Supermodel

Page 855

I've been doing a lot of shoots lately.

And a lot of opportunities have been thrown in my way.

Feeling blessed at this point.

Even though I know I'm far from deserving it.

Maybe it's a sign for me to improve myself.

Whatever it is, i'm gonna take it.

I'm gonna take the chance.

And I'm gonna give my whole heart to it.

While I still can.

While I'm still young.

Cause time is running out..

I can be a supermodel.

But only if you believe it.

:)

Love, Eran.

If you see it in me.

Current Song Mood: SZA - Supermodel

I'm writing this letter to let you know
I'm really leaving
And no I'm not keeping your shit
Heard you got some new homies
Got some new hobbies
Even a new hoe too
Maybe she can come help you
Maybe she can come lay do
After we're done
What's done is done
I don't want nothing else to do with it

Let me tell you a secret
I been secretly banging your homeboy
While you were in Vegas
All up on Valentine's Day

Why am I so easy to forget like that
It can't be that easy for you to get like that

Oh no she didn't
Ooh yes I did
Oh no she didn't
I'll do it again

Leave me lonely for prettier women
You know I need too much attention
For shit like that
You know you wrong
For shit like that

I could be your supermodel
If you believe
If you see it in me
See it in me
See it in me

I don't see myself
Why I can't stay alone just by myself
Wish I was comfortable just with myself
But I need you
I need you
I need you

Ooh just get a load of them
They got chemistry
All they could say
We like brother and sister
Look so good together
Bet they fuckin' for real

And they was right
That's why I stayed with ya
The—the dick was too good
It made me feel good
For temporary love
You was a temporary lover

Leave me lonely for prettier women
You know I need too much attention
For shit like that
You know you wrong
For shit like that

I could be your supermodel
If you believe
If you see it in me
See it in me
See it in me

I don't see myself
Why I can't stay alone just by myself
Wish I was comfortable just with myself
But I need you
I need you
I need you

Nobody Can Save Me

Page 854

Today's encounter was a different kind.

It was with a purpose.

I've never met one as pure and innocent before.

And the fact that you opened up everything to me..

Your dark past.

Your bullies.

Your trauma.

It got to me.

I felt you.

I've been there.

Thank you for sharing it.

Even though, I'm no one.

Sometimes I feel the same way.

Like nobody can save me.

It's hard to move on with the heavy weight on your shoulders.

I'm glad you didnt do it.

I'm glad you found the courage to face life.

And I'm proud of you.

I wish.. Chester did.

Thank you for opening up my eyes.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Linkin Park - Nobody Can Save Me

I'm dancing with my demons
I'm hanging off the edge
Storm clouds gather beneath me
Waves break above my head
Head-first hallucination

I wanna fall wide awake now
You tell me it's alright
Tell me I'm forgiven, tonight
But nobody can save me now
I'm holding up a light
Chasing out the darkness inside
'Cause nobody can save me

Stared into this illusion
For answers yet to come
I chose a false solution
But nobody proved me wrong
Head-first hallucination

I wanna fall wide awake
Watch the ground giving way now
You tell me it's alright
Tell me I'm forgiven, tonight
But nobody can save me now
I'm holding up a light
I'm chasing out the darkness inside
'Cause nobody can save me

Been searching somewhere out there
For what's been missing right here (I wanna fall wide awake now)
I've been searching somewhere out there
For what's been missing right here

I wanna fall wide awake now
So tell me it's alright
Tell me I'm forgiven, tonight
And only I can save me now
I'm holding up a light
Chasing out the darkness inside
And I don't wanna let you down
But only I can save me!

Been searching somewhere out there
For what's been missing right here

Hymn

Page 853

I guess I feel a little empowered tonight.

Nowadays, I don't care about girls/guy/relationships or dates or whatever much.

Idk hahaha.

I'll only keep those in my circle close to me.

Lesser shit to deal with.

:)

No one can buy me love.

I don't need all that.

I am an independent, capable man.

I don't need your pity. Or your help.

Or you to show me your ego.

I've had enough of all of that.

This is my hymn.

Whether you like it or not.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Kesha - Hymn

Even the stars and the moon
Don't shine quite like we do
Dreamers searchin' for the truth
Go on, read about us in the news
Pretty reckless, pretty wild
Talking shit and we'll just smile
Don't you see these fuckin' crowns?
If you know what I mean, you on the team

This is a hymn for the hymnless, kids with no religion
Yeah, we keep on sinning, yeah, we keep on singing
Flying down the highway, backseat of the Hyundai
Pull it to the front, let it run, we don't valet
Sorry if you're starstruck, blame it on the stardust
I know that I'm perfect, even though I'm fucked up
Hymn for the hymnless, don't need no forgiveness
'Cause if there's a heaven, don't care if we get in
This is a hymn, hymn, hymn for how we live, live, live
This is a hymn, hymn, hymn for how we live, for how we live

