Forgiveness

Page 780

Cant seem to get myself out of these situations, can I?

Oh well.

As the days go by,

I find myself caring lesser and lesser.

But in a good way, I think.

Felt a surge of acceptance last night.

Is there maturity in finally letting go?

Especially if it's family...

Yeah, I believe so.

Forgiveness is everything.

Family, is everything.

Well, forgiving is not forgetting.

I'll take it as a lesson.

All I want to do is to contribute my part.

& be a team player.

Like I do in everything else.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Paramore - Forgiveness

You hurt me bad this time, no coming back
And I cry 'till I couldn't cry, another heart attack
If I lay on the floor, maybe I'll wake up
And I don't pick up when you call
'Cause your voice is a gun
Every word is a bullet hole
Shot a hole in the sun
If I never look up maybe I'll never notice

And you, you want forgiveness
But I, I just can't do it yet

There's still a thread that runs from your body to mine
And you can't break what you don't see, an invisible line
If I follow it down would we just be alright?
But it could take me all your life to learn to love
How I thought I could love someone
I haven't even begun
If it's all up to us we might as well give up

And you, you want forgiveness
(I can barely hang on to myself)
But I, I can't give you that
(I can't give you, I can't give you that)
And you, you want forgiveness
(I'm afraid that I'll have nothing left)
But I, I just can't do it yet
(I can't do, I just can't do it yet)

Don't you go and get it twisted
Forgiving is not forgetting
Don't you go and get it twisted
Forgiving is not forgetting
No, it's not forgetting
No, I'll never forget it, no

And you, you want forgiveness
(I can barely hang on to myself)
But I, I can't give you that
(I can't give you, I can't give you that)
And you, you want forgiveness
(I'm afraid that I'll have nothing left)
But I, I just can't do it yet
(I can't do, I just can't do it yet)

Small Doses

Pate 779

I blushed.

As our fingers brushed.

Crazy.

How we can be so playfully close.

Yet you don't see it.

Just a touch.

A light one, nothing much.

Nothing to be cautious about.

Nothing serious.

But yet my heart skipped a beat.

I can only take you in small doses.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

Cause it won't go anywhere else.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Bebe Rexha - Small Doses

You say "let me try you on"
So I let you try me on
That's the moment that we fell in deep
Oh baby, I said "just a little bit"
Then I got a taste of it
Now you got me falling at your feet

And now we're cryin' and lovin'
And now we're fightin' and touchin'
Feels like I'm making love to the enemy

I can only take you in small doses, small doses
Loving you, it's explosive, you know this
I can only take you in small doses, small doses
Loving you, it's explosive, you know this
I can only take you in small doses

I didn't mean to fall in love
Took one hit and I was gone
Gotta get my fix so I can sleep
Oh, baby, you're the one they warned about
Now I just can't do without
Baby, it's my appetite you feed

And now we're cryin' and lovin'
And now we're fightin' and touchin'
Feels like I'm making love to the enemy

I can only take you in small doses, small doses
Loving you, it's explosive, you know this
I can only take you in small doses, small doses
Loving you, it's explosive, you know this
I can only take you in small doses
Small doses, small doses
I can only take you in small doses
Small doses, small doses

And now we're cryin' and lovin'
And now we're fightin' and touchin'
Feels like I'm making love to the enemy

I can only take you in small doses, small doses
Loving you, it's explosive, you know this
I can only take you in small doses, small doses
Loving you, it's explosive, you know this
I can only take you in small doses
Small doses, small doses
I can only take you in small doses
Small doses, small doses
I can only take you in small doses

Believer

Page 778

Felt a certain way tonight.

As I bruised my knees.

And the cooling air calmed my soul.

Thought about the past.

And family.

And friends.

The good and the evil.

I might not be consistent with my faith all the time.

But I know what it is to me.

I'm still a believer.

And no one can tame this heart.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Lea Michele - Believer

I'm screaming at the sun
I'm scratching out my eyes
Trying to cut my way
Through this jungle of a life

Nothing's going good
Nothing's going right
Another hopeless day
Another sleepless night

Heaven help me get through these demons in my mind
All I know is, I will survive
I'm still a believer
Can nobody tame this raging heart
Yeah, I'm still a dreamer
I'm fighting my way up to the stars

I'm running wild, I'm going out
I'm flying high, I'm screaming out
I'm blowing up, a fire in the sky
I'm still a believer
Can nobody tame this raging heart

And nothing's like you said
And nothing's like we thought
I remember when we were dancing in the dark
And I just gotta thank you from the bottom of my heart
For pouring gasoline and lighting up a spark

Heaven help me get through these demons in my mind
All I know is, I will survive
I'm still a believer
Can nobody tame this raging heart
Yeah, I'm still a dreamer
I'm fighting my way up to the stars

