Florets

Page 932

What did I do to deserve this?

It's like you don't want me in your life anymore.

I did some stuff today that I'm not proud of.

And it's only because of you.

You don't text me.

You don't like my pictures anymore.

I feel like we're slowly growing apart.

Fading..

And I don't know why.

Is it karma?

Do I deserve this?

Or are you just tired of me?

I feel stupid at this point.. 

But you don't seem to care.

I don't want to say anything.

Cause I don't want to start anything negative.

I'll go wherever the wind blows...

Like blowing florets.

Love, Eran.

Don't let go of me.

Current Song Mood: Grace VanderWaal - Florets 

I wanna wake up
In a dream dream dream
Where the air is soft
To breathe breathe breathe

Hold on and don't let go
If we fall down, then you should know
That we could just be

Blowing florets
I want to dance in the air
Blowing florets
And just not care about anyone or anything
But you and me

So don't let go of me
Don't let go of me

And rise up, like the trees trees trees
And let go of our responsibilities
And we could just be

Blowing florets
I wanna dance in the air
Blowing florets
And just not care about anyone or anything
But you and me

So don't let go of me
Don't let go of me

Wherever the wind blows
Ever the wind blows
Don't let go

Oh
Wherever the wind blows
Ever the wind blows
Don't let go

Blowing florets
I wanna dance in the air
Blowing florets
And just not care about anyone or anything
But you and me

Don't let go of me
Don't let go of me
Don't let go of me

Wherever the wind blows
Ever the wind blows
Don't let go

Wherever the wind blows
Ever the wind blows
Don't let go

Love Me As I Am

Page 931

Sorry.

I had to do it.

I had to break my promise.

My heart just couldnt take it anymore.

I'm not strong enough.

I...

I need some time.

To get through this.

I still have some hope left in me.

I know it's in vain.

But I can't help it.

I've never felt this helpless.

All I really want is for someone to love me as I am.

Is that too much to ask?

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Paloma Faith - Love Me As I Am

When the dust settles
And all of our battles are done
You're still here
You know me better
Than no one you read all my scars
Like a script

Every beating I took along the ride
Was a blessing in disguise
And it hurt and I learned oh yeah

When everything's been said and done
And I know that you're the only one
It was worth it yeah so worth it

I realize that I get out of hand
I don't even ask sometimes whatever we do
We're damned
I can't apologize for being who I am

Ooh ooh I've done my reconciling
I'm over compromising
I need you to see this my way
And I love me as I am
Ooh ooh
Love me as I am
Love me as I am
Ooh ooh
Love me as I am

I was rough round the edges
I tried to get ahead just make sense
Of this world
I am still standing
And I've been demanding a lot
I got knocked down

Every beating I took along the ride
Was a blessing in disguise
And it hurt and I learned oh yeah

When everything's been said and done
And I know that you're the only one
It was worth it yeah so worth it

I realize that I get out of hand
I don't even ask for you to understand
Mmm and sometimes whatever we do
We're damned
I can't apologize foe being who I am

Ooh ooh I've done my reconciling
I'm over compromising
I need you to see this my way
And I love me as I am
Ooh ooh
Love me as I am
Love me as I am
Ooh ooh
Love me as I am

I want you to love me
Ooh ooh
Love me as I am
Stay right here
Ooh ooh
Love me as I am
Oh don't you give up on me
Love me as I am

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Page 930

Butterflies.

I feel them in my stomach everyday.

Thinking...

Hoping...

I get so down about it.

Were there stuff left out last night?

Probably.

Don't ask, don't tell.

I guess somethings are better off unsaid.

What's with me and the number 28?

It's like every month I have to be careful of this day.

Praying for better times.

For better days...

I need to be myself again.

Cause..

