Never Say Die

Page 1369

Ramadhan has started.

Fasting has been okay so far.

It's a rather weird time to go through it.

Nothing festive about it at all.

As Raya is cancelled, and everyone has to practice social distancing.

But I believe it will all be worth it.

I mean.. the numbers are dropping.

That is a really good sign.

And if we keep it up, I foresee the number of cases to be reduced greatly by June.

The world won't be the same by then..

But it will be worth it.

We'll see.

Never say die.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: CHVRCHES - Never Say Die

Wasn't it gonna be fun and wasn't it gonna be new?
Wasn't it gonna be different and wasn't it gonna be true?
Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?
Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?

Weren't you gonna be sorry and weren't you gonna be pure?
Weren't we gonna be honest and weren't we gonna be more?
Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?
Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?

All you want is to play at playing god
But I'm falling in, I'm falling out
All you need is to play at playing god
And I'm falling in, I'm falling out

Never, never, never, ever
Never, ever, ever say die
(Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?)
Never, never, never, ever
Never, ever, ever say die
(Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?)
Never, never, never, ever
Never, ever, ever stop
(Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?)
Never, never, never, ever
Never, ever, ever say die
(Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?)

Weren't you trying forgiveness and weren't you trying to stay?
Weren't you trying to look up and weren't you trying to pray?
Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?
Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?

All you want is to play at playing god
But I'm falling in, I'm falling out
All you need is to play at playing god
And I'm falling in, I'm falling out

Never, never, never, ever
Never, ever, ever say die
(Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?)
Never, never, never, ever
Never, ever, ever say die
(Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?)
Never, never, never, ever
Never, ever, ever stop
(Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?)
Never, never, never, ever
Never, ever, ever say die
(Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?)

(Didn't you say that? Didn't you say that?)...

Listen

Page 1368

Thanks for having me over today.

I'll always make time for you.

Despite the circumstances. 

You're my everything.

I'll always listen to your worries.

I'm yours and I hope you know that.

You slept so soundly today.

I'm glad I could make you smile, even at the silliest things.

Sleep tight tonight.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Charles Fauna, Ivy Sole - Listen

You know I will listen

You got a million bestfriends

You don't see them

Not always easy to tell

They just love you

Come find me and I

I will 

Listen

Whatever's bothering you

I will

Listen

Theres just too much too lose

I will 

Listen

Give me your energy and 

I will

Listen

Listen

You don't know how long I waited

You must see how much I needed 

Someone

Someone

All this heavy

All this praying

Cant believe I start believing in 

Someone

Someone

Have you ever lost yourself on an empty night?

Have you ever found a home on the other side

A phonecall

Into gentle hands

Into cab rides

Into street shot

To the sunrise

You're my sunrise

Whatever you cannot face 

You will

In time

We are the generation

That hides

Dont hide

Come find me and I 

I will

Listen

Whatever's bothering you

I will

Listen

Listen 

I will listen...

I will listen...

My Friend

Page 1367

Lately I've been feeling peer-pressured.

By the people around me.

Especially today.

With separate incidences.

Having to try to explain inexplicable reasons.

Trying to make myself look less of a fool.

Just to defend myself.

Like I'm beating a dead horse.

It is not my thing.

I am not a party boy.

Majority of my friends are smoker, doesn't mean I have to be one.

You're close to me, doesn't mean you can talk to me that way.

And just because you're my friend, doesn't mean you can be pushy either.

I don't necessarily find it a bad thing.

I don't have to succumb to your expectations.

I know how to stand my ground.

 I just need people to get off my back.

It can feel.. uncomfortable.

Ya feel me?

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hayley Williams - My Friend

Every morning I wake up
From a dream of you
Holding me
Underwater
(Is that a dream or a memory?)

