Blue

 Page 1514

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!

Took the liberty to treat my family to breakfast today.

I rarely get to do that as my elder brothers are always the one forking out money.

It felt fulfilling to.. Just to see the happy look on their faces.

I know I don't appreciate family enough.

But it's only cause of the things I've been through in the past.

Maybe there are just some things I cant forgive or let go of.

But I am just doing all I can to try put that aside.

While I still have a family.

A Certain Breakdown

I watched my partner break down the past week amidst all the issues surrounding his life.

Hugs.

It's a lot..

But there is nothing we cant handle.

There will be better days. 

I hope you know that.

I'll be your sponge in the meantime.

Even though it can get to my head sometimes.

I get asked a lot about how I can maintain such calmness and composure.

I guess.. I was just built that way.

I grew up with a lot of childhood traumas - watching my own family breaking apart so many times.

The trauma has got to me in such that even abandonement, loud noises or someone raising their voice can trigger me really badly.

I guess that got me maturing early (which a lot of people pointed out to me when I was younger) and being independent emotionally (or so I thought I was until I met my partner).

I've always kept my problems to myself, analysed them and focused on dealing things one at a time.

I have to, even in my line of job.

Cause I cant afford to... blank out.

Which I have done so many times before.

I tell myself to always anticipate.. the worst.

Because life will keep throwing you shit.

And you just have to keep fighting through.

Its the way life is.

One day at a time.

Sometimes the blue, can be beautiful too.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Rebecca Black - Blue

We've been here before

Re-opened up the door
With high expectations
I think that we both know
There's gonna be a storm
An avalanche waiting

Tried to pretend for the night
Wish it was easy to lie
But you could see in my eyes
That I was changing
Feels like I fell through the sky
Swimming through my ocean mind
Wish I could understand why it
Feels like I'm breaking

Everything's blue
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us

Means walking through
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us
Means I'm losing you
Means I'm losing you

2 years down the drain
A whole life we had made
It was ours for the taking

But the last 40 days
They have been so painful
I guess we won't make it

Tried to pretend for the night
Wish it was easy to lie
But you could see in my eyes
That I was changing
Feels like I fell through the sky
Swimming through my ocean mind
Wish I could understand why it
Feels like I'm breaking

Everything's blue
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us

Means walking through
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us
Means I'm losing you
Means I'm losing you

Kiss Me More

 Page 1513

So. Much. Food. This week. @_@

Hahaha.

But no complaints tho. 

Just my weekly update.

Pain In The Ass Part 2

So. Uh. My hemorrhoids are back.

Fuck.

It's so damn weird.

Just when I thought it was getting better.

I think it was the spicy sambal chicken I had the other day.

It started with the feeling of compressed bowel movements the past few days

Swelling on Friday.

There was even bloodstain when I came home from work on Saturday.

I was like. Fuck????

Okay. 

Guess I have to use the creams the doctor prescribed me after all.

Hahaha.

Today, the inflammation has lessened. So I guess I'll keep it up.

Geeeeze. Give me a breaaaak.

Plotting leaves

Speaking of breaks, I plotted out my leaves for the rest of the year. 

Seeing as how the circumstances are, it's safe to say we're not going anywhere anytime soon.

Hais.

But oh well, more long breaks to look forward to!

Another conjuring

Some weird stuff has been going on in my partner's home.

And wow, my senses were all over the place especially today.

Hm.

I feel like I am getting more sensitive to things I cant see.

Or maybe I've just lost it. 😳

My partner in crime.

So much laughter and kisses this weekend.

Thank you for tolerating my weird antics and letting me be myself.

I cant wait to share a home with you in the future.

In the meantime, this is all we have. 

And I'm more than contented. ☺️

Love, Eran

Current Song Mood: Doja Cat Ft SZA - Kiss Me More

We hug and yes, we make love
And always just say "Goodnight" (La-la-la-la-la)
And we cuddle, sure I do love it
But I need your lips on mine

Can you kiss me more?
We're so young, boy
We ain't got nothin' to lose, oh oh
It's just principle
Baby, hold me
'Cause I like the way you groove, oh oh

Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it
Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it

I, I feel like fuckin' something
But we could be corny, fuck it
Sugar, I ain't no dummy-dummy
I like to say, what if, but if
We could kiss and just cut the rubbish
Then I might be onto somethin'
I ain't givin' you one in public
I'm givin' you hundreds, fuck it
Somethin' we just gotta get into
Sign first, middle, last, on the wisdom tooth
Niggas wishin' that the pussy was a kissin' booth
Taste breakfast, lunch and gin and juice
And that dinner just like dessert too
And when we French, refresh gimme too
When I bite that lip, come get me too
He want lipstick, lipgloss, hickeys too, uh

Can you kiss me more?
We're so young, boy
We ain't got nothin' to lose, oh oh
It's just principle
Baby, hold me
'Cause I like the way you groove, oh oh

Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it
Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it

Say give me a buck, need that gushy stuff
Push the limit, no you ain't good enough
All your niggas say that you lost without me
All my bitches feel like I dodged the county
Fuckin' with you feel like jail, nigga
I can't even exhale, nigga
Pussy like holy grail, you know that
You gon' make me need bail, you know that
Caught dippin' with your friend
You ain't even half man, lyin' on ya [*bleep*], you know that
Got me a bag full of brick, you know that
Control, don't slow the pace if I throw back
All this ass for real (Ah)
Drama make you feel (Ah)
Fantasy and whip appeal
Is all I can give you

Kiss me more
We're so young, boy
We ain't got nothin' to lose, oh oh
It's just principle
Baby, hold me
'Cause I like the way you groove, oh oh
Oh, darling

Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it
Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it

Supernatural Girl

 Page 1512

Another weekend passed by too fast.