I've lost myself.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Tove Lo - Don't Ask, Don't Tell

I'm curious to know who you are
Know what turns you on, turns you off
Know we're not kids anymore
Know we've both been here before
These butterflies scare me to death
Feel them beating out of my chest
Make me come, come so alive
And go with your moves through the night

We've both seen the world
Live and learn
Don't know what you heard
But it, but it can't be worse than I know
We've both seen the world
Live and learn
Don't know what you heard
But it, but it can't be worse than I know

And baby, don't ask, then don't tell
Already know you're fucked up
And it's cool with me
My past and don't ask and don't tell
No need to share too much
Come on, let it be, ah (and baby)

Experienced in more than one way
Whatever I need, you got me
Whisper dirty things that we like
Images stuck on my mind

We've both seen the world
Live and learn
Don't know what you heard
But it, but it can't be worse than I know
We've both seen the world
Live and learn
Don't know what you heard
But it, but it can't be worse than I know

And baby, don't ask, then don't tell
Already know you're fucked up
And it's cool with me
My past and don't ask and don't tell
No need to share too much
Come on, let it be, ah (and baby)

There's nothing I don't wanna know, yeah
And I don't believe in lies
Baby, we're so good together
Does it matter what we hide?

And baby, don't ask, then don't tell
Already know you're fucked up
And it's cool with me
My past and don't ask and don't tell
No need to share too much
Come on, let it be, ah (and baby)
Don't ask, then don't tell
Already know you're fucked up
And it's cool with me
My past and don't ask and don't tell
No need to share too much
Come on, let it be, ah (and baby)

shedontknowbutsheknows

Page 929

I sat at on the bench.

Lost. 

My mind a blank.

As I stared on at my feet on the ground.

The shoes I was wearing.

The lights around me.

Pretty.

I've always been attracted to them.

Getting lost in the blinking lights.

I was feeling that same, empty feeling in my gut.

And she came along, at last.

My Bestfriend. GF, I would call her.

She apologized. For being very late.

I wasnt mad.

I didnt feel anything, at this point.

We went upstairs to eat.

Passed by the places that brought back memories.

We talked.

'Don't you dare cry on me. Not here.' she teased.

I honestly wasnt she if I was gonna cry or not.

I told her everything.

From the start.

How we met.

How we fell in love.

The things we've been through together.

She listened carefully.

She advised me.

And I already knew the answer.

I just... needed her to know.

I just.. needed to hear it.

Needed her acknowledgement.

Shedontknowbutsheknows.

I need to move on.

I will, eventually.

I just... don't know how.

And I need to be strong about it.

'I will... somehow. I promise.'

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Tove Lo - shedontknowbutsheknows

Hanging by the bar at sunrise
With our bodies talking
Hooked up last week, had a good time
So I regret nothing

I see her come close, ooh
I wonder what you told her to make her stay

She don't know what you did when you come back home
She don't know what you doin' now, all night long
She don't know all the photos you've (got) in your phone
But she knows (she knows, ooh)
She'd rather smile and pretend with ya than let go
She don't know what you're doin' now, all night long
She don't know all the photos you've (got) in your phone
But she knows (she knows, ooh)

Blaming me for all the sadness
Didn't know 'bout you two
Don't see why I'm dragged into it
This whole thing is on you

I see her heart break, ooh
Still she's keeping face
Leave it to me, 'cause, babe

She don't know what you did when you come back home
She don't know what you doin' now, all night long
She don't know all the photos you've (got) in your phone
But she knows (she knows, ooh)
She'd rather smile and pretend with ya than let go
She don't know what you're doin' now, all night long
She don't know all the photos you've (got) in your phone
But she knows (she knows, ooh)

Don't even bother with your lies
Won't let you see her when she cries
Go on, unhappy in the night

She don't know what you did when you come back home
She don't know what you doin' now, all night long
She don't know all the photos you've (got) in your phone
But she knows (she knows, ooh)
She'd rather smile and pretend with ya than let go
She don't know what you're doin' now, all night long
She don't know all the photos you've (got) in your phone
But she knows (she knows, ooh)

So It Goes...

Page 928

I guess for once, everything felt okay.

I was out with the family since morning.

Had a studio shoot.

Had lunch with them.

Went around Geylang to shop...

And then I realised.

That's where you stayed.

I was just here last night.

And I got caught up in the moment.

And all the pieces fell.

Into place.

So it goes...

Love, Eran

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - So It Goes...

