One Way

Page 1114

Pain.

Going through today...

Was just painful.

I woke up at 3am. Looked at your last seen. 2 hours ago.

1am?

Who were you talking to that late?

Am I obsessed?

I shut my phone.

Tried to sleep it off.

Tossed and turned.

I might have dreamt of you.

I might have...

But I woke up for work.

And to work it was.

It was a smooth shift. Though my mind was constantly floating.

I tried to keep myself busy.

To keep my mind off things.

But all I remember was what you said last night.

'to be frens'

A friend.

After all this?

After you gave me so much hope..

My heart bled again.

I tried to shake it off.

Work finished and I left. As fast as I could.

Didnt concentrate to what that bitch colleague was talking about.

I had my own problems in my head.

The rainy dark sky...

As gloomy as me.

To the gym.

Gym.. To distract me from the pain.

It worked... a bit.

But then it happened again.  As I walked pass the park.

My legs just.. brought me there.

My heart.. heavy.

I felt like I couldnt breathe.

Was it the anxiety again?

Rain.

Rain was drizzling softly upon me.

But I kept walking.

I walked through the park.

My heart crying.

My eyes... frantic.

What was I finding?

The playground.

There.

There was where.. the magic happened.

As I proceeded... my steps grew slower. Heavier.

Feeling the drops of rain on my skin.

I stopped.

Sat down.

At the same spot.

Where we laid. 

Where we looked in each other's eyes. 

Where we fell completely in love with each other.

That.. no more.

I looked up at the sky.

Slightly hyperventilating.

My heart still fucking heavy.

Why?

Why do you do this to me?

The dark grey clouds looming around me.

The ground wet. Dirty.

I stared at the surroundings..

Every place we've been.

Every place we've touched.

I closed my eyes and breathed in.

As the flashbacks played.

The smell of rain.

The smell of despair.

There's only one way.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: 6LACK Ft T-Pain - One Way

[6LACK:]
Hands 'round my neck
You know I got a lot left
Can't have nobody else getting on me
You should get your confirmation today
And usually, I don't do no flying out
But I been going through some things on the road
Thinking 'bout that old thing
We still haven't even been to each other's house
But baby that could wait for another time
I never been one to fuck up the vibe
Though I might fuck up your life

Take one breathe, take two (two)
The other side of you is on the loose
Ain't got much to say
I shoulda copped the one way
Girl, I know you wanna stay

You gon' have to say my name for this
'Cause usually, I don't do no flying out
But something feel different this time (this time)

Don't feel no way (no way, no way)
Less it's from foreplay (foreplay)
You know you wetter than most
Brought you out on first class, that's better than most
Now usually, I don't do no flying out
But to keep it G, it's been a long week and I'm feeling lonely
We still haven't even fucked on each other's couch
Maybe that should wait for another time
I never been one to fuck up the vibe
But I will fuck up your life

Take one step, take two (two)
The other side of you is on the loose
Ain't got much to say
I shoulda copped the one way
And I know you wanna stay

You might have to catch a plane for this
You gon' have to say my name for this
'Cause usually, I don't do no flying out
But something feel different this time (this time)

[T-Pain:]
Just getting off stage now (when will you be home?)
Cause Facetime ain't enough face time
Tell your boss ain't working tomorrow
And ask 'em why they got my girl working so hard
Now, you gon' make me use up all my miles
Fame is getting so lonely and I know you gon' come and put it on me
And I can't wait to put this in your mouth
I should go and take care of my [?]
Text me when you land in South Carolina
Tell the Uber she can take one left, take two
Oh, I don't really know what I'ma do when I see you
I don't really have not much to say
That's why I got the one way
That shit is expensive pay
So I had to put you on the plane for this

You might have to catch a plane for this
You gon' have to say my name for this
'Cause usually, I don't do no flying out
But something feel different this time (this time)
Something feel different this time (this time, this time)

At My Weakest

Page 1113

What are you doing?

Who are you with?

Are you with someone else?

Do you.. still love me?

All these thoughts just.. keep replaying in my head...

These days...

I've been so lonely.

Fighting my inner demons alone.

I'm at my weakest.

But I'm still trying to be strong.

I still.. want to fight for you.

