Honest.

Page 634

Wow.

You really think, you deserve a reply, after all this time?

After leaving me like that?

You really think,

That you can just creep back into my life just like that?

Like nothing happened?

What the fuck?

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Well ok, I'm gonna be honest.

Just like I was during the period I was with you.

Just like the long final message that I left you with before enlisting.

Which I know you didnt even bother reading and deleted anyway.

Yeah, I know, you're still looking me up.

I know you've been finding other young victims.

I've spoken to some of them.

And it's fucking disgusting.

YOU, are fucking disgusting.

Apparently that's a thing right?

Your thing.

Gross.

You think you're the shit?

Well you ARE.

I didn't spread shit about you. Lol.

I only warned others of the truth, to spare them the trouble.

To save them.

The fact that you took the effort to drop me a text shows a lot.

Aww, did I hurt your pride & ego?

I honestly have no time to entertain this.

I'm not the one to hang other's dirty laundry.

I have better, more important things to worry about.

If you want a conversation with me, then come meet me face to face.

But I know you won't have the BALLS to cause thats just the coward that you are.

Hah, 

I'm not just another one of your pretty 'boys'.

At least I've always been honest.

And you, you're still the compulsive liar that you've always been.

Piss off.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Honest.

Trees lose their leaves to the snow
Words cut like ice as you go
No amount of covers could keep me warm
And I've been freezing since the day you walked away

All you ever wanted was a free ride
All I ever wanted was your love
You gave it all away to start a new life
I guess what I could give wasn't enough

You left me cold, cold, cold
You left me cold, cold, cold
You left me cold, cold, cold
You left me cold, cold, cold
You left me

Away...
Away...

Why do we have to call it the nice shift?
Why do we have to hide all of our vices?
You just don't like it when I'm just open
I'm not crazy, this isn't a crisis

I'm just tryna figure out if I'm in love
It's not promiscuous, it's just owning it
You need to let go of what a good girl does
It's not that obvious, it's my prerogative

It might not be what you wanted
But at least I'm honest
But at least I'm honest
It might not be how you thought it
But I'm not that heartless
At least I'm honest
It might not be what you wanted
But at least I'm honest
At least I'm honest
It might not be what you wanted
But at least I'm honest
At least I'm honest

You wanna call me names
When I do what I do but you're doing the fuckin' same
So don't look at me that way, like you thought I was a saint
If I tell you the truth then there's nothing else to explain

I'm just tryna figure out if I'm in love
It's not promiscuous, it's just owning it
You need to let go of what a good girl does
It's not that obvious, it's my prerogative

It might not be what you wanted
But at least I'm honest
But at least I'm honest
It might not be how you thought it
But I'm not that heartless
At least I'm honest
It might not be what you wanted
But at least I'm honest
At least I'm honest
It might not be what you wanted
But at least I'm honest
At least I'm honest

Away...
Away...
Away...
Away...

Don't want you to be disheartened
Tryna do the right thing
Tell you the truth of how I'm feelin'
That's gotta mean somethin'

It might not be what you wanted
But at least I'm honest
But at least I'm honest
It might not be how you thought it
But I'm not that heartless
At least I'm honest
It might not be what you wanted
(It might not be what you wanted)
But at least I'm honest
(But at least I'm always honest)
But at least I'm honest
It might not be what you wanted
(It might not be what you wanted)
But at least I'm honest
(But at least I'm always honest)
But at least I'm honest

Away...
Away...

Edibles.

Page 633

It was like a movie.

You were so dreamy.

So edible.

As you walked past, a sudden aura of coolness in the air.

Your perfectly flawless skin.

Long silky hair.

A mix of perfection.

I was in awe.

Jealous, even.

How could someone look so.. perfect?

We took the same transport back.

And I couldnt help but to steal glances.

Damn.

A full time lover like that.

What I'd do to have that.

I looked away in the distance.

As my mind played with the details.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Edibles.

