iT's YoU

Page 495

What a week it has been.

Challenging.. myself.

Challenging the temptations.

I'm glad I've been clean this week. 

Or so...

So far.

For now.

Gotta keep fighting it man.

Gotta overcome it.

I don't need anything else for now.

All I know is...

It's you.

Love, Eran.

Sing me to sleep.

Current Song Mood: ZAYN - iT's YoU

She got, she got, she got
Her own reasons
For talking to me
She don't, she don't, she don't
Give a fuck
About what I need
And I can't tell you why
Because my brain can't equate it

Tell me your lies
Because I just can't face it

It's you, it's you
It's you
It's you, it's you
It's you

I won't, I won't, I won't
Cover my scars
I'll let 'em bleed
So my silence
So my silence won't
Be mistaken for believing
Am I wrong for wanting us to make it?

Tell me your lies
Because I just can't face it

It's you, it's you
It's you
It's you, it's you
It's you

Could it be that it's a lesson?
That I never had to learn
I looked at it like a blessing
And now it's just a curse
I don't know why
I don't know why
You, it's you

It's you, it's you
It's you
It's you, it's you
It's you

Footprints

Page 494

Catch up sesh with le GF!!!!

It's been a while :)

I realised the last time I had a h2h talk with her one on one was.. during that dark period.

Needed this talk.

Told her everything that's been happening to me the last couple of months.

All the kinds of people I've met.

Serious encounters. Stupid ones. Memorable ones. And definitely those that I've learned my lesson from. Putting the past in the past.

Felt so good to let it all out. And to know that someone understands me.

No one understands me like she does.

:)

Thanks for being there for me. <3

Blessed to keep the important people in my life.

Only our footprints in the sand.

And that's all that matters.

Till next time!

Here's a special song by Sia.

Love, Eran.

Lord knows.

Current Song Mood: Sia - Footprints

I've fallen through the floor again
Crashed into the basement
The pain was swallowing me
I was like a lead balloon
I couldn't even get up to turn
The lights on
The dark was swallowing me

Lord knows you can't trust your head
When you're standing on the edge
Of breaking down
Lord knows you can't trust your head
When you're hanging by a thread
I was breaking down

And I saw only two footprints in the sand
Thought you'd abandoned me and
Let go of my hand
But you were carrying me
Carrying me to safety
Two footprints, your footprints in the sand
Two footprints, two footprints, your footprints in the sand
Two footprints, your footprints in the sand

Oh, I forgot the things I knew
It was I who'd abandoned you
Forgive me, I was lost in doubt
Who would never've left my side
Picked me up when I thought I would die
You helped me, and I was found

Lord knows you can't trust your head
When you're standing on the edge
Of breaking down
Lord knows you can't trust your head
When you're hanging by a thread
I was breaking down

And I saw only two footprints in the sand
Thought you'd abandoned me and
Let go of my hand
But you were carrying me
Carrying me to safety
Two footprints, your footprints in the sand
Two footprints, two footprints, your footprints in the sand
Two footprints, your footprints in the sand

Love On The Brain

Page 493

I'm going mad.

Must be all this love on the brain.

How can someone be as perfect as you.

This feels.. completely new.

You're someone I can connect with.

It's still too early.

I've been so tired of being played like a violin.

But damn, you're worth it.

And you've got me feeling a certain way.

I can't get enough.

Of you.

Love, Eran.

Don't you stop loving me.

Current Song Mood: Rihanna - Love On The Brain

And you got me like oh
What you want from me?
What you want from me?
And I tried to buy your pretty heart, but the price too high
Baby you got me like oh, mm
You love when I fall apart (fall apart)
So you can put me together
And throw me against the wall

Baby you got me like aaah, woo, aaah
Don't you stop loving me (loving me)
Don't quit loving me (loving me)
Just stop loving me (loving me), babe

Oh, and babe I'm fist fighting with fire
Just to get close to you
Can we burn something babe?
And I run for miles just to get a taste
Must be love on the brain
That's got me feeling this way
It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain, yeah
And it keeps cursing my name (cursing my name)
No matter what I do
I'm no good without you
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain

Then you keep loving me
Just love me, yeah
Just love me
All you need to do is love me yeah
Got me like ah-ah-ah-ow
I'm tired of being played like a violin
What do I gotta do to get in your motherfuckin' heart?

