Projector

Page 1264

Freedom is so near, I can taste it.

I don't even care about the work or school situation anymore.

This is my life, and I will claim it.

I'm so lucky to have you by my side.

What would I ever do without you?

:) 

Projecting positive thoughts out like a projector.

To overpower the overthinking and anxiety. 

The future is unpredictable.

But it will all work out.

I'm just gonna.. trust in the process.

Love, Eran

Current Song Mood: EDEN - projector

Touch me and slip away
I can't hide feeling out of place
I can't function, oh my mistake
Thought you were someone I once knew

I was light years ahead of me
Thoughts in my head don't disappear
I was a maybe (A maybe)
That made you the truth

In time I will come to see it for how it really was
In my mind it's only false faces whisper, "Love you"
If that feeling had a price then I would gladly pay it over and over and over 'til I'm broke
And if you held me for ransom I'd love it, I'd never wanna go home
But all this hypothetical thinking is digging me down (Down)
And maybe I was seconds away but it doesn't matter now
Heat death only seconds away, so no it don't matter now

何かが消えてしまったという感覚だけが、目覚めてからも、長く、残る

Touch me and slip away
I can't hide feeling out of place
I can't function, oh my mistake
Thought you were someone I once knew, woah, yeah

There's light years ahead of me
Voices in my head don't disappear
I was a maybe (A maybe)
That made you the truth

In time I will come to love it for how it really was
In my mind it's only false faces whisper, "See you"
If that feeling had a price then I would gladly pay it over and over and over 'til I'm broke
And if you held me for ransom I'd love it, I'd never wanna go home
But all this hypothetical thinking is digging me down, down
And maybe I was seconds away but it doesn't matter now
Heat death only seconds away, so no it don't matter now

Sabotage

Page 1263

A long shift ends.

And I'm finally resting at home.

Doing absolutely nothing.

Just a moment, by myself is all I needed.

Being around people can be so.. draining.

Weekends don't even feel like weekends anymore. 

Today got me thinking.

Sometimes I sabotage myself without even realising.

And it affects my performance too.

Your mind is so powerful.

I guess I should take it easy.

Everything will be okay.

It will be.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo Ft CHIKA - Sabotage

Ya, ya, ya, ya

Choices, everybody make 'em
And the truth is, something I've been thinking 'bout
Reasons, you said I don't give 'em
Maybe I don't know how
Excuses, boy I got a lot of them
Reasons, why I am the way I am
Regret, you said I don't feel it
Maybe I don't know how

How I got so ugly
I was begging you to stay when you left a house
Said you never loved me
Had me ducking all the venom flying out your mouth
Ooh, closed your heart and you locked me out
Ooh, took your beautiful lovin' I turned it out

Everytime I hear them talking 'bout you
I wonder did I play myself
And sabotage love?
Everytime I think about me and you (No, I ain't right)
I wonder did I play myself (When I think about it)
And sabotage love?

Mirrors, trying not to break 'em all
Bad luck, seems like they're always falling
Feelings, now I've got to bury 'em
And I don't know how
Memories of us in picture frames
Set on fire don't sweet the pain

How I got so ugly
I was begging you to stay when you left a house
Said you never loved me
Had me ducking all the venom flying out your mouth
Ooh, closed your heart and you locked me out
Ooh, took your beautiful lovin' I turned it out

Everytime I hear them talking 'bout you (No, I ain't right)
I wonder did I play myself
When I think about it
And sabotage love?
Everytime I think about me and you (No, I ain't right)
I wonder did I play myself (When I think about it)
And sabotage love?

