Say Love

Page 418

What a weird wonderful day.

I guess I spent it in the best way possible.

I'm happy to have met you.

I just.. don't want the past to repeat.

I want more than what this is.

I want to say/do the things I've never dared to.

I want you to prove it.

I want you to say what I wanna hear.

I want you to say love.

Love, Eran.

Thank you for today.

This is my favourite song from 'Tringle'.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Say Love

This is us at our best, and at our worst
And when we speak, does it feel unrehearsed?

Cause where I wanna be is far apart
From where we are, from where we are
And I thought I found the place where we could start
Talk from the heart, talk from the heart

But you just say I'm perfect
Say I'm pretty
Say I'm worth it
But if you really care for me

Say love
I want you to say love
I want you to say love
When I say "love you"
You just say "me too"
But I want you to say love

It feels like we can't get out of first
When we do it's like we're stuck in reverse, oh

Cause where I wanna be is far apart
From where we are, from where we are
And I thought I found the place where we could start
Talk from the heart, talk from the heart

But you just say I'm perfect
Say I'm pretty
Say I'm worth it
But if you really care for me

Say love
I want you to say love
I want you to say love
When I say "love you"
You just say "me too"
But I want you to say love

But you just say I'm perfect
Say I'm pretty
Say I'm worth it
But if you really care for me

Say love
I want you to say love
I want you to say love
When I say "love you"
You just say "me too"
But I want you to say love

Old Ways

Page 417

Finally back home.

I don't know why, but I felt so tensed today.

Maybe because I know of what's to come.

My feelings are always right.

Keeping frustrations to myself wasn't helpful at all.

But this activity called 'Combat Training' totally helped me out.

Punching the air, covered in sweat, and venting every bit of emotion out of my small body..

It was very therapeutic for me. All those hidden anger from the last 3 months..

It's no wonder some of my commanders were surprised that I was so into it.

'Woah you can join the instructors in front man.'

'Eh you so fierce sia. You got fighting experience before issit? Good job.'

I looked at myself in the mirror after.

And then I realised the change in me.

I'm not the person I used to be.

I'm not in the same place that I was before.

I'm not going back to my old ways.

Love, Eran.

I'm not afraid to fall.

I'm not afraid anymore.

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato - Old Ways

It was fun playin' with knives
Until a blade
Stuck in the left side of my chest
Surprise
And I'm down again, I turn the page
The story's mine
No more watchin' the world from my doorstep
Passin' me by

And I just keep changin'
These colors, colors, colors, colors
I'm not in the same place
That I was, I was, I was, I was

But if somebody tells me
I'll go back to my old ways
I'm gonna say no way
I'm out of the doorway
I'm hearin' them all say
I'll go back to my old ways
Not goin' back to my old ways

Not goin' back to my old ways
(Not goin' back to my old ways)

Now I know what's good for me
All that I need
And I can't wait to sink my teeth in
And take another bite
And the best part about it
Is I'm the only who can do somethin' about it
I fill the well with some water, it's overflowin'
Black into gold
Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfolds

And I just keep changin'
These colors, colors, colors, colors
I'm not in the same place
That I was, I was, I was, I was

But if somebody tells me
I'll go back to my old ways
I'm gonna say no way
I'm out of the doorway
I'm hearin' them all say
I'll go back to my old ways
Not goin' back to my old ways

Not goin' back to my old ways
(Not goin' back to my old ways)

Every scar
The flames burn the mark
I'm not afraid to fall
I'm spiraling
I'm spiraling
I pass the stars
I'm not burning out
I'm not afraid to fall
I'm not afraid anymore

And I just keep changin' my colors
These colors, colors, colors, colors
I'm not in the same place that I was, I was

And the best part about it
Is I'm the only who can do somethin' about it
I fill the well with some water, it's overflowin'
Black into gold
Who knew it'd be so bright without the blindfolds

And I just keep changin'
These colors, colors, colors, colors
I'm not in the same place
That I was, I was, I was, I was

But if somebody tells me
I'll go back to my old ways
I'm gonna say no way
I'm out of the doorway
I'm hearin' them all say
I'll go back to my old ways
Not goin' back to my old ways

For You

Page 416

Meh. So sore from today.

This week is passing faster than expected. 

I've had days where I suddenly feel down.

And days where I'm up on my feet & ready to roll.

I believe how you go through your day depends on how positive you start it.

It's hard to maintain but try your best.