Never leave this bed alone like eclipse
Don't know what that means but I sure feel it
Everything has been heightened by your service
And I deserve it
I bring all the realness to the surface
Does a woman like that make you nervous?
I'll take you to church and watch you worship
Watch you work it

One by one we'll be switching it up
Like it's everlast
Cause when on two, when the skies turning blue
When we finally crash

No, I don't care where we're standing
I don't want one night stands
Oh, full time lovers
Listen, I got enough feelings in me
Tell me "no matter what happens
We're full time lovers"
If you wanna come eat edibles
Do some freaky shit incredible
I'm your girl, I'm your girl
Listen, I got enough feelings in me
Tell me "no matter what happens
We're full time lovers"

Damn, you've got my foot prints on the ceiling
On the mirror, on the headboard, in the bathroom
On the marble floor
Just somebody cookie got you leaning
Got you feening

One by one we'll be switching it up
Like it's everlast
Cause when on two, when the skies turning blue
When we finally crash

No, I don't care where we're standing
I don't want one night stands
Oh, full time lovers
Listen, I got enough feelings in me
Tell me "no matter what happens
We're full time lovers"
If you wanna come eat edibles
Do some freaky shit incredible
I'm your girl, I'm your girl
Listen, I got enough feelings in me
Tell me "no matter what happens
We're full time lovers"

Green candies melting us together
I feel higher up the fieldway park
Is it your fingers giving tingles or this
Hide your body [?]
Baby, meet me in the dark
I need you here 10 p.m sharp
Yeah, yeah

No, I don't care where we're standing
I don't want one night stands
Oh, full time lovers
Listen, I got enough feelings in me
Tell me "no matter what happens
We're full time lovers"
If you wanna come eat edibles
Do some freaky shit incredible
I'm your girl, I'm your girl
Listen, I got enough feelings in me
Tell me "no matter what happens
We're full time lovers"

Now that you know, baby

Off Road

Page 632

I honestly don't know if I'm ever gonna get better.

I have no control.

It's like... its taking a toll on me.

Is it gonna be permanent?

Only God knows.

Sometimes I feel like I need a change of scenery.

Sick of looking at the same ol' shit.

Everything's going off road.

Please recover.

Faster.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Skylar Grey - Off Road

So what you wanna do
You wanna do with me, babe
You got me in the mood
So what you wanna do now now now now
Do with me, babe
You got me in the mood

I'm always look for an adventure
Let's go somewhere we both haven't been
I need a change of scenery
I'm sick of lookin' at the same old shit

Don't care where you're takin' me
As long as you takin' me
Off road, off road, off road
Don't care where you're takin' me
As long as you takin' me
Off road, off road, off road

So what you wanna do
You wanna do to me, babe
You got me in the mood
So what you wanna do now now now now
Do to me, babe
You got me in the mood

Let's go off the beaten path
And get high off a different kind of risk
Don't need another party
No I'm sick of takin' all the same old shit

Don't care where you're takin' me
As long as you takin' me
Off road, off road, off road
Don't care where you're takin' me
As long as you takin' me
Off road, off road, off road

Don't care where you're takin' me
As long as you takin' me
Off road, off road, off road
Don't care where you're takin' me
As long as you takin' me
Off road, off road, off road

Picture Perfect

Page 631

Sigh.

My life has enough drama.

Enough to write a book.

Enough people to show me how to NOT live my life.

Honestly.

I just wanna do well in life.

Find a good job.

Get a good pay.

Live a picture perfect life.

Get married.

Start a family.

Have my own house.

My own car.

My own.. everything.

Straightforward enough?

Nah.

Gotta work hard to get there.

Let's be as successful as we can.

Ok?

