August

Page 1405

Wow.

It's August already.

2020 feels like foreveeer.

With this ongoing pandemic.

And settling in my new job.

The world seems to be in chaos.

And we're just caught in the middle of it all.

All I want to do is snuggle up to my loved one.

That is my only motivation these days

I hope the rest of the year will be a better one.

It has to be..

Stay safe x.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - August 

Salt air
And the rust on your door
I never needed anything more
Whispers
Of "Are you sure?"
"Never have I ever before"

But I can see us
Lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away
Like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine

Your back
Beneath the sun
Wishing I could write my name on it
Will you call when you're back at school?
I remember thinking I had you

But I can see us
Lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away
Like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine

Back when we were still changing for the better
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
To live for the hope of it all
Cancel plans just in case you'd call
And say "Meet me behind the mall"
So much for summer love, and saying "Us"
'Cause you weren't mine to lose
You weren't mine to lose
No

But I can see us
Lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away
Like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine, mine

'Cause you were never mine
Never mine
Do you remember?
Remember when I pulled up
And said "Get in the car"
And then canceled my plans
Just in case you'd call
Back when I was living for the hope of it all
For the hope of it all
"Meet me behind the mall"

(Remember when I pulled up)
(And said "Get in the car")
(And then canceled my plans)
(Just in case you'd call)
(Back when I was living for the hope of it all)
(For the hope of it all)
("Meet me behind the mall")

Remember when I pulled up
And said "Get in the car"
And then canceled my plans
Just in case you'd call
Back when I was living for the hope of it all
(For the hope of it all)
For the hope of it all
For the hope of it all
For the hope of it all
For the hope of it all

Damage Is Done

Page 1404

Sigh.

I  really hate Hari Raya.

And I cant emphasise that enough.

I have not been feeling it.

What's the point?

What's the point of anything.

We're not even a normal family.

I just feel angry all the time.

And I don't know why.

The damage is done.

Since I was young.

From all the traumas I've faced.

And I've grown apart from it all.

I don't.. want to be a part of this anymore.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Y2k, JoJo - Damage Is Done

Drew a line and
Then you crossed it
The only one that I had
Gave you trust and
Then you lost it
And now you can't get it back

You knew what you were doing
So shut your mouth
You knew what you were losing
It's too late now

The damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done
The damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done
Baby, you coulda been, shoulda been, woulda been the one
But the damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done

Don't waste your breath
Saying sorry
Already made up my mind
If you really
Wanted me then
You know you'd still be mine

You knew what you were doing
So shut your mouth
You knew what you were losing
It's too late now

The damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done
The damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done
Baby, you coulda been, shoulda been, woulda been the one
But the damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done

The damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done
The damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done
Baby, you coulda been, shoulda been, woulda been the one
But the damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done

The damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done
The damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done
Baby, you coulda been, shoulda been, woulda been the one
But the damage is done-done-done-da-done-done-da-done-done

Mad Woman

Page 1403

A few days ago at work, an ex-colleague posted a picture everyone at our old workplace.

I liked and commented on it.

And lo and behold, my previous mentor FaceTimed me.

Hahaha some things really never change.

She was hilarious.

And what's more, my new mentor was beside me.

They knew each other, and we were all from the same old company.

She cracked me up.

This mad woman. Hahaha.

Telling me how I was stolen away.

We laughed and made fun of each other.

She asked me how I was. 

And made my new mentor promise to take care of me.

Aw.

It was nice seeing them again.

But honestly, I've never felt more certain about my choices.

To venture into new places.

And just be my personal best.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Mad Woman

What did you think I'd say to that?
Does a scorpion sting when fighting back?
They strike to kill and you know I will
You know I will

What do you sing on your drive home?
Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn?
Does she smile?
Or does she mouth "fuck you forever"?

Every time you call me crazy
I get more crazy
What about that?
And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry
And there's nothing like a mad woman
What a shame she went mad
No one likes a mad woman
You made her like that
And you'll poke that bear till her claws come out
And you find something to wrap your noose around
And there's nothing like a mad woman

Now I breathe flames each time I talk
My cannons all firing at your yacht
They say "move on"
But you know I won't
And women like hunting witches, too
Doing your dirtiest work for you
It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together

Every time you call me crazy
I get more crazy
What about that?
And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry
And there's nothing like a mad woman
What a shame she went mad
No one likes a mad woman
You made her like that
And you'll poke that bear till her claws come out
And you find something to wrap your noose around
And there's nothing like a mad woman

I'm taking my time
Taking my time
'Cause you took everything from me
Watching you climb
Watching you climb
Over people like me
The master of spin
Has a couple side flings
Good wives always know
She should be mad
Should be scathing like me
But no one likes a mad woman
What a shame she went mad

You made her like that

I Don't Think I'm Okay

Page 1402

I don't think I'm okay.

Feeling weird today.

Woke up all groggy.

Like I could just fall back to a deep sleep.

I guess it's because I slept at 2am last night.

Haha. Shiet.

I just couldn't sleep for some reason..

Tried to shake it off, cause I knew I needed to get up.

Managed to drag myself to the gym in the morning.

Pushed through 8 hours of work.

Then had a weird migraine on the way back from work.

And some sort of.. uneasiness?

Ugh. I hate this.

