Rock Bottom

Page 515

Sometimes when you feel like you've hit rock bottom, you can only depend on yourself to get up.

I've been used many times in my life.

Falling for that shit over and over again.

You just gotta take a while to think it.

And ask yourself.

Should I?

Does it feel right?

If it doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to say NO.

Because I've hesitated so many times.

Being dumb and vain.

I can't do that no more.

Ultimately, it's your decision.

Listen to your heart.

It's the best way.

Love, Eran.

We keep on coming back for more.

Current Song Mood: Hailee Steinfeld Ft DNCE - Rock Bottom

What are we fighting for?
Seems like we do it just for fun
In this, this stupid war
We play hard with our plastic guns

Breathe deep, bottle it up
So deep until it's all we got
Don't speak, just use your touch
Don't speak before we say too much

You hate me now and I feel the same way
You love me now and I feel the same way
We scream and we shout
And make up the same day, same day

Oh, we're on the right side of rock bottom
And I hope that we keep falling
We're on the good side of bad karma
Cause we keep on coming back for more
We're on the right side of rock bottom
And to you I just keep crawling
You're the best kind of bad something
Cause we keep on coming back for more

You get under my skin
More than anyone's ever been
But when we lay in bed
You hold me harder till I forget that

You hate me now and I feel the same way
You love me now and I feel the same way
We scream and we shout
And make up the same day, same day

Oh, we're on the right side of rock bottom
And I hope that we keep falling
We're on the good side of bad karma
Cause we keep on coming back for more
We're on the right side of rock bottom
And to you I just keep crawling
You're the best kind of bad something
Cause we keep on coming back for more
Keep on coming back for more
Cause we keep on coming back for more

What are we fighting for?
Seems like we do it just for fun
In this, this stupid war
We play hard with our plastic guns

Oh, we're on the right side of rock bottom
And I hope that we keep falling
We're on the good side of bad karma
Cause we keep on coming back for more
We're on the right side of rock bottom
And to you I just keep crawling
You're the best kind of bad something
Cause we keep on coming back for more
Keep on coming back for more
Cause we keep on coming back for more
Keep on coming back for more
Cause we keep on coming back for more

Space Between

Page 514

28.

A date that will always haunt me.

Its been.. a challenge.

And I must admit this, I never thought it'd happen to me.

I've been keeping quiet about it, cause that's what I do best.

Truth is, I've had some sort of a relapse.

Just 2 weeks ago before I passed out from my course.

That week, I was having so much uncontrollable flashbacks.

I don't even know where they came from.

Or how it was triggered.

My only guess was, when I was looking through the Facebook past year moments.

That one night... it happened.

I dreamt.

I dreamt we were together again.

I dreamt that I was still in love, that we were going out together, hand in hand. Exploring places. Enjoying each other's company. A feeling that I've haven't felt in a long time.

And then.

I woke up.

I was in bunk, in bed, in the dark, alone, depressed as fuck.

Drowning about the past, feeling so damn down about everything.

Blaming myself.

Wondering if it could've turned out differently.

How can emptiness feel so heavy?

I was on the verge of breaking down.

But I didnt, and I couldn't.

Because I knew then, that I was supposed to be over this.

And I was.

It's just certain triggers..

That can't be helped.

...

I'm tired. 

And I hope,

And I pray,

 that this wouldn't happen again.

And I hope, that someday,

 I'd find something fill up, this space between.

Love, Eran.

This silence.

It's getting deafening.

Current Song Mood: Sia - Space Between

A neverending sentence in my head
We lay hollow in the emptiness
I'm too tired to push you from the bed

No more fighting, there's no more fighting
There's no more fighting for us

Fill the void in our bed
The space between is deafening
Oh, we don't bend, we're breaking
The space between is deafening
The space between is deafening

No one's moving, we lack the courage to
We lay in stalemate, wishing the other would
But we're too tired, we let the embers cool

No more fighting, there's no more fighting
There's no more fighting for us

Fill the void in our bed
The space between is deafening
Oh, we don't bend, we're breaking
The space between is deafening

No more fighting, we've given up now
Silence says more than words
Imagination cures loneliness
When you become a prisoner

Fill the void in our bed
The space between is deafening
Oh, we don't bend, we're breaking
The space between is deafening

Dangerous Woman

Page 513

Still thinking about yesterday.