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Skylar Grey - Picture Perfect

Picture perfect love
Suddenly upside down
Picture perfect love
Suddenly upside down
Wipe the tears from your face and get high

Having a battle under the moonlight
Fading away
Having a battle under the moonlight
Fading away
You wanna come
Why can't you kill me yourself

Just having a battle under the moonlight
Fading away

Picture perfect love
Suddenly upside down

Having a battle under the moonlight
Fading away
Having a battle under the moonlight
Fading away
You wanna come
Why can't you kill me yourself

Just having a battle under the moonlight
Fading away

The dream turned worse than a nightmare
Hear that sound
Our demons cursing and screaming'
Even when the sun is out
Pictures on the wall turned over
Like a home turned into a fun house
I'm stumbling down the corridor
Like someone spiked my corona
Call the coroner
Our love is dead and it's
Lying in the corner
Arms and legs stretched out on the floor like a dolly
Salvador it's surreal nothing feels real no more
All I can do is drink and smoke 'til I can't feel a fuckin' thing no more, your
Face is starting to change shapes
Into someone I never seen before
I been going insane
Since you been gone
Picture perfect never looked so wrong
And in the end if I can't make you mine
Imma drink myself into a new frame of mind

Having a battle under the moonlight
Fading away
Having a battle under the moonlight
Fading away
You wanna come
Why can't you kill me yourself

Just having a battle under the moonlight
Fading away
Wipe the tears from your face and get high

Music.

Page 630

Music.

It's always been a part of me.

I breathe music.

I feel music.

I live for music.

If you're close to me, you'd probably know that I'm a big fan of JoJo.

I grew up with her music, originally introduced by my cousin.

She's the reason I love music.

She's the reason I do what I love.

Back then, 'Too Little Too Late' was one of the biggest Pop songs of my generation.

And it made me generate feels I've never felt before.

I played it every single day.

Memorised the words.

Watched her videos.

I was in awe of how strong her artistry was.

And then, she disappeared.

I did my research. Year after year.

She said she was 'working on new music'.

She released mixtapes.

Lots of amazing leaked songs.

Did commercials.

Acted.

But still no third album.

And then eventually she went to social media on her situation.

'#FreeJoJo' campaign was something I strongly promoted.

And thus, began the war against her formal label.

I was anxious. We all were. That she was being held captive.

But she stayed focused and persevered.

And then. 2014 came. 

I was in my classroom when the news came.

JoJo was freed.

She signed a new contract.

I was so fucking happy.

More EPs came. 

#LoveJo and #LoveJo2 were amazing.
It inspired me to make my own mixtapes.

Her Tringle EP helped me through my darkest moments.

During my depression last year.

She was back.

She went through a lot.

She broke up with her bf before her tour. And then, her Dad passed away.

I felt her grief through social media. The pics she posted. Her captions.

Still, being the fighter she is, she fought through.

She started anew from the beginning of 2016.

Scrapped through her current material.

And started from scratch (Cause why not? so many versions of the third album already).

This time, it was clear. She had to be true to herself.

Mad Love was created.

Today, it officially drops. It topped the iTunes Pop Charts.

I'm so fucking proud of her.

She deserves this. And everything more.

I'm gonna continue to support her.

And I hope, one day,

My turn will come too.

Love, Eran.

Who would I be without you?

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Music.

I used to hear the voices through the thin walls
Tension building up and I'd feel so small
Some nights I'd hide under the pillows 'cause I didn't know what else to do
Started singing just to get some attention
A melody to cut through the addiction
And every song I made turned into wishes
Some of them came true

Everyone rises, everyone falls
Everyone spends some nights alone
Rich or for poor
I'm always yours
You never left me on my own

Tell me who, who would I be without you?
No matter how much we lose
Every time I bet my life on you

We were never rich not even thousands
Mom was on her knees cleaning houses
I used to go to work with her some days
And dream and dance in the big hallways

Everyone's scared, everyone's scarred
Everyone spends some nights alone
But every high, every low
You never left me on my own

Tell me who, who would I be without you?
No matter how much we lose
Every time I bet my life on you

Tell me who, would I be without you?
Nothing I'd rather do
Every night I bet my life on you
Who would I be without you?

Went on the road to make my daddy proud
But I lost him and then I sang to the crowd
My only hope is that he's looking down thinking
"Oh my God, my daughter's doing it now"

Tell me who, who would I be without you?
No matter how much we lose
Every time I bet my life on you

Tell me who, would I be without you?
Nothing I'd rather do
Every night I bet my life on you
Who would I be without you?

