Empty

Page 706 

It's been haunting me the whole day.

The whole year.

I won't be calm until it comes back.

Walked around Bugis on my own today.

Took myself to where my feet could take me.

The glimpses of the past flashed.

And for an instance, I felt what I felt back then.

Empty.

Love, Eran.

Don't wanna live but I'm too scared to die.

Current Song Mood: Olivia O'Brien - Empty

I can't handle these pressures
All I can say is this stress hurts
Things are supposed to get better
I just need to put myself first
I'm always trying my hardest
Not to pick myself apart, this
Energy's killing my vibes now
Sometimes I just wanna drown out
All of the thoughts in my mind
Too much going on at the same time
I wish it would stop and I've tried, but
Life just sucks then we all die

That's just reality, yeah don't lie to me
Yeah I'm fucked up but I don't wanna be

I wonder if I'm good enough
But maybe I've just had too much
To drink, to smoke, to swallow
I'm drownin' up my sorrows
There's rules I'll never follow
Pretend there's no tomorrow
I wish there was no tomorrow

But I'm empty inside, yeah I'm empty inside
And I don't wanna live but I'm too scared to die
Yeah I'm empty inside, I just don't feel alive
And I don't wanna live but I'm too scared to die

Wish I could erase my memories
So I could stop feeling so empty
I wish this shit wasn't so tempting
But it's hard to resist when there's plenty
Of things I could do to fuck me up
I wanna let go but I'm feeling so stuck
So all I can do is fill up my cup
And sit here alone hoping no one disrupts

That's just reality, yeah don't lie to me
Yeah I'm fucked up but I don't wanna be

I wonder if I'm good enough
But maybe I've just had too much
To drink, to smoke, to swallow
I'm drownin' up my sorrows
There's rules I'll never follow
Pretend there's no tomorrow
I wish there was no tomorrow

But I'm empty inside, yeah I'm empty inside
And I don't wanna live but I'm too scared to die
Yeah I'm empty inside, I just don't feel alive
And I don't wanna live but I'm too scared to die

My body's shakin'
My head is achin'
It feels like my heart is breakin'
My body's shakin'
My head is achin'
I can't fix this mess I'm makin'

But I'm empty inside, yeah I'm empty inside
And I don't wanna live but I'm too scared to die
Yeah I'm empty inside, I just don't feel alive
And I don't wanna live but I'm too scared to die

Hopeless Romantic

Page 705

We stepped out of the bus, into the busy, lively area.

The air was as cooling as an air-conditioner, and I was so glad I brought my green jacket along.

The museum was in a short distance. And we decided to wait a while to avoid the crowd.

As I stepped inside... I made contact with the most beautiful pair of eyes I've ever seen.

'Woah.. Who is this...' my heart fluttered.

I walked past.

Made one round in the museum and back outside, trying to search for my eye candy.

We stepped back outside. Decided to do some trekking.

I didnt mind, we were all used to it anyway.

The stairs were long, and the roads were rocky.

And then, my wish came true.

We walked opposite past each other again.

And my eyes couldnt help but to admire every detail in that short span.

I've never seen such... perfection before.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

'Um hey.'

BB stepped into the room.

A lost expression staring at me.

I froze, slightly taken aback.

But then quickly kept my cool.

'Oh.'

I took the form that was handed to me.

As usual I started getting flustered.

Of all people, of all days...

GOSH.

My inner fanboy was going crazy.

I recalled my Thailand trip and the countless of times I caught myself admiring those looks.

I showed BB to the nearest bed.

Hourly vitals and I got anxious every single time.

It was like Mr and Mrs Universe had a baby and this beauty was a result.

Such perfection. How is it even possible?

After finally getting discharged, BB packed up and got ready to leave.

'I'll get that.' I said as I disposed the sheets.

'Thanks.' BB said and headed out.

'Take care.' I muttered.

And that was that.

But that was the closest I could ever get to someone that good-looking.

What a hopeless romantic.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Michelle Branch - Hopeless Romantic

Cause I'm a hopeless romantic
When I should run for my life

You got me on my knees, you got me crawling
But love is always bad when you're falling
Everything is dangerous when it's just the two of us
Jumping in over our heads

Never satisfied
I never wanna close my eyes
Now I can sleep at night
But I'm never sleeping

Cause I'm a hopeless romantic
When I should run for my life
Honey, I don't understand it
Cause it's magic, but it's tragic
I know you're gonna eat me alive
You're gonna eat me alive

Underneath the sheets I feel so wanted
You're the mystery that I am solving
Everything is dangerous when it's just the two of us
Jumping in over our heads

Now I toss and turn
Now I only toss and turn
When will I ever learn?
Boy, I never listen

Cause I'm a hopeless romantic
When I should run for my life
Honey, I don't understand it
Cause it's magic, but it's tragic
I know you're gonna eat me alive
You're gonna eat me alive

Cause I'm a hopeless romantic
When I should run for my life
Honey, I don't understand it
Cause it's magic, but it's tragic
I know you're gonna eat me alive
You're gonna eat me alive

Stone

Page 704

4am.

