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''A month ago''
I shouldn’t be alive right now.
I shouldn’t be.
What happened today…
Was a big wake up call.
A hard slap to the face.
That the possibility of dying, was very very real.
And how short, life is.
My life flashed before me.
& It was all just a blur.
I went for my usual morning shift.
Kakak (My colleague) picked me up in her car.
And we proceeded to pick up M (My other colleague) at Marsiling.
We reached. Went out of the car to wait.
Kakak smoked a cig.
I played with a cat.
Killed at least 3 baby cockroaches. (Told her maybe there's an infestation in the car)
We had funny conversations.
The wind was strong.
M was still late. It was already 5:15AM.
I told Kakak. 'We should go. It’s already late.'
She wanted to wait. Okay.
It was 5:30AM now. No reply.
I said to her again; ‘Lets just go’
She said she would call him. No answer.
So, okay.
We got in the car.
Just as we were about to leave…
He called back.
‘Sorry, overslept. Your call woke me up. Give me 15 mins’. Kakak looked at me and shrugged.
We were here anyway.
So, Okay. We waited..
‘Get ready adek, confirm he will speed.’ She joked
I instinctively fastened my seatbelt.
They have laughed at me many times for wearing it at the back. I didn’t care.
It started drizzling.
He came.
‘Sorry, paiseh.’
We drove off.
It started pouring hard, as we reached the highway.
He was cutting past cars.
I was used to this already. So I took out my phone. And played my usual game.
We were halfway to work.
And I swear… what happened next still haunts me.
The car skids. Hits a bus. Goes out of control.
Next thing I know, We are spinning. Spinning. And spinning.
I hear screams.
Screams of terror.
Screams that I still hear in my head till today.
And the loud crash. We crashed into a railing.
The smell of a broken engine. And smoke.
It was all a blur…
I didn't even have time to react.
I opened my eyes.
Our stuff scattered everywhere in the car.
My phone, missing.
The airbags were out.
Everyone… was in shock.
I unfastened my seatbelt.
And stumbled out.
I immediately checked on the others.
I helped Kakak out of the car.
Shock.
Holding her stomach & wincing in pain.
That’s not good.
I brought her to the side.
Me: ‘Are you okay? Do you need the ambulance?’
Kak: ‘No, no I’m okay.’
The bus driver got out, asking us what happened.
He was confused.
M freaked out. He kept apologising.
Kak: ‘Adek do you have water?’
I fumbled through the wreck. Found their phones on the floor, at the back.
I opened the other side of the door. And found MY phone.
I shuddered at the thought.
'What if I hadn't worn my seatbelt?'
I looked for water in the crushed front seat.
Empty cup.
Nothing.
‘Sorry kak…’
‘Its okay. Adek pls book Grab.’ she whispered.
At this point, it started pouring.
The sky was unforgiving.
It was cold.
The bus driver let us in the bus.
Kakak looked at me.
I could see her tearing up.
She called & informed her family, colleagues and patients.
The bus driver took M’s particulars.
Just in time, the Grab came.
Me and Kakak took it, while M stayed back to handle the wreck.
The ride to work was dead silent.
The Grab driver decided to rub salt on our wounds.
We just kept quiet.
Annoyed, even.
We were still in shock, for goodness sake.
We reached the DC, the patients were waiting.
Everyone looked concerned.
But they knew what happened.
Some patient's even helped out, and I really appreciated that.
Did our routines, and our hands were still shaking.
Trying to make sense of it all.
Trying to function.
I don’t know how we did it, but we managed to settle our patients.
After settling down, I sat down beside her.
Quiet.
Kak: ‘So weird, how come I didn’t have any instinct.’
Me: ‘I Did.’
Kak’: 'Really?’
Me: Yeah. Thats why I told you, we should’ve gone first.’
She puts her head down.
Broke down a couple of times.
Trying to keep a strong front.
Her rib area was bruised.
I texted my manager to find someone to relief her.
Luckily, she did.
And told her to go check herself.
M came down to the DC to check on us.
It was thoughtful, but I don’t think I wanted that.
He had settled the car wreck.
I’m just glad that we are all still walking.
It could’ve been much, much worse….
I left work at 2.
And as I walked home, I kept checking my body.
Looking at my hands.
Wondering if this is a dream.
Am I really alive?
Do I deserve to be?
I’m scared that I would just wake up and… be dead.
I don’t know anymore.
I got home to an empty house.
I showered, and for the first time in a while, I just plonked down on the sofa.
Fan at high speed.
And I.. Slept. In peace.
