Why Am I Like This?

 Page 1550

So… I didn’t turn up to my family’s gathering today at my aunt’s.

Everyone was there I supposed. My relatives. My cousins. 

I do miss some of them. It’s been 2 years. 

But I just couldn’t do it. 

So I opted to work today. Hah. Why am I like this? Though its a rather good excuse right? Even though my workplace is like 5 mins away from my aunt’s. I just won’t. I don’t feel like it. 

I guess I’m still feeling a bit jaded from some people who commented on my weight gain the past few years.

I’ve always felt that people were gonna constantly judge me. Which is why I shy away from all these gatherings these days.

I’d rather not let myself go through the anxiety and hurt.

And escape all of the nosy questions of - how is work/ when are you gonna get a gf/get married. Blah blah. Lol. 

It's very redundant. I'd rather make peace with myself and distance myself from all of that. I guess it’s part of the reason why I wanted to disappear the start of the year.

But I do feel that I am getting better. So I’m just gonna do me, my own way. 

No, I’m not arrogant. I just have social anxiety. 

(:

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Orla Gartland - Why Am I Like This?

Last night I smoked a cigarette
My dad would have been so upset
Then we got tattoos by the coast
And I just stood there like a ghost

Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner, thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had

So why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?

I saw a girl crying on the train
Gin and tonic from a can to ease the pain
And I never asked if she was okay
She just got up and walked away

Oh, it's like I'm looking down from the ceiling above
Never in the moment, never giving enough
Let's go out and shout the words we never said
I got my mistakes on loop inside my head
Inside my head

So why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?

Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
Why am I like this?

(Maybe I'm an old soul trapped)
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
(Maybe you don't really want me here)
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
(Maybe I'm an old soul trapped)
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I like this?
Why am I?
(Maybe you don't really want me here)
Why am I like this?

Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body
Maybe you don't really want me there at your birthday party
I'll be there in the corner, thinking right over
Every single word of the conversation we just had