In The Mourning

Page 214

I'm still in disbelief.

The weather today was as moody as my feelings. Rain was pouring hard.

I was in the canteen, eating with Riri. And I couldn't help but daydream as I stared outside the window. Watching the drops of rain outside.

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I walked through the heavy rain in the morning. Drenched, I stepped into the pantry, dried myself off and muttered about how I should have brought an umbrella. I hurried to our staff meeting room for our role call. While waiting for the rest, that's when I received the news.

'Bed ** passed away.'

Huh? My mind was slow. As everyone starting coming in, somebody mentioned it again.

And that's when it struck me. Hard.

And I could see the expressions on everyone's face.

Shock. Disbelief. Sadness. It was a lot to take in.

After role-call, I passed by the cubicle. And I saw the empty space that used to be his bed. My heart sank.

Everyone gathered and asked the night duty what happened. Still shocked. And chills were felt. Some were getting teary-eyed. But they had to put on a strong front… It was unexpected. But I guess it was part and parcel of this job scope.

...

The entire day I felt depressed and I didnt know why. I guess it was affecting me unknowingly. I had been taking care of him the past few weeks. I knew all his antics. The countless of times I've fed him during his meal times. How he'd refuse to eat his medications. How he'd try his best to punch me but didnt have enough strength to make an impact haha. And those eyes - those sad eyes that made you smile every time he threw tantrums. 

Just yesterday, I saw Atok. He was being attended by the OT, and playing a game. His face was damn cute when he was concentrating hahaha. Then he started his tantrums again and gave the panicky wide-eyed look on his face when he tried to get out of his seat. He kept staring at me. Pointing at me. To let him out. And I just smiled and shook my head.

Little did I know, that was probably his last request from me.

Little did I know, that was the last time I would ever see him.

My heart goes out to him and his family.

He will be missed.

Rest in peace, Atok. 

<3

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Paramore - In The Mourning

You escape like a runaway train

Off the tracks and down again

My heart's beating like a steamboat tugging all your burdens

On my shoulders

In the mourning I'll rise

In the mourning I'll let you die

In the mourning. All my worry.

And now there's nothing but time that's wasted

And words that have no backbone

Now it seems like whole world 's waiting

Can you hear ?

the echoes fading

In the mourning I'll rise

In the mourning I'll let you die

In the mourning. All my sorry's.

And it takes all my strength not to dig you up

From the ground in which you lay

The biggest part of me,

You were the greatest thing

And now you're just a memory

To let go of

In the mourning I'll rise

In the mourning I'll let you die

In the mourning. all my sorry's.

In the mourning I'll rise

In the mourning I'll let you die

In the mourning. all my sorry's.