Your Power

 Page 1508

Hey.

Been a while.

I've been on a loooong break.

Like.. 2 weeks plus away from work?

Hahaha.

My teeth are doing just fine.

I've been enjoying all this time to myself.

And it feels so nice.

A nice change of pace.

Is this what those in quarantine felt?

I've never had the chance to experienced it.

Never took leave since I started working in this company.

To have my own time to do what I want to.

Going back to the gym routine.

Wardrobe declutter.

Made some songs. 

And gamed (A LOT). 😳

But all good things come to an end.

Next week is approaching and I'm already dreading the thought. 🤣

I suppose this is why a lot of people want to own their own business.

To take control of their own schedule & time.

Who knows - maybe I could one day too. 

It's already the end of April.

Shit.

Slow down 2021.

Currently obsessed with Billie's new song.

Her power.

I am living for all these vulnerability and peaceful vibes all these artists are pouring in their art.

Cant wait for the album - July 30th.

Which is exactly on FINNEAS's birthday.

STOKED.

See you, next month.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Billie Eilish - Your Power

Try not to abuse your power
I know we didn't choose to change
You might not wanna lose your power
But having it's so strange

She said you were a hero, you played the part
But you ruined her in a year, don't act like it was hard
And you swear you didn't know (Didn't know)
No wonder why you didn't ask
She was sleeping in your clothes (In your clothes)
But now she's got to get to class
How dare you?

And how could you?
Will you only feel bad when they find out?
If you could take it all back, would you?

Try not to abuse your power
I know we didn't choose to change
You might not wanna lose your power
But having it's so strange

I thought that I was special, you made me feel
Like it was my fault you were the devil, lost your appeal
Does it keep you in control? (In control)
For you to keep her in a cage?
And you swear you didn't know (Didn't know)
You said you thought she was your age
How dare you?

And how could you?
Will you only feel bad if it turns out, that they kill your contract?
Would you?

Try not to abuse your power
I know we didn't choose to change
You might not wanna lose your power
But power isn't pain

Hmm
Ooh, ooh, ha
La-la-la-la-la

Power

 Page 1507

The day I've been dreading.

My 2nd wisdom tooth extraction.

By this time I was fully prepared tho.

Made sure I had my lunch beforehand.

Reached early but apparently my Doctor went for her vaccination.

What is up with her and her punctuality???

Previously she rescheduled my appointment after booking it, just because she went on leave.

Lol.

So to prevent waiting, they asked another doctor to take her place.

This dude had some kind of vibe. Like that annoying MO officer you'd see in camp.

Went to the surgery room and lied down.

Without warning, he asked me to open wide, and put injected analgesia.

I didn't even have time to react. Lol.

And the nurse that put mouthwash for me didn't suction properly. 

I had to request for her help.

Could see the difference in service compared to last week.

But oh well, I had bigger things to worry about.

The wait was loooong.

They told me 'We're waiting for the analgesia to set in'

It didn't take this long last week.

It felt like a good 15-20 mins.

And I heard voices outside.

'You want to take him? Or you want me?'

Some mumbles here and there.

And then, he called out from outside,

'Mohammad! Dr W is back, she will take over.'

Thank god.

I didn't trust this guy one bit. Lol.

Dr W came in and she immediately did her scrubbing.

I asked; 'How was your jab?'

Her: *stunned* 'Oh you know ah? Yeah I went for my jab! It was my first one. So scary cause I have a lot of medical allergies'

'I see I see' I laughed.

Her: 'Its okay la! So far so good. I heard first jab is ok, 2nd jab more strong right? You've done yours?'

Me: 'Yeah :)'

She proceeded to check my previous wound.

'Looks good! Ok we shall start'.

The whole procedure didn't take so long. 

And it was relatively less traumatic cause the tooth wasn't as deep.

I felt good after. Like I've been through worst.

After observation, I had the weirdest nurse ever doing my check-up.

I don't know, the way she talked to me, was like she was tired of working and just wanted to discharge me as soon as possible.

I'm like: 'Chill girl, its gonna be Friday soon.'  💀💀💀

Left for my pharmacy and the wait was just as bad. It was very messy there. I'm not sure why. But anyway, this intern attended to me with her supervisor (a Kakak Melayu) beside her.

The way she explained the medications to me in depth was hilarious. And she looked like she was about to eat me. I'm not sure if she was nervous or what. But I understand hahaha.

