Blue

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Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!

Took the liberty to treat my family to breakfast today.

I rarely get to do that as my elder brothers are always the one forking out money.

It felt fulfilling to.. Just to see the happy look on their faces.

I know I don't appreciate family enough.

But it's only cause of the things I've been through in the past.

Maybe there are just some things I cant forgive or let go of.

But I am just doing all I can to try put that aside.

While I still have a family.

A Certain Breakdown

I watched my partner break down the past week amidst all the issues surrounding his life.

Hugs.

It's a lot..

But there is nothing we cant handle.

There will be better days. 

I hope you know that.

I'll be your sponge in the meantime.

Even though it can get to my head sometimes.

I get asked a lot about how I can maintain such calmness and composure.

I guess.. I was just built that way.

I grew up with a lot of childhood traumas - watching my own family breaking apart so many times.

The trauma has got to me in such that even abandonement, loud noises or someone raising their voice can trigger me really badly.

I guess that got me maturing early (which a lot of people pointed out to me when I was younger) and being independent emotionally (or so I thought I was until I met my partner).

I've always kept my problems to myself, analysed them and focused on dealing things one at a time.

I have to, even in my line of job.

Cause I cant afford to... blank out.

Which I have done so many times before.

I tell myself to always anticipate.. the worst.

Because life will keep throwing you shit.

And you just have to keep fighting through.

Its the way life is.

One day at a time.

Sometimes the blue, can be beautiful too.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Rebecca Black - Blue

We've been here before

Re-opened up the door
With high expectations
I think that we both know
There's gonna be a storm
An avalanche waiting

Tried to pretend for the night
Wish it was easy to lie
But you could see in my eyes
That I was changing
Feels like I fell through the sky
Swimming through my ocean mind
Wish I could understand why it
Feels like I'm breaking

Everything's blue
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us

Means walking through
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us
Means I'm losing you
Means I'm losing you

2 years down the drain
A whole life we had made
It was ours for the taking

But the last 40 days
They have been so painful
I guess we won't make it

Tried to pretend for the night
Wish it was easy to lie
But you could see in my eyes
That I was changing
Feels like I fell through the sky
Swimming through my ocean mind
Wish I could understand why it
Feels like I'm breaking

Everything's blue
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us

Means walking through
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us
Means I'm losing you
Means I'm losing you