I think... I'll just crash early tonight.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Bazzi - I Don't Think I'm Okay

I ain't seen my mama in a little bit over a year
And even when I see her, I know she knows that it isn't me here
'Cause I'm always in the clouds, somewhere up in space
I just hope that I could hug her before it gets way too late, late

My friends just looking for a call, they want to say hi
They wonder if the person they knew's still inside
Seems so simple, it's really so hard

Ooh, I don't think I'm okay
Ooh, I don't think I'm okay, 'kay, hmm
It feels so good to say
I, I don't think I'm okay
And that's okay

Time is moving faster, it isn't slowing down
I miss being a kid, I miss the way the thunder sounds, sounds
Ooh, maybe it's my dream that killed my self-esteem
Got so good at being someone else
Maybe I lost myself
In the search of your acceptance

But when they're looking for a call, they want to say hi
They wonder if the person they knew's still inside
Seems so simple, it's really so hard
I don't want nobody to see my ugly heart
To see my ugly scars

Ooh, I don't think I'm okay
Ooh, I don't think I'm okay, 'kay, hmm
It feels so good to say
I, I don't think I'm okay
And that's okay

The 1

Page 1401

What a tiring day it's been.

Don't know why I cant sleep properly at night...

Probably all that coffee yesterday.

I slept for 3 hours, and went for my morning shift.

Surprisingly, I was pretty focused.

Time passed really fast today.

Went straight to my partner's to rest & recover.

And slept like a baby.

Haha.

Sorry for being clingy.

But I really do appreciate all the time I spent with you.

If only you knew..

How much it means to me.

You're the 1 I want to be with, always.

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - The 1

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit
Been saying "Yes" instead of "No"
I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

I hit the ground running each night
I hit the Sunday matinee
You know the greatest films of all time were never made

I guess you never know, never know
And if you wanted me, you really should've showed
And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow
And it's alright now

But we were something, don't you think so?
Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool
And if my wishes came true
It would've been you
In my defense, I have none
For never leaving well enough alone
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one

I have this dream you're doing cool shit
Having adventures on your own
You meet some woman on the Internet and take her home
We never painted by the numbers, baby
But we were making it count
You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

I guess you never know, never know
And it's another day, waking up alone

But we were something, don't you think so?
Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool
And if my wishes came true
It would've been you
In my defense, I have none
For never leaving well enough alone
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one

Hey, yeah-yeah
Persist and resist the temptation to ask you
If one thing had been different
Would everything be different today?

We were something, don't you think so?
Rosé flowing with your chosen family
And it would've been sweet
If it could've been me
In my defense, I have none
For digging up the grave another time
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one

Epiphany

Page 1400

Well, a day passed by in a blink of an eye.

But it was well-spent indeed.

Breakfast date with my partner,

Went home and did some music (New songs, yay!), 

Watched a cliche horror film (hahaha yikes),

Ate a looot of chicken,

And cuddled in bed the rest of the day :)

God knows how much I needed this.

To recharge.

So thank you so much.

For always being there for me.

For being in.. my life :)

You're my epiphany.

The best I've ever had.

And I'm forever grateful for you.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Epiphany 

Keep your helmet
Keep your life, son
Just a flesh wound
Here's your rifle

Crawling up the beaches now
Sir, I think he's bleedin' out
And some things you just can't speak about

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down
Down
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out
Out

Something med school
Did not cover
Someone's daughter
Someone's mother

Holds your hand through plastic now
Doc, I think she's crashin' out
And some things you just can't speak about

Only twenty minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down
Down (Down)
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out
Out

With you, I serve
With you, I fall down (Down)
Down (Down)
Watch you breathin'
Watch you breathin' out (Out)
Out

Only twenty minutes to sleep
But you dream of some epiphany
Just one single glimpse of relief
To make some sense of what you've seen

Slow Grenade

Page 1399

This was undoubtedly one of the most challenging week yet.

I felt like a slow grenade waiting to go off at any moment. 

I've never felt so exhausted in a while.

From lame politics to the shortage of manpower.

But hey, I'm still here.

I still make mistakes.

I still help out in whatever way I can.

I still lend a listening ear.

I'm.. still here.

I've done what I could.

And now it's time to rest.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Ellie Goulding Ft Lauv - Slow Grenade

Help me, my God this got messy
Least I got the best seat
'Cause we put on one hell of a show
Waiting, I just keep on waiting
For the final curtain
'Cause I just can't let go of your love

You say my name like you know my dark side, ooh
Can't beat the taste of the tears that I'll cry, ooh

[Ellie Goulding:]
Slow grenade it's blowing up my mistakes
So why don't I, why don't I stop it?
Still got time for me to stop it
It's like a part of me must want it
That's why I'm not running from it
Can't escape this blowing up
In my face so why can't I
Why can't I stop it?
Still got time for me to stop it
It's like a part of me must love it
That's why I'm not running from it

[Lauv:]
Crazy, late nights in the city
Drink until you hate me
Then say that I should just let you go
But hold on, why do we still hold on?
Think that we should move on
But we're too scared of being alone

You say my name like you know my dark side, ooh
Can't beat the taste of the tears that I'll cry, ooh

Slow grenade it's blowing up my mistakes
So why don't I, why don't I stop it?
Still got time for me to stop it
It's like a part of me must want it
That's why I'm not running from it
Can't escape this blowing up
In my face so why can't I
Why can't I stop it?
Still got time for me to stop it
It's like a part of me must love it
That's why I'm not running from it
(Ooh)
Why can't I stop it?
Still got time for me to stop it
It's like a part of me must love it
That's why I'm not running from it

Help me, my God this got messy
Least I got the best seat
'Cause we put on one hell of a show

Slow grenade it's blowing up my mistakes
So why don't I, why don't I stop it?
Still got time for me to stop it
It's like a part of me must want it
That's why I'm not running from it
Can't escape this blowing up
In my face, so why can't I
Why can't I stop it?
Still got time for me to stop it
It's like a part of me must love it
That's why I'm not running from it
(Ooh)
Why can't I stop it?
Still got time for me to stop it
It's like a part of me must love it
That's why I'm not running from it