After all we've been through
No, we won't stand and salute
So we just ride, we just cruise
Livin' like there's nothing left to lose
If we die before we wake
Who we are is no mistake
This is just the way we're made
You know what I mean, you on the team

This is a hymn for the hymnless, kids with no religion
Yeah, we keep on sinning, yeah, we keep on singing
Flying down the highway, backseat of the Hyundai
Pull it to the front, let it run, we don't valet
Sorry if you're starstruck, blame it on the stardust
I know that I'm perfect, even though I'm fucked up
Hymn for the hymnless, don't need no forgiveness
'Cause if there's a heaven, don't care if we get in
This is a hymn, hymn, hymn for how we live, live, live
This is a hymn, hymn, hymn for how we live, for how we live

This is a hymn for the hymnless, kids with no religion
Yeah, we keep on sinning, yeah, we keep on singing
Flying down the highway, yeah, we do it our way
High as outer space, we don't hear what the rest say

Sorry if you're starstruck, blame it on the stardust
I know that I'm perfect, even though I'm fucked up
Hymn for the hymnless, don't need no forgiveness
'Cause if there's a heaven, don't care if we get in
This is a hymn, hymn, hymn for how we live, live, live
This is a hymn, hymn, hymn for how we live, for how we live

Waiting All Night

Page 852

Sometimes I don't understand people on the apps.

They text you. 

Get along with you.

Tell you they want to meet you in the morning.

Talk as if it's really gonna happen.

And then the next day, you realise that they blocked you.

Wtf?

Hahahaha seriously.

Weird shit like this always happens to me.

And sometimes I don't know if I'm the problem??

Why go through all the trouble right?

This is why I've been wanting to delete them.

So that I don't have to go through this over and over.

I've lost faith in people.

These kinds of idiots...

Tell me what you want.

Cause I've been waiting all night.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Ella Eyre - Waiting All Night (Acoustic)

I've been waiting all night for you to tell me what you want
Tell me, tell me that you need me
I've been waiting all night for you to
tell me what you want me
I've been waiting all night for you to tell me what you want
Tell me, tell me that you need me
I've been waiting all night for you to
tell me what you want me

I've been waiting all night for you to tell me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
I've been waiting all night for you to tell me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
Oh! 
Uh, yeah...

I've been waiting all night for you to tell me what you want
Tell me, tell me that you need me
I've been waiting all night for you to
tell me what you want me
I've been waiting all night for you to tell me 
tell me that you need me
tell me that you

Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me that you want me
Oh!
Uh, yeah...

I've been waiting all night for you to tell me what you want
Tell me, tell me that you need me
I've been waiting all night for you to

I've been waiting all night for you to tell me what you want
Tell me, tell me that you need me
I've been waiting all night for you to

Clovers

Page 851 (CHAPTER 9)

It was great seeing familiar faces again today.

Reminded me of how we all started.

And seeing where we are now.. it just warms my heart.

I had a great time. :)

A new chapter awaits...

And I'm incredibly scared and excited at the same time.

For the future.

So much uncertainties.

And I'm sure a lot of us a feeling it too.

It's a step into adulthood.

The real world.

And the reality has kicked in hard.

Ugh.

It feels pretty good to be free though.

I still need sometime to get used to it.

Honestly.

It feels like...

I'm in a sea of clovers.

And I'm running back to life,

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Clovers

Wake up like a quarter to twelve
Hoping that today I'll be someone else
So dumb how I talk to myself
This is hell on earth but I can turn it into heaven

What makes me mad
All of the lost time
Only left here to realize
What makes me mad
Can't open up my eyes

Just when I think it's over
Just when I think I've lost my mind
I'm in field of clovers
I'm running forward back to life

Went a little crazy yesterday
Everybody saw, but it's okay
Swimming in a river of my feels
Looking in the mirror, like what's the deal
Now, now, no matter what the doctor's offered me
Gonna shake that dark cloud off of me
Finally know how fast I gotta run
Now I'mma move for my kingdom come
Always on the move for a rainy day
Needed to change

Just when I think it's over
Just when I think I've lost my mind
I'm in field of clovers
I'm running forward back to life

Sitting, pretty, steady, picking clovers
Finally I feel I'm getting closure
Sitting, pretty, steady, picking clovers
Finally I feel I'm getting closure

Just when I think it's over
Just when I think I've lost my mind
I'm in field of clovers
I'm running forward back to life

Sitting, pretty, steady, picking clovers
Finally I feel I'm getting closure
Sitting, pretty, steady, picking clovers
Finally I feel I'm getting closure

Finally

Page 850

Finally...

The day has come where I leave the Force.

It's been an honour.

So so Crazy how 2 years went by just like that.

I'll keep this Long and sweet.

NINJA COY -> Section 3 you guys filled up that empty space I had when I came in. Especially you Buddy. Always constantly motivating each other to try your best. BMT was unexpectedly a good distraction for me, and helped me through my disorders & inner demons. Thank you to all my sergeants (Ken, RuYan,Shida, Darwin, Gary) and officers (John, Khai) for taking care of us & bringing us closer together. I won't forget you guys.