And the actions that took place.

I was captivated.

You intrigued me in certain ways.

I was tensed, but you seemed relaxed about it.

What was your motive?

Company?

Another round?

I couldnt put a finger to it.

I had to be careful.

Play it safe.

Be Cautious.

There's something about you.

That makes me feel like a dangerous woman human.

But yet, I didnt mind.

You... you're not like the others.

I hope we cross paths again.

One day.

Love, Eran.

You still haven't grown up haven't you?

You're still the same petty spoilt bitch.

Mind your fucking tongue.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - Dangerous Woman

Oh yea'
Don't need permission
Made my decision to test my limits
Cause it's my business, God as my witness
Start what I finished
Don't need no hold up
Taking control of this kind of moment
I'm locked and loaded
Completely focused, my mind is open

All that you got, skin to skin, oh my God
Don't ya stop, boy

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you
Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

Nothing to prove and I'm bulletproof and
Know what I'm doing
The way we're movin' like introducing
Us to a new thing
I wanna savor, save it for later
The taste of flavor, cause I'm a taker
Cause I'm a giver, it's only nature
I live for danger

All that you got, skin to skin, oh my God
Don't ya stop, boy

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you
Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you

All girls wanna be like that
Bad girls underneath, like that
You know how I'm feeling inside
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout
All girls wanna be like that
Bad girls underneath, like that
You know how I'm feeling inside
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you
Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you

All girls wanna be like that
Bad girls underneath like that
You know how I'm feeling inside
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout
All girls wanna be like that
Bad girls underneath like that
You know how I'm feeling inside
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
(Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you)
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
(Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you)

Appetite

Page 512

I was hungry.

So I went out to satisfy my appetite.

The things I'd do.. hah.

It wasnt my first time.

And it probably won't be my last.

Such a weird situation.

But hey, 2 is better than 1.

'What a waste.' I felt.

You were so nice.

How can someone be so blatant about cheating on their partner.

And the fact that, I was unknowingly involved.

Awkward.

It left me feeling a little.. sore.

Promiscuity doesn't go far.

And it certainly, doesn't last.

You can do better.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Katharine Mcphee - Appetite

One sip and I’ll be okay
Only aching for your taste
I just gotta get my fix
Love your flavor on my lips

Send your sugar straight into my veins
I crave you all the time
Let me spend the night and entertain you
Detain you all night

You can get me up all night
You know exactly what I like
Satisfy my appetite

Promise I’ll just take a bite
Do it just the way you like
Satisfy my appetite

Whisper with your sweet tooth
Just a lick and I’m seduced
Mmm…
Got a mouthful on my plate
Wanna savor you all day

Send your sugar straight into my veins
I crave you all the time
Let me spend the night and entertain you
Detain you all night

You can get me up all night
You know exactly what I like
Satisfy my appetite

Promise I’ll just take a bite
Do it just the way you like
Satisfy my appetite

Promise I’ll just take a bite
Do it just the way you like
Satisfy my appetite

I Won't

Page 511

A slight desperation.

To prove myself.

My worth.

A lot of temptations.

So many offers.

But none that's worth the risk.

I would If I could, but I won't.

Not anymore.

Love, Eran.

Love me please.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - I Wont

[Verse 1]
Love me, love me
Love me please
Like there's no one for you but me
Oh, oh, oh
Love me, love me
Love me true
Cause there's no one for me but you
Oh, oh, oh, oh

[Pre-Chorus]
Love me love me
Love me now, don't tell me that you don't know how
And right before he turns around, he says

[Chorus]
He said I would if I could, but I can't
He said I would if I did, but I don't
He said I would if I was, but I'm not, no
He said I would if I would, but I won't
I won't, no

[Verse 2]
Love me, love me
Love me right
Your body helps me sleep at night
Oh, oh, oh
Love me, love me
Love me good
I know you can and I think you should
Oh, oh, oh, oh