I still love you.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: James Arthur - At My Weakest

It's a long night in a big crowd
Under these lights looking 'round for you
Yeah, I'm steppin' outside under moonlight
To get my head right, lookin' out for you, yeah

Could it be your eyes
Didn't know that I been
Waitin' and waitin' for you
When you're by my side
Everything's alright
I'm crazy, I'm crazy for you

Here I go, down that road
Again and again the fool rushin' in
But I can't help when I feel
Some kind of way, do you feel the same?
Coz I fall, I fall for you
You caught me at my weakest
And I fall for you

It's a long night in a big crowd
Under these lights looking 'round for you, mhm
You, you give me hope, rhyme and reason
Desire livin' this life only now for you
All for you

When you're by my side
Everything's alright
I'm crazy, I'm crazy for you

Oh here I go, down that road
Again and again the fool rushin' in
But I can't help when I feel
Some kind of way, do you feel the same?
Coz and I fall, I fall for you
You caught me at my weakest
I fall, I fall for you
You caught me at my weakest
I fall for you

And now you've gone and got a hold of me
(Hold of me, hold of me)
Tell me what you're gonna do to me
(Do to me, do to me)
Oh and now you've gone and got your hands on me
(Touchin' me, touchin' me)
Tell me what you're gonna do

Here I go, down that road
Again and again the fool rushin' in
But I can't help when I feel
Some kind of way, do you feel the same?
Coz I fall, I fall for you
You caught me at my weakest
I fall, I fall for you
You caught me at my weakest
And I fall for you

Why

Page 1112

I guess I'm kind of numb by now.

Your actions.. speak louder than your words.

And it's sad.

I'm sad.

Why?

Why do we have to be like this?

All I wanted... 

All we had...

We had it all.

Why can't we just get over ourselves?

I'm hurt.

But you brush it off everytime.

Every.. single time.

I'm trying so hard.

So hard to be strong.

But it's slowly... fading.

You're.. fading.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Shawn Mendes - Why

I know a girl, she's like a curse
We want each other, no one will break first
So many nights, trying to find someone new
They don't mean nothing compared to her, and I know

When people ask about us, now, we just brush it off
I don't know why we act like it means nothing at all
I wish that I could tell you that you're all that I want, yeah

I pretend that I'm not ready
Why do we put each other through hell?
Why can't we just get over ourselves?
And you say hi like you just met me
Why do we put each other through hell?
Why can't we just get over ourselves?
Why can't we just get over ourselves?

When I hear you sing, it gets hard to breathe
Can't help but think every song's about me
And every line, every word that I write
You are the muse in the back of my mind, oh

Don't want to ask about it 'cause you might brush it off
I'm afraid you think that it means nothing at all
I don't know why I won't admit that you're all I want

I pretend that I'm not ready
Why do we put each other through hell?
Why can't we just get over ourselves?
And you say hi like you just met me
Why do we put each other through hell?
Why can't we just get over ourselves?

I pretend that I'm not ready
Why do we put each other through hell?
Why can't we just get over ourselves?
And you say hi like you just met me
Why do we put each other through hell?
Why can't we just get over ourselves?

I know a girl, she's like a curse
We want each other, no one will break first
So many nights, trying to find someone new
They don't mean nothing compared to you

Airbrush

Page 1111

Being with my friends today reminded me what I was missing in life.

Just.. that carefree-ness.

Being less serious for once, and just having fun.

It feels great to be a kid again.

To be... free.

Even if its for a short while.

Sigh.

I miss those days.

Poly days..

Sec Sch days..

Heh.

Adulting is just.. taking your youth away.

This shouldn't be the case.

Nevermind.

I'll be okay.

I'll play it cool.

I'll put in the effort.

I'll sacrifice myself, just to at least... make something out of it.

I got this.

I'll airbrush these feelings.

And mask the pain away..

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Elyar - Airbrush

We drove on up to the front gate
The red lights don’t cross my mind on a weekday
That’s a little lie, but real talk ain’t cheap, is it LA
A little time that’s all I need, said I can’t stay
Never mind

Wanna fuck her in the bed and I wanna keep my eyes wide open
‘Cause she fucking with my head and it bringing me nothing but trouble
Peace signs on fire, roses smell like burnt rubber
Wanna feel what I feel, I don’t wanna feel this oh mama

I love that bitch, I never I never wanna loose this shit, I
Can’t trust these lips, I never I never I never built these walls
Oooh built these walls, oooh take these scars
Oooh airbrush right over right over right over them

Said I love that bitch, I never I never wanna loose this shit, I
Can’t trust these lips, I never I never I never built these walls
Oooh built these walls, oooh take these scars
Oooh airbrush right over right over right over them