Pain is temporary.

I'll pull through the remaining week.

I'll do it well.

I'll do it for you.

Love, Eran.

Even if I dont get anything in the end..

Like I always do.

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato - For You

Reasons why you run don't make you a good man
Yes I understand
You were on time at the wrong time
I was debating but tried, and I don't know why
You can act cold on a dime and so out of line

For you
I’d do anything for you
Nail my heart to the ceiling
I'd put my fist through a wall
How come (how come)
I stick around when I break down (break down, break down)
I take the blows like a champion (champion, champion)
But I get nothing at all

Reasons for my hope, all make me a big joke
I already know
You were just fine, I was just fine
Why did we turn a good time to a dark one?
I'd give you a chance but the better man never called

For you (for you)
I’d do anything for you (for you, for you)
Nail my heart to the ceiling (ceiling, ceiling)
I'd put my fist through a wall
How come (how come)
I stick around when I break down (break down, break down)
I take the blows like a champion (champion, champion)
But I get nothing at all
But I get nothing at all
But I get nothing at all

For you, I'd do
Anything for you, I would do
Anything for you, I would do
(Put my fist through a wall)
Anything for you, I would do

For you (for you)
I’d do anything for you (for you, for you)
Nail my heart to the ceiling (ceiling, ceiling)
I'd put my fist through a wall
How come (how come)
I stick around when I break down (break down, break down)
I take the blows like a champion (champion, champion)
But I get nothing at all
But I get nothing
But I get nothing at all
I get nothing at all

For you, I'd do
Anything for you, I would do
Anything for you, I would do
Anything for you, I would do
Anything

When You're Gone

Page 415

Days are getting tougher, with more intense weeks to come.

I wonder how I'll be able to cope.

One week from now..

I'll be in a foreign environment. Tired. Dirty. Probably mentally drained then.

I wont have anyone to depend on.. basically just the people around me.

And especially specially, my Buddy.

This post goes out to you bud.

`Begin with the end in mind.'

We're gonna go through this together. 

Just like we're going through our personal yet similar struggles each day.

Moving on is hard, but holding on is even harder.

This song is dedicated to you.

xx

Love, Eran.

Pieces of my heart are still somehow missing you.

Current Song Mood: Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

[Pre-chorus:]
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

[Chorus:]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you,
I love the things that you do

[Pre-chorus]
[Chorus]

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do, I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me, yeah

[Chorus:]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

Hollow

Page 414

I guess I have to accept that things won't always go the way you plan it to.

I'm used to it by now.

Yep, very much.

I gotta lower down expectations.. it's better to.

I'm getting used to single life.

Spending the weekends alone is the norm now.

Yet, the disappointment can't be avoided.

I was really looking forward this week.

But I guess I have to wait for the next.

I need to be wrapped in someone's love.

Hold me.

Fill up my empty cup.

Cause right now, I'm just hollow.

Love, Eran.

Cause I'm fragile.

Current Song Mood: Tori Kelly - Hollow 

I don't wanna be the last man standing
I don't wanna be the lonely one
Picking petals when the party's over
No, it's not any fun

Cause I'm fragile
And you know this

So hold me
Wrap me in love, fill up my cup
Empty and only your love can fill up my cup
Cause I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh
Cause I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh

I don't wanna be the first one folding
I don't wanna be the joker heart
Tell me, darling, will you understand me?
And not show me your cards?

Cause I'm paper-thin
And you, you make me whole again

So hold me
Wrap me in love, fill up my cup
Empty and only your love can fill up my cup
Cause I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh
Cause I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh

I confess (yeah), my weakness
Til you pick up the parts that are broken
Pour out your perfection on me now

And hold me
Wrap me in love, fill up my cup
Empty, cause only your love can fill up my cup
So hold me
Wrap me in love, fill up my cup
Empty and only your love can fill up my cup
Cause I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh
Cause I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh
Cause I'm hollow (yeah)
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh (oh yeah)
Cause I'm hollow (I'm hollow)
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh

Talk Me Down

Page 413

Feeling a certain way tonight..

Guess some flashbacks were triggered for no reason.

I've learnt to embrace it.

I guess it's the music I'm listening to?

The unexpected turn of events.

Or the fact that I've fallen sick..

I need someone to talk me down.

Sigh.

All I want right now is to be by your side.

I wanna be close to you.

...

Love, Eran.

I wanna see you again.

