Remember Who I was

Page 685

Man.

I don't even know where to start.

This year has been transcendent.

Taking this time to remember who I was.

I got into my Medic Course in Dec, Passed out in March.

Got posted to OCS (dream unit), and became the IC in one of the Departments.

One of the most challenging yet fulfilling roles. It was perfect for me.

It's been a WONDERFUL year for music as well.
JoJo made a comeback after 10 friggin years.
BANKS put our her amazing spiritual second album.
They're the major influences in my sound.
And I can't wait to see them live.

Did more photoshoots this year.
White Chocolate Edition
Tunnel Vision Edition.
All of which were taken by my talented friends.

I got to perform at least 3 times live the past year.

That's my biggest achievement yet.

I'm in the process of working on Original content.

Yes, it'll come.

My passion is burning alive.

More than ever.

I've also been focusing on myself this year.
Mainly my health and fitness.
Gymming frequently and also pampering myself
with facial products cause you gotta look good ;)
MOISTURISE.
Lol.

Though hardship was inevitable.

Grandma had a stroke, right on my 21st birthday.

Everything hasn't been the same since. But Grandma is a fighter.

And she's still on the road to recovery even at this moment.

I got into a health scare the second half of the year. It's still ongoing. But I need to have faith that everything will be alright. And I know it will.

Brunei Trip was the peak of the challenge. You can read my June posts. Life-changing. Especially when I saved my own Buddy.

An old flame tried to get my attention again.

I was shookt for a bit, but then, the anger came.

You don't deserve my time.

Not after everything that's happened.
Next.

Fallen in and out of love constantly.
But I'm learning something new everytime.
And becoming more wiser.
Thank you to all the people I've met.
And left.
Making love has never felt more passionate.

I'm in my happy place right now.

Contented with everything.

Perfectly alone, me myself & I.

Life is unpredictable.

Funny how things work out.

I hope it continues to.

Excited for greater things to happen next year.

Bring it On.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: James Arthur - Remember Who I Was

I know I hurt you, I was so unkind
I was ungrateful, I wasted your time
But I was young and lost, so lost
See, you took this poor boy and changed his whole life
Granted his wishes and dreams overnight
And I saw stars, they shot me down
But I deserved it, they knocked me out

I'm just waking up now, in the tears of the one's I love
It's quiet, I'll bet that everybody thinks I'm done
I need to get up now, I've been down here far too long
Two years I've been lost, now I remember who I was
Who I was, who I was

I am the one who beat me black and blue
No one can hurt all your feelings like you
Whoa, I know it, or validate
See, if you're a misfit and feel out of place
Or you don't like how you look, it's okay
'Cause someone will, but you need to love yourself
Don't end up like me, don't end up like me

I'm just waking up now, in the tears of the one's I love
It's quiet, I'll bet that everybody thinks I'm done
I need to get up now, I've been down here for too long
Two years I've been lost, now I remember who I was
Who I was, who I was (I've been down here for too...)
Who I was, who I was

Somebody

Page 684

Don't know why I spend so much effort.

Knowing how it'll end up eventually.

How I spend so much time for others.

Yet it has no benefit to me.

Being open-hearted.

That's just a part of me.

It's in my blood I guess.

I know my grandma has a big heart.

Guess that's where I got mine from.

Today I walked out of camp on my own.

Alone.

But proud. 

That I love what I do.

That I know I am somebody.

& that I'm worth it.

Love, Eran.

Tonight, I am somebody.

Current Song Mood: Emeli Sande - Somebody

I swear there's something different
In this cigarette
Helpin' us get lifted
Helpin' us forget
I swear there's something extra
Runnin' in our blood

We're in a hatchback party with the music turned up
Got my head out the window throwing two fingers up

Like I'm somebody
As if I'm really somebody
Tonight I am a big fucking deal
Tonight I just know how it might feel
To be somebody
Like I'm really somebody
Tonight I am a big fucking deal
Tonight I just know how it might feel

Runnin' from the city
Up the motorway
You know you can't have me
But you kiss me anyway
They can come and get us
This time we won't run

And I say a little prayer that the morning never comes
And I'm screaming over here from the top of my lungs

I am somebody
As if I'm really somebody
Tonight I am a big fucking deal
Tonight I know just how it might feel
To be somebody
Like I'm really somebody
Tonight I am a big fucking deal
Tonight I know just how it might feel
To be somebody
As if I'm really somebody

Tonight
Tonight
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah
I am somebody
I'm really, really somebody
I'm tellin' you, I'm somebody
I swear to God, I'm somebody

All I Know

Page 683

What do you do when an old flame tries to get your attention again?