No waiting, I’m a stone on a downhill route I’ma just keep moving, yeah
And she passive aggressive, I’m restless, I can’t see through it, no
I can feel she’s screwing, uh
Me right but my psyche curb stomped by her Nikes
Got blood on my white tee, but

Yeah, she wanna fuck me right here on the queen-size eyes wide open, yeah
And it’s fucking with me yeah, cause the flip-side looks like trouble, yeah
Peace signs on fire, roses smell like burnt rubber, yeah
Wanna feel what I feel, I don’t wanna feel this oh mama

I love that bitch, I never I never wanna loose this shit, I
Can’t trust these lips, I never I never I never built these walls
Oooh built these walls, oooh take these scars
Oooh airbrush right over right over right over them

Said I love that bitch, I never I never wanna loose this shit, I
Can’t trust these lips, I never I never I never built these walls
Oooh built these walls, oooh take these scars
Oooh airbrush right over right over right over them

Empty Space

Page 1110

Hold long can I fight?

It's been so... lonely.

So different now.

You're different.

And I'm afraid to ask.

Cause I know.

I can lie and say it's all alright.

But why would I?

I'm just wasting my time right?

But I'm in too deep..

It's not the same..

There's an empty space in me.

And only you can fill it up.

I miss you so so much.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: James Arthur - Empty Space

I don't see you
You're not in every window I look through
And I don't miss you
You're not in every single thing I do
I don't think we're meant to be
And you are not the missing piece

I won't hear it
Whenever anybody says your name
And I won't feel it
Even when I'm burstin' into flames
I don't regret the day I left
I don't believe that I was blessed
I'm probably lyin' to myself again

I'm alone in my head
Looking for love in a stranger's bed
But I don't think I'll find it
'Cause only you could fill this empty space
I wanna tell all my friends
But I don't think they would understand
It's somethin' l've decided
'Cause only you could fill this empty space

Space, space
This empty space
Space, space
This
'Cause only you could fill this empty space

I've been drinking
I've been doin' things I shouldn't do
Overthinking
I don't know who I am without you
I'm a liar and a cheat
I let my ego swallow me
And that's why I might never see you again

I'm alone in my head
Looking for love in a stranger's bed
But I don't think I'll find it
'Cause only you could fill this empty space
I wanna tell all my friends
But I don't think they would understand
It's somethin' l've decided
'Cause only you could fill this empty space

Space, space
This empty space
Space, space
This
'Cause only you could fill this empty space

I couldn't make you love me
I couldn't make you love me
I couldn't make you love me
I couldn't make you love me
I couldn't make you love me
I couldn't make you love me

I couldn't make you love me (Space, space)
I couldn't make you love me (I couldn't make you love me)
I couldn't make you love me (Space, space)
I couldn't make you love me (I couldn't make you love me) 
I couldn't make you love me (Space, space)
I couldn't make you love me

I'm Still Here

Page 1109

I'm fighting a battle.

And I won't give up.  

I'm not one.. to give up easily.

The past haunts me.

The future torments me.

But I'll stay strong.

Today some light got shined on my predicament.

A new perspective.

Acceptance.

And preparing myself mentally.

For what's to come.

I will fight.

I've always been.. a fighter.

I'm still here.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: SIA - I'm Still Here

I'm fighting a battle
I'm fighting my shadow
Herd fears like they're cattle
I'm fighting a battle, yeah
I'm fighting my ego
Lost youth where did we go wrong
I'm fighting for me though
I'm lighting the long way home

Oh the past it haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past tormented me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past it haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past tormented me
But the battle was lost
'Cause I'm still here

I'm winning the war now
I'm winning it all now
Watch tears while they fall down
I'm winning the war now
I win against ego
Cast light on the shadow's long
I'm winning from ego
I'm lighting the long way home

Oh the past it haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past tormented me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past it haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past tormented me
But the battle was lost
'Cause I'm still here

It's haunted me
Oh the past it haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past tormented me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past it haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past tormented me
But the battle was lost
'Cause I'm still here

I'm fighting my ego
Lost youth where did we go wrong
I'm winning from ego
I'm lighting the long way home

Oh the past it haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past tormented me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past it haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past tormented me
But the battle was lost
'Cause I'm still here

It's haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past it's haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past it's haunted me
Oh the past it wanted me dead
Oh the past tormented me
But the battle was lost
'Cause I'm still here

Head Above Water

Page 1108

Drained.

Mentally.