I'm running wild, I'm going out
I'm flying high, I'm screaming out
I'm blowing up, a fire in the sky
I'm still a believer
Can nobody tame this raging heart

I'm coming here to start a riot
I'm coming here to break the silence
Nobody gonna stop me no
Cause I'm on a roll
I'm coming here to take it down
I'm coming here to take this crown
Nobody gonna stop me now
I'm out of control

I'm still a believer
Can nobody tame this raging heart
Yeah, I'm still a dreamer
I'm fighting my way up to the stars

I'm running wild, I'm going out
I'm flying high, I'm screaming out
I'm blowing up, a fire in the sky
I'm still a believer
Can nobody tame this raging heart

Heavenly

Page 777

My imagination ran wild today.

I pictured what it'd be like.. if we were a couple.

Our arms around each other.

Feeling... warm.

Feeling safe.

Laughing.

Poking.

Tickling.

Just.. happy.

For a short moment, I felt the electricity through our touch.

It was.. heavenly.

Love, Eran.

But it'll never happen.

Current Song Mood: Lea Michele - Heavenly

I wipe my memory
Clean like a white board
I've seen every color inside
Sacrying forward
I reach for the table and try to remember myself
Once you have been fooled
You know every trick
But I guess this one time I was blind
You wrapped us in glory
You smiled at my story
Pretending to know how to feel

It's heaven when you call
Heaven when you're calling me out from under
Heaven only knows
Heaven has a hold on me
Oh, my savior
[x2]

This should be heaven
I say to myself as you cover your body in me
These days are not long enough
Nights are too cold
And sometimes I just need someone
In nights when we both wake up
Stare at our faces in mirrors not ready to love

It's heaven when you call
Heaven when you're calling me out from under
Heaven only knows
Heaven has a hold on me
Oh, my savior
[x4]

Fake Happy

Page 776

As I sat there on my own.

Staring at the wall..

I read the words made by neon lights.

'This is your moment.'

As the people who came in and out of the room smiled at me.

And I faked a smile back..

Acting is such a mysterious skill.

Are you really faking it? Or is it what you truly feel sometimes?

I wonder how those famous hollywood actors feel.

How lonely it would feel trying to be someone they're not,

in front of other strangers.

I dont understand.. How people do it.

How do you be happy for someone?

When you're really not?

You're just bitter inside. 

Bitter about everything.

About life.

I can't help but to be fake happy.

For you.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Paramore - Fake Happy

I love making you believe
What you get is what you see
But I'm so fake happy
I feel so fake happy
And I bet everybody here
Is just as insincere
We're all so fake happy
And I know fake happy

I been doing a good job of makin' 'em think
I'm quite alright
But I hope I don't blink
You see its easy when I'm stomping on a beat
But no one sees me when I crawl back underneath

If I smile with my teeth
Bet you believe me
If I smile with my teeth
I think I believe me

Oh please don't ask me how I've been
Don't make me play pretend
Oh no, oh what's the use
Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too

And if I go out tonight, dress up my fears
You think I'll look alright with these mascara tears?
See I'm gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth
And if the lights are low they'll never see me frown

If I smile with my teeth
Bet you believe me
If I smile with my teeth
I think I believe me

Oh please don't ask me how I've been
Don't make me play pretend
Oh no, oh oh what's the use?
Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too

I know I said that I was doing good and that I'm happy now
I should've known that when things are going good that's when I get knocked down

Oh please, just don't ask me how I've been
Don't make me play pretend
Oh no, oh no
Oh what's the use?
Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too
Oh please I bet everybody here is fake happy too

Eyes Closed

Page 775

Nothing hits disappointment greater than tonight.

 I guess...

I just have to accept it.

Why do I keep running into bad people?

SERIOUSLY.

LEGIT PISSED RIGHT NOW.

I already have so much on my plate.

I can't deal with anymore bullshit.

It all started with...

Him.

With my eyes closed,

All the PTSD starts.

And..

I see you.

Stop.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Halsey - Eyes Closed

I, I know where to lay
I know what to say
It's all the same
And I, I know how to play
I know this game
It's all the same

Now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you
But he'll never stay, they never do
Now if I keep my eyes closed he feels just like you
But you've been replaced
I'm face to face with someone new

Would've gave it all for you, cared for you
So tell me where I went wrong
Would've gave it all for you, cared for you
(My lover, my liar)
Would've trade it all for you, there for you
So tell me how to move on
Would've trade it all for you, cared for you
(My lover, my liar)

Now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you
But he'll never stay, they never do
Now if I keep my eyes closed he feels just like you
But you've been replaced
I'm face to face with someone new

They don't realize that I'm thinking about you
It's nothing new, it's nothing new

Now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you
But he'll never stay, they never do
Now if I keep my eyes closed he feels just like you
But you've been replaced
I'm face to face with someone new

Switchblade

Page 774

What is it that we seek?