Do you even have to say anything?

I dont understand what you want.

If you want to ask something, just say it?

Why do I have to ask.

And then just be silent about it.

Get straight to the point.

Quit wasting my time.

All I know is this.

I'm better off without your nonsense.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: The Weeknd - All I Know

Oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh

The reasons I can't have you, are so easy to fix
I didn't really plan to, but I'ma do it for this
The reasons I can't have you, isn't so complicated
Baby if you let me I won't hesitate-ate

All I know, all I know is this
All I know, all I know is this
All I know, all I know, all I know, all I know is this
All I know, all I know, all I know, all I know is this
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...)

I know there's been stigma 'round me
I know you heard things about me
You sleep one eye closed
Too scared to get heartbroke
Heard too many lies told
Don't make this shit unfold
I could tell why you would doubt me
I hit one time, you can't live without me
Girl I'm just peakin', I'm just tryna be on top of you
On top of you

[The Weeknd & Future:]
All I know
All I know, all I know, all I know
All I know is this
All I know, all I know, all I know
All I know
All I know, all I know, all I know
All I know is this
All I know, all I know, all I know, all I know...
All I know, all I know, all I know, all I know is this
All I know, all I know, all I know, all I know is this
Is this, is this, is this

She, she, sleep with one eye open (yeah)
I'm terrified to get my heart broke (wha up)
Blood talkin' like a Piru (ay)
Fuck with me, nigga, gon' die slow (gang)
Lamborghini make you Crip walk (skrt)
I'm splashin' off with my side hoe (ay)
Full of these medicals, bitches, got several (yeah)
She eat the dick up like it's an edible
Then I get back to my capital (pour)
I got the Glock on the passenger (pour up)
I got these tropical fantasies (woo)
They gon' remember my legacy (pour up)
Hang out the roof of the Ghost (yeah)
The cash in my pocket spill right on the floor (yeah-yeah)
The cash in my pocket spill out in the floor (hold up)
When the cash overflow, let the cash overflow
I done fucked a bitch that boogie (yeah)
Have you ever, ever fucked a bitch that boogie? Woah-oh (yeah yeah)
I done fucked a bitch that boogie
I done, I done , I done fucked a bitch that boogie, woah oh
I done fucked a bitch conceited
I done fucked a few, few bitches conceited
We just wanna say we did it
We just wanna say we did it (XO)
I know like you know
I keep that trigger beside me (keep that trigger)
I know like you know (I know)
You just another body
(You just another body)
I know like you know
I keep that trigger beside me
I know like you know
You just another body
Have you fucked a bitch this pretty? (yeah)
Hit her on the first night and went and bought titties (yeah, yeah)
Have you fucked a bitch this pretty? (yeah)
Hit her on the first night and went and bought titties
Niggas always sneak dissin' (yeah)
We gon' continue fuckin' they bitches (oh yeah)
I ain't just fucking that bitch
I been all the way up, makin' love to that bitch

[Future:]
All I know
All I know, all I know, all I know
All I know is this
All I know, all I know, all I know
All I know
All I know, all I know, all I know
All I know is this
All I know, all I know, all I know, all I know...
All I know, all I know, All I know is this
All I know, all I know, All I know is this
Is this, is this

Nothing Without You

Page 682

You..  Replied.

I've been so worried.

So uneasy.

I thought you disappeared.

Just like the rest.

But you didnt.

It was an unseen circumstance.

But I'm glad it was only just that.

I'm relieved.

Yet cautious.

This only showed me.

How much you mean to me.

And I need you to know it.

I am nothing without you.

Love, Eran.

I am nothing.

Current Song Mood: The Weeknd - Nothing Without You

I realized, I belong to you
I feel the darkness, when I'm away from you
Hey, don't stop your lovin', walk out on me
Don't stop for nothin', you're what I bleed
I learned to love you, the way you need
'Cause I know what's pain, this is not the same

I'd be nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing without you
(Nothing, nothing, nothing)
I'd be nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing without you yeah
(Nothing, nothing, nothing)
I was too busy tryna find you with someone else
The one I could've fled, to be with by myself
'Cause I'd be nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing without you
(Nothing, nothing, nothing)

Pick up your phone, I got a question, oh
If I die tonight, would you regret it?
Don't stop your lovin', it's all I have
'Cause I can't function, no I won't last
I swear I'll love you just like the past
'Cause I know what's pain, this is not the same

I'd be nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing without you, oh
(Nothing, nothing, nothing)
I'd be nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing without you
(Nothing, nothing, nothing)
I was too busy tryna find you with someone else
The one I could've fled, to be with by myself
'Cause I'd be nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing without you
(Nothing, nothing, nothing)

When I feel the love, girl I hesitate
It's what I'm guilty of, oh yeah
I can't get enough, I'm insane
Without your touch, touch, touch
(I'd be nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing without you)

Kung Fu

Page 681

My gut feeling is always right.