Baby like aaah, woo, aaah
Don't you stop loving me (loving me)
Don't quit loving me (loving me)
Just stop loving me (loving me), babe

Oh, and babe I'm fist fighting with fire
Just to get close to you
Can we burn something babe?
And I run for miles just to get a taste
Must be love on the brain
That's got me feeling this way
It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain
And it keeps cursing my name (cursing my name)
No matter what I do
I'm no good without you
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain

Yeah, I Said It

Page 492

I switched off my phone.

And walked off. 

Ears plugged.

Pissed.
All that time & effort, gone to waste.

But I somehow, deep inside,

expected this.

I didnt know why.

But I wasnt even surprised.

I wasnt.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I hate starting the day negatively.

Cause it follows me throughout.

Amazing how your mind works.

It's so powerful.

I kept wondering.

What if it went differently?

What if..?

And then I realised..

I'm glad it didnt.

I'm glad I didnt have to give myself that way.

I'm better off without someone as degrading as you.

It's disgusting.

You, are disgusting.

Yeah, I said it.

Love, Eran.

I aint tryna think about it.

Current Song Mood: Rihanna - Yeah, I Said It

I ain't tryin' to think about it, no
Yeah, I said it, boy, get up inside it
I want you to homicide it
Going slow and I want you to pop it
And I think I kinda like ya
Up against the wall, we don't need a title

Yeah, I said it
Yeah, I said it, baby
Yeah, I said it, fuck a title

Boy I always like to show
Get a little bit, come a little close, no
Take it home on your camera phone
Get a little bad, nigga, watch me blow it down

Yeah, I said it
Yeah, I said it, baby
Yeah, I said it
Yeah, I said it
Yeah, I said it, baby
Yeah, I said it

You could be rough, boy, but you won't
Give me some love, boy, give it to me till the morn'

Yeah, I said it
Yeah, I said it, baby
Yeah, I said it
Yeah, I said it
Yeah, I said it, baby
Yeah, I said it

Pillowtalk

Page 491

Why is my drive so high today hahaha God help me.

Been wanting to go out today but no plans as usual.

Cant depend on Tinder anymore SHEEEESH.

Some days I like being by myself, being independent.

And some days I just want someone to cuddle in bed with.

Have a pillowtalk.

This was one of those days.

But I guess I really can't depend on anyone at the moment.

Update: Seems like my prayers has been answered but then things always fuck up HAHAHA OHMYGOSH IDK WHETHER TO BE PISSED OR CRY OR LAUGH.

Ah fuck it.

Thanks for confirming what a shithead you are.

Thanks for leaving me hanging again. 

Just like you did in the past.

Love, Eran.

Fucking in.

Fighting on.

Current Song Mood: ZAYN - Pillowtalk

Climb on board
We'll go slow and high tempo
Light and dark
Hold me hard and mellow

I'm seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure
Nobody but you, 'body but me, 'body but us
Bodies together
I'd love to hold you close, tonight and always
I'd love to wake up next to you
I'd love to hold you close, tonight and always
I'd love to wake up next to you

So we'll piss off the neighbours
In the place that feels the tears
The place to lose your fears
Yeah, reckless behavior
A place that is so pure, so dirty and raw
Be in the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day
Fucking in, fighting on
It's our paradise and it's our war zone
It's our paradise and it's our war zone

Pillow talk
My enemy, my ally
Prisoners
Then we're free, it's a thriller

I'm seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure
Nobody but you, 'body but me, 'body but us
Bodies together
I'd love to hold you close, tonight and always
I'd love to wake up next to you

So we'll piss off the neighbours
In the place that feels the tears
The place to lose your fears
Yeah, reckless behavior
A place that is so pure, so dirty and raw
Be in the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day
Fucking in, fighting on
It's our paradise and it's our war zone
It's our paradise and it's our war zone

Paradise, paradise, paradise, paradise
War zone, war zone, war zone, war zone
Paradise, paradise, paradise, paradise
War zone, war zone, war zone, war zone

So we'll piss off the neighbours
In the place that feels the tears
The place to lose your fears
Yeah, reckless behavior
A place that is so pure, so dirty and raw
Be in the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day
Fucking in, fighting on
It's our paradise and it's our war zone
It's our paradise and it's our war zone

Right On Time

Page 490

Ears plugged.

There was a gently cold breeze.

I observed the surroundings.

The trees waving.

The cooling weather.

The sad clouds above me.

The nonchalant feelings as I walked this path.

The same path I took home last year after internship/work.