See you in the dark
All eyes on you, my magician
All eyes on us
You make everyone disappear, and
Cut me into pieces
Gold cage, hostage to my feelings
Back against the wall
Trippin', trip, trippin' when you're gone

'Cause we break down a little
And when you get me alone, it's so simple
'Cause baby, I know what you know
We can feel it

And our pieces fall
Right into place
Get caught up in the moments
Lipstick on your face
So it goes...
I'm yours to keep
And I'm yours to lose
You know I'm not a bad girl, but I
Do bad things with you
So it goes...

Met you in a bar
All eyes on me, your illusionist
All eyes on us
I make all your grey days clear and
Wear you like a necklace
I'm so chill, but you make me jealous
But I got your heart
Skippin', skip, skippin' when I'm gone

'Cause we break down a little
And when I get you alone, it's so simple
'Cause baby, I know what you know
We can feel it

And our pieces fall
Right into place
Get caught up in the moments
Lipstick on your face
So it goes...
I'm yours to keep
And I'm yours to lose
You know I'm not a bad girl, but I
Do bad things with you
So it goes...

Come here, dressed in black now
So, so, so it goes
Scratches down your back now
So, so, so it goes

You did a number on me
But, honestly, baby, who's counting?
I did a number on you
But, honestly, baby, who's counting?
You did a number on me
But, honestly, baby, who's counting?
Who's counting?
1, 2, 3

And our pieces fall (pieces fall)
Right into place
Get caught up in the moments (caught up, caught up)
Lipstick on your face
So it goes...
I'm yours to keep (oh)
And I'm yours to lose (baby)
You know I'm not a bad girl, but I
Do bad things with you
So it goes...

Come here, dressed in black now
So, so, so it goes
Scratches down your back now
So, so, so it goes
Come here, dressed in black now
So, so, so it goes
Scratches down your back now
So, so, so it goes

Struggle

Page 927

One of the rarer days that I get to enjoy my Saturdays off.

:)

Today....

I had some deep revelations. 

I guess I see things in a wider perspective now.

After all the things I've seen this week.

And all the stories I've heard.

I honestly feel like... my problems are just so minor.

Compared to others....

It breaks my heart.

The problems people go through..

We all have our own stories.

We all have our own struggles.

And for the first time in a long time, I finally feel contented with what I have.

I don't have any expectations anymore...

Thank you for opening up to me.

And opening my mind.

It's better this way..

If anyone needs a listening ear,

Just drop me a text. Or DM me.

I'm here for you.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Tove Lo - Struggle

So you're deep like the ocean
But your bod' was a potion
I believe in karma
Set the waves into motion

Cold, cold, cold, cold hands over me
Fuck, fuck, fuck some sense into me
Gold for loneliness, I won't pay
Fuck, fuck some sense into me

The struggle is real
When you don't tell me how you feel 'bout this love
The struggle is real
When you don't tell me how you feel 'bout this love
The struggle is real

So you got all the answers
Hold the reigns, I'm your dancer
Pull me underwater
Tell me nobody gets hurt

Cold, cold, cold, cold hands over me
Fuck, fuck, fuck some sense into me
Gold for loneliness, I won't pay
Fuck, fuck some sense into me

The struggle is real
When you don't tell me how you feel 'bout this love
The struggle is real
When you don't tell me how you feel 'bout this love
The struggle is real

I've got my way with words
Don't believe me
Pretend like I don't hurt
I don't, I don't, I don't
I've got my way with pain
Don't believe me
I numb myself to blame
I don't, I don't, I don't
Don't, don't

The struggle is real
When you don't tell me how you feel 'bout this love
The struggle is real
When you don't tell me how you feel 'bout this love
The struggle is real

Cycles

Page 926

I guess I need to hear those words.

Thank you GF.

Honestly, I can't remember the last time I've felt this low.

It's similar to 2 years ago...

I don't know if I can ever let this go.

I don't want to.

But I have to.

I feel like my life is in a never-ending cycle..

It's a vicious cycle.

And I need to stop it..

Before it gets to me.

..

