Adulting life came and it took a lot of that away.
I.. faded away.
I am grateful for those that have stuck by me.
But yet, there is this aching pain whenever I reminisce about a nostalgic moment from the past.
And I just wonder, where did the rest go?
Sometimes I look at myself and wonder, am I not worth missing or keeping?
Why am I not included anymore?
What have I turned into?
Who will erase me?
Sometimes I don’t even see myself in the mirror
I can’t.. see me anymore.
Or maybe it’s just a seasonal depression.
Cause it’s fucking November, after all.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: Lizzy Mcalpine, Jacob Collier - Erase Me
Why am I awake? Nails on the floor And soot on my tongue I don't know his name But I still taste the rum
Nothing there but skin Skeletons crawl on the ceiling They know That him and his aftershave hit like a drug (Drug) (Drug)
Don't answer me I'm calling just to hear you scream And you're fading But he feels like you in between I've said too much In and out of wanting us Now you're fading And I wonder who will erase me Who will erase me?
Race you to the end My innocence waits like it desperately knows That I'll crash if I don't let you go
Don't answer me I'm calling just to hear you scream And you're fading But he feels like you in between I've said too much In and out of wanting us Now you're fading And I wonder who will erase me
Erase me Erase me And I wonder who will erase me
Don't answer me I'm calling just to hear you scream And you're fading But he feels like you in between I've said too much In and out of wanting us Now you're fading And I wonder who will erase
Don't answer me I'm calling just to hear you scream And you're fading But he feels like you in between I've said too much In and out of wanting us Now you're fading And I wonder who will erase me Oh who will erase me?
Technically I started yesterday at my side job, cause I didn't want to feel the blues at home on my off day.
It be like that when you're coming back from leave.
Anyway.
Such an interesting journey to work today though.
Was waiting for my bus at the bus stand.
I was busy scrolling through my phone.
Looked up, and out of nowhere, this primary school kid popped up.
'Can I have $1? My knee is injured, and I need to go to my mother's house.'
Me: 'Uhh. Okay. Sure.' Cause what the heck, it was just $1 right? And I pitied the dude.
I burrowed through my wallet for a dollar, passed it to him.
And he literally.... skipped away. Like a fucking deer.
I was like.... 'Wait a daaaaam minute.'
Watching in confusion.
'I guess his knee suddenly got better' Lol.
I could here some giggling and whisperings behind.
I turned and saw 3 Pri school girls, who immediately looked away when I turned, and walked ahead.
The fucking kid skipped back to them, started chatting and laughing, and all the dots connected for me.
I was like. Lol. Such a contrast from the sweet kid I met a few weeks ago.
I've really seen two diff sides of people huh.
Meh, it didn't matter. Just fucking kids. I carried on my journey to work.
It was nice to feel needed again at work. LOL.
The moment I stepped into the room, there was a whole lot of gossip for me. Lmao.
Also as sad as it may sound, I think I do my job pretty well. Bite me if you will.
One of the people from HQ came down, and that could only mean good news or bad news.
I suppose it's good.
My manager and her came up to me and asked if was still interested to go to the new centre nearer to my place.
I didn't give them a yes or no. I just said 'I don't mind.'
I honestly don't. I could use a change right now. Heh.
So she said, tentatively, I could start there in February.
I said alright, sure. My journey to work now is around 1hr 15 mins. Just to reach early.
I could take 20 mins to reach this newer centre. So yeah, why the heck not right?
I'm kind of excited for a new environment too.
She also mentioned the government giving some sort of incentive soon. So yeah. Hopefully it's good enough for me to stick around LOL.
Things are kindaaa looking up.
But only time will tell.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: Avril Lavigne - Bite Me
Hey you, you should've known better, better to fuck with someone like me Hey you, forever and ever you're gonna wish I was your wifey
Don't act so innocent This was no accident You planned this in the end And now it's over
Say what you want to say You lied and I got played You threw it all away And now it's over
Just face it We didn't make it You bit off more than you can chew Can you taste it?