Where everything was different then.

So.. different.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as I reminisced...

...

I had just finished visiting my grandma. She's still in the same condition.

But more alert now. She keeps moving her right hand, to signal this and that.

So cute

She's so strong.

Feels weird to be nursing someone who is my own blood.

My own kin.

Kinda missed being a nurse.

Kinda. Hahaha.

Love you G'ma. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Attended an event today.

It was the opening for the film I cameo'd in a couple weeks ago.

It's soo GOOOOOD!!!!

Hahaha can't wait to show you guys when it's uploaded soon.

Look out for it!

Some of the Butterworks Crew ;)

Really blessed to be a part of it.

And all the opportunities that has come my way.

Excited for the future to come.

And slowly unfold.

I believe everything will fall into place.

Everything in it's time.

Right on time.

Love, Eran.

I didnt know the stars could align.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Right On Time

[Verse 1]
In my mind's eye, life is written in stone
For a long time, thought I should leave it alone
I don't want, I don't need anything distracting me
Then I come to find something behind me
Something that I didn't see
On the blindside, you were waiting for me

[Chorus]
See I thought that I knew, everything that I needed to
But then I met you
I didn't know that the stars could align
But it happened right on time
Right on time
But it happened right on time

[Verse 2]
This is real life, it doesn't go how we plan
In the middle of the daylight, we're walking right into quicksand
Cause we don't need gravity or the Earth under our feet
We can climb on up to heaven, we can sail the seven seas
You're my white knight, and baby, I am your queen, mmmm

[Chorus]
See I thought that I knew, everything that I needed to
But then I met you
I didn't know that the stars could align
But it happened right on time
Right on time
But it happened right on time

[Refrain]
Say you love, love me forever
Never stop, I'm there for whatever
Near and far, you're always everywhere and everything
Say you love, love me forever
Never stop, I'm there for whatever
Near and far, you're always everywhere and everything
Say you love, love me forever
Never stop, I'm there for whatever
Near and far, you're always everywhere and everything

[Chorus]
See I thought that I knew, everything that I needed to
But then I met you
I didn't know that the stars could align
But it happened right on time
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

[Refrain]
Say you love, love me forever
Never stop, I'm there for whatever
Near and far, you're always everywhere and everything
Say you love, love me forever
Never stop, I'm there for whatever
Near and far, you're always everywhere and everything
Say you love, love me forever
Never stop, I'm there for whatever
Near and far, you're always everywhere and everything

Needed Me

Page 489

Gotta keep reminding myself.

Not to give myself too easily.

Respect myself.

&

Respect my body.

That's all I wanna focus on this year.

Self love. 

Recovery.

You were just another one that wanted me for that.

I dont need that kind of affection.

Not anymore.

You're the one that needed me.

And I'm gonna let it stay that way.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Rihanna - Needed Me 

[YG:]
Mustard on the beat ho!

[Rihanna:]
I was good on my own, that's the way it was, that's the way it was
You was good on the low for a faded fuck, on some faded love
Shit, what the fuck you complaining for?
Feeling jaded huh?
Used to trip off that shit I was kickin' to you
Had some fun on the run though I give it to you

But baby, don't get it twisted
You was just another nigga on the hit list
Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch
Didn't they tell you that I was a savage
Fuck your white horse and a carriage
Bet you never could imagine
Never told you you could have it

You needed me
Oooh, you needed me
To feel a little more, and give a little less
Know you hate to confess
But baby ooo, you needed me

You been rollin' around, shit I'm rollin up
Light and roll it up
Break it down like a pound, shit was never us
Shit was never us
That's the real on the real, are you serious?
How you feel, how you feel?
Used to trip off that shit I was kickin' to ya
Had some fun on the run though, I give it to ya

But baby, don't get it twisted
You was just another nigga on the hit list
Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch
Didn't they tell you that I was a savage
Fuck your white horse and a carriage
Bet you never could imagine
Never told you you could have it

You needed me
Oooh, you needed me
To feel a little more, and give a little less
Know you hate to confess
But baby ooo, you needed me

Coattails

Page 488

Happy V. D.

Single life is still the best.

So much freedom.

Post-event syndrome maaaaaan.

WHUT WHUUUUUUUT.

Haha.

Tired.

Been a Lazy Sunday.

Plus the pouring rain made it so syiok.

Now that performances are over I can finally indulge myself to junk food HAHAHA.

