they don't love you like I love you
Slow down, they don't love you like I love you
Back up, they don't love you like I love you
Step down, they don't love you like I love you
Can't you see there's no other man above you?
What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you
Hold up, they don't love you like I love you
Oh, down, they don't love you like I love you

I hop up out the bed and get my swag on
I look in the mirror, say, "What's up?"
What's up, what's up, what's up
I hop up out the bed and get my swag on
I look in the mirror, say, "What's up?"
What's up, what's up, what's up

Blue Moon

Page 606

Decisions, decisions.

I don't know what to do.

How will the story unfold?

Where do you want me to go?

All roads lead me here.

I need to read the signs.

This time last year, I was going through a similar uncertain phase.

The future, is so uncertain.

I can only be patient and wait.

I know you're out there.

Everytime I look up at the night sky.

My blue moon.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Troye Sivan - Blue Moon

In my free, in my wild.
In my dark, oh we started.
Started to doubt, doubt this fire.
Lighting up our lives, and it kept me up at night.
Crash and burn is all I know,
I think that's why I made you go.
Those three words, you were my first,
I can't help thinking...

Maybe you were my blue moon,
maybe I let go too soon.
Running from what could be,
so terrified of happy,
how did I come to lose...
My blue moon
My blue moon

Which one of us, went and fucked up?
You and me... I guess it was me.
Don't know a good thing when
it's right in front of me cause I'm so numb.
What have I become?
Oh, cause crash and burn is all I know.
I think that's why I made you go.
Those three words, you were my first,
I can't help thinking...

Maybe you were my blue moon,
maybe I let go too soon.
Running from what could be,
so terrified of happy,
how did I come to lose...
My blue moon
My blue moon

Crash and burn is all I know,
I think that's why I made you go.
Those three words, you were my first,
I can't help thinking...

Maybe you were my blue moon,
maybe I let go too soon.
Running from what could be,
so terrified of happy,
how did I come to lose my blue...

Maybe you were my blue moon,
maybe I let go too soon.
Running from what could be, 
so terrified of happy,
how did I come to lose,
My blue moon

Never Be Like You

Page 605

Feeling good about my self lately.

Yeah.. I feel like myself again.

Stronger.

Empowered.

Last week I met someone.

Who suffered the same fate that I did.

He asked me.

'You never got a closure, did you?'

I paused. Thinking.

'Yeah. I didnt.'

And I don't think I need to.

Especially from a person like that.

I'm happier with my life right now.

Building myself up.

No more messy drama.

I'll admit, the pain is still there.

But hey, it's gotten numb over time.

As long as I'm content with who I am,

Focusing on being a better person,

That's all that matters.

One thing's for sure,

I'll never be like you.

Love, Eran.

I got it now.

Current Song Mood: Flume Ft Kai - Never Be Like You

What I would do to take away this fear of being loved
Allegiance to the pain
Now I'm fucked up and I'm missing you
He'll never be like you
I would give anything to change this fickle-minded heart
That loves fake shiny things
Now I'm fucked up and I'm missing you
He'll never be like you

I'm only human can't you see
I made, I made a mistake
Please just look me in my face
Tell me everything's okay
Cause I got it (ooh)
He'll never be like you

I'm only human can't you see
I made, I made a mistake
Please just look me in my face
Tell me everything's okay
Cause I got it (ooh)
He'll never be like you

How do I make you wanna stay?
Hate sleeping on my own, missing the way you taste
Now I'm fucked up and I'm missing you
He'll never be like you
Stop looking at me with those eyes
Like I could disappear and you wouldn't care why
Now I'm fucked up and I'm missing you
He'll never be like you

I'm only human can't you see
I made, I made a mistake
Please just look me in my face
Tell me everything's okay
Cause I got it (ooh)
He'll never be like you

I'm only human can't you see
I made, I made a mistake
Please just look me in my face
Tell me everything's okay
Cause I got it (ooh)
He'll never be like you

I'm falling on my knees
Forgive me, I'm a fucking fool
I'm begging, darling, please
Absolve me of my sins, won't you?

I'm falling on my knees
Forgive me, I'm a fucking fool
I'm begging, darling, please
Absolve me of my sins, won't you?

I'm only human can't you see
I made, I made a mistake
Please just look me in my face
Tell me everything's okay
Cause I got it (ooh)
He'll never be like you

I'm only human can't you see
I made, I made a mistake
Please just look me in my face
Tell me everything's okay
Cause I got it (ooh)
He'll never be like you

Baby, baby please believe me
C'mon take it easy
Please don't ever leave me
He'll never be like you