Hahaha I don't get it.

It just doesn't feel enough. Oh well.

Gotta face reality.

Had a good time with my partner, just lazing around, gaming and having good meals.

So grateful to have the comfort of our own space to do what we want. :)

The Conjuring 3

Caught The Conjuring 3 today.

Maaan, what a horror!

Been waiting so long for this, and it was worth the wait.

I'm always in awe of Lorraine Warren and her ever-growing abilities which was perfectly painted in this movie.

The demonic possessions were incredibly dark and traumatising - having seen it before, I'm glad it wasn't this bad.

The movie ended on a lighter note - thank god. 

And the love shared between the Warrens was so moving & inspiring. Aw. I hope they make more franchise out of their investigations. I've always found it so intriguing!

My Own Conjuring.

Work has been a drag of course, but the most interesting one was the day where I was PM shift and my colleague Kak S had to OT.

It was her first day (if you know what I mean) and it was pretty heavy.

We went for break together.

And when we got out, our other colleagues were looking pale.

They said someone pressed the toilet call bell outside at the waiting area, but no one was there.

And there was a foul smell.

Me and Kak S looked at each other. Shit.

Of alllll dayssssss.

I accompanied her outside for a smoke break, and we were both clearly spooked.

We even played surah on the way back. Clearly it didn't last cause the next song was an old r&b club jam. HAHAHAHA.

What a night that was.

Hahaha. Okay. Enough supernatural for the week. 

Have a good week ahead! x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: The Veronicas - Supernatural Girl

Said to meet you in the car park
Face to face in the dark dark
Now I'm only seeing stars stars
Now I'm only seeing stars
I feel a chill in the air
As you hold my hand

You give me a reason
Something to believe in
I see the constellations in your eyes
Both my hands tracing your thighs
It's only you I see for miles
A feeling I don't recognise

Where did you come from
I don't know why
You make me feel like it's the first time
Where did you come from
Supernatural girl, Supernatural girl
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world

Got me dancing real slow slow
You've uncovered my soul soul
Now I melt like gold
I melt like gold

Celestial fever
Let's vanish into the ether

You give me a reason
Something to believe in
I see the constellations in your eyes
Both my hands tracing your thighs
It's only you I see for miles
A feeling I don't recognise

Where did you come from
I don't know why
You make me feel like it's the first time
Where did you come from
Supernatural girl, Supernatural girl
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world

Now the whole worlds spinning
I see the end from the beginning
Got me floating through the ceiling

Where did you come from
I don't know why
You make me feel like it's the first time
Where did you come from
Supernatural girl, Supernatural girl
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world

Wilt

 Page 1511

It's JUNE!!!

We're already halfway through the year, wow.

I know I've gone missing a while.

Just been.. going through some stuff and feeling like a wilted flower.

A Pain In The Ass

Seems like I'm going through some kind of painful trauma each month. Haha. Can't catch a break yea? 😅

The past two weeks I've been having this consistent pain in my rectum area, after a series of constipated bowels. My first thought was that it was some sort of haemorrhoids, growth or the worst case scenario; some sort of prolapse. The pain grew worse and I couldn't sneeze, pee or even shit properly. Tried self-medicating for a week, and there was not really much progress. It was so depressing, and I tried not to let it get to me.

So I saw the doctor yesterday. After some painful examination and embarrassing screams of pain from me, she concluded that it was just a laceration, which should heal up in 2 weeks time. Phew. 

Today was the first time it felt slightly better, and I could finally pee & sneeze without flinching. Do y'all know how much you use your rectal muscles in a day? A LOT 😂.

Ah well that side, it's a road to recovery from here. At least I know what's been going on with me. And I definitely get to appreciate performing basic ADLs without any problems.

It'll get better. The only way out is through. 

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Holding Absence - Wilt

"Could you fade away just as quickly as you came?
You're a burnt bouquet
There's nothing left to say
Simply dissipate, dissolve or just decay
You're a burnt bouquet
There's nothing left for me to say"

Hold me now, for a little bit
Burn it down, get it over with
If I admit that our lives were doomed to entwine
I'd turn back the time for your piece of mind
Hold me now, for a little bit
The love that we watched wilt

"Could you fade away just as quickly as you came?
You're a burnt bouquet
There's nothing left to say"

Hold me now, for a little bit
Burn it down, get it over with
If I admit that our lives were doomed to entwine
I'd turn back the time for your piece of mind
Hold me now, for a little bit
The love that we watched wilt

Whenever I see the tapestry, your blessed hand wove for me - The poetry, the misery - It all meant so, so much to me
Just give me a lobotomy and cure these things inside of me, and maybe I can be free to love you for an eternity

If in another life, my heart is beating fine, and love is on my mind... You'll be the first in line

Whenever I see the tapestry, your blessed hand wove for me - The poetry, the misery - It all meant so, so much to me
Just give me a lobotomy and cure these things inside of me, so maybe I can be free to love you for an eternity

If in another life, my heart is beating fine, and love is on my mind... You'll be the first in line

(Whenever I see the tapestry, your blessed hand wove for me - The poetry, the misery - It all meant so, so much to me
Just give me a lobotomy and cure these things inside of me, so maybe I can be free to love you for an eternity)