Hey you, you should've known better, better to fuck with someone like me Hey you, forever and ever you're gonna wish I was your wifey Should've held on, should've treated me right I gave you one chance, you don't get it twice Hey you, and we'll be together never, so baby you can bite me
Don't hold your breath Cause you're still choking on your words Those things you said Might be the last ones that I heard
So come pick up your clothes from the front yard Sprinklers on, burn the rest in the backyard Should've had the guts just to say goodbye Now you're gonna have regrets for the rest of your life
Just face it We didn't make it You bit off more than you can chew Can you taste it?
Hey you, you should've known better, better to fuck with someone like me Hey you, forever and ever you're gonna wish I was your wifey Should've held on, should've treated me right I gave you one chance, you don't get it twice Hey you, and we'll be together never, so baby you can bite me
I bet you taste me on the tip of your tongue Tip of your tongue, tip of your tongue I fell fast when I know I shoulda run Know I shoulda run, know I shoulda run
I bet you taste me on the tip of your tongue Tip of your tongue, tip of your tongue I fell fast when I know I shoulda run Know I shoulda run, know I shoulda run
Hey you, you should've known better, better to fuck with someone like me (Like me) Hey you, forever and ever you're gonna wish I was your wifey Should've held on, should've treated me right (Yeah yeah yeah) I gave you one chance, you don't get it twice (Yeah yeah yeah) Hey you, and we'll be together never, so baby you can bite me
It has been a nice break, like I was dancing on a cloud. There’s not as much anxiety this time since I’ve only been away for a week. Also I have another week off in December so I can't complain HAHA. Just spent the time resting, catching up on shows, gaming, meeting up with my bestie and spending time with my partner :)
Partner’s Birthday
Celebrated le partner’s bday the past week and we had fun eating at burger joints and playing bowling.
It was our first time at K Bowling, and the atmosphere was amazinggg.
I've seen some of my friends gone here and have always wanted to try.
Had so much fun kicking someone's ass in bowling. 🤣😇
The food:
- Wolfburger ❌❌❌
- T Bob's Corner 💯💯💯
Look at those succulent fooood.
Went around Esplanade and took some pics :) it was um. Quite a journey. Let's just say I went home limping. LOL. But hey, it was such a beautiful view that we don't get to appreciate everyday.
Kenyang mode.
There's something hauntingly beautiful about chapels.
A Chill Sunday
The days we went out were great, but the indoors were even better. HAHA. We are just indoor cats, and prefer to cosy up together and get mentally prepared for the week ahead. It's been such a great week.
To more good days ahead.
x
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: Honne - Dancing On A Cloud
Let me take you through the moment When I worked out you're the one I was feeling hopeless But then you hit me like a home run Living in the shadows And now it feels like I'm in full sun And If love was a game I've won
I do I do I do Take you take you take you To be my morning, noon, and night And I knew I knew I knew That you that you that you Would show me dizzying heights
And I'll be dancing on a cloud Thirty-thousand feet above the ground 'Cause that's how I feel when you're around I'll be dancing on the cloud Thirty-thousand feet above the ground 'Cause that's how I feel when you're around I don't, I don't, I don't wanna get down
I feel light-headed Is it 'cause I'm way up high Or maybe it's 'cause you said I could be your guy I was living in the shadows But now I'm floating in the sky Love is a game you should try At least once in your life
I do I do I do Take you take you take you To be my morning, noon, and night And I knew I knew I knew That you that you that you Would show me dizzying heights (yeah that's right)
I'll be dancing on a cloud Thirty-thousand feet above the ground 'Cause that's how I feel when you're around I'll be dancing on the cloud Thirty-thousand feet above the ground 'Cause that's how I feel when you're around I don't, I don't, I don't wanna get down
I'm not afraid to admit this I'm lucky to call you mine I'm on no cumulonimbus I'm up on cloud nine And as long as I've got you beside me I know that I'll be fine Right now Until the end of time
I do I do I do Take you take you take you To be my morning, noon, and night And I knew I knew I knew That you that you that you Would show me dizzying heights (yeah that's right)
I'll be dancing on a cloud Thirty-thousand feet above the ground 'Cause that's how I feel when you're around I'll be dancing on the cloud Thirty-thousand feet above the ground 'Cause that's how I feel when you're around I don't, I don't, I don't wanna get down
I had the cutest encounter on the way to work on Monday.
