Burning Doves

Page 215

Drowsy, I woke up with the sun shining on my face.

Thought about yesterday, and about how lucky I felt.

I felt alive.

Usually I'd try to do something productive during off-days.

Was too lazy to go out today, so I decided to get comfy at home instead. Ate left-over birthday cakes. Watched a movie (Big Hero 6 was really good!!!). And edited vocals for my upcoming cover. 

Haha I'm a simple person okay.

:D

Just a few days and I'll hit the 20th milestone. 

And I'll be working too. Haha. Well, not like I had any plans on the day either.

So I guess I don't mind.

My only upcoming wish in this age is to be able to make the right decisions..

Since I usually follow my heart instead of my brains haha.

Another few more weeks till I'm done internship. Staying strong. To all my dear friends, hope you're doing well too!

Love, Eran.

We're too young to be afraid.

Current Song Mood: Mikky Ekko - Burning Doves

Behind a velvet rope, we hide in plain sight
We're dressed in black smoke, and have our hands tied
She says, "I see you babe," but we are both blind
Our bodies yearning for what we cannot find
The end is beginning and I'm falling
So take it or leave it cause I'm all in

We're too young to die today, to die today
But we're too broken to fly away, to fly away
Cause we both know better than to set ourselves on fire
All in the name of love
We're too young to be afraid to fly like burning doves

You've been on your knees praying for so long
When you close your eyes the words do not come
The end is beginning and you're falling
So take it or leave it cause I'm all in

We're too young to die today, to die today
But we're too broken to fly away, to fly away
Cause we both know better than to set ourselves on fire
All in the name of love
We're too young to be afraid to fly like burning doves

If you can show me, I can lift you up
And if you call my name, then I can see up
And I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the things we've done
We're falling, we're falling from a burning Sun
We flew too high looking for love
We knew the skies, but not well enough

We're too young to die today, to die today
But we're too broken to fly away, to fly away
Cause we both know better than to set ourselves on fire
All in the name of love
We're too young to be afraid to fly like burning doves

In The Mourning

Page 214

I'm still in disbelief.

The weather today was as moody as my feelings. Rain was pouring hard.

I was in the canteen, eating with Riri. And I couldn't help but daydream as I stared outside the window. Watching the drops of rain outside.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked through the heavy rain in the morning. Drenched, I stepped into the pantry, dried myself off and muttered about how I should have brought an umbrella. I hurried to our staff meeting room for our role call. While waiting for the rest, that's when I received the news.

'Bed ** passed away.'

Huh? My mind was slow. As everyone starting coming in, somebody mentioned it again.

And that's when it struck me. Hard.

And I could see the expressions on everyone's face.

Shock. Disbelief. Sadness. It was a lot to take in.

After role-call, I passed by the cubicle. And I saw the empty space that used to be his bed. My heart sank.

Everyone gathered and asked the night duty what happened. Still shocked. And chills were felt. Some were getting teary-eyed. But they had to put on a strong front… It was unexpected. But I guess it was part and parcel of this job scope.

...

The entire day I felt depressed and I didnt know why. I guess it was affecting me unknowingly. I had been taking care of him the past few weeks. I knew all his antics. The countless of times I've fed him during his meal times. How he'd refuse to eat his medications. How he'd try his best to punch me but didnt have enough strength to make an impact haha. And those eyes - those sad eyes that made you smile every time he threw tantrums. 

Just yesterday, I saw Atok. He was being attended by the OT, and playing a game. His face was damn cute when he was concentrating hahaha. Then he started his tantrums again and gave the panicky wide-eyed look on his face when he tried to get out of his seat. He kept staring at me. Pointing at me. To let him out. And I just smiled and shook my head.

Little did I know, that was probably his last request from me.

Little did I know, that was the last time I would ever see him.

My heart goes out to him and his family.

He will be missed.

Rest in peace, Atok. 

<3

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Paramore - In The Mourning

You escape like a runaway train

Off the tracks and down again

My heart's beating like a steamboat tugging all your burdens

On my shoulders

In the mourning I'll rise

In the mourning I'll let you die

In the mourning. All my worry.

And now there's nothing but time that's wasted

And words that have no backbone

Now it seems like whole world 's waiting

Can you hear ?

the echoes fading

In the mourning I'll rise

In the mourning I'll let you die

In the mourning. All my sorry's.

And it takes all my strength not to dig you up

From the ground in which you lay

The biggest part of me,

You were the greatest thing

And now you're just a memory

To let go of

In the mourning I'll rise

In the mourning I'll let you die

In the mourning. all my sorry's.

In the mourning I'll rise

In the mourning I'll let you die

In the mourning. all my sorry's.