Haunt

Page 629

Wherever I'm at right now, it feels like you're haunting me.

Still.

Through songs.

Through memories.

Through whatever that's on me right now.

The past..

It can never be undone.

Every single failed relationship.

I wanna know if I'm someone.

I wanna know if I meant anything.

At all.

To anyone.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: BANKS - Haunt

What do you want? I wanna know
You messed me up when you let me go
Now you come back 'cause your ego is stroked
From the way that I cracked after you let me go

And I know the things that we could be
But I wish you woulda cheated on me
'Cause at least I wouldn't have you haunting me
Now you're haunting me, babe

What do you want? I wanna know
I brought a dandelion you could blow
While you stay mourning for something creative
But memories baited from your loneliness, I see

And I know the things that we could be
But I wish you woulda cheated on me
'Cause at least I wouldn't have you haunting me
Now you're haunting me, babe

It's like I wanna know I'm someone
It's like I wanna know I'm some
Someone you have to keep, I'm on my knees
Turn the lights out on me, the lights out on me
I'm blacked out

I see again, you make me wait
You make me wait, dangling on a string
Begging for you to come back to the ring
'Til I'm salivating for attention that you won't bring

And I know the things that we could be
But I wish you woulda cheated on me
'Cause at least I wouldn't have you haunting me
Now you're haunting me, babe

You won't come back, you're not coming
I waited up to say your name
You won't come back, you're not coming
I waited up for you to say my name
You won't come back, you're not coming
I waited up to say your name
You won't come back, you're not coming
I waited up for you to say my name

It's like I wanna know I'm someone
It's like I wanna know I'm some
Someone you have to keep, I'm on my knees
Turn the lights out on me, the lights out on me
I'm blacked out

Closer

Page 628

Can always count on my best friend to brighten up my day.

The more we open up, the more closer we get.

Needed today to de-stress.

It's been so therapeutic!

I swear we always do the weirdest things together.

People always assume we're a couple haha.

Went to town and shopped till we dropped.

Legit I've never spent this much before LOL.

Ugh must maintain.

Thank Babe for today.

MORE SHOPPING NEXT TIME.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: The Chainsmokers Ft Halsey - Closer

Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you
I drink too much and that's an issue
But I'm OK
Hey, you tell your friends it was nice to meet them
But I hope I never see them
Again

I know it breaks your heart
Moved to the city in a broke-down car
And four years, no calls
Now you're looking pretty in a hotel bar
And I, I, I, I, I can't stop
No, I, I, I, I, I can't stop

So, baby, pull me closer
In the back seat of your Rover
That I know you can't afford
Bite that tattoo on your shoulder
Pull the sheets right off the corner
Of that mattress that you stole
From your roommate back in Boulder
We ain't ever getting older

We ain't ever getting older
We ain't ever getting older

You look as good as the day I met you
I forget just why I left you,
I was insane
Stay and play that Blink-182 song
That we beat to death in Tucson,
OK

I know it breaks your heart
Moved to the city in a broke-down car
And four years, no call
Now I'm looking pretty in a hotel bar
And I, I, I, I, I can't stop
No, I, I, I, I, I can't stop

So, baby, pull me closer
In the back seat of your Rover
That I know you can't afford
Bite that tattoo on your shoulder
Pull the sheets right off the corner
Of that mattress that you stole
From your roommate back in Boulder
We ain't ever getting older

We ain't ever getting older
We ain't ever getting older

So, baby, pull me closer
In the back seat of your Rover
That I know you can't afford
Bite that tattoo on your shoulder
Pull the sheets right off the corner
Of that mattress that you stole
From your roommate back in Boulder
We ain't ever getting older

We ain't ever getting older
No, we ain't ever getting older
We ain't ever getting older
No, we ain't ever getting older
We ain't ever getting older
We ain't ever getting older
We ain't ever getting older
No, we ain't ever getting older

We ain't ever getting older
No, we ain't ever getting older