SMTI -> It was a comforting environment going back to my medical roots. Thank you Section 3 and Bunk 7 for impacting me and always making me laugh my hardest. You guys made me look forward to camp everyday. And also my Poly nursing friends who made it just as nostalgic & fun. ❤️ 

SAFTI -> This was like my second home. To my SAFTI homies, thanks for cooperating with all the detailing I did. Being given that brain-wrecking role was extremely challenging as I often found myself staring blankly at the screen on my own, trying to make your schedules fair & better. Apologies if there's any cock-ups in the past, but know I've tried my best. Going for covers and getting acknowledged by the Cadets and Officers from the Wings warms my heart. Thank you to Dr Haresh and the Ma'ams for always teaching, instilling values in us and having our backs. It was a pleasure working with each of you. :)

 Not to mention the undying support from families and friends. ❤️ 'Family is everything.' ❤️ 

I'm honestly gonna miss NS. It's a bittersweet goodbye.

I entered NS at my lowest and came out at one of my highest. A better, stronger, independent man. For sure, 10, 20, or 30 years down the road, I'll look back at all of these good memories and smile. Plenty of tales to tell my children. No regrets. :) 

Thank you for reading and thank you for being a part of my journey. 💕 

'Tough times don't last, tough men do.' 

HOOYAH!

Regards,

CFC Syah✨

This is a special song to me. xx

Current Song Mood: James Arthur - Finally

This is all I ever wanted
All I ever thought I'd be
It's the only place I truly feel
As though I can be me

But the way I arrived
It was overnight
I've been on my worst behaviour
I've been on my worst behaviour

If only I ain't been like this
Now I can hold my heart in a fist
And all the voices leave
I can finally put it on my sleeve
Oh, if only they'd really seen me
Maybe they would finally believe me
When I say I've won
And my father gets to see his son
That he can feel proud of
He can feel proud of
He's proud of me

This is all I ever wanted
All I ever thought I'd be
But the way that I behaved
Could have seen quite the contrary

I felt all the lives
They're out of sight
I've been on my worst behaviour
I've been on my worst behaviour

If only I ain't been like this
Now I can hold my heart in a fist
And all the voices leave
I can finally put it on my sleeve
Oh, if only they'd really seen me
Maybe they would finally believe me
When I say I've won
And my mother gets to see her son
That she can feel proud of
She can feel proud of
She's proud of me

She's proud of me
They're proud of me
They're proud of me
They're proud of me
She's proud of me
She's proud of
She's proud of
They're proud of
They're proud of
They're proud of me
They're proud of me
They're proud of me
She's proud of
They're proud of

If only I ain't been like this
Now I can hold my heart in a fist
And all the voices leave
I can finally put it on my sleeve
Oh, if only they'd really seen me
Then maybe they would finally believe me
When I say I've won
And my family get to see it right
That they can feel proud of
They can feel proud of
They can feel proud of
They're proud of me

Don't Wanna Think

Page 849

Wasn't exactly a great start to the day.

So hectic. I was all over the place.

Haha.. Don't know what the f*ck's wrong with me.

Can I go a day without messing myself up?

Life is full of surprises.

But man.. yesterday really caught me by surprise.

Was I reckless? 

I realised that now.

Maybe. But it wasnt something that happened to me everyday.

Ugh.

I dont wanna think about it.

Maybe just.. let it die away.

Just like the rest of my feelings.

Maybe.. it'll be my last.

I just wanna be alone right now.

Yeah, I should.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Julia Michaels - Don't Wanna Think

Now I'm not really one for drinking songs
But I guess that I should probably write one
'Cause I'm feeling pretty lonely
Is he the only thing that holds me right now?
Now I'm not really one for drinking songs
But I guess if I'm not wrapped here in your arms
Then I can't talk about love
And who wants to talk about love?
I don't wanna risk

Well, I don't wanna think about you right now
Don't wanna think about you right now
'Cause if I did, it would be damn bad
And I'd show up at your house
I was screaming at your door
Saying "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
I thought that we were good enough
I thought that you needed love
No, I don't wanna think about you right now
Don't wanna think about you right now

Now I'm not really one for drinking songs
But, fuck it here it comes out
Heartbreak is annoying
And I feel it in the morning
Swallow it down like a bitter pill
At least it will taste better than this feeling will
And I don't like myself
And I'm just standing still

Well, I don't wanna think about you right now
Don't wanna think about you right now
'Cause if I did, it would be damn bad
And I'd show up at your house
I was screaming at your door
Saying "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
I thought that we were good enough
I thought that you needed love

I know that when I wake there's gonna be seven texts and three calls to you
And I'm not gonna know what to do
I'll make up some excuse about how that was meant for someone else
When the truth is I'm not over you