I knew how it was going to end.

It always ends the same way.

I saw it in your eyes.

You knew.

It's the same for you isn't it?

That same empty feeling.

It cuts me up like a switchblade.

And it bleeds me out dry.

There's never a happy ending.

And there never will be.

Love, Eran.

I'll give it to ya.

Current Song Mood: LP - Switchblade

Do you remember
Making love on the hill
At the top of Topanga?
Do you remember
A handful of pills
On a midnight adventure?
I do, I do

Late in September
It started to end
And I felt you pretending
I couldn't surrender
Through the high and the low
I just wanted to love you
I do, I do

All of the hurt you've been hiding away
Cuts me at once like a Switchblade
And take every stab you can take
And I'll give it to ya, I'll give it to ya

I always knew that you'd cut me some day
I fell in love with a Switchblade
And I know that you did the same
So I'll give it to ya, give it to ya

[Harmonizing]

We were electric
We were wild, we were free
And I thought that you meant it
It's hard to accept it
That it's not meant to be
But I'll never regret it
I don't, I don't
No, I don't, I don't

All of the hurt you'd been hiding away
Cuts me at once like a Switchblade
And take every stab you can take
And I'll give it to ya, give it to ya

I always knew that you'd cut me some day
I fell in love with a Switchblade
And I know that you did the same
So I'll give it to ya, give it to ya

[Harmonizing]

Long live the beautiful hearts
Who find love and tear it apart
Long live the beautiful hearts
Who find love and tear it apart

All of the hurt you've been hiding away
Cuts me at once like a Switchblade
So take every stab you can take
And I'll give it to ya, give it to ya

I always knew that you'd cut me someday
I fell in love with a Switchblade
And I know that you did the same
And I'll give it to ya give it to ya

[Harmonizing]

Plz Don't Go

Page 773

Feels different everytime.

I havent even met you yet.

But it feels like I've known you for a long time.

I havent connected to anyone like this in a long time.

And I wanna keep you as close to me as I can.

I feel so.. happy when you text me.

It's that feeling that you want to stick around.

Plz don't go.

Let's stay until the last light fades.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Cashmere Cat Ft Jhene Aiko - Plz Don't Go

[Jhene Aiko:]
Let's stay until the last light fades, eh
Let's stay until the last light fades, eh
Let's stay until the last light fades, eh
Let's stay until the last light fades

We've come from so far away
And right now, I think we should say
You know there's so much more to see
So don't go home without me

Please don't go, please don't go
Please don't go, please don't go
Please don't go, please don't go
Please

I'd like to ride it, ride it
I'd like to ride it

But let's stay until the last light fades
Let's stay until the last light fades
Let's stay until the last light fades, eh
Let's stay until the last light fades, eh
Let's stay until the last light fades, eh
Let's stay until the last light fades, eh
Let's stay until the last light fades, eh
Let's stay until the last light fades

I'd like to ride it, ride it
I'd like to ride it
Alright

I just wanna go wherever you go
I just wanna follow

Bad Liar

Page 772

Still can't believe I.. told them.

Now I can't help but feel cautious.

Would others know?

Would I be able to take it?

Hahaha it's funny how it happened.

I'm such a bad liar.

These days I can't help but overthink.

I'm trying not to.

But you just make it hard not to.

With every touch,

I die a little inside.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Selena Gomez - Bad Liar

I was walking down the street the other day
Tryna distract myself
But then I see your face
Oh wait, that's someone else
Oh oh, tryna play it coy
Tryna make it disappear
But just like the battle of Troy
There's nothing settled here
In my room there's a king size space
Bigger than it used to be
If you want you can rent that place
Call me an amenity
Even if it's in my dreams

Oooh you're taking up a fraction of my mind
Oooh every time I watch you serpentine

Oh I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Oh tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Not to think about you
No, no, no, no, not to think about you
No, no, no, no, I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Oh tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Not to give in to you
No, no, no, no, not to give in to you
With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar

I see how your tension builds
It's like looking in a mirror
Your touch like a happy pill
But still all we do is fear
What could possibly happen next?
Can we focus on the love?
Paint my kiss across your chest
If you're the art, I'll be the brush

Oooh you're taking up a fraction of my mind
Oooh every time I watch you serpentine

Oh I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Oh tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Not to think about you (not to think about you)
No, no, no, no, not to think about you (not to think about you)
No, no, no, no, I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Oh tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Not to give in to you (give in to you)
No, no, no, no, not to give in to you (give in to you)
With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar

And oh baby let's make
Reality, actuality, a reality
Oh baby let's make
Reality, actuality, a reality

Oh I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Oh tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Not to think about you (not to think about you)
No, no, no, no, not to think about you (not to think about you)
No, no, no, no, I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Oh tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Not to give in to you (give in to you)
No, no, no, no, not to give in to you (give in to you)
With my feelings on fire
Guess I'm a bad liar

Tornado

Page 771 

Cant say that I didnt see it coming.