Pretend You Care

Page 213

Happy birthday to my lil bro!

My time is nearing...

It's been such a loooooong day. Had such a bad working time because of this demanding person in the ward… Ugh. Everybody can't wait for him to get out of there. I can't take it. There's a difference between asking nicely as a worker, and ordering us around like maids. So rude & disrespectful.

Well I'm done with that. One more day and I think I'll be able to heave a sigh of relief.

I'm so easily jealous. 

Idk.

Just.. UGH.

Can't stand the thought of you being with some other guy.

Especially THAT guy.

It drives me nuts. 

:\

Ughhhhhhh.

Remember late last night?

When you turned up because you needed help?

And that kiss before you left..

I was there for you.

I'd do anything for you. 

Know that.

Love, Eran.

Cant you pretend that you care?

At least for once.

Current Song Mood: Mikky Ekko - Pretend You Care (live)

Just pretend you care
When you take me there,
Girl you've got me sinking so low, so low, so low
Now we can't ignore it, can't ignore it
Got me begging for it, begging for it
So low, so low, so low
Just pretend you don't know

Girl you keep acting like you don't know
And my love is just like the waterfall,
but you're standing in the rain
Yeah you're not enough, it's not your fault
But you're causing all this pain!

Just pretend you care
When you take me there,
Girl you've got me sinking so low, so low, so low
Now we can't ignore it, can't ignore it
Got me begging for it, begging for it
So low, so low, so low
Just pretend you care, you care, you care
Girl just pretend you care, you care, you care
Girl just pretend you

Higher higher, pulling me right into the fire fire
Baby girl, tell me your desire, your desire
'No, you look back, all my love you took that
All I ever wanted is all that love you took back
Reciprocation is aggravation baby
Don't you remember the love that we've shared?!
Oh remember the love that we've shared?!

Just pretend you care
When you take me there,
Girl you've got me sinking so low, so low, so low
Now we can't ignore it, can't ignore it
Got me begging for it, begging for it
So low, so low, so low
Just pretend you care, you care, you care
Girl just pretend you care, you care, you care
Girl just pretend you

HeartBeat Song

Page 212

Quick update: For once I was a happy kid at work. Haha. Well not really, but happier than certain days LOL.

Probably because I got to be junior today.

Though it was hard to enjoy work when you have people pressing the call bell every few minutes

 >_>

I could barely catch a breath.

So busssyyyyy.

Ah whatever.

At least yesterday was awesome.

It makes a difference.

Been so long since I've felt this way.

:)

Love, Eran.

Missing you already.

Current Song Mood: Kelly Clarkson - HeartBeat Song

This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it
Been so long I forgot how to turn it up up up up all night long
Oh up up all night long

You, where the hell did you come from?
You're a different, different kind of fun
And I'm so used to feeling numb
Now, I got pins and needles on my tongue
Anticipating what's to come
Like a finger on a loaded gun

I can feel it rising
Temperature inside me
Haven't felt it for a long time

This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it
Been so long I forgot how to turn it up up up up all night long
Oh up up all night long
This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it
Turned it on
But I know you can take it up up up up all night long
Oh up up all night long (all night long)

I, I wasn't even gonna go out
But I never would've had a doubt
If I don't know where I'd be now

Your hands on my hips
And my kiss on your lips
Oh, I could do this for a long time

This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it
Been so long I forgot how to turn it up up up up all night long
Oh up up all night long
This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it
Turned it on
But I know you can take it up up up up all night long
Oh up up all night long

Until tonight I only dreamed about you
I can't believe I ever breathed without you
Baby, you make me feel alive and brand new
Bring it one more time, one more time

This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it
Been so long I forgot how to turn it up up up up all night long
Oh up up all night long
This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it
Turned it on
But I know you can take it up up up up all night long
Oh up up all night long

This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it
Been so long I forgot how to turn it up up up up all night long
Oh up up all night long
This is my heartbeat song and I'm gonna play it
Turned it on
But I know you can take it up up up up all night long
Oh up up all night long

Four Five Seconds

Page 211

It's been such a wonderful day.

I decided that if I was gonna make things feel right, I had to do it with my own hands. So I planned an outing with my babes. And coincidentally, we were all able to meet up with each other. How wonderful. 

While waiting for Riri to get ready (she took forever), I managed to record a special song for a special someone… :)

So excited for you guys to hear.

And I received a text earlier in the morning that made me so damn happy. I literally jumped multiple times in excitement HAHAHA. It's so funny how things can go from right to wrong to right in a short moment. I guess that's life. So unpredictable.