I hope you didnt just do what I think you did.

Even though... I know.

I always know.

Because at this point, I don't know what to feel anymore.

That Kung Fu spirit in me, its no longer there.

But you know you've got somebody in me.

I'll..

Always be here.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Emeli Sande - Kung Fu

Jupiter, kung fu, you know what I'm talking 'bout
Garden, darling, you know who the song's about
Same old human, but you know who I really am
When I say "Truman", I know you gon' understand me
Tears keep falling and writers got the best of me
New York's calling, meet me on balcony
Say lead me, lead me
But you know what I really mean is
Keep me, keep me

When you're lonely and you need someone
Then just call me and you got someone
I'll come running, I'll drop everything
Cause You know that you're my everything
When you're busy, look I understand
I can't have you like the way I dreamt
When you're lonely and you need someone
Then just call me and you got someone

Don't you know you've got somebody?
You always got somebody
Don't you know you've got somebody in me, yeah
Don't you know you've got somebody?
You always got somebody
You got somebody in me, yeah

Jupiter, kung fu, you know where I'm coming from
When genius happens, there's no need for thinking long
Oh God bless you, still thankful for the view
Giving tender, love and care to all those in need of you
Mexico, hablo con Frida y Diego, venga callate
Sabes que te amo
Leave me, leave me
But you know what I really mean is, all I really need is you

When you're lonely and you need someone
Then just call me and you got someone
I come running, I'll drop everything
Cause You know that you're my everything
When you're busy look I understand
I can't have you like the way I dreamt
When you're lonely and you need someone
Then just call me and you got someone

Don't you know you've got somebody?
You always got somebody
Don't you know you've got somebody in me, yeah
Don't you know you've got somebody?
You always got somebody
You got somebody in me, yeah

Need somebody?
Just call me and you got somebody
I got everything, yeah, yeah, yeah
Just know you want everything, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey, yeah
Yeah
Yeah

Wit It This Christmas

Page 680

Merry Christmas.

Lazy Sunday at its best.

Down with some love sickness.

I miss that cute face of yours.

Thinking of you makes me smile.

I need more of you in my life.

Are you down for some milk and cookies?

Come wit it this Christmas.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - Wit It This Christmas

Come and kiss me, baby
We don't need no mistletoe
We don't need no fireplace
Boy, I'll keep you nice and warm

Are you down for some of these milk and cookies?
I'm down for loving, you'll be my drummer boy
And I'm the only drum that you gonna play

'Tis the season for some love giving
So I think you should give your love to me
Baby, let me know

Are you with it? Are you with it?
Are you with it this Christmas?
(baby, let me know)
Are you with it? Are you with it?
Are you with it this Christmas?

We don't need no presents
We don't need the kitchen
We don't need them recipes
You know I'm tasty like a candy cane or gingerbread made with love

Are you down for some of these milk and cookies?
I'm down for loving, you'll be my drummer boy
And I'm the only drum that you gonna play

'Tis the season for some love giving
So I think you should give your love to me
Baby, let me know

Are you with it? Are you with it?
Are you with it this Christmas?
(baby, let me know)
Are you with it? Are you with it?
Are you with it this Christmas?

Life Goes On

Page 679

Oh well.

Sacrifices have to be made.

I'm a healthcare professional.

And I've been through so much shit before.

So this is nothing new.

Life goes on man. :)

On a side note.

How are you so cute?

I could wrap you in my arms and give you a belly rub right about now.

Hehe.

I miss you already.

Love, Eran.

Please be forever.

Current Song Mood: Fergie - Life Goes On

Mmm, da-da-da-da-da-da-da

Every day when I wake up
Tryna read my fortune on the bottom of my coffee cup
But it seems like I never finish
It's always half full (or is it half empty?)
Maybe it's my own superstition or a kind of self protection
If it all looks bad, why would I wanna look ahead?
Oh, oh, oh, still sittin' here
Just watching the sun go down, (down), down, (down), down

Life goes on with or without you
It's up to you what you're gonna do
You could go or you could stay
Who cares anyway?
Life goes on with or without you
Damn it baby, what you're gonna do?
You could go or you could stay
But who cares anyway?
(Haha yeah, who really cares?)