Trekking in the dark again.

But this time, it was pretty comfortable.

And super cold.

There were areas of grass which felt so soft, I could roll all over it.

Tired.

I sat on the rocky floor.

Hand supporting my head.

Slowly falling asleep as the officers beside me snored away.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Thinking too much.

Thoughts wrapped around me like stone.

If it's not obvious enough how I feel about you,

Then I really don't know what to say.

I will follow where this takes me man.

I hope one day, it'll lead me to you.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Alessia Cara Ft Sebastian Kole - Stone

So much on my mind, I think I think too much
Read between these lines, unspoken weight of words
But time comes to rest when you are by my side, it blurs

And I will follow where this takes me
And my tomorrows long to be unknown
When all is shaken, be my safety
In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone

Change in every wind
The sands of time don't know our name
Oh nothing's sure, but surely as we stand
I promise I will stay the same
And I've never seen forever
But I know we'll remain

And I will follow where this takes me
And my tomorrows long to be unknown
When all is shaken, be my safety
In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone
(Oooooooh oooh oooh)
Be my stone
In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone

Oh steady me, be my source of gravity
While my world's unraveling
Say you'll never change, ooooohhhh!!! Oh!

And I will follow where this takes me
And my tomorrows long to be unknown
When all is shaken, be my safety
In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone
(Oooooooh oooh oooh)
Be my stone
In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone

Love Exists

Page 703

Happy Single Awareness Day.

Lol.

Does Love truly exist?

If you are, then you are the lucky one.

Cause even after meeting so many,

Even after all this time,

I'm still left on my own.

Sometimes I wonder how long it'll be this way.

Maybe.. it's just fated this way.

Or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong place.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Amy Lee - Love Exists

It can be born anywhere
In the last place you'd expect
In a way you'd never dream
It can grow from nothing
And blossom in a second
A single glance is all it takes
To get inside you

Invading every thought
And every beat of your heart
Love can make you scream
And it can leave you speechless
Love has a thousand stems
But only one flower

It can grow alone 'till it turns to dust
It can tear your world apart or bind to you forever
It can grow in darkness, make its own light
Turn a curse into a kiss, change the meaning of your words

Love makes no sense
Love has no name
Love drowns you in tears and then sets your heart on fire
Love has no fear, love has no reason

So infinitely vast
Stop standing on the edge
Take my hand, erase the past forever
My love is you, my love you are

Love makes no sense
Love has no name
Love is never wrong and never needs a reason
I'm drowning in my tears, but my heart's on fire

It can make you better
It can change you slowly
Give you everything you want, ask for nothing in return
In the blink of an eye, the hint of a smile
In the way you say goodbye and every time you find me

Love makes no sense
Love has no name
Love drowns you in tears and then sets your heart on fire
Love has no fear, love has no reason

Love makes no sense
Love has no name
Love drowns you in tears and then sets your heart on fire
Love has no fear, love has no reason

My love is you, my love you are
My love is you, my love you are

Overdose

Page 702

Why do I allow myself to feel so low?

When I know I deserve so much better.

I'm tired of giving and giving.

And getting nothing in return.

You are worth so much more.

--------------------------------------------------------

Times like this where I enjoy the little things in life.

Thanks for the good bonding time guys.

Been a while since I've felt so pumped.

A little adrenaline overdose.

To mask out the rest of my feelings.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Alessia Cara - Overdose

Oh and I overdose
Boy I want off of this roller coaster
You take me high just to bring me down
Oh, and you bring me down (down)

I'm trying not to take too much
I'm in over my head
Over love, oh I over trust
Give me the chance to pick up the pieces you left me in
Why did I let you in?
Overzealous, I'm over this
Oh I'm over us
Over and over
I let you under my skin and it's over
I promised never again you'd come over
Something takes over me
I can't control this hallucinogen

Oh and I overdose
Boy I want off of this roller coaster
You take me high just to bring me down
Oh, and you bring me down

Oh and I overdose
Boy I want off of this roller coaster
You take me high just to bring me down
Oh, and you bring me down

We fight, we laugh
Detox, rehab
Letting go of what we had
Ohh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Over trying
Over lies
Over crying
Over-traumatized
Over-worked and moreover I'm done
Over and over
I'm falling under your spell, call me over
I'm runnin' back to this hell are we over?
And didn't you say we were through?
Why can't I get over you?