[Pre-Chorus]
Love me love me
Love me now, don't tell me that you don't know how
And right before he turns around, he says

[Chorus]
He said I would if I could, but I can't
He said I would if I did, but I don't
He said I would if I was, but I'm not, no
He said I would if I would, but I won't
I won't, no

[Bridge]
All this time I knew it was real
But now I have to face the fact
That he won't love me still

[Chorus]
He said I would if I could, but I can't
He said I would if I did, but I don't
He said I would if I was, but I'm not, no
He said I would if I would, but I won't
I won't, no

Let It Go

Page 510

Lovely night spent with these 'laughly' ladies hehe.

Such a fun time. Had laksa for dinner, bought pasar malam food, then chilled at the JEM rooftop where we played with water at the children's play corner.

A good way to de-stress.

In the midst of all the laughters and smiles, I couldnt help thinking.

When would it be my turn?

I'm still waiting.. for someone to call my own.

To give me butterflies in my stomach.

I rarely admit this, but I miss that feeling.

It's been a while.

But I guess part of me has been hesitant to start anything.

I don't know how long it can go this way.

I need to let it go.

I need to.

Love, Eran.

This song is so special to me.

Why don't you be you, and I'll be me.

Current Song Mood: James Bay - Let It Go

From walking home and talking loads
To seeing shows in evening clothes with you
From nervous touch and getting drunk
To staying up and waking up with you

But now we're slipping at the edge
Holding something we don't need
All this delusion in our heads
Is gonna bring us to our knees

So come on, let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?
Everything that's broke
Leave it to the breeze
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?
And I'll be me

From throwing clothes across the floor
To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you
If this is all we're living for
Why are we doing it, doing it, doing it anymore?

I used to recognize myself
It's funny how reflections change
When we're becoming something else
I think it's time to walk away

So come on, let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?
Everything that's broke
Leave it to the breeze
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?
And I'll be me

Trying to fit your hand inside of mine
When we know it just don't belong
There's no force on earth
Could make it feel right, no

Whoa

Trying to push this problem up the hill
When it's just too heavy to hold
Think now's the time to let it slide

So come on, let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?
Everything that's broke
Leave it to the breeze
Let the ashes fall
Forget about me

Come on, let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?
And I'll be me

Firestone

Page 508

Just wanna address the two lives lost recently in SG.

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone.

This tragic incident broke my heart.

And it probably brought chills down others as well.

I feel for their families and loved ones.

Treasure the people you love.

You may never know.

Anything can happen.

Just don't add fuel to the fire.

The world can be full of hate.

We can light the world as we are right now.

In a different way.

Just like a firestone.

------------------------------------------------------

Ps. Good meet-up with my old friends today.

Seems like yesterday that we are just schoolmates going for lectures.

Today, some of them are married & having babies due very soon.

Cant be a more prouder pakcik.

Hehe.

Me & Ecah faceswapped HAHAHA.

Mama said I looked like a pretty butch LOL.

Me and Riri HAHAHA.

Till next time.

xx

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Kygo Ft Conrad Sewell - Firestone

I'm a flame
You're a fire
I'm the dark in need of light
When we touch, you inspire
Feel the change in me tonight
So take me up, take me higher
There's a world not far from here
We can dance in desire
Or we can burn in love tonight

Our hearts are like firestones
And when they strike, we feel the love
Sparks will fly, they ignite our bones
But when they strike, we light up the world

Our hearts are like firestones
And when they strike, we feel the love
Sparks will fly, they ignite our bones
But when they strike, we light up the world
We light up the world

We light up the world
Oooh oooh
World
Oooh oooh
Firestone

I'm from X, you're from Y
Perfect strangers in the night
Here we are, come together
To the world we'll testify

Our hearts are like firestones
And when they strike, we feel the love
Sparks will fly, they ignite our bones
But when they strike, we light up the world

Our hearts are like firestones
And when they strike, we feel the love
Sparks will fly, they ignite our bones
And when they strike, we light up the world

We light up the world
We light up the world
Oooh oooh
World
Oooh oooh
Firestone

Crush

Page 508

Crushed.