The supervisor took over the last few parts and she was really nice.

I went home after and have been laying around since. 

The analgesia has worn off and the pain has set in. But honestly, its been pretty tolerable.

It took a lot of power and mental strength to go through this again. Oh well. Never again!

I'm clearing my leaves until May anyway, so that's something to look forward to. 

Hahaha. 

Time to enjoy my holiday.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Isak Danielson - Power

I still look at you with eyes that want you
When you move, you make my oceans move too
If I hear my name, I will run your way
Can we say that we love each other
Can we play like there ain't no other
If I hear my name, I will run your way

It's my desire that you feed
You know just what I need
You got power, power
You got power over me
I give my all now, can't you see?
Why won't you set me free?
You got power, power
You got power over me

I was lost until I found me in you
I saw a side of me that I was scared to
But now I hear my name and I'm running your way
All I feel as I get closer to you
Is the desire to move like you do
So now I hear my name and I'm running your way

If you're ready now
If you're ready now
If you're ready now
I am ready now
If you're ready now
If you're ready now
If you're ready now
If you're ready now

It's my desire that you feed
You know just what I need
You got power, power
You got power over me
I give my all now, can't you see?
Why won't you set me free?
You got power, power
You got power over me

You're the one that seduced me
Lured me in with your beauty
Now I know that you used me
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
All you did was confuse me
You're no longer what I need
Touch me slow, feel my heart bleed
I'm ready now, I'm ready now

Haven

 Page 1506

Well, been starting to eat solid foods again.

Slowly, and in tiny pieces.

Swelling & pain's gone down significantly too.

That's good enough. For now. Hah.

Spent the day with my partner.

Just like every Sunday.

In our own little safe haven.

Haha even though it was painful to laugh or talk, I had such a great time.

Thank you for taking care of me.

I'm so lucky to have you in my life. :)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Novo Amor - Haven

I'll be late, but I could make it all up to you
And I'll count down the days, don't say that you wouldn't too
'Cause I heard the rain, as I felt you coming loose
And I heard my name, and it broke my head in two

I'll celebrate on the day that I get the news
And I'll count down the ways, I'll be wishing that I was you
But I can't correlate the way you move
So I'll stay half awake, and I'll guess that it'll do

IT HURTS!

 Page 1505

Here's my wisdom tooth extraction experience.

I arrived at the hospital on time, the gloomy weather looming above me.

Went up to the Dental floor, registered and just waited for my time.

Nervous.

Hah, it wasn't sinking in until now.

I was told to wait at a bench outside the room.

I tapped my umbrella.

Crossed legs. Changed legs. Sat upright.

Anxious.

People walked past every minute.

I was opposite two rooms, with a small window, where I peeked in.

There were dentists performing surgeries.

I gulped.

Ah well. It's coming.

The doctor finally came.

Went through again about my procedure.

I had two teeth overlapping each other. 

Previously I told her to just take out the top one.

She wanted to try reach the 2nd one. Maybe just the tip of it.

I told her, sure. Go ahead. You know what's best for me.

'It will confirm swell.'

I gulped, and her assistant smiled and nodded.

She prepped me up, and I got on the chair.

It lowered down.

She placed blankets and sterile sheets on my body, including my eyes.

And left a hole for the mouth.

The light was bright, but I closed my eyes throughout.

The Dr came back, and immediately started.

'I'm gonna give you some analgesia', she injected.

I felt the needle in my mouth & squirmed a bit. And then the numbness set in.

Numbing gel was applied on my lips.

The next thing I knew, she was working on my teeth.

'That was fast' I panicked.

'But Oh fuck, here we go man.'

My whole right jaw was numb and I could not feel a thing.

As I felt them cutting and trying to lodge the first tooth out.

The noise of the machine used was so loud. Pretty terrifying. But I just closed my eyes. And clenched my fists.

The pressure was intense. And I felt that the Dr was really struggling at some point. Haha.

Reasons why I felt I didn't want an elderly female Dr to do my op. But hey, she was one of the most experienced ones.

So I had to put some faith, yea?

After a lot of sawing and cutting, I finally felt threads being sutured in my mouth.

'Phew, it was ending.'

They finally concluded, placed a gauze in my mouth, and I got up.

The Dr: 'Here's your teeth, I'm gonna dispose them'

She showed me my bloody teeth that was on a tray.

😐😐😐

'Are you feeling ok?' the assistant asked.