Yeah, I'm off and at it
Admittedly got a habit
Of getting in my own way while I'm wishing that I can have it
The picket fences and pictures of family and foreign fabrics, I know
It'd be in front of me if I could only grasp what I wanted
And so did you, one hundred
Was overdue, was running
You had the clue, took warnings and feelings too
I wanna get over you but I can only blame myself
Think it's time to put these feelings on the shelf
For my health, yeah
I'm not the best at containing all my discretions
I'm not a saint, but damn it if I don't come with confessions
It's easy to block our blessing
Mistakes are for learning lessons
I use this shit as a letter
Apologies to my exes, yeah

Everytime I hear them talking 'bout you (No, I ain't right)
I wonder did I play myself (When I think about it)
And sabotage love?
Everytime I think about me and you (No, I ain't right)
I wonder did I play myself (When I think about it)
And sabotage love?
Sabotage

Everytime I hear them talking 'bout you
Apologies to my exes
I wonder did I play myself
Apologies to my exes
You use your shit as a ladder
Apologies to my exes
Ooh
Everytime I think about me and you
I wonder did I play myself
Ah-ah-ah

Dive Deep

Page 1262

Finally got to see you today.

It feels so right to be around you.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I do have separation anxiety.

I guess its because of my past lovers..

I can't imagine a world without you.

I've dived deep and that's all I've ever known.

You're all that I've ever wanted.

You - are more than enough.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Andrew Belle - Dive Deep (Hushed)

This is my heart
Dive deep
You have something that I wanna keep
We get carried away
Don't stop
I've got nothin but time
So come down when you wanna start

Oh I don't wanna stay up
Out here on your fire escape
But you won't let me go
Ice Age is on the stereo
We started a fuse
We started a tidal wave with a spark
And I don't know you
So are you stickin around
Or you just passin through

This is my heart
Dive deep
You have something that I wanna keep
We get carried away
Don't stop
I've got nothin but time
So come down when you wanna start

And when I disappeared
New York felt wrong without you dear
My futures in your laugh
Your colors in my photograph
We started a fuse
We started a tidal wave with a spark
And I don't know you
But you're what I want and that's all
You're what I want and that's all

This is my heart
Dive deep
You have something that I wanna keep
We get carried away
Don't stop
I've got nothin but time
So come down when you wanna start
Come down when you wanna start

And I wanna be honest
When it hurts to be honest
And I'm hoping you start
To let me into your heart
Then we'll write on the wall
You're what I want and that's all

This is my heart
Dive deep
You have something that I wanna keep
We get carried away
Don't stop
I've got nothin but time
So come down when you wanna start
Come down when you wanna start

This is my heart
Dive deep
This is my heart
Dive deep

Drugs

Page 1261

Not sure what I'm feeling.

But this lethargy is getting to me.

Maybe i'm still having flu.

Maybe its all the drugs in me.

I've been waking up late these days,

Not that that's a bad thing.

It's just that, its been so hard to get up.

To get motivated.

I took a jog today.

And it really felt horrible.

My stamina is so bad.

It feels like my fitness has declined drastically over the past year.

Sometimes I feel so gross about myself.

I know I can get back to it.

I know I can.

It's going to take time, to pick it back up.

Slowly, but surely.

I hope.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Eden - Drugs

'Cause I had the best of the worst sides
And I had these lungs
And I had too many flash fires
That I just let them burn

'Til my chest is on fire
And my head just won't die
I guess I'm lying 'cause I wanna
I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't

'Cause I just feel so tired
Like it's move or slowly die
You say, you ain't you when you're like this,
This ain't you and you know it
But ain't that just the point?
You don't know
How to let go
Who said this must be all or nothing?
But I'm still caught below
And I'll never let you know
No, I can't tell you nothing

'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
But still I could always be
Whatever you wanted
But not what you needed
Especially when you been needing me

'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
And I'll say what I don't mean
Just 'cause I wanted
Or maybe I need it
Swear lying's the only rush I need

'Cause all I needed was some words to say
That all these feelings don't mean shit to me
'Cause it's all just chemicals anyway, anyway

And I got way too many routes to take
To make this all just go away
And find another heart to break
So heartless with the words I say
Just saying what I'm supposed to say
'Cause I had nothing for you
I can't love when I can't even love myself
Things I would rather be
Thoughts at the back of my head,
But I'm addicted to hurting
And I got these lungs
And I spent too many late nights
Just thinking a hole in the earth

'Til the sky is on fire
And my head still won't die
I guess I'm lying 'cause I want to
I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't

'Cause I just feel so tired
Like I need something to come alive
She said, "You ain't you when you're like this,
This ain't you what you done?"
And I said, "That's the point."