Held my breath for a decade
Dyed my hair blue
To match my lips
Cool of me to try
(Pretty cool I'm still alive)

I beat it like a dead horse
I beat it like a drum
Oh, I stayed with you too long
Skipping like a record
I sang along
To a silly little song

I said I beat it like a dead horse
I beat it like a drum
Oh, I stayed with you too long
Skipping like a record
I sang along
A shitty never ending song

Sometimes it's good to be
The bigger person
But I'm so small I can't compare
And after all, it's only fair
Yeah

I got what I deserved
I was the other woman first
Other others on the line
But I kept trying to make it work

I beat it like a dead horse
I beat it like a drum
Oh, I stayed with you too long
Skipping like a record
I sang along
To a silly little song

I said I beat it like a dead horse
I beat it like a drum
Oh, I stayed with you too long
Skipping like a record
I sang along
To your shitty little song

(Ya-ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya)
(Ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya)

When I said goodbye, I hope you cried
When I said goodbye, I hope you cried
When I said goodbye, I hope you cried
When I said goodbye, I hope you cried

I beat it like a dead horse
I beat it like a drum
Oh, I stayed with you too long
Skipping like a record
I sang along
To a silly little song

I said I beat it like a dead horse
I beat it like a drum
Oh, I stayed with you too long
Skipping like a record
I sang along
And now you get another song

(Ya-ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya)
(Ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya)
Now you get another song
(Ya-ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya)
(Ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya) (ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya)
And now you get another song

I'm Ready

Page 1366

It's already Monday??

Damn, that's fast.

And I've been progressing a bit too fast at work too.

It has its pros and cons.

'I don't want people to start taking advantage of you' says my new mentor.

It is true.

People will tend to.

But it is fine.

I'm keeping positive about it.

Give me something to do, I will gladly do it.

I'm ready.

At the end of the day, I get to knock off work on time.

And head home.

Work stays at work.

And that's what's most important to me.

A work-life balance.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Sam Smith, Demi Lovato - I'm Ready

It's a cold night in my bed in the heat of the summer
I've been waiting patiently for a beautiful lover
He's not a cheater, a believer
He's a warm, warm blooded achiever
It's a lonely night in my bed in the heat of the summer, uhh

It's so hard when you're with someone
Your heart breaks and it ain't no fun
But I gotta take that risk tonight

I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready, I'm ready
For someone to love me (For someone to love me)
I'm ready (I'm ready), I'm ready (I'm ready)
I'm ready (I'm ready), I'm ready (I'm ready)
For someone to love me
For someone to love me

Ooh-yeah

It's a hot night in my head in the chill of the winter
No, I've been lookin' hard for a lover disguised as a sinner
No, not a cheater, a redeemer
He's a cold, cold blooded defeater
It's a hot night in my head in the chill of the winter, no

It's so hard when you're with someone
Your heart breaks and it ain't no fun
But I gotta take that risk tonight

I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready, I'm ready
For someone to love me (For someone to love me)
I'm ready (I'm ready), I'm ready (I'm ready)
I'm ready (I'm ready), I'm ready (I'm ready)
For someone to love me
For someone to love me

(I'm ready)
(I'm ready)
(I'm ready)
(I'm ready)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

It's a cold night in my bed in the heat of the summer
No, I've been lookin' hard for a lover disguised as a sinner

I'm ready (I'm ready), I'm ready (I'm ready)
I'm ready (I'm ready), I'm ready (I'm ready)
For someone to love me (For someone to love me)
I'm ready (I'm ready), I'm ready (I'm ready)
I'm ready (I'm ready), I'm ready (I'm ready)
For someone to love me
For someone to love me

Why We Ever

Page 1365

So thankful for tonight.

I've missed you so much.

Being in your arms again made me feel whole.

You.. complete me.

In the best way possible.

Updating each other about our lives.

Since.. that happened.

I'm glad we're both moving on from it.

Movie marathons.

Sharing music and conspiracy theories (I'm obsessed).

Cant fathom why we ever need to be apart.

We don't have to be.

Especially in these trying times.

We just need each other.

And that's more than enough.

See you soon. x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hayley Williams - Why We Ever 

Open your mouth
Say something warm
I've spent a while
On the stranger's side of your door
How do you sound?
What do you look like now?
I try to replicate our movements in my mind

And now I
Can't seem to remember why
We ever
Felt we had to say goodbye
I can't seem to remember why
Can't seem to remember why

Tin-can telephone
From your home to my home
I can't feel your energy no more
No more, no more (No more, no more, no more)
No more, no more (No more, no more, no more)
No more, no more

And now I
Can't seem to remember why
We ever
Felt we had to say goodbye
Can't seem to remember why
And, darling, we ever
Can't seem to remember why

I spent the weekend at home again
Drawing circles on the floor
Tried to keep myself from hurting
I don't know why anymore

I just wanna talk about it
I know I freaked you out
I just wanna talk about it
Sorry for freakin' out

I just wanna talk about it
I know I freaked you out
I just wanna talk about it
Sorry for freakin' out
Sorry for freakin' out

I just wanna talk about it
Sorry for freakin' out
I just wanna talk about it
Sorry for freakin' out

Creepin'

Page 1364

I had such weird vivid dreams this morning.