Oh and I overdose
Boy I want off of this roller coaster
You take me high just to bring me down
Oh, and you bring me down

Oh and I overdose
Boy I want off of this roller coaster
You take me high just to bring me down
Oh, and you bring me down

Boy I come crashing (crashing)
Down from the high and wondering (wondering)
Wondering why this ain't over
Let it just be over
Sobering thoughts taking over my mind

Oh and I overdose
Boy I want off of this roller coaster
You take me high just to bring me down
Oh, and you bring me down
Oh and I overdose
Boy I want off of this roller coaster
You take me high just to bring me down
Oh, and you bring me down

To Build A Home

Page 701

I tossed and turned in bed.

The darkness, overcasting everything.

The snores heard in the still bunk.

I was thinking...

Thinking of home.

Thinking of everything back then.

Did I miss it? 

Frankly speaking, I didnt.

I was at peace here.

This... felt like home now.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I've seen enough broken families to know what I want to achieve.

I want to build a home.

A safe haven, for my family.

For my children to run around.

Jumping into my arms and giving me kisses.

I want to protect them.

Give them all of my love.

And have my lover smiling in the corner, admiring how far we've come.

Working together.

Living together.

Loving each other.

A boy can dream.

But one day, I hope it comes true.

One day.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home

There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust
This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home.

And I built a home
for you
for me

Until it disappeared
from me
from you

And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust........

Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed its knees

By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
Held on as tightly as you held on me
Held on as tightly as you held on me......

And I built a home
for you
for me

Until it disappeared
from me
from you

And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust........

22

Page 700

22.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Don't know how to feel about that haha.

It's too soooooooon.

21 is like.. the prime year man.

Now I just feel old. ._.

Time passes so fast.

Wonder how my father felt when Mum gave birth to me.

Especially the fact that my birthday is directly a day after his.

Must've felt pretty damn special?

Haha.

Well nothing beats the love you get from your parents.

So appreciate them.

I'm just really grateful for today.

No matter how big or small the celebration.

Anything is better than the tragedy faced last year.

Never want to go through that again. Ever.

Had a really peaceful day today away from Camp hahaha.

Wishes, Texts and Phone Calls from important people in my life.

And also the secret jam I had today. Haven't sang that much in a loooong time.

Thank you guys so much.

Appreciate it loads.

Love, Eran.

:)

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - 22

It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters
And make fun of our exes, uh uh, uh uh.
It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight
To fall in love with strangers, uh uh, uh uh.

Yeah,
We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical.
Oh, yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines
It's time

Uh oh!
I don't know about you
But I'm feeling 22
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don't know about me
But I'll bet you want to
Everything will be alright
If we just keep dancing like we're
22, ooh-ooh
22, ooh-ooh

It seems like one of those nights,
This place is too crowded.
Too many cool kids, uh uh, uh uh (who's Taylor Swift anyway, ew?)
It seems like one of those nights,
We ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming
Instead of sleeping.

Yeah,
We're happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way
It's miserable and magical.
Oh, yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks
It's time

Uh oh! (hey!)
I don't know about you
But I'm feeling 22
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don't know about me
But I'll bet you want to
Everything will be alright (alright)
If we just keep dancing like we're
22, ooh-ooh (oh, oh, oh)
22, ooh-ooh
I don't know about you
22, ooh-ooh
22, ooh-ooh

It feels like one of those nights,
We ditch the whole scene.
It feels like one of those nights,
We won't be sleeping.
It feels like one of those nights,
You look like bad news.
I gotta have you,
I gotta have you.

Ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ye-e-e-e-eah, hey
I don't know about you (I don't know about you)
But I'm feeling 22
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don't know about me (you don't know about me)
But I'll bet you want to
Everything will be alright
If we just keep dancing like we're
22, ooh-ooh
22, ooh-ooh
22, ooh-ooh, yeah, yeah
22, ooh-ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah

It feels like one of those nights,
We ditch the whole scene
It feels like one of those nights,
We won't be sleeping
It feels like one of those nights,
You look like bad news,
I gotta have you,
I gotta have you.