I had to go pick up some documents as requested by my manager, so I headed to work slightly later than usual.
By the time I reached my work place, it was raining heavily. I usually don't bring an umbrella. And the nearest shelter was about 3 minutes away.
As I stepped off the bus, clutching the documents, I found myself stranded at the bus stop.
Out of the blue, a small boy, about 5-6 years old, came up to me.
'Excuse me, do you want to share?' he asked innocently.
I was taken aback, but I told him 'Its okay, you go ahead :)'
'Its fine, where are you heading?'
'Block 6.'
'Oh me too, I stay there'
Surprised, I decided, 'might as well'!
I thanked him and offered to hold the umbrella.
'Its okay, I can hold it for you.'
I laughed because the dude was sooo smol.
'Here, let me hold it for you.'
We walked into the rain like two buddies.
Chatting along the way.
We approached the traffic light, and the man turned green.
'Theres... a huge puddle.'
I realised this dude couldn't possibly jumped across cause he was so tiny LOL.
So we proceeded around the big puddle.
'Ok get ready... 1.. 2.. jump!!!!'
I was dying inside. This was too cute. Is this real??? What must other people be thinking xD
I walked slowly for him to keep up but the dude kept walking slower. 😭🤣
We finally reached the shelter where his friends were waiting.
'Whats your name?'
'Zachary.'
'Thank you very much Zachary.' :)
And I left for work.
Such an angel.
Thank you for making my day.
An innocent & pure heart, more human than most humans I know.
God bless.
Perfectly sketched by my partner. :)
Another break.
It's time for another round of annual leave. I think I totally deserve this. Haha. I mean, I didn't take any annual leave the first half of the year. Been hustling and working my ass off. So I definitely deserve this break :)
A day at USS.
Started off my leave with a day at USS with my partner & friends.
I felt like a kiddd again.
Took so many fun rides.
Some I'll never take again. LOL.
Cylon took the life out of me. I honestly thought I was gonna die.
But the rest of the rides were so fun.
And I had the bestest time in a long time with these guys. Thank you for making my weekends so fantastic. 🤍
Time for some 'me' time.
Have a good week ahead. x
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood #1: Troye Sivan - Angel Baby
I need a lover to keep me sane Pull me from hell bring me back again Play me the classics Something romantic Give him my all when I don't even have it I always dreamed of a solemn face Someone who feels like a holiday But now I'm in pieces, barely believing Starting to think that I've lost all feeling
You came out the blue on a rainy night, no lie I tell you how I almost died, while you're bringing me back to life
I just wanna live in this moment forever 'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better Started giving up on the word forever Until you give up heaven so we could be together
You're my angel, angel baby Angel, you're my angel, baby Baby, you're my angel, angel baby
I'll fall in love with the little things Counting the tattoos on your skin Tell me a secret And baby I'll keep it And maybe we can play house for the weekend
You came out the blue on a rainy night, no lie I'll tell you how I almost died While you're bringing me back to life
I just wanna live in this moment forever 'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better Started giving up on the word forever Until you give up heaven so we could be together
You're my angel, angel baby Angel, you're my angel, baby Baby, you're my angel, angel baby
All the sick and twisted nights that I've been waiting for ya They were worth it all along, yeah
I just wanna live in this moment forever 'Cause I'm afraid that living couldn't get any better Started giving up on the word forever (Ooh, forever) Until you give up heaven so we could be together
You're my angel, angel baby Angel, you're my angel, baby Baby, you're my angel, angel baby Angel, angel baby (You're my angel, baby) Angel, you're my angel, baby Baby, you're my angel, angel baby
Current Song Mood #2: Westlife - Starlight
Could it be, could it be the start of something Maybe our, maybe our lucks about to Turn around, around a little 'Cuz right now we're caught in the middle
Could it be, could it be the start of hoping Maybe now, maybe now the doors are opening To a place that we've never been Seeing things that we've never seen