Maybe it already has.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Tove Lo - cycles

What's your name?
I can tell you a story before we get into the game
We fall head over heels overnight
See my face in your future
I'm in your future, in your nights, mmm
We're intense
In a loop on a 24/7, don't want it to end
But reality's waitin', they say better come up for air soon
Yeah, come up for air soon
Make a change, mmm

Fallin' again, and don't understand
Never my plan, nah

I'm in a cycle
Yeah, I admit it
How can I change it when I don't know when I'm in it?
I'm in a cycle
Swear this is different
Don't wanna end it, if you leave then I keep spinnin'
I'm in a cycle
Don't make me hate you
Just 'cause I talk about the things I've done before you
I'm in a cycle
Swear this is different
Don't wanna end it, if you leave then I keep spinnin'

You're afraid (yeah)
The way I love you now and my love in the past are the same
And the things that I say are exactly what I used to tell them
And that really hurts me, but I know, mmm

Fallin' again, and don't understand
Never my plan, no

I'm in a cycle
Yeah, I admit it
How can I change it when I don't know when I'm in it?
I'm in a cycle
Swear this is different
Don't wanna end it, if you leave then I keep spinnin'
I'm in a cycle
Don't make me hate you
Just 'cause I talk about the things I've done before you
I'm in a cycle
Swear this is different
Don't wanna end it, if you leave then I keep spinnin'

It's so romantic in a way
Why don't you catch me when I sway?
'Cause when my heart falls out of place
I know (oh, oh, oh)

I'm in a cycle
Yeah, I admit it
How can I change it when I don't know when I'm in it?
I'm in a cycle
Swear this is different
Don't wanna end it, if you leave then I keep spinnin'
I'm in a cycle
Don't make me hate you
Just 'cause I talk about the things I've done before you
I'm in a cycle
Swear this is different
Don't wanna end it, if you leave then I keep spinnin'

Hopeless

Page 925

I was on my knees.

My hands interlocked.

My head down.

And I stayed there for some time.

The tears forming.

Hopeless.

That's all I could feel today.

I'm not sure.

You.. make it look so simple.

Not sure of what's to come.

I don't know who I am now.

I've given up.

I've lost.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Halsey Ft Cashmere Cat - Hopeless

Boy, you make it look so easy
Promise that I'm gonna call you back in five
Sorry baby girl, but I can't tonight, oh
Boy, you make it look so simple, mm
Yeah, I've known that girl for like my whole life
Back in my hotel and I'm alone inside, oh

'Cause you know the truth hurts
But secrets kill
Can't help thinkin' that I love it still
Still here, there must be something real
'Cause you know the good die young
But so did this
And so it must be better than I think it is
Gimme those eyes, it's easy to forgive

Oh-oh-oh
Oh-ooh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-ooh
Oh-ooh
Oh-ooh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-ooh

You and all your friends all hate me, oh
Thinkin' that you're better when I'm not around
Hear me on the radio and turn it down, oh
I can't help the way you made me
Hope that she believin' in the truth you found
Thinkin' that you want us 'cause I can't find out, oh

'Cause you know the truth hurts
But secrets kill
Can't help thinkin' that I love it still
Still here, there must be something real
'Cause you know the good die young
But so did this
And so it must be better than I think it is
Gimme those eyes, it's easy to forgive

(Oh-oh-oh)
(Oh-ooh)
(Oh-oh-oh)
I hope hopeless
(Oh-ooh)
Changes over time
(Oh-ooh)
I hope hopeless
(Oh-ooh)
Changes over time
(Oh-ooh)
I hope hopeless
(Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Changes over time
(Oh-ooh)

Call It What You Want

Page 924

Trying to be contented with what I have.

I'm happy with where I am right now..

But can it be better?

It always feels like there's something missing.

Like there's a certain space in me, that's waiting to be filled up.

I'm still trying to get used to you.

To your persona.

It's... different.

It sometimes hurts me.

But I still want to stay.

I still want to try.

Something in me.. doesn't want to give up.

Call it what you want.