So many things happened the past few days.

It's crazy.. wow.

I've never opened up to people I'm not close with before.

And its a crazy, risky move.

Plus with today's disappointing news..

My future seems so unclear right now.

I've been all over the place.

Like a freaking tornado.

Ugh.

But no.

I'm not gonna let it mess with me.

I'll set things right.

There's always a different path.

Another option, nonetheless.

Whatever comes my way,

I'm gonna put up a fight.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Lea Michele - Tornado

Lifting up, off the ground
Like a Tornado, spin me 'round
Shine a light through the storm
If the rain comes down, let it pour

I know what I'm doing here
20/20 crystal clear
Bring it on, bring it on
I'm ready
You can steal my every tear
Keep them as a souvenir
Bring it on, bring it on
I'm ready

Don't make no mistake
Whatever comes my way
Let 'em know, I live for the Tornado
Putting up a fight
I'm tearing up the sky
Let em' know, I live for the Tornado

Try your best, do your worst
Throw your sticks and stones
They don't hurt
If I fall, drag me through the dirt
Dust it off, it's a lesson learned

I know what I'm doing here
20/20 crystal clear
Bring it on, bring it on
I'm ready
You can steal my every tear
Keep them as a souvenir
Bring it on, bring it on
I'm ready

Don't make no mistake
Whatever comes my way
Let 'em know, I live for the Tornado
Putting up a fight
I'm tearing up the sky
Let em' know, I live for the Tornado

Oh, I live

In the eye of the storm
If that's all that you've got
Give me more, give me more
Twist and turn, take me high
If that's all that you've got
Give me more, give me more

I know what I'm doing here
20/20 crystal clear
Bring it on, bring it on
I'm ready

Don't make no mistake
Whatever comes my way
Let 'em know, I live for the Tornado
Putting up a fight
I'm tearing up the sky
Let em' know, I live for the Tornado
Let em' know, I live for the Tornado

Rose-Colored Boy

Page 770

You mentioned that I seemed uncomfortable.

But maybe I was.

I thought I would be okay..

But I guess I wasnt.

I don't know how you can be so chatty and easygoing?

It's just.. been too long I guess.

Things aren't the same as they were before.

And I've changed a lot since.

It's just that...

I've been on my own for too long.

I can't cope with this.

I'm not like how I was last year.

I'm sorry.

I'm not a rose-colored boy.

Like you are.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Paramore - Rose-Colored Boy

Low-key, no pressure, just hang with me and my weather
Low-key, no pressure, just hang with me and my weather

Rose-colored boy
I hear you making all that noise
About the world you want to see
And oh, I'm so annoyed
'Cause I just killed off what was left of the optimist in me

The hearts are breaking, the wars are raging on
And I have taken my glasses off
You got me nervous
I'm right at the end of my rope
A half-empty girl
Don't make me laugh, I'll choke

Just let me cry a little bit longer
I ain't gon' smile if I don't want to
Hey man, we all can't be like you
I wish we were all rose-colored too
My rose-colored boy

Low-key, no pressure, just hang with me and my weather

I want you to stop insisting that I'm not a lost cause
'Cause I've been through a lot
Really all I've got is just to stay pissed off
If it's all right by you

The hearts are breaking, the wars are raging on
And I have taken my glasses off
You got me nervous
And you're turning it into a joke
A half-empty girl
Don't make me laugh, I'll..

Just let me cry a little bit longer
I ain't gon' smile if I don't want to
Hey, man, we all can't be like you
I wish we were all rose-colored too
My rose-colored boy

Leave me here a little bit longer
I think I wanna stay in the car
I don't want anybody seeing me cry now
You say "We gotta look on the bright side"
I say "Well maybe if you wanna go blind"
You say my eyes are getting too dark now
But boy, you ain't ever seen my mind

Just let me cry a little bit longer
I ain't gon' smile if I don't want to
Hey, man, we all can't be like you
I wish we were all rose-colored too
My rose-colored boy
Just let me cry a little bit longer
I ain't gon' smile if I don't want to
I know we all can't be like you
I wish we were all rose-colored too
My rose-colored boy

Low-key, no pressure, just hang with me and my weather
Low-key, no pressure, just hang with me and my weather