Out Of The Woods

Page 156

Spent today Runescaping, catching up on my tv shows and eating a lot. Haha, now that's a Lazy Sunday. I'm gonna miss my weekends. Ugh.

Well this is it. Tomorrow I'll be going back to my main hospital. For 3 months of internship. Just the thought of it makes me slightly nauseous. But I guess everyone will have to go through it. Things will never be easy, but I know I'll get better at it with time to come.

Like JoJo would say:

'The only way out is through.'

I've been going through December slow and steady. So far I've been taking it easy. The days are passing by slowly. And sometimes I get glimpses of the past here and there. 

I remember.

xx

Love, Eran.

Remember December?

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Out Of The Woods (Live)

Looking at it now, it all seems so simple

We were lying on your couch, I remember

You took a Polaroid of us

Then discovered (then discovered)

The rest of the world was black and white

But we were in screaming color

And I remember thinking

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, good.

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, good.

Are we out of the woods?

Looking at it now, last December

We were built to fall apart, then fall back together

Your necklace hanging from my neck, 

The night we couldn't quite forget

When we decided (We decided)

To move the furniture so we could dance

Baby, like we stood a chance

Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying

And I remember thinking

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, good

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, good

Are we out of the woods?

Remember when you hit the brakes too soon

Twenty stitches in a hospital room

When you started crying

Baby, I did too

But when the sun came up

I was looking at you

Remember when we couldn't take the heat

I walked out, I said, I'm setting you free

But the monsters turned out to be just trees

When the sun came up

You were looking at me

You were looking at me

Oh!

You were looking at me.

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods? (I remember)

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet? (Oh, I remember)

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, good

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, good

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, good

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods yet?

Are we out of the woods?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, good

Songs On 12 Play

Page 155

Felt so pampered today. Was made lunch/dinner; shepherd's pie and homemade pasta. Had a good time, watching funny movies. Good love. Good sex. I feel blessed. But my heart…

Why does it feel so right yet so wrong?

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I can't explain it either. 

I'm so used to people leaving me.

Now that this is happening, I'm so so confused and lost.

Cant wait to meet/share with my friends on Monday because I feel like I need to put this off my chest soon.

Looks like some of my friends are helping out for standard chartered tonight. I'm not helping out this year because it brings too much memories.. of last year. Never wanna revisit that period again. Such a horrible feeling. And also I've kinda had enough with all the medic stuff haha.

Can I just rot the whole day tomorrow?
;-;

Love, Eran.

Now I gotta figure out how to hide all my lovebites. Lol.

I just wanna be all on you. 

Current Song Mood: Chris Brown Ft Trey Songz - Songs On 12 Play

You're a goddess in the bedroom
Devil in them skintights
Drug that, I'm hooked to
But it's ok, I'll be alright
Tried my best to please you
Show you what it means to
Be a victim of love
So turn on that red light, Oh
Turn on that red light
Ooh, eh

[Hook: Chris Brown & Trey Songz]
We gon' be bumping and grinding
Seems like you're ready to sex me, baby, baby
And I'm feeling on your booty, driving me crazy
Half on a baby
Cause' your body's calling me
And with your permission let me start your ignition
Don't you know that you're reminding me
Of a song on 12 play
You're like a song on 12 play
[Verse 2: Trey Songz]
Fuckin' with an R&B thug
You gon' have the greatest sex
Do you mind if I stroke you up
Baby girl, imagine that
Dripping that honey love, I'm a hit it hard from the back
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - just like that
Do your body like a real freak (have a little private)
Fiesta, fiesta
Somebody's girl is on my body
Naked, shaking
Etcetera, et cetera, et cetera
Hey baby

[Hook]

Ok, foreplay, that's childs play
Making love is my forte
Shots of you when I'm thirsty
Damn right, I'm a eat that pussy
Clothes all in the background
I give a back shot, I don't back down
She likes her hair pulled, that ass slapped around
And the neighbours screaming out
"Keep it down"

Baby turn on the red light tonight
Lil' mama, it'll be alright
I just wanna be all on you
Do it 'til we both can't move
Your body
Your hips, Your ass, girl
Sweat dripping on my body,
Like this my last girl
So tonight

[Hook]

[Outro: Chris Brown & Trey Songz]
Oh na na na na na na, down low, down low
Oh baby, baby, baby, baby baby
Keep it on the down low, down low

Emergency

Page 154

So today was the last day of my posting at Emergency Department. And the last day of CASP! I'm so glad to finish this module. One more final lap…

Almost reached work late cause I was helping the other shift buy something. Anyways my CI was understanding and he quickly let me sign, brought the group up to a meeting room to do our evaluation. And then the other group who were doing their OT posting came alone too :) Including YX!!