Every conversation gets me high on motivation
Gets me craving of your own familiar situation (yeah)
Reach the unreachable, achieve the unbelievable
In the midst of all the madness (remember life's beautiful)
Still I'm feeling restless, thinking I should rest less
Work more, play hard, ready for the encore
Is this the kinda life I really wanna live for? (two times)
In my heart I know, less is more (more)
More (more), more, more, more

Life goes on with or without you
It's up to you what you're gonna do
You could go or you could stay
Who cares anyway?
Life goes on with or without you
Damn it baby, what you're gonna do?
You could go or you could stay
But who cares anyway?

It's time to take this out of my hands
Is it all gonna be worth it in the end?
'Cause it's safe here in my comfort zone
Never stray too far from home (yeah, yeah, yeah)
But then again this way I'll never know, never know
Maybe I should go...

Go crazy, go insane, go for everything
Get the money, dollar bills in your wallet, say ka-ching
Sign the dealy, make a mili, sound famili?
The urgency is sounding the drilly for the ma-milli
And then they really talk in Braille, actin' chilly
They got me feelin' like an achilles, silly, silly, I mean, really?
Really, really? Really really though?
Really, really, really though?
Feel the vibration of the higher ground
Love always leads to the highest sound
Many conversations, people makin' speculations
As to my procrastination due to my revelations
And then they get fugazi
You call yourself a rider
You need to speed your loyalty up like Bugatti
Baby don't underestimate my underdog mentality
We 'bout to race ahead, ambition on Ferrari

Life goes on with or without you
It's up to you what you're gonna do
You could go or you could stay
Who cares anyway?
Life goes on with or without you
Damn it baby, what you're gonna do?
You could go or you could stay
But who cares anyway?
Who cares anyway?

You could go or you could stay
Mmm, mmm
You could go, you could stay
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da

Babe

Page 678

The noisy atmosphere seemed to settle.

As I got lost in your eyes.

As you spoke with passion

Sharing your thoughts.

Your purpose.

A genuine one.

Woah.

Let's just say..

You're such a babe.

And I couldnt keep my eyes off you.

A one in a million.

I hope to see you again.

Love, Eran.

And keep you close to me.

Current Song Mood: Emeli Sande - Babe

I was lost
In the dead of night
But then came angels
I could not fight no
All of a sudden, I'm fading
I was blinded, by the light
Til you said

Babe
It's okay, it's okay now
Let it out, let it love, let it rain down
Hold me now, hold me down, hold me always
Babe, babe, babe, now
Babe, say my name, it's okay now
Say it loud, shout it out, down the hallway
Love me now, love me now, love me always
Babe, babe, babe

There were sirens
Out to get me
So by now, I swear I've heard it all
I just pray
You choose to catch me
But either way
You're always worth the fall
So I said

Babe it's okay, it's okay now
Let it out, let it love, let it rain down
Hold me now, hold me down, hold me always
Babe, babe, babe
Babe, say my name, it's okay now
Say it loud, shout it out, down the hallway
Love me now, love me now, love me always
Babe, babe, babe, now
Babe, say my name, it's okay now
Say it loud, shout it out, down the hallway
Love me now, love me now, love me always
Babe, babe

Hey, all the things that they say
Love cause the things they choose to hate
It's just a love that they're afraid of
But see, I'm not afraid to take a leap
Not afraid to get too deep
Singing long live the angels
And hey hey, take note of colours in your dreams
Things aren't as dark as they may seem
Remember fear is in no way truthful
And I say what luck to find you in this life
I've been around so many times
And never found someone so beautiful

So babe
It's okay, it's okay now
Let it out, let it love, let it rain down
Hold me now, hold me down, hold me always
Babe, babe, babe, now
Babe, say my name, it's okay now
Say it loud, shout it out, down the hallway
Love me now, love me now, love me always
Babe, babe, babe, now

Now, babe
Babe, say my name, it's okay now
Say it loud, shout it out, down the hallway
Love me now, love me now, love me always
Babe, babe, babe, now

So babe
It's okay, it's okay now
Let it out, let it love, let it rain down
Hold me now, hold me down, hold me always
Babe, babe, babe

This Side Of Paradise

Page 677

Back to work today. 

Meh.

No more relaxing till the year ends I guess.. haha.

Work has piled up as expected, and I can't complain.

It keeps me occupied, and I'm ok with that.

Bring it on.

Been trying to keep myself positive lately.

I'm trying.

It feels great when you're on the other side.