But I'm sticking to my feelings.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Call It What You Want

Ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh
Ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh
Ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh
Ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh, ohh-ohh

My castle crumbled overnight
I brought a knife to a gunfight
They took the crown but it's alright
All the liars are calling me one
Nobody's heard from me for months
I'm doing better than I ever was

Cause...
My baby's fit like a daydream
Walking with his head down
I'm the one he's walking to
So call it what you want, yeah
Call it what you want to
My baby's fly like a jet stream
High above the whole scene
Loves me like I'm brand new
So call it what you want, yeah
Call it what you want to

All my flowers grew back as thorns
Windows boarded up after the storm
He built a fire just to keep me warm
All the drama queens taking swings
All the jokers dressing up as kings
They fade to nothing when I look at him
And I know I make the same mistakes every time
Bridges burn, I never learn
At least I did one thing right
I did one thing right
I'm laughing with my lover
Making forts under covers
Trust him like a brother
Yeah, you know I did one thing right
Starry eyes sparking up my darkest night

My baby's fit like a daydream
Walking with his head down
I'm the one he's walking to
So call it what you want, yeah
Call it what you want to
My baby's fly like a jet stream
High above the whole scene
Loves me like I'm brand new
(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it)
So call it what you want, yeah
Call it what you want to

I want to wear his initial on a chain round my neck
Chain round my neck
Not because he owns me
But 'cause he really knows me
Which is more than they can say, I
I recall late November, holding my breath
Slowly I said, "You don't need to save me
But would you run away with me?"
Yes (would you run away?)

My baby's fit like a daydream
Walking with his head down
I'm the one he's walking to
(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it)
So call it what you want, yeah
Call it what you want to
My baby's fly like a jet stream
High above the whole scene
Loves me like I'm brand new
(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it)
So call it what you want, yeah
Call it what you want to

(Call it what you want, call it)
(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it)
(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it)
(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it)
(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it)
(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it)
(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it)
Call it what you want, yeah
Call it what you want
To

IDGAF

Page 923

Been reevaluating my life lately.

I'm tired of constantly sinking into depression.

My state of mind has been so bad the past weeks.

I'm tired of chasing people who don't deserve me.

I'm tired of mourning.

Whoever wants to leave, just leave.

I'm gonna start fresh again.

I deserve.. to be happy.

I don't even care about the people who are talking behind my back.

You know who you are.

And...

 IDGAF. 

:)

Time to focus on things that matters most.

My work.

My passion.

My health.

And the people I love.

With all my heart.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Dua Lipa - IDGAF

You call me all friendly
Tellin' me how much you miss me
That's funny, I guess you've heard my songs
Well, I'm too busy for your business
Go find a girl who wants to listen
'Cause if you think I was born yesterday
You have got me wrong

So I cut you off
I don't need your love
'Cause I already cried enough
I've been done
I've been movin' on since we said goodbye
I cut you off
I don't need your love, so you can try all you want
Your time is up, I'll tell you why

You say you're sorry
But it's too late now
So save it, get gone, shut up
'Cause if you think I care about you now
Well, boy, I don't give a fuck

I remember that weekend
When my best friend caught you creepin'
You blamed it all on the alcohol
So I made my decision
'Cause you made your bed, sleep in it
Play the victim and switch your position
I'm through, I'm done

So I cut you off
I don't need your love
'Cause I already cried enough
I've been done
I've been movin' on since we said goodbye
I cut you off
I don't need your love, so you can try all you want
Your time is up, I'll tell you why

You say you're sorry
But it's too late now
So save it, get gone, shut up
'Cause if you think I care about you now
Well, boy, I don't give a fuck

I see you tryna' get to me
I see you beggin' on your knees
Boy, I don't give a fuck
So stop tryna' get to me
Tch, get up off your knees
'Cause, boy, I don't give a fuck
About you

No, I don't give a damn
You keep reminiscin' on when you were my man
But I'm over you
Now you're all in the past
You talk all that sweet talk, but I ain't comin' back
Cut you off
I don't need your love
So you can try all you want
Your time is up, I'll tell you why
(I'll tell you why)

You say you're sorry
But it's too late now
So save it, get gone, shut up
(Too late now)
'Cause if you think I care about you now
Well, boy, I don't give a fuck
(Boy, I don't give a fuck)

I see you tryna' get to me
I see you beggin' on your knees
Boy, I don't give a fuck
So stop tryna' get to me (Get to me)
Tch, get up off your knees
'Cause, boy, I don't give a fuck