Hehe. <3 Had some chats, catching-up and horny jokes here and there, and went outside after our evaluation to eat the 'finger food' they prepared for us. It was a nice offer, but the food was horrible :x Lmao. Anyways, my group then had to leave and met up with CI, who brought us to our special 'meeting place'. Which was this abandoned part of the hospital. :)

Had a small test, and he talked and talked and talked. Seriously he talked so much ._. But good la, time passed fast. Before we knew it, he finished his teachings and we ended by taking group selfies and photos. :)

The afternoon shift went back, and CI brought us to the pantry to share the cake we bought for him. :) Shared more stories with us, including ghost stories!!! OoOoOooo.

Hahaha look at that maniacal face!

Sucha funny dude. We really enjoyed our posting because of him :) He always made us feel that he was there for us.

Worked the rest of the day at P2C where there were stable patients. There was this makcik who came in, and had long conversations with me. It was sad to see her in pain. She was so experienced in the hospital cause she's been there in and out many times. Even went through 20+ operations. No joke, she showed me all her scars. Haha and she was so happy when she was finally posted to the ward. I helped to send her there before going home. May she get better soon. <3

:)

Well that's it for now. Really enjoyed my posting!

Will be going back to my main hospital next week. One thing's for sure. I'm gonna miss the cheap NUS  food! HAHA

Mmmh. ._.

Ps. Here's an appropriate old-school song. A song I always played back in my emo teenage years. :)

Love, Eran.

I've seen love die, way too many times.

Current Song Mood: Paramore - Emergency

I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency

If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on
So are you listening?
So are you watching me?

If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on.

This is an emergency
So are you listening?
And I can't pretend that I don't see this

It's really not your fault
That no one cares to talk about it,
Talk about it

Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
(When it deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive

So you give up every chance you get
Just to feel new again

I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency

And you do your best to show me love,
but you don't know what love is.

So are you listening?
So are you watching me?

Well I can't pretend that I don't see this

It's really not your fault
That no one cares to talk about it,
Talk about it

Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
(When it deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive

These scars, they will not fade away.

No one cares to talk about it, talk about it

Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
(When it deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive

Own It

Page 153

Someone came all the way to my workplace just to give me these cupcakes from 12 cupcakes. 

And this was written:

 'You are like an icing on a cupcake.' 

Aww. I'm so touched. :')

Had a really good day at work today. Really love triage! And the best part? I saw someone I knew who came in in a wheelchair… My CI from last week. LOL!!!!

What a friggin concidence. Chatted a bit with her but didn't get to triage her cause she had to go somewhere else. Got a lot of hands-on today. That includes a chatting with a couple of cuties. Ahem. Hehe. And had to do ECG on a lot of hairy-ass niggas. -.-

Damn y'all. HAHA.

Loved today. And the weather.. omg. Could sleep in it all day. 

Last day tomorrow... Let's enjoy it!

xx

Love, Eran.

It's yours.

Own it.

This song makes me high.

Current Song Mood: Drake - Own It

[Intro]
Own it
It's yours [x2]

[Verse 1]
Yours
You're still the one that I adore
Ain't much out there to have feelings for
Guess whose it is? Guess whose it is?
Guess whose it is? Guess whose it is?
Yours
A few bottles on the table, a few waters
It ain't a secret, baby, everybody saw us
Guess whose it is? Guess whose it is?
Guess whose it is?
It's yours

Next time we fuck, I don't wanna fuck, I wanna make love
Next time we talk, I don't wanna just talk, I wanna trust
Next time I stand tall I want to be standing for you
And next time I spend I want it all to be for you oh oh
Peaking, I'm peaking, wake up with me this weekend, weekend no oh
Guess whose it is?
Guess whose it is? Guess whose it is?
It's yours

[Hook (x2)]
Own it [x16]
I said go own that shit
Own that shit, own that shit
Own that shit, go own that shit
Own that shit, own that shit
Own that shit, own that shit
Go own that shit

[Verse 2]
Niggas talk more than bitches these days
Just let that shit sink in
Niggas talk more than bitches these days
Who could get the pussy quicker these days
Still straight with the weed and the liquor these days
Cause the new drugs got the kids trippin' these days (trippin')
Bunch of journalists been searchin' for a story
My ex-girl been searchin' for a "sorry" (and u know)
Couple bitches tryin' to have me on the Maury like nigga it's yours
You should be supportin' but where you been at? On tour, gettin' money
Y'all don't even really check for me
You ain't even hit me when that nigga had threats for me
Girl, you don't love me, you just say that shit to get to me
Girl, cause you got the Batphone in my workline
You should call
When the last time you did something for the first time?
You have done it all, I swear to God
Niggas talk more than bitches these days
Got you thinkin' that I'm different these days
Broken telephone for every single conversation
By the time it gets to you, shit switches these days
It's yours, it's yours, it's yours, it's always gonna be yours

[Outro]
Own it [x17]
The shit
Own it, own it
It's yours, yeah
It's yours, own it
Own it
Own it
Own it
Own it
Baby, own it
It's yours
Own that shit, own that shit
Own that shit

Escape Route

Page 152

I neeeed a break. Was posted to  P1 today, which is where all the worse cases are sent to. (Usually can collapse anytime.) Lucky nobody collapsed on me LOL. But there were moments that were really stressful. 