This side of paradise.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hayley Kiyoko - This Side Of Paradise

False start, ya sleepyhead
I'm caught up in the day with my night dreams
and my mistakes.

Tell your vision no, your acting
the little boys go on pretending
they're wide awake.

I'll settle on the dust, settle on the dust

But I've got better luck in my head
we're just ghosts inside my bed
I've got better luck in my head
playing poker with the dead

This side of paradise [x4]

I'm not here, nor anywhere
I wanna be with you, you're unaware
I'm a paper weight.

I fantasize
a secret life and place where we hide
it feels right.

I'll settle on the dust, settle on the dust

But I've got better luck in my head
we're just ghosts inside my bed
I've got better luck in my head
playing poker with the dead

This side of paradise [x4]

I don't want to be anywhere else
than anywhere else but here,
I don't want to be anywhere else
than anywhere else but here

I don't want to be anywhere else
than anywhere else but here,
I don't want to be anywhere else
than anywhere else but here

Cus I've got better luck in my head
we're just ghosts inside my bed
I've got better luck in my head
playing poker with the dead

This side of paradise [x4]

Without You

Page 676

It always doesn't feel right when I'm with others.

But it does when I'm with you.

Feelings can change I guess.

But I can't imagine my life without you.

I wish I have the courage to say it.

But I don't.

How long can I wait?

How long will you?

...

I can't live without you.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Oh Wonder - Without You

Step out into the sun
Skies above they radiate me
Lift up, carry the love
Do you know?

That I've been out of my mind
This slow life I'm waiting for you
To swing me all of your line
Do you know?

Since I've been walking solo
Dreaming you were back home
I find getting down low
Hide until tomorrow

Come back into the good life
Lose these hazy love lies
I've been chasing my mind
Lonely in the cold nights

Cause I'm kicking up stones without you
Can't pick up the phone without you
I'm a little bit lost without you
Without you

And I'm digging down holes without you
Can't be on my own without you
I'm a little bit lost without you
Without you

Step out into the dark
Where were you when I was trying
To lift up, carry the love
Do you know?

That I've been closing my eyes
Love me slow, hallucinating
Swinging me all of your light
Do you know?

Since I've been walking solo
Dreaming you were back home
I find getting down low
Hide until tomorrow

Come back into the good life
Lose these hazy love lies
I've been chasing my mind
Lonely in the cold nights

Cause I'm kicking up stones without you
Can't pick up the phone without you
I'm a little bit lost without you
Without you

And I'm digging down holes without you
Can't be on my own without you
I'm a little bit lost without you
Without you

Hold me close when it's over
Life goes slow loving sober
Feel my bones getting older
Sadness grows when you're cold

Cause I am one step heavy and two steps high
Hold it steady with you by my side
One step heavy and two steps high
Two steps high

Cause I'm kicking up stones without you
Can't pick up the phone without you
I'm a little bit lost without you

And I'm digging down holes without you
Can't be on my own without you
I'm a little bit lost without you
Without you

Without you
Without you
I'm a little bit lost without you
Without you

And I'm digging down holes without you
Can't be on my own without you
I'm a little bit lost without you
Without you

Angel By The Wings

Page 675

When was the last time I cried?

It was during field camp.

When we were in the midst of all the hardship.

They broke us down. 

Blindfolded us.

Preached.

And gave us letters. From our families.

Everyone cried.

I thought I wouldn't but..

As soon as I read the letter.

The tears just automatically flowed.

Fast forward to yesterday in the train.

As I stared out the moving window.

My eyes were heavy.

And soon it just came pouring.

It was the first time I broke down in public.

I couldnt contain it, no matter how hard I tried.

I just pitied her.

And everything we've been through.

No one would understand.

Like they've caught an angel by the wings.

We deserve so much more than this.

Love, Eran.

Hold on, be strong.

Current Song Mood: SIA - Angel By The Wings

Oh so, your wounds they show
I know you have never felt so alone
But hold on, head up, be strong
Oh hold on, hold on until you hear them come
Here they come, oh

Take an angel by the wings
Beg her now for anything
Beg her now for one more day
Take an angel by the wings
Time to tell her everything
Ask her for the strength to stay

You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything
You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything
You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything
You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything

Look up, call to the sky
Oh, look up and don't ask why, oh

Just take an angel by the wings
Beg her now for anything
Beg her now for one more day
Take an angel by the wings
Time to tell her anything
Ask her for the strength to stay

You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything
You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything
You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything
You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything

You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything
You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything
You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything
You can, you can do anything, anything
You can do anything