Current Song Mood: Troye Sivan - Talk Me Down

I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
And I wanna come home to you
But home is just a room full of my safest sounds
Cause you know that I can't trust myself with my 3AM shadow
I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone

I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
So come over now and talk me down

I wanna hold hands with you
But that's all I wanna do right now
And I wanna get close to you
Cause your hands and lips still know their way around
And I know I like to draw at night; it starts to get surreal
But the less time that I spend with you, the less you need to heal

I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
So come over now and talk me down
(Talk me down)

So if you don't mind, I'll walk that line
Stuck on the bridge between us
Gray areas and expectations
But I'm not one if we're honest, yeah
But I wanna sleep next to you
And I wanna come home to you
I wanna hold hands with you
I wanna be close to you

But I wanna sleep next to you
And that's all I wanna do right now
And I wanna come home to you
But home is just a room full of my safest sounds
So come over now and talk me down
(Talk me down)

Hello

Page 412

This felt like one of the longest week I've had.

Been so tired, and I can barely stay awake as I type this.

My days are filled with sweat, heat & sleepiness.

Gah.. Adele just released her first single called 'Hello.'

It's a good ballad, a little draggy, but still good. 

And it made me recall how my ex used to love her music.

Probably listening to it as well I suppose.

Meh.

Why should I even care. 

I'm on the other side now.

I've given my all.

I've said sorry even when I know I didn't have to.

I've lowered myself many times.

Putting the other first always.

I've done what I could.

I've tried my best.

And what do I get? 

Not even a hello.

Nothing.

Love, Eran

Welcome back bitch.

Current Song Mood: Adele - Hello

Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years
You'd like to meet, to go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing

Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

There's such a difference between us
And a million miles

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times to tell you
I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried to tell you
I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

Hello, how are you?
It's so typical of me to talk about myself
I'm sorry, I hope that you're well
Did you ever make it out of that town
Where nothing ever happened?

It's no secret
That the both of us are running out of time

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times to tell you
I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried to tell you
I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

Ooooohh, anymore
Ooooohh, anymore
Ooooohh, anymore
Anymore

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times to tell you
I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried to tell you
I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

Damage Control

Page 411

Running out of ideas. Haha. Guess I'll just go on about my day.

Time seems to be passing slowly each day.

Managed to conquer some obstacles the past few days.

Basically dealing with my fear of heights...

The thought of falling off and breaking something..

Haha. Let's not go there.

#shortboyproblems

Well I figured out the technique today.

'Just go. Breathe, dont think, and just do it.'

And it worked.

Guess I need to start doing that more often.

Workouts are getting more intense each day.

Impressed that my body can handle more than I thought it could. Heh.

I'm gonna turn in early tonight.

& do some damage control.

Goodnight loves. 

xx

Love, Eran.

I'm finally seeing clear.

Current Song Mood: Katharine Mcphee - Damage Control

For once, I’m finally seeing clear
I left my baggage at the station
My hands are empty but I’m here, here
And all I have’s this realization

That all the time I’ve wasted
Thinking that I could replace this
Is just the long way to what I already knew

The things I’ve done, you made it clear
That my mistakes won’t disappear
I’ll make things right from now on, oh
Yeah, I know, I know
I’m on damage control
Damage control

I won’t blur between the lines
What I say is what I mean now
And I got words if you got time
And I just hope that you will see now

That all the time I’ve wasted
Thinking that I could replace this
Is just the long way to what I already knew

The things I’ve done, you made it clear
That my mistakes won’t disappear
I’ll make things right from now on, oh
Yeah, I know, I know
I’m on damage control
Damage control

I can’t erase all the shame that I placed on myself
That I can’t take it away
But I know things will change
So I’ll wait for the day that you’ll give me your faith one more time

Woah, oh

The things I’ve done, you made it clear
That my mistakes won’t disappear
I’ll make things right from now on, oh
Yeah, I know, I know
I’m on damage control
Damage control

Damage control
Damage control

Where Are U Now

Page 410

Well guess i'm gonna do a quick one today.

Been a pretty busy/tiring day. 

Gah. And time seems to be moving slower than usual today.

Maybe I'm just really looking forward to the weekends..

I hope it will be a smooth week.

Sometimes my mind cant help but wonder...

What are you doing?

Who are you with? 

Where Are U Now?

Love, Eran.

Where...