'🙂 Mhhm.'

She laughed.

I took my belongings, went out.

Had my vitals taken. 

Watched a dental self-care video.

Then headed to the pharmacy for my painkillers.

When I got back, it was already 7+.

Oh and I forgot to mention, I was fasting all this while.

Hahaha.

Got home, settled down, and tried to drink water.

Only a few sips.

The aching was setting in.

The analgesia was wearing off.

By 9pm I was in a lot of pain. 

Took all the painkillers and Panadol I could find.

Holyyyy.

I haven't been in this much pain in forever.

So much that I could not distract myself.

Put my laptop down and just lied down.

Dozed off a bit, and felt better around 11.

Around 12, it started bleeding. Non-stop.

It even flowed a bit on my shirt. 

Shit.

I was quite scared hah, but I just stuffed as much gauze as I could.

Even slept with it.

Didn't sleep well.

In the morning, the bleeding stopped.

I felt much better.

And the pain was less.

That's what matters most.

But the worst part is.. I have to go through this twice.

Hahaha yeah, another teeth out next Thursday.

Mum cooked porridge. 

And I happily & slowly enjoyed it.

At least I can chew a bit today.

My face is currently as swollen as a pufferfish.

Slightly uncomfortable, but I know it'll get better after today.

Right. Cheers. Gonna rest up.

🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: San Holo - IT HURTS!

I still can't find the right words
The only thing that I've learned
It's only real when it hurts
It's only real when it hurts

It hurts
It hurts
It hurts

It hurts

I still can't find the right words
The only thing that I've learned
It's only real when it hurts
It's only real when it hurts
Yeah!

I still can't find the right words
The only thing that I've learned
It's only real when it hurts
It's only real when it hurts

It hurts
It hurts
It hurts

It hurts

The Darkness

 Page 1504

You're never truly alone.

I'm glad I got to see you today, despite missing you over the weekends.

I'm glad you seem yourself again.

And that we got to share our vulnerability together.

Even if it's for just a short moment.

That's the best part of being in a relationship.

Sharing vulnerable parts of yourself with the one you love.

And breaking out of that.. darkness.

We'll be okay. 🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Josin - The Darkness

Come back, come, your love

It ain't just pale

[Verse 1]

Crowding ourselves, upwards, down and never-wards

But we fall to keep cold, wicked sins

Just spinning out our perfect lives

Ever in search, I could just not exaggerate

For all I could turn, I'm nothing at all, I'm nothing at all

[Refrain]

And I was guessing, are you my waiting?

Yes, I've been drowned in darkness, too

But here's my inside

[Verse 2]

Come, cry your heart out

It's just your flesh that's aching

It's just your flesh that's aching

Come back, come, your love

It ain't just pale

It ain't just pale

[Refrain]

Yes, I've been drowned in darkness, too

But here's my inside

Yes, I've been drowned in darkness, too

But here's my inside

Met Him Last Night

 Page 1503

Met the boys last night.

And had our nights out. Heh.

Had a walk down memory lane at Nex.

6 years ago, we were here with our section mates.

Young, dumb & broke.

Haha.. good times. 

We were just so carefree.

It was very nostalgic.

Now, we're just busy hustling with our individual lives.

And that's fine.

There was one thing in common that we all felt.

That it felt good to be out with old friends, and just be ourselves.

Just.. forgetting about work and adulting.

And reminiscing the old days.

I was just thinking - how apt was it?

That we were in BMT together, separated for 3 months, then reunited in OCS - all in diff courses.

How fated.

I guess that's why we're so close.

Haha, & some things just don't change.

Thanks for the conversations and laughters.

Till next time. 🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato Ft Ariana Grande - Met Him Last Night

Late at night
I'm sipping as you pass me by
Red or white
You pour another, say, "It's fine"

I don't believe in you
'Cause I know just how you do

I've seen the devil
Yeah, I met him last night
Had conversation
Yeah, I think he's all right
Seemed kinda funny
Yeah, he's kinda my type
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I've seen the devil
Yeah, I met him last night
One conversation
Now we're spending the night
I think I love him
Though I know it ain't right

You got me fucked up
I won't let this happen again
This the last time
You won't take advantage of my innocence

I don't believe in you
Disguised but I see right through

I've seen the devil
Yeah, I met him last night
Had conversation
Yeah, I think he's all right
Seemed kinda funny
Yeah, he's kinda my type
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I've seen the devil
Yeah, I met him last night
One conversation
Now I'm spending the night
I think I love him
Though I know it ain't right