So many times I turned away But something held me back that day And all I want to say is I hope you're here to stay
Starlight Lighting up the darkest night Something I can see in your eyes Keeps me alive tonight, oh, oh-oh We can all be starlights Racing at the speed of light I found you in my darkest time Now look how we shine so bright, whoah
Maybe now this is our time for lovin' You're the one, you're the one who made me smile All over again and again now I'm singing You saved me, this is a new beginning
So many times I turned away But something held me back that day And all I want to say is I hope you're here to stay
Starlight Lighting up the darkest night Something I can see in your eyes Keeps me alive tonight, oh, oh-oh We can all be starlights Racing at the speed of light I found you in my darkest time Now look how we shine so bright, whoah
Dancing at the speed of light You know you are my starlight Dancing at the speed of light You know you are my starlight
I was in my darkest place And then I saw your face Lately all I wanna say is I hope you're here to stay
Starlight Lighting up the darkest night Something I can see in your eyes Keeps me alive tonight, oh, oh-oh We can all be starlights Racing at the speed of light I found you in my darkest time Now look how we shine so bright, whoah
Of course we celebrated by being the indoor cats that we are.
We were out for breakfast this morning and experienced so much weird antics from diff strangers in such a short period of time today.
We were quite done with the outside world.
Hahaha.
We also caught LAMB which was produced by A24, directed byValdimar Jóhannsson.
I must say, I have been quite excited for it since the release of its trailer and I was not disappointed.
It was a breathtaking visual with chilling scenes pertaining to grief and loss. Such eeriness was very much appreciated by me and my partner. 5/5 for me.
It's the end of October already.
There are some interesting travel changes happening soon as we progress with the new world.
Time for fresh new sheets.
And a whole new excitement for the year to end.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood: JoJo - Fresh New Sheets
I don't wanna see anybody right now
I'm in the mood for company, just me
(Kinda crazy)
Mmm, oh
Ooh, it's been a long day
Caught up in a wrong thing
Don't know why I opened my eyes
I wish I could just lay here
Just me and my space here
I still can't find a way to melt the ice
I got these fresh new sheets and you said you were free
To come and break 'em in with me
Sounded good when I said it then
But maybe that ain't what I need
I get so attached then the comedown's bad
And I just end up hating me
'Cause even though I love your touch
I know that it's way too much
Please don't come over
'Cause you can't compete
With the things that I'm scared of
That keep love from me
And no, please don't come over
My heart's too weak
And I know I'm better
Than this sad, broken version of me
Oh, sometimes I wanna reach out
But then I start to freak out
Honestly, I'd rather turn my phone off
Because the energy that it takes
To be somebody, somebody just ain't in me
I'm too much of a mess to let you know
Please don't come over
You can't compete
With the things that I'm scared of
That keep love from me
So, please don't come over
My heart is just too weak
And I know I'm better
Than this sad, broken version of me
I know I'm better
I'm better, better
I know I'm better, oh
Than this sad, broken version of me
Please don't come over
My heart's just too weak
I know I'm better
Ain't it supposed to be further
And bigger than this when I walk in a room?
Don't they know what it is? Ooh
Trying to not think 'bout it just hurts like a bitch
Did gym, went for my booster shot, had breakfast, gamed and caught up with lots of music.
And then it was time to head to work.
The train doors opened and lo and behold.
Bumped into an old friend: Lincoln!
He was one of the producers for my first EP.
I was in shock, as was he.
I attempted to shake his hand and he went in for a hug.
Him: 'I gotta rush man!'
Me: 'Yea sure!'
I told him the hug felt like 5 seconds of therapy.
It was hilarious but true.
All the nostalgia from the studio days came back to me.
My partner told me; 'Maybe the Universe lets you meet him for a bit, to make you realise that is what you actually lost'..
And that was so true.
