The Foundations Of Decay

 Page 1551

Recently I had an open house for Raya for all my relatives.

There was so much to do - At least my Mum had me and my 2nd Brother to help out.

And we were pretty fast workers haha.

I havent seen my relatives for 2 years and of course, I had bad anxiety and was triggered throughout the day.

But hey, it turned out better than I expected.

One of my cousins even gave me a big hug and screamed my name. Hahaha. Weirdo.

We had so much to catch up. And we talked about bands and music.

Man, it made me feel young again.

My other close cousins came in and out of the room, and we had so much to talk about.

Horror stories from when we were young.

About not getting married too fast.

And we joked about every single thing. Hahaha. I missed this. Gathering around and just.. talking.

These days I'm having a certain kind of hurt in my heart.

One I'd rather much bury inside and let it kill me.

I guess it's just the foundations of decay.

I just blast MCR and pretend I'm screaming in my head.

Thank God for Emo music.

Love, Eran.

Curent Song Mood: My Chemical Romance - The Foundations of Decay

See the man who stands upon the hill
He dreams of all the battles won
But fate had left its scars upon his face
With all the damage they had done

And so time, with age
He turns the page
Let the flesh
Submit itself to gravity

Let our bodies lay
While our hearts will stay
Let our blood in vein
Feel forgotten pain, now
If your convictions were a passing phase
May your ashes feed the river in the morning rays
And as the vermin crawls
We lay in the foundations of decay

He was there, the day the towers fell
And so he wandered down the road
And we would all build towers of our own
Only to watch the rooms corrode

But it's much too late
You're in the race
So we'll press
And press 'til you can't take it anymore

Let our bodies lay
While our hearts will stay
Let our blood in vein
Feel forgotten pain
And if by his own hand his spirit flies
Take his body as a relic to be canonized, now
And so he gets to die a saint
But she will always be the whore

(Let's flip out)

Against faith (Antihero)
Against all life (As if it must be pure)
Against change (We wander through the ruins)
We are free (The guiltiness is yours)

You must fix your heart
And you must build an altar where it rests
When the storm decays and the sky it rains
Let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away
And as we stumble through your last crusade
When you welcome your extinction in the morning rays
And as the swarming calls, we lay in the foundations

Yes, it comforts me much more
Yes, it comforts me much more
To lay in the foundations of decay

Get up, coward!

Why Am I Like This?

 Page 1550

So… I didn’t turn up to my family’s gathering today at my aunt’s.

Everyone was there I supposed. My relatives. My cousins. 

I do miss some of them. It’s been 2 years. 

But I just couldn’t do it. 

So I opted to work today. Hah. Why am I like this? Though its a rather good excuse right? Even though my workplace is like 5 mins away from my aunt’s. I just won’t. I don’t feel like it. 

I guess I’m still feeling a bit jaded from some people who commented on my weight gain the past few years.

I’ve always felt that people were gonna constantly judge me. Which is why I shy away from all these gatherings these days.

I’d rather not let myself go through the anxiety and hurt.

And escape all of the nosy questions of - how is work/ when are you gonna get a gf/get married. Blah blah. Lol. 

It's very redundant. I'd rather make peace with myself and distance myself from all of that. I guess it’s part of the reason why I wanted to disappear the start of the year.

But I do feel that I am getting better. So I’m just gonna do me, my own way. 

No, I’m not arrogant. I just have social anxiety. 

(:

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Orla Gartland - Why Am I Like This?

Last night I smoked a cigarette
My dad would have been so upset
Then we got tattoos by the coast
And I just stood there like a ghost

Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner, thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had

So why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?

I saw a girl crying on the train
Gin and tonic from a can to ease the pain
And I never asked if she was okay
She just got up and walked away

Oh, it's like I'm looking down from the ceiling above
Never in the moment, never giving enough
Let's go out and shout the words we never said
I got my mistakes on loop inside my head
Inside my head

So why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?

Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?

(Maybe I'm an old soul trapped)
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
(Maybe you don't really want me here)
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
(Maybe I'm an old soul trapped)
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
(Maybe you don't really want me here)
Why am I like this?

Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner, thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had