Met up with Riri at Yishun then went all the way to Orchard to meet up with Gf & Eping. We decided to go eat at J-Town!!! Woohoo. 

Snapped some funny shots along the way x)

Ahem ;)

GF's face expression in every photo HAHA.

This is hilarious HAHAHA can't stop laughing at this.

Dat face doe. HAHAHA.

Perfect shot of us :)

Sleeping ah girl?

Love you guys <3

After lunch, we went out and parted ways. Took another few snaps before that. :)

It was left with me and Riri so we decided to go walk around. We went to Scape but there was really nothing much there. We then decided to go Orchard Central's 'Everything With Fries' where we had our Nutella Tart and Strawberry Cheesecake!! MMH.

Both of them were heavenly. Ohmygosh. And then.. jengjengjeng. GF and Eping came by HAHAHA. So funny cause coincidentally GF wanted to eat cheesecake too. I swear we have like the same mental connection. ._. Fun fact: we unknowingly had our haircuts on the same day too HAHA.

Riri decided to order curry fries and we all gladly helped her out ;)

After our 'dessert' we parted ways (AGAIN) hahaha. I'm so glad we all got to meet up!! I needed this. :') Riri was sweet enough to walk me off to Takashimaya before she left. Aww.

And then Le Boy came along. :)

Well somebodyyyy seemed cranky. We went to get.. LAO LAO!!! Honestly never had it before. And idk what all the hype is about. Never was a fan of yoghurt either haha. And it was a really big serving for me ._. Hais. Couldn't finish it in the end haha.

Mine was a mix of fruits, dark chocolate, and oreo. :)

Stop running away biiiiiiitch.

Take pic with meeeeeeeee.

Finally a decent shot.

:)

We walked from Orchard all the way to Raffles City.

Decided to drop by le Market Place and we had such hilarious moments hahaha. After we've had enough, we decided to bounce back on the Red Line. Poor boy was so tired he kept dozing off. 

Me: 'You can lie on my shoulder.'

Him: 'You're too short.'

._.

>_>

<_<

.-.

O K A Y.

Went home with a big smile because today was just, so wonderful. :)

Thankful.

Blessed.

Satisfied.

Love, Eran.

3 more days to Friday.

Current Song Mood: Rihanna Ft Kanye West & Paul McCartney - Four Five Seconds

[Verse 1 - Rihanna:]
I think I've had enough
I might get a little drunk
I say what's on my mind
I might do a little time
Cause all of my kindness
Is taken for weakness

[Hook - Rihanna:]
Now I'm Four Five Seconds from wildin'
And we got three more days 'til Friday
I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday mornin'
I swear I wish somebody would tell me
Ooh, that's all I want

[Verse 2 - Kanye West:]
Woke up an optimist
Sun was shinin', I'm positive
Then I heard you was talkin' trash
Hold me back, I'm 'bout to spaz
[Hook - Rihanna and Kanye West:]
Now I'm Four Five Seconds from wildin'
And we got three more days 'til Friday
I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday mornin'
I swear I wish somebody would tell me
Ooh, that's all I want

[Bridge - Rihanna:]
And I know that you're up tonight
Thinkin', "how could I be so selfish?"
But you called 'bout a thousand times
Wondering where I've been
Now I know that you're up tonight
Thinkin' "how could I be so reckless?"
But I just can't apologize
I hope you can understand

[Verse 3 - Kanye West:]
If I go to jail tonight
Promise you'll pay my bail
See they want to buy my pride
But that just ain't up for sale
See all of my kindness
Is taken for weakness

[Hook x2 - Rihanna and Kanye West:]
Now I'm Four Five Seconds from wildin'
And we got three more days 'til Friday
I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday mornin'
I swear I wish somebody would tell me
Ooh, that's all I want

All Things Go

Page 210

It was a pretty chilled day due to our student forum. Got to meet up and catch-up with my close friends. Hahaha. Oh how I've missed them and their nonsense!

Went to have lunch at Mac with these 2 and we updated on each other's lives. Ahh good times.

Really happy to see all of them again. :)

I've been so bummed the whole day…

The fact that I won't be seeing you this week just gets me so down.

I was so looking forward to spending time with you tomorrow.

I really miss you.

But it's not your fault…

I just miss your presence so much.

Ugh.

What do I do without you?

Love, Eran.

Sometimes you can't have things the way you want to.
All things go...