I could make out at least one.

I'm in a hotel room.

It's a holiday. A getaway.

It seems to be a cruise ship.

Or some sort of resort.

I can see a pool from the window.

The door lock is spoilt. 

It doesn't feel secure.

The room was eerily quiet.

There's a huge toilet. And a big bed.

It's suddenly night time.

I am about to go to bed.

And suddenly, a strange presence was felt.

Something creepin'.

I notice something moving near the ceiling.

Weird.. bugs. Flying around the light.

They were aggressive.

One of them flies towards me.

I swat it away.

I took a spray, and sprayed water in their direction.

More comes out.

It was.. horrifying.

Something crawls behind my neck.

I freak out.

A sudden paralysis. 

I wake up. 

Missed all my alarms.

And just felt weird.

The weirdest part of that dream was...

I've had it before.

That exact same room.

And frightening experience.

It is creepy.

It's like I fell into a different dimension.

And I'm not sure if I'll ever know the meaning behind it.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hayley Williams - Creepin' 

Batty pair of eyes creepin'
Aiming like a laser pointer
Poor little vampire baby
We bleed holy water

So why you creepin' 'round here?
(Why you creepin'?)
(Why you creepin'?)
Why you creepin' 'round?

Strange you're not a threat to me
And I admire dedication
Poor little vampire, don't you know
That I'm a moon in daylight?

Why you creepin' 'round here?
(Why you creepin'?)
(Why you creepin'?)
Why you creepin' 'round here?
(Why you creepin'?)
(Why you creepin'?)
Why you creepin' 'round?

It always starts as something so simple and innocent but
Too much of anything, you never know how to quit
You hate the taste but you don't wanna forget it
Just keep on sucking on the memory of him

(Creepin')
(Creepin')
(Why you creepin'?)

So why you creepin' 'round here?
(Why you creepin'?)
(Why you creepin'?)
Why you creepin' 'round here?
(Why you creepin'?)
(Why you creepin'?)
Why you creepin' 'round?

It always starts as something so simple and innocent but
Too much of anything, you never know how to quit
You hate the taste but you don't wanna forget it
Just keep on sucking on the memory of him

(Creepin')
(Why you creepin'?)
(Why you creepin'?)
So why you creepin' 'round here?

Gimme Love

Page 1363

The days are a haze.

I'm not sure if time is passing slow or fast.

Either ways this month feels like a draaaag.

And I can't wait for it to be over.

For things to get normal.

I'd take a space shuttle to space, to quarantine myself from all this shit.

Right now I'm missing my boy too much.

I'll see you Soon alright?

PS. I'm really digging this new song/video by Joji. 

He's come so far, and I'm happy to see his growth.

Gimme Love.

Yes.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Joji - Gimme Love 

Know Your Worth

Page 1362

Still surviving.

It is already mid week.

And I'm just looking forward to the weekends.

I am trying my best to cope.

There's just a lot to digest.

Just give me some time.

I will try my personal best.

That's all I can ever promise.

It's important..

To know your worth.

It will be okay.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Khalid, Disclosure - Know Your Worth

He keeps leaving you for dead
I don't know what you been waiting for
So you've got your love locked up instead
But somethin' better's waitin' at your door

You don't know your worth
All the things I know that you deserve
Say it's not real if it doesn't hurt
Find someone you know will put you first
Find someone who loves you at your worst

Gotta keep, gotta keep, gotta keep your head up
Gotta keep, gotta keep, gotta keep your head up
Gotta keep, gotta keep, gotta keep your head up
Who puts you first?
Find someone who loves you at your worst

Don't forget the words I said
Picking you up when you're feelin' down
You keep strung on thoughts left in your head
When you lose hope, soon you will be found