The moments I was creating music back in 2018-2019 with Jaz and Lincoln, those were my most memorable moments. Cause I was so broken back then, and so determine to make something out of myself. My feelings. Those moments made me feel so alive.
These days I feel like I'm just hustling, and time is just ticking away. Adulting sucks your soul away, and we are just waiting for the next payday.
That's... not living. Isn't it? But we've gotta survive in the meantime.
Well, it got worst when I reached work.
Let's just say my manager hinted an incident that happened was because of an incompetent staff.
Yeah, that staff involved was me. Not saying it directly but - it was quite obvious.
I was pretty upset throughout, anxiety attacks and all. I couldn't work like this.
I hated the feeling. It is really upsetting & brings out the worst I assume.
I doubted myself a lot. Like am I even good enough?
So I took a moment to calm myself, deep breaths and just did my tasks. Kept myself busy. By the end of it I was myself again. And I'm glad I didn't let it devour me.
I know I'm gentle as heck when it comes to my patients. Yet these incidents I cant seem to escape.
I'm just looking forward for the week to end.
Love, Eran.
Current Song Mood #1: JoJo - Worst I Assume
Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh Yeah, yeah Ooh, too lit Forgot who I was talking to-shit I don't wanna sabotage this Love ain't how they advertise it
I just hope you understand, yeah I know you be talkin' to your friends Ooh ya, tired And it feels one sided Little misguided But I ain't lookin' for no side dick I know I be fuckin' up the plans I just wanna say it in advance
Even though I thought I was right (Oh) I was goin' off that night (Oh) Sometimes I'm not that nice (Ooh, woah, oh) Even though I'm not that type (Ooh, woah, oh, oh) I just had to call for forgiveness (Oh) I know it's at least in double digits (Ooh-ooh, oh, woah) And I do it all the time, yeah (Yeah) Thinkin' you can read my fuckin' mind, yeah
I keep assuming, you're gonna do shit That might break my heart so I keep up my guard And I know it's confusin', how I put you through it My past and my scars, still make it hard I assume, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Always the worst, I assume Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh Always the worst, I assume
I been sippin' on light, aye I'm just tryna pick a fight, aye, yeah Wonder if it's real life, aye Or if I'm just in a mood I know this can't be safe Arguin' on the freeway Makin' shit about me, babe On your b-day
You know I thought I was right (Oh) I was goin' off that night (Oh, I was really goin' off) Sometimes I'm not that nice (Ooh, woah, oh) Even though I'm not that type (Ooh, woah, oh, oh) I just had to call for forgiveness (Oh) I know it's at least in Some double digits (Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, oo) And I do it all the time, yeah (Yeah) Thinkin' you can read my fuckin' mind, yeah (Ooh yeah, baby, yeah)
I keep assumin', you're gonna do shit That might break my heart so I keep up my guard And I know it's confusin', how I put you through it My past and my scars, still make it hard I assume, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Always the worst, I assume Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh Always the worst, I assume
Always the worst, I assume And I always do this You ain't in the mood for it
Current Song Mood #2: JoJo - Good Enough (Interlude)
Mercury's always in retrograde And everybody's movin' on, but I'm on the same page There's no use speakin' in absolutes But I'm scared that I'll never change Lookin at myself is infuriatin' I hate it 'cause I stop myself from even participatin' Engagin' in the conversation's drainin' It happens daily like I'm sideways
Is it? (Good enough) Are you? (Good enough) Can't be (Good enough) The way that you move (Good enough) You ain't (Good enough) Stuck on (Good enough) The things that you do (Good enough) Perfection (Good enough) Get it (Good enough) So much to prove So much to lose, yeah Is it? (Good enough) Are you? (Good enough) Can't be (Good enough) The way that you move (Good enough) You ain't (Good enough) Stuck on (Good enough) The things that you do (Good enough) Perfection (Good enough) Get it (Good enough) There's so much to prove
Is it? Do you feel you're not good enough for me? So much to prove
Things don't look the same in the thick of the night Wait for the sun rise It'll be alright Don't go let the world make you lose sight All that needs time