Been avoiding all the dairy shiz to save my voice.

Also, finally settled a past problem.

Lessons learnt so damn well.

Time to finally fucking move on.

I'm positive that everything happens for a reason.

I trust in Him.

Time to move FORWARD.

And ride the coattails to the finish line.

Love, Eran.

For a moment, I thought I was losing it.

Current Song Mood: Broods - Coattails 

I can't remember and I can't concentrate
But I can take a note to burn the ink
A hit between the eyes
And if souls are meant to be sold
And if hands are only to hold
Then I can't do what I'm told

So we'll ride the coattails to the finish line
I don't hear those church bells chime anymore
Cause I'm in love with this
Oh we'll ride the coattails to the finish line
I don't hear those church bells chime anymore
Cause I'm in love with this

For a moment I feel I'm losing it
Throw my temper down and bury it
The earth will reach the sky
If you talk me out of my needs
And stitch me up at the seams
And I could live in my dreams

So we'll ride the coattails to the finish line
I don't hear those church bells chime anymore
Cause I'm in love with this
Oh we'll ride the coattails to the finish line
I don't hear those church bells chime anymore
Cause I'm in love with this

In love, in love, in love
In love, in love, in love

Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

So we'll ride the coattails to the finish line
I don't hear those church bells chime anymore
Cause I'm in love with this
Oh we'll ride the coattails to the finish line
I don't hear those church bells chime anymore
Cause I'm in love with this

In love, in love, in love
In love, in love, in love
In love, in love, in love
In love, in love, in love

Microphone

Page 487 

So this was it!! 

Performance day.

Reached ITE CC around 1. 

Made a lot of new friends. :)

And saw a lot of really talented performers.

I always feel so damn pressured whenever I see others perform before me haha.

I guess its normal?

Just the feeling of exploding. And it won't stop until everything ends.

When my turn came, I thought I started pretty okay. And then I realised my voice got worn out, and I couldnt hit the notes that I thought I could. Plus there was pretty much.. not much support from the crowd? As they were all sitting around and staring. I mean, that's fine. But the crowd really makes a lot of difference if they show support. Haha. I'm glad my photographer friend and Buddy was there though. If not I'd let the nerves get the best of me. Did 3 songs tonight. The last song.. was something new I wanted to try live. I covered it in my latest mixtape. 'Brain' was really personal to me. And I gave it my all. I guess it was the most liked performance haha. I was in the zone man. Hahaha super feeling2 like my Buddy said.

After I ended, I quickly got off stage, and went the the washroom. Actually no, I just needed a breath of fresh air. I walked far, to the edge of the school. And sat at some benches, enjoying the breeze. I guess it's part of being an introvert. You're more likely to lose your energy easily to the crowd. Being alone for a short while helped me gain some energy again and feel refreshed.

Stayed throughout the whole event, and I really was impressed with all the beatboxers tonight. I really enjoyed myself. :)

Gonna keep working on my craft. My own sound. And my own confidence as a performer.

#BuddyGoals HAHAHA.

Good job Firebridge Studios! Looking forward for more events to come.

I almost miss the feel of planning an event.

Brings me back to my EXCO days haha.

NEVER AGAAAAIN.

Hahaha.

Gonna catch up on sleep now. Ciao.

Ps. I'd rather work a microphone than work on any relationship at the moment.

Love, Eran.

Cause even when the curtains close, I feel so loved.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Microphone

[Verse 1]
It's all on a blur inside my mind
With all these faces, I don't recognize
And then there's you, looking at me
And we just go around in circles
We just go around

[Chorus]
I'd rather work a microphone
Than work on us
Cause even when the curtains close, I feel so loved
I feel so loved, loved, loved, loved

[Verse 2]
Waking up I hear a million voices
Screaming out my name but I never what yours is
Don't you ever wonder why we keep this running, running, running
I remove my heart from the palm of your hand
Give them the power, you get away
I just can't take that chance

[Chorus]
I'd rather work a microphone
Than work on us
Cause even when the curtains close, I feel so loved
I feel so loved, loved, loved, loved

[Bridge]
Oh, oh, oh, aye

[Chorus]
I'd rather work a microphone
Than work on us
Cause even when the curtains close, I feel so loved
I feel so loved, loved, loved, loved

[Outro]
I feel so, I feel so loved, oh, na, na, na, na
Aye, aye, I feel so loved
I feel so loved, I feel so loved
Oh, na, na, na, na, na, na, na