You don't know your worth
All the things I know that you deserve
Say it's not real if it doesn't hurt
Find someone you know will put you first
Find someone who loves you at your worst

Gotta keep, gotta keep, gotta keep your head up
Gotta keep, gotta keep, gotta keep your head up
Gotta keep, gotta keep, gotta keep your head up
Who puts you first?
Find someone who loves you at your worst

(Find someone who loves you at your worst)
Find someone who loves you at your worst

Gotta keep, gotta keep, gotta keep your head up (Ay)
Gotta keep, gotta keep, gotta keep your head up (Gotta keep your head up)
Gotta keep, gotta keep, gotta keep your head up
Who puts you first?
Find someone who loves you at your worst
(Find someone who loves you at your worst)
Find someone who loves you at your worst

A Better Person

Page 1361

There's so much pain... And history. In this place.

Today I sat with my new co-workers for dinner.

And they opened up.. about their ex-colleague.

The one that died 4 months ago.

He died suddenly.

Too sudden.

These past 2 days, everyone has been looking at me strange.

My colleagues. My patients.

Was it because I was new? - No.

It was because I resembled him.

Too much.

Eerily.

I've never felt so weird.

Patients were talking.

I learned a colleague cried today because she was still grieving.

Someone asked why.

She just pointed at me (I wasn't aware).

I feel fucking weird.

To be compared.. to a dead man.

He just got married. Finished his degree.

All these accomplishments.

He must've been a really good guy..

A better person.

And I'm afraid that I'm just.. 

I'm just me.

I'm not him.

And I can never fill his shoes.

Maybe.. I'm here for a reason.

And I'm still uncertain why.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Foreign Fields - A Better Person

My heart is still a pire
I need to put it out
But I am only water
Will you hand me down?
Just to tide me with love
I'll be a better person

My lungs are still on fire
I can't stop running out
My legs are never tired
I am just a portion
Of a once true bitter love
With a heart of a believer
Never a believer
Never a believer
Never a believer

Never a believer
Never a believer
Never a believer
Never a believer

Brand New

Page 1360

A brand new start.

New job..

New environment.

New faces.

I struggled a bit with the foreign workflows, which I am still trying to get used to.

But it felt good.

To start.. over.

Everyone has to start somewhere right?

I'll build myself up again.

Slowly.

Bismillah.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Foreign Fields - Brand New

In the mirror fall away
When you're face to face
Finally tears drop
You're letting the tears drop
Filling up your heart again
When you're face to face
Reincarnate
The mirror falls away

The first time that you hear it
Speaking when you need it
When you're face down on
Find your way home
Finally you feel it
The first time that you need it
On the crown of your ellipse
On my way home

Broken down lost in my mind
Are you calling my name
I think that I can hear you
I need to be near you

Shadow figure open the light
I am face to face
Reincarnate
The mirror falls away

The first time that you hear it
Speaking when you need it
When you're face down on
Find your way home
Finally you feel it
First time that you need it
On the crown of your ellipse
On my way home

I'm feeling brand new
I'm feeling brand new
Talk to me to see it through
See it through
I'm feeling brand new
I'm feeling brand new
Talk to me to see it through
See it through

The first time that you hear it
Speaking when you need it
When you're face down on
Find your way home
Finally you feel it
First time that you need it (I'm feeling brand new)
On the crown of your ellipse
On my way home (I'm feeling brand new)
The first time that you hear it (I'm feeling brand new)
Speaking when you need it (I'm feeling brand new)
When you're face down on, (I'm feeling brand new)
Find your way home (I'm feeling brand new)
Finally you feel it (I'm feeling brand new)
The first time that you need it (I'm feeling brand new)
On the crown of your ellipse
On my way home

[Spoken outro]
Love filled with air
Struggling to catch our breath
We have lost our way
Along the southern path
Used between here and now
I know they are there
Stories pile up
Increasing circles
The grip of the soil turning earth
Trapped deep in the wild
Breathless, eyes closed
We search for answers outside
In decades, a flightless flight
We fill years upon a grave
The words are buried there
Between years trapped together
January to January
Working to find our way home
And we finally feel it
As the rain and trees clear up
Future, past
We are here
The air is exhausted
We are home