It happens.

And I know how it ends.

Love. Eran.

Is it a little too much?

Current Song Mood: Yuna Ft Usher - Crush

[Yuna:]

You call me on a lazy afternoon

Asking me what I’m up to,

Let’s find something to do

Baby I’d be down, down, down

Down, down, down, down, down, down

You know I’d be down, down, down

Down, down, down, down, down, down

I see you are arriving in your car

Jet black Mercedes, built in the ’70s

Classic like you and me

I’ll be coming down, down, down

Down, down, down, down, down, down

I’ll be coming down, down, down

Down, down, down, down, down, down

[Yuna:]

I feel a little rush,

I think I’ve got a little crush on you

I hope it’s not too much,

But babe, when I’m with you, I hear it

My heart singing

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la

[Usher:]

Honestly, I shouldn’t waste time no more

‘Cause all these little boys you’re chasing,

Did they break your heart?

I know you’ve been down, down, down

Down, down, down, down, down, down

I won’t let you down, down, down

Down, down, down, down, down, down

[Together:]

I feel a little rush,

I think I’ve got a little crush on you

I hope it’s not too much,

But babe when I’m with you, I hear it

My heart singing

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la

[Together:]

If you feel the same

I see it in the way that you behave around me

And I can’t tell what we have is different from anyone else

‘Cause you stop doing what you’re doing

When I call you come to me running

And I would do the same for you

So, tell me that you feel it too!

I feel a little rush,

I think I’ve got a little crush on you

I hope it’s not too much

But babe when I’m with you, I hear it

My heart singing

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la

[Yuna & Usher:]

I think I’ve got a crush, babe

(Crush on you, too)

Feel a little rush, baby

(And I feel it, too)

I think I’ve got a crush, babe

(Crush on you, too)

Feel a little rush, baby

Losing My Mind

Page 507

I walked through the gates. 

This place was bloody grand.

It didnt feel like camp.

It was like a big park.

A beautiful one.

-------------------------------------------------------------

New environment.

New people.

So full of mixed feelings today.

I've never felt so much freedom before, and I find it so damn scary.

I'm not used to this.

And to make it weirder, I did absolutely nothing with all the time I had.

I'm procrastinating too much.

And that's pretty ironic since I know I have a lot to do.

I don't know what do.

I know I should count myself VERY lucky.

But it's pretty overwhelming.

I'm sorta losing my mind.

I need someone to tell me it'll be okay.

Love, Eran.

I'll think about us some other time.

Current Song Mood: Charlie Puth - Losing My Mind

I'm run, yeah, oh yeah
I'm run, yeah like my mind

It's funny how I got just exactly what I want
I'll try to have fun some other time
I thought money was enough, it's just a temporary rush
I'll try to go find some other high

Don't know why I wanna make it even harder
But I'm not the kind of man to take the easy road

So much to do and not enough time
Not enough time, oh I got
So much to lose, I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind, oh my mind
I'm run, yeah, I'm run, yeah
I'm run, yeah like my mind

I'm sorry that I'm not there to give you what you want
I'll think about us some other time
And I'm sorry that I can't be the perfect type of man
I'll think about us some other time

Don't know why I wanna make it even harder
I'm not the kind of man to take the easy road

I got so much to do and not enough time
Not enough time, oh I got
So much to lose, I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind, oh my mind
Nothing to lose, nothing to lose
I'm losing my mind, I'm losing my mind
Nothing to lose, nothing to lose
I'm losing my mind, I'm losing my mind, oh my mind
I'm run, yeah, I'm run, yeah
I'm run, yeah like my mind
I'm run, yeah, I'm run, yeah
I'm run, yeah like my mind

I got so much to do and not enough time
Not enough time, oh I got
So much to lose, I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my mind, oh my mind
Nothing to lose, nothing to lose
I'm losing my mind, I'm losing my mind
Nothing to lose, nothing to lose
I'm losing my mind, I'm losing my mind, oh my mind