How could I ever believe him?
The one that could be so deceiving
Boy, you were my only vice
I never feel this way
Won't be no hostage, I'm leaving
Boy, you just gave me a reason
No one ever thought
I'd be the one

No one ever thought
I'd be the one to fall
Watch me bounce before I give you my all
So I promise tonight is the last call

I don't believe in you
Disguised but I see right through

I've seen the devil
Yeah, I met him last night
Had conversation
Yeah, I think he's all right
Seemed kinda funny
Yeah, he's kinda my type
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I've seen the devil
Yeah, I met him last night
One conversation
Now we're spending the night
I think I love him
Though I know it ain't right

I Can't Be Myself

 Page 1502

Life is so short & unpredictable.

So spend the time you have now & surround yourself with people you love.

We always tend to take things for granted.

But I've learnt from a young age to always.. look things from a positive perspective.

Everything happens for a reason.

As hard as it gets sometimes.

We just cant see it.

Ever since having a partner, I've grown into a better person.

Thank you for that.

I cant be myself when you're not there.

And I hope you know, I'm always here if you need me.

😊

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Justin Bieber, Jaden - I Can't Be Myself

(Be myself with you)
(Be myself with you)
I can't be myself when you're not there
Lalalala
I feel amazing
How are you, how are you
Lalalala, ten thousand faces
Still your eyes are the view

What can I do
When chances are a billion stars they can't compare, to you
Nowhere to move
Cause it new to me, consuming me
I might be scared of ya, oh ya

I could travel any place
But without you it's just running around
They could open Heavens gates
But without you I'm just stuck in the clouds

I can't be myself when you're not there
The sweetest dreams turn to nightmares
I can't be myself when you're not there oh woah oh
Lalalala, I'm talking backwards
High on you, high on you
Lalalala, don't know what's after
But I know it's with you

What can I do
When chances are a billion stars they can't compare, to you
Nowhere to move
Cause it new to me, consuming me
I might be scared of ya, oh ya

I could travel any place
But without you it's just running around
They could open
Heavens gates
But without you I'm just stuck in the clouds

I can't be myself when you're not there
The sweetest dreams turn to nightmares
I can't be myself when you're not there oh woah oh
Lalalala I feel amazing
How are you, how are you

I can't be myself when you're not there
The sweetest dreams turn to nightmares
I can't be myself when you're not there oh woah oh
I can't be myself when you're not there oh woah oh
(You're not in my arms)

I can't be myself when you're not there
I need you there
I can't be myself when you're not there
I need you close
I can't be myself when you're not there

The Art Of Starting Over

 Page 1501

And just like that, it's already April.

It's been quite a toxic work week, but I have just been trying my best to not let it get to me.

Be it colleagues or patients.

But it's okay.

What happens at work, stays there.

And I do not bring it home to dwell on.

I hope one day, I can find a workplace where I don't have to worry about all these minor things.

And just concentrate on giving my fullest.

Feels like... some change will come soon.

There is some uncertainness in the air about where I will head next.

But I feel it somewhere in my gut, it will be a better one.

A better future.

The art of starting over.

Amen.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato - The Art Of Starting Over

I'm like a watch, I'm unwinding like a clock 
It's okay if I don't know what the time is

I just woke up from drinking out half of a cup 
The universe was trying to remind me

Give me a pen 
I'm rewriting another ending 
It didn't turn out the way that I wanted

I had the armor 
I wore it march into summer 
But the arrow hit me right where heart is

I guess I'm mastering the art of 
Starting over 
Starting over 
New beginnings can be lonely 
Thank god I got me to hold me 
Starting over, over

He was the cure I was ready to be sure 
And so I let him deeper under the surface

But it didn't long to realize 
That the woman in me does not cry 
For a man who is a boy and he does not deserve this

Guess I'm mastering the art of 
Starting over 
Starting over 
New beginnings can be lonely 
Thank god I got me to hold me 
Starting over, over

I let the darkness 
I let the darkness out 
I let the darkness 
Oh oh oh oh

I let the darkness 
I let the darkness out 
I let the darkness 
Oh oh oh oh

I let the darkness 
I let the darkness out 
I let the darkness 
Oh oh oh oh

I let the darkness 
I let the darkness out 
I let the darkness 
Oh oh oh oh