Physically.

It's like my body's here.

But my mind's constantly floating.

Like there's this.. shadow upon me.

This dark cloud that keeps following me around.

And I'm just.

Just tired.

Constantly putting my head above water.

Cause it feels like I'm drowning each day.

Just keep... on keeping' on. Syah.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Avril Lavigne - Head Above Water

I've gotta keep the calm before the storm
I don't want less, I don't want more
Must bar the windows and the doors
To keep me safe, to keep me warm

Yeah my life is what I'm fighting for
Can't part the sea, can't reach the shore
And my voice becomes the driving force
I won't let this pull me overboard

God, keep my head above water
Don't let me drown, it gets harder
I'll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
Don't let me drown, drown, drown
Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown

So pull me up from down below
'Cause I'm underneath the undertow
Come dry me off and hold me close
I need you now I need you most

God, keep my head above water
Don't let me drown, it gets harder
I'll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
Don't let me drown, drown, drown
(Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown)
Don't let me drown, drown, drown
And keep my head above water
(Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown)
Above water

And I can't see in the stormy weather
I can't seem to keep it all together
And I can't swim the ocean like this forever
And I can't breathe

God, keep my head above water
I lose my breath at the bottom
Come rescue me, I'll be waiting
I'm too young to fall asleep

So God, keep my head above water
Don't let me drown, it gets harder
I'll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees

Don't let me drown
Don't let me drown
(Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown)
Don't let me drown
And keep my head above water
(Don't let me, don't let me, don't let me drown)
Above water

He Is The Same

Page 1107

Something's different in the air lately.

I can sense it.

Like I always do.

But.. well.

It feels good to have you back.

One way or another.

:)

Even though it still needs some working on..

But.. give it time.

Nothing has changed.

He is the same.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Jon Bellion - He Is The Same

Still living in his dad's house, 24 years old
He could buy a few pads, but he just like to stay home
No, he never took the fast route, now the plaque’s on deck
But they still make him take the trash out, keep his ass in check

Same kids from the high school, jump shot still flame
Couple million in the bank, but
Nothing has changed, he is the same
Nothing has changed, he is the same
Nothing has changed, he is the same

His assistant is his best friend
Lost his dad that day
Really puts it in perspective
What the fuck's a bad day?
Sister told him "Keep your head right," 24 years old
Real women need love, fake bitches want gold

Same kids from the high school, jump shot still flame
Couple million in the bank, but
Nothing has changed, he is the same
Nothing has changed, he is the same
Nothing has changed, he is the same

All he needed was a platform, built a real fanbase
Took 'em with him when the deal came
Selling out in every state
Signed a deal after his first tape
But he kept it on the low
They can never say he sold out
So why they come to every show?

Same kids from the high school, jump shot still flame
Couple million in the bank, but
Nothing has changed, he is the same
Nothing has changed, he is the same

Nothing has changed, we are the same
Nothing has changed (nothing)
All the same, we are the same
Nothing has changed, we are the same
We are the same

Woke The Fuck Up

Page 1106

Last night I woke the f*ck up.

I recognised what we were dealing with.

When we... let our feelings out.

Its so important to.. talk about it.

Our problems. What's on our minds.

Rather than keeping it in.

An open communication.. its so vital in every relationship.

I guess I understood where you were coming from.

I've been there...

I've been through the uncertainties.

But I don't know why its.. different with you.

It's clear for me.

All I want is for you to be happy.

And I hope that... being with me is.. enough.

Take your time.

I'm always here for you.

I love you so much.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Jon Bellion - Woke The Fuck Up

Take your clothes and rip 'em, rip 'em off
Call these hoes and tip 'em, tip 'em off
You can tell them you are mine
I'm sick of, sick of games
No more time, you lit the, lit the flame

We live in an age where everything is staged
Where all we do is fake our feelings
I've been scared to put myself so out there
Time is running out, yeah
Need to let you know that

Last night I woke the fuck up
I've realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh
Last night I woke the fuck up
I've realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh

Take these walls and rip 'em, rip 'em down
Take my (uh) and zip 'em, zip 'em...
I will tell them I am yours and very, very proud
I am forced to give in, give in now

We live in an age where everything is staged
Where all we do is fake our feelings
I've been scared to put myself so out there
Time is running out, yeah
Need to let you know that

Last night I woke the fuck up
I've realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh
Last night I woke the fuck up
I've realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh

Last night I woke the fuck up
I've realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh
Last night I woke the fuck up
I've realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh

We live in an age where everything is staged
And all we do is fake our feelings
I'm so scared to put myself so out there
Time is running out, yeah
Need to let you know that

Last night I woke the fuck up
I've realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh
Last night I woke the fuck up
I've realized I need you here, as desperate as that sounds, yeah-eh

Without Me

Page 1105

Man...