You don't know how to let go
Who said this must be all or nothing?
But I'm still caught below
And I'll never let you know
No I can't tell you nothing

'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
But still I could always be
Whatever you wanted
But not what you needed
Especially when you been needing me
'Cause I'm a fucking mess inside
And I'll say what I don't mean
Just 'cause I wanted
Or maybe I need it
Swear lying's the only rush I need

Hush

Page 1260

Sometimes...

I need to remember to be nicer.

But there's only so much I can take.

So much I can tolerate.

After last night's fuss, I distanced myself, until I got ready for work.

I was ready for the worst case scenario.

Do I say anything? Scream? Shout? Go crazy? Dramatically walk out without saying anything? 

How should I react? 

I was mentally preparing myself.

I walked out, settling my work stuff.

A voice came from the kitchen.

'That's for you' she pointed to the dish on the table.

'Oh. Okay.'

I took a glass of water and drank.

And she started nagging a bit about what she said last night.

'Again....' I whispered.

I zoned everything out.

In one ear, out comes the other.

I don't have time for this.

I prepared my lunch for work.

She went inside the room, and came back out after I was done.

I told her.. 'Ma, I'm going.'

I went to her to salam.

And she looked me in the eyes, a broken smile one her face.

'You're a good son aren't you?'

She hugs me.

'You're a good son. You are. You've never disobeyed or raised your voice at me. I already lost your first brother. I hope I don't lose you too. I hope you bring me to heaven one day. I'm counting on you. I love you okay? I'm sorry. I didn't meant to scold you. I love you.'

She breaks down. Tears pouring.

I froze, holding back my tears.

How could I be angry anymore?

'Okay. I love you too.'

I kissed her cheeks, hugged and comforted her. 

Hush.

And with that, I left for work.

The rain seemed fitting.

Maybe she has her own anxiety & depression too.

Maybe she's not a perfect mother.

But who am I to give up on her?

No one's perfect.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Joshua Simon - Hush

Dear you

Do continue to blame me

Curse my name all you want

Go ahead, just don't stop sinnin'

Anything to keep the signs from going

Anything to keep the old memories

Anything to keep our song playing out of nowhere

Its strange

How curious

How our spirits took

Long after all the doors have shut

What a loss

Spending that much time

With someone just to find out he's a stranger

Hush

Now

Baby not here

Hush

Now

I'll hold your hand 

In the car instead

Hush

Now 

There's people looking from the corner

Hush 

Now

Oh will we be here when they clear?

Hush

Now

Baby not here

Hush

Now

I'll kiss your lips

When we're home instead

Hush

Now 

Your mama's looking over the shoulder

Hush 

Now

Oh will we be here when they clear?

Lights Up

Page 1259

To be young and free.

And feel comfortable in your skin.

That is the way to live.

I guess that's what Harry felt when he made this song.

And decided to put it out today.. a pretty significant day.

I admire that.

We all have our own personal journeys.

No one can write your story, but you.

Stories that take a lot of courage to share to the world.

I hope one day, I can be just as open about myself too.

But for now, just step into the light.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Harry Styles - Light Up

What do you mean?
I'm sorry by the way
I'm never coming back down
Can't you see
I could but wouldn't stay?
I wouldn't put it like that

What do you mean?
I'm sorry by the way
I'm never coming around
It'd be so sweet if
Things just stayed the same
La-da-da-da-da

All the lights couldn't put out the dark
Running through my heart
Lights up and they know who you are
Know who you are
Do you know who you are?