Current Song Mood: Skrillex And Diplo Ft Justin Bieber - Where Are U Now

I need you (the) I need you
I need you (the) I need you
I need you, you, you, you, you, you
I need you (the) I need you
I need you (the) I need you
I need you, you, you, you, you, you
You, you, you
I need you the most

I gave you the key when the door wasn't open, just admit it

Now I’m all alone and my joys to moping
Tell me, where are you now that I need you?
Where are you now?
Where are you now that I need you?
Couldn't find you anywhere
When you broke down I didn't leave you
I was by your side
So where are you now that I need you?
Where are you now that I need you?

Where are you now that I need you?
Where are you now that I need you?
Where are you now that I need you?

I gave you attention when nobody else was paying
I gave you the shirt off my back, what you saying?
To keep you warm
I showed you the game everybody else was playing, that's for sure
And I was on my knees when nobody else was praying, oh Lord

Where are you now that I need you?
Where are you now that I need you?

I need you (the) I need you
I need you (the) I need you
I need you, you, you, you, you, you
Where are you now that I need you?
I need you (the) I need you
I need you (the) I need you
I need you, you, you, you, you, you
I need you the most

Where are you now that I need you?
Where are you now that I need you?
Where are you now that I need you?
I need you the most (I need you the most, I need you the most)

She Wolf

Page 409

It's been a fairly good day.

Had a lot of things to laugh about.

I'm more happier these days.

And I cant help but rethink about moments. The past weekend. The past..

Did my 180 seconds self-intro today hahaha at last!

Nervous but got to express myself by singing hahaha. Hope my sore throat didnt eff it up.

I'm sure there a couple of new readers right now. Eh you all very kepo ahh. 

HAHAHA. Hello and welcome.

Whatever happens in this blog, stays here okay!!

;)

Love, Eran.

You're my she wolf.

Current Song Mood: David Guetta Ft Sia - She Wolf

A shot in the dark
A past lost in space
Where do I start?
The past and the chase
You hunted me down
Like a wolf, a predator
I felt like a deer in love lights

You loved me and I froze in time
Hungry for that flesh of mine
But I can't compete with the she-wolf, who has brought me to my knees
What do you see in those yellow eyes?
'Cause I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
Falling to pieces

[beat break]

Did she lie in wait?
Was I bait to pull you in?
The thrill of the kill
You feel is a sin
I lay with the wolves
Alone, it seems,
I thought I was part of you

You loved me and I froze in time
Hungry for that flesh of mine
But I can't compete with the she-wolf, who has brought me to my knees
What do you see in those yellow eyes?
'Cause I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
Falling to pieces

[beat break]

I'm falling to pieces
Falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
Falling to pieces

Hands To Myself

Page 408

Haiii :)

Currently blogging from camp haha. This tablet is useful at last.

Anyways. Had a pretty.. good weekend. There are certain things that.. turned out unexpected. The number of people I've met that's been so nice to me, showering me with love.

I've missed this feeling. 

And I never want it to go away. 

Alas I have to spend my weekdays here for now..

But at least there's something/someone to look forward to when I'm out of here.`

I'll be honest.

I'm afraid of falling again.

Afraid of opening up again.. Letting anyone in.

But I have to try eventually.

I have to be brave.

Today.. I couldnt keep my hands to myself. 

Cuddles.
Soft lips.
 Warm kisses.
Chivalry isnt dead.
I've never felt this warm in a long time.

Thank you.

<3

Love, Eran.

I miss you already.

Current Song Mood: Selena Gomez - Hands To Myself 

Can't keep my hands to myself
No matter how hard I'm trying to
I want you all to myself
You're metaphorical gin and juice
So come on, give me a taste
Of what it's like to be next to you
Won't let one drop go to waste
You're metaphorical gin and juice

Cause all of the doubts and the outbursts
Keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, trying
All of the doubts and the outbursts
Keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, but I

Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself

My doctor say you're no good
But people say what they wanna say
And you should know if I could
I'd breathe you in every single day

All of the doubts and the outbursts
Keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, trying
All of the doubts and the outbursts
Keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, but I

Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself

Can't keep my hands to myself
I want it all, no, nothing else
Can't keep my hands to myself
Give me your all and nothing else
Oh, I, I want it all
I want it all, I want it all
Can't keep my hands to myself
I mean I could, but why would I want to?

My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
I want it all, no, nothing else
Can't keep my hands to myself
Give me your all and nothing else
Can't keep my hands to myself