This past week has been so rough.

So tough.

I can't seem to concentrate at work.

I have so much plans.. for us.

You're always on my mind.

Always affecting.. my mood.

I'm not gonna lie.

It hurts when you neglect me.

Especially when I'm trying so so hard.

Are we fading?

Please don't say we are.

Cause I'm still here.

I still love you.

Honestly. Genuinely.

I do...

I can't imagine a life without you.

Or you out there... without me.

I love you so much. :(

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Halsey - Without Me

Found you when your heart was broke
I filled your cup until it overflowed
Took it so far to keep you close (keep you close)
I was afraid to leave you on your own

I said I'd catch you if you fall (fall)
And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (all)
And then I got you off your knees
Put you right back on your feet
Just so you could take advantage of me

Tell me, how's it feel sittin' up there?
Feeling so high, but too far away to hold me
You know I'm the one who put you up there
Name in the sky, does it ever get lonely?
Thinking you could live without me
Thinking you could live without me
Baby, I'm the one who put you up there
I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)
Thinking you could live without me
Live without me
Baby, I'm the one who put you up there
I don't know why (I don't know why, yeah, yeah)

Gave love 'bout a hundred tries (hundred tries)
Just running from the demons in your mind
Then I took yours and made 'em mine (mine)
I didn't notice 'cause my love was blind

Said I'd catch you if you fall (fall)
And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (all)
And then I got you off your knees
Put you right back on your feet
Just so you could take advantage of me

Tell me, how's it feel sittin' up there?
Feeling so high but too far away to hold me
You know I'm the one who put you up there
Name in the sky, does it ever get lonely?
Thinking you could live without me
Thinking you could live without me
Baby, I'm the one who put you up there
I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)
Thinking you could live without me
Live without me
Baby, I'm the one who put you up there
I don't know why, yeah

You don't have to say just what you did (what you did)
I already know (I know)
I had to go and find out from them (oh-woah)
So tell me, how's it feel? (oh-woah)

Tell me, how's it feel sittin' up there?
Feeling so high, but too far away to hold me
You know I'm the one who put you up there
Name in the sky, does it ever get lonely?
Thinking you could live without me
Thinking you could live without me
Baby, I'm the one who put you up there
I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)

Dependent

Page 1104

I love you sososo much.

Omg.

I don't even know how or why.

I just do.

Ever since I laid my eyes on you.

Every single time we meet.

I fall for you all over again.

It's so amazing.

You're... amazing.

I may have my insecurities and issues that I won't show up front.

But I love you with all my heart.

I do.

I'm in too deep now.

I'm just.. dependent on you.

And that's.. scary and wonderful at the same time.

Love, Eran.

https://www.shazam.com/track/417706305/dependent-on-you

Current Song Mood: Of Methodist - Dependent On You

Wanna wanna wanna want you

[Verse 1]
Made my decision, you're the one I want
But I doubt my intuition, all the issues I confront
Cuz i'm used to being alone, numbing all my feelings
Don't need nobody else, until you came around

[Pre-Chorus]
Just letting you know
That I can't live without you
If you let me go
I'll have nothing left to lose, nothing left to prove

[Chorus]
I find myself dependent on you
Tell me do you feel that way too?
I'm falling out of line with you
Cuz you make me wanna wanna want you

Wanna wanna wanna want you
Wanna wanna wanna want you

[Verse 2]
You're sticking to the rules but I don't care
Why'd you gotta act so unaware
Yeah secretly you're proud of it what I have become
I'm unable to run

[Pre-Chorus]
I'm just letting you know
That I can't live without you
If you let me go
I'll have nothing left to lose, nothing left to prove

I find myself dependent on you
Tell me do you feel that way too?
I'm falling out of line with you
Cuz you make me wanna wanna want you

[Bridge]
Calm me down, you know that I need you
To hold me down. Hold me down
All my doubt, prove me wrong don't stress me out
Calm me down

[Chorus]
I find myself dependent on you
Tell me do you feel that way too?
I'm falling out of line with you
Cuz you make me wanna wanna want you

Wanna wanna wanna want you
Wanna wanna wanna want you