(Shine)
Step into the light (Shine)
So bright sometimes (Shine)
I'm not ever going back

(Shine)
Step into the light (Shine)
So bright sometimes (Shine)
I'm not ever going back

(Shine)
Step into the light (Shine)
So bright sometimes (Shine)
I'm not ever

What do you mean?
I'm sorry by the way
I'm never going back now
It'd be so sweet if
Things just stayed the same
La-da-da-da-da

La-da-da-da-da
La-da-da-da-da
La-da-da-da-da
La-da-da-da-da

All the lights couldn't put out the dark
Running through my heart
Lights up and they know who you are
Know who you are
Do you know who you are?

Joanna

Page 1258

Ya'll know how much I love JoJo!!!

And she recently dropped some new shit.

HELL YEA JOANNA!!!

I remembered looking up to her when I was a kid.

I was 12 at that time, and Too Little Too Late was taking over all the charts.

I was like... 'Wah this girl sounds damn good.'

And she can hit all these high notes and sing differently than all these other artists.

I've literally grown up with her over the years.

Never stopped supporting her, especially when she was stuck in limbo. #FreeJoJo

It was because I knew of the talent she had, and was soooo frustrated when she couldnt release new music.

Leaks after leaks came out. 

At least 100 songs???  And she had to scrap so many albums too. It was MAD.

During O Levels, this particular one called 'Limbo' leaked.

And I could never find a song that could match that level of... i don't even know how to describe it.

It's just amazing. 

And her music really got me through a lot today.

Heck, it inspired me to sing and write my own music.

She is literally the reason why I want to pursue music.

I remember her being in the studio and tweeting after about how therapeutic it was.

I wanted that so badly, and now... I finally get to pursue that too. :)

Thank you for inspiring me, Jo.

I admire her strength and resilience, and how humble she is.

It's been a long time coming, and I can't wait to see what's in store.

Her lead single 'Sabotage' Ft CHIKA will be available on 25th October. 

That's 2 weeks!!!!

LETS DO THIS!!!

#NEWERA #TEAMJOJO

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Joanna

We go back a long time
I've been writing with you since day one
Oh I remember when we were just kids
You were singing, winning, young and innocent
But they say, "Do you really sound the same?
"Do you still have the same range
That you did when you were 14, girl?"
I don't really know

You should date somebody famous
That would probably put you on the A-list
That would probably get you on them playlists
Stop you being so damn underrated
What is going on, Joanna?
What is going on, Joanna?

You peaked
Sorry to kick deep, but
Heard your story before it's not unique
You sounded resentful, take a seat
It must be something that you did
Did you go and have somebody's kid?
You shouldn't even go that high
Why can't you just play your part?
Speaking of which, where did your acting career go?

You were supposed to be somebody
You were supposed to make more money
Make us proud
Nobody likes you in Massachusetts
You should just hurry and drop your new shit
Hurry and drop your new shit

Everything Matters (When It Comes To You)

Page 1257

I stared out of the glass window...

Daydreaming, as I watched people pass by.

These people who were heading to work.

On a Friday.

And here we were, at Mac, having a breakfast date.

Discussing about our Melbourne trip.

(PS. Im never out this early LOL)

This was nice..

A nice change.

Sometimes we work so hard, we forget how to take it easy when we're not.

It was.. a perfect day.

The whole day.. spent with my partner.

Everything matters when it comes to you.

:) 

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: San Holo - Everything Matters (When It Comes To You)

Everything matters, when it comes to you
Everything matters, when it comes to you
Everything matters, when it comes to you
Everything matters, when it comes to you

Everything matters, when it comes to you
Everything matters, when it comes to you
Everything matters, when it comes to you
Everything matters, when it comes to you

Everything mat-
Everything
Everything
Everything
Everything

Everything matters, when it comes to you
When it comes to you
When it comes to you
When it comes to you
When it comes to you
Oh

Sad Forever // Nobody's Keeping Score

Page 1256

'I'm so proud of my adik Syah today.'