Current Song Mood: Nicki Minaj - All Things Go

Yo, I had to reinvent, I put the V in vent
I put the heat in vents, man I been competin' since
I look beyond what people sayin', and I see intent
Then I just sit back and decipher, what they really meant
Cherish these nights, cherish these people
Life is a movie, but there will never be a sequel
And I'm good with that, as long as I'm peaceful
As long as 7 years from now, I'm taking my daughter to preschool
Cherish these days, man do they go quick
Just yesterday, I swear it was o' six
Ten years ago, that's when you proposed
I look down, yes I suppose

All things go, all things go
All things go, all things go

I feel one minute, yeah we got it then it's gone
While we keep waiting for a moment to live for
So can't nobody ever tell me that I'm wrong
Cause I'mma ride I'm with you still the night is young
We keep goin', we go, we go, we go
We wake back up and do it all again
We know, we know, say fuck the world, we ridin' 'til the end
When all is said and done, look at what we've become
I just want you to know that I did it for you

I lost my little cousin to a senseless act of violence
His sister said, he wanted to stay with me, but I didn't invite him
Why didn't he ask, or am I just buggin'?
Cause since I got fame, they don't act the same
Even though they know, that I love 'em
Family ties, broken before me, niggas tryna kill him, he ain't even call me
And that's the reflection of me, yes I get it, I get it, it was all me
I pop a pill and remember the look in his eyes, the last day he saw me

All things go, all things go
All things go, all things go

I feel one minute, yeah we got it then it's gone
While we keep waiting for a moment to live for
So can't nobody ever tell me that I'm wrong
Cause I'mma ride I'm with you still the night is young
We keep goin', we go, we go, we go
We wake back up and do it all again
We know, we know, say fuck the world, we ridin' 'til the end
When all is said and done, look at what we've become
I just want you to know that I did it for you

Let me make this clear I'm not difficult, I'm just about my business
I'm not into fake industry parties, and fake agendas
Rock with people for how they make me feel not what they give me
Even the ones that hurt me the most, I still show forgiveness
I love my mother more than life itself, and that's a fact
I'd give it all, if somehow, I could just rekindle that
She never understands, why I'm so overprotective
The more I work, the more I feel like, somehow they're neglected
I want 'Caiah to go to college, just to say "We did it!"
My child with Aaron, would've been sixteen, any minute
So in some ways I feel like 'Caiah, is the both of them
It's like he's 'Caiah's little angel, looking over him
And I know Jelani will always love me, and I'll always love him
And I'm just his little sister not Nicki Minaj when I'm around him
Yeah we did it, let's leave this imprint
Just finished writing, this is the Pinkprint

All things go, all things go
All things go, all things go

Loner

Page 209

I hate being an introvert. 

It's my biggest weakness.

Social anxiety. It's always been a problem in my life.

At crowded areas, carnivals, weddings, house visitings. Whenever there's lots of people, especially those that I don't know, my anxiety kicks in. I tend to isolate myself. Stay quiet, look down, use my phone, and just, refuse to smile and interact. Was this how I grew up? I guess so. Because I can't stop the habit. The only way to stop it is if someone I know comes over to sit down and talk to me.

Same goes for yesterday at Rentak Budaya. It just felt so awkward. And me being me, I'd just chill down somewhere while I look over all the cool, sociable people who are in groups, laughing and chatting away happily.

Yet you were still so good to me. Yet you acknowledged & appreciated my presence. 

Someone like me...

A loner like me.

I won't forget it.

<3

Love, Eran.

I'll be a loner till you're with me.

Current Song Mood: Mikky Ekko - Loner

Been too long, far too cracked
To call cease fire and fall like that way
So tie my hands and light the match
And wait for the fire to break my back again
Love, we're not the enemies we wanna be tonight
Love, leave all the weaponry and jealousy behind

Cause I'm not a loner, and I'll be a loner 'til my lover comes over
I'm not a loner, but I'll be in pain until this suffering is over
So why don't you come on, come on, come over?
Come on, come on, come over
So why don't you come on, come on, come over?
Come on, come on, come over

Back to back face to face
Love is war and I can taste the blade
So cut me deep and cut me loose
Cause I won't surrender, won't call truce today
Love, we're not the enemies we wanna be tonight

Cause I'm not a loner, and I'll be a loner 'til my lover comes over
I'm not a loner, but I'll be in pain until this suffering is over
So why don't you come on, come on, come over?
Come on, come on, come over
So why don't you come on, come on, come over?
Come on, come on, come over

I've seen fire and I know pain
But I never looked back when you called my name
I've seen fire and I know pain
But I never looked back when you called my name

Cause I'm not a loner, and I'll be a loner 'til my lover comes over
I'm not a loner, but I'll be in pain until this suffering is over
So why don't you come on, come on, come over?
Come on, come on, come over
So why don't you come on, come on, come over?
Come on, come on, come over