'Yes! Really Syah, I really appreciate all your help today.'

Things I rarely hear at my workplace.

And all I did was help out with what I could.

Even if it meant delaying my break.

Because... its just the right thing to do.

To help others.

It's World Mental Health Day.

A nod to those that are going through their everyday struggles.

I feel you.

It is not easy.

But hang in there.

Your mind is a powerful tool.

You won't be sad forever.

Surround yourself with love, and give love to others.

Even if you don't get it back.

It's okay if you mess up.

Nobody's keeping score.

Be kind to others.

You never know what they're going through.

And most importantly,

Be kind to yourself.

You deserve it.

And everything more.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood #1: Lauv - Sad Forever

Daydream
Life feels like a daydream
And I just wish that I could wake up
I just wish that I could wake up
My mind, whispers in the nightime
Voices always keeping me up
Telling me that I should give up

'Cause lately
I've been in the backseat to my own life
Trying to take control, but I don't know how, to

I don't wanna be sad forever
I don't wanna be sad no more
I don't wanna wake up and wonder
What the hell am I doing this for?
I don't wanna be medicated
I don't wanna go through that war
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad anymore

I don't wanna be sad forever
I don't wanna go one more day
I just wanna wake up and realize
Everything's gonna be okay
I don't know what words to say and
I don't wanna go through that war
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad anymore

I'm coming through to the other side
I'll make it through to tomorrow
'Cause that's all I can do today
Do today

'Cause lately
I've been in the backseat to my own life
Trying to take control, but I don't know how, to

I don't wanna be sad forever
I don't wanna be sad no more
I don't wanna wake up and wonder
What the hell am I doing this for?
I don't wanna be medicated
I don't wanna go through that war
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad anymore

I don't wanna be sad forever
I don't wanna go one more day
I just wanna wake up and realize
Everything's gonna be okay
I don't know what words to say and
I don't wanna go through that war
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad anymore

Mmm, sad anymore

I don't wanna be sad forever
I don't wanna be sad no more
I don't wanna wake up and wonder
What the hell am I doing this for?
I don't wanna be medicated
I don't wanna go through that war
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad anymore

I don't wanna be sad forever
I don't wanna go one more day
I just wanna wake up and realize
Everything's gonna be okay
I don't know what words to say and
I don't wanna go through that war
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad
I don't wanna be sad anymore

Current Song Mood #2: CYN - Nobody's Keeping Score

Nobody's perfect
I've heard it said a million times
Wish I could keep it in my mind
The times when I'm hurting
The times when I mess up
To be more forgiven like I tried
I cut myself some slacks some times

I've got voices running through my mind
I heard it say and regret is just a waste of time
You know this
Don't give off the best of your emotions
It takes some strength
To really be great and

Nobody, nobody's keeping score
Nobody, nobody's keeping score
You mess up
You live and then you learn
And don't forget
Nobody's keeping score

The heat of the moment
Brings out the worst and the best guy
Makes me feel better 'bout last night
The times when I'm angry
The times that I ask why
'Cause no memories into my life
All I can really do is try

I've got voices running through my mind
I heard it say and revenge is just a waste of time
You know this
Don't give off the best of what's not worth it
It takes some strength
To really be great and

Nobody, nobody's keeping score
Nobody, nobody's keeping score
You mess up
You live and then you learn
And don't forget
Nobody's keeping score

Nobody, nobody's keeping score
Nobody, nobody's keeping score
You mess up
You live and then you learn
And don't forget
Nobody's keeping score

Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody
Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody
Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody
Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody

I've got voices running through my mind
I heard it say and revenge is just a waste of time
You know this
Don't give off the best of what's not worth it
It takes some strength
To really be great and

Nobody, nobody's keeping score
Nobody, nobody's keeping score
You mess up
You live and then you learn
And don't forget
Nobody's keeping score