Anyways, was particularly pissed at a staff of mine for making me look stupid in front of the doctors and medical officers. Damn it. -.- Was just trying to help and follow instructions but it made me look like a fool instead. She didn't say sorry also. Ugh. Thank you ah.

Ah well. Last few days left.. I'm so tired my eyes can't hold on any longer.. ._. Lucky I'm afternoon shift tomorrow. 

:)

Goodnight.

Ps. Got a couple of hate attacks on my Askfm a couple days ago. Haha, it's funny how people think they can decided what I can or cannot do. So what if you think I'm bad at recording? That's how it all starts doesn't it? Being bad and then improving slowly. That's the way to go. Sheesh..

xx

Love, Eran.

Let's escape together.

Current Song Mood: Paramore - Escape Route

I've got a life out there somewhere
It's waiting
Lined with palm trees and only new faces
If I could look past the present and get there
Well baby, it's worth a shot

Just enough time to plan an escape route
I put my map on the wall in the basement
Not quite a victory to run from your problems
But it's the only plan that I got
It's the only plan that I got

And if you try to find me now

oooh
oh oh oh! 

I'm in all the echoes that have faded out
So.. I'm moving on
Cause I just want to feel for once that I belong
That's what's going on
That's what's going on

Crossed the state line and called out a warning
Not too long now, I'll breathe california
Paid my dues and I tried to be loyal
But now I'm done with all that
Where I'm going is everyone's story

We want
You left,
We're left
to start over

It's not a question of who are we really
It's who we want to be

And if you try to find me now

oooh
oh oh!

I'm in all the echoes that have faded out
So.. I'm moving on
Cause I just want to feel for once that I belong
And that's what's going on

All that's in between
A brand new life and I this time
But time has not been kind.
It's not been kind to me.
It's winding backwards.

Time has not been kind.
It's crawling by...
So...
Slowly..

And if you try to find me now

Ooooh
oh oh oh!

I'm in all the echoes that have faded out
So.. I'm moving on
Cause I just want to feel for once that I belong
And that's what's going on
And if you try to find me now

Ooooh
oh oh oh

I'm in all the echoes that have faded out
So.. I'm moving on
Cause I just want to feel for once that I belong
And that's what's going on-

Tell Me It's Okay

Page 151

My A&E posting has been better than expected so far! Really happy to have a male CI for once, who is on the same frequency as I am HAHA. He's damn psycho and funny! But he's really really nice. And then there's this Nurse Practitioner who was friends with him and she's just as wild and psycho. LOL. Seriously they're such bad ass people and I'm so glad to be around them. :)

So far the staff has been nice and they've guided me through the flow and the work. And I picked up pretty fast. :) Hehe. Wouldn't mind working here tbh. Oh well, here's to the next 3 days!

Ps. TWD Update: BETH DIES. LIKE F-CK. I saw it coming but the way she went.. I'm just so not satisfied. And when Maggie broke down at the end.. I lost it. Totally teared up man. Feeels. Ugh. Now need to wait till Feb for the last 8 episodes.

xx

Love, Eran.

Tell me its okay.. to be happy now.

Current Song Mood: Paramore - Tell Me It's Okay

[Verse 1]

Maybe its been years since I genuinely smiled

Maybe its been years since I wanted to be a part of anything

But lately I've been good you know I've actually been great

Man, I even laughed a little today, aw so strange, you're so strange

[Chorus]

Tell me its okay to be happy now, because I'm happy now

Tell me its okay to be happy now, because I'm happy now

Tell me its okay(x4)

[Verse 2]

Thought it as my right to be as sorry as I wanted to be

I wasted all my teenage years being a misery factory

But something had to give, I had to finally see the light

I think at 23 its time to practice what I preach

And what I preach is:

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

All my wasted hope, I let go when I should've held tighter

And now the sun out, I let it burn not afraid of feeling shine

On me

Tell me it's okay (x8)

[Chorus-Variation]

Tell me its okay to be happy now, because I'm happy now

Tell me its okay to be happy now, my life is finally leveling out, so

Tell me its okay to be happy now, because I'm happy now

Tell me its okay to be happy now, my life is finally leveling out, so

Tell me its okay(x4)

Story Of My Life

Page 150

December. Back to the month that changed me.

I couldn't concentrate at work today. I kept thinking about how incomplete yesterday felt. After work, I changed into my red top and blue jeans. The same significant ones I wore when we went out for the first time together. Took the green line to Boon Lay. Went to the interchange and walked towards the bus queues.

'Which bus… which bus dammit.'

I was trying so hard to recall it. And then a number popped up in my head. Trusting my instincts, I went for that bus number. And I was right. The details were faint in my head. But everything came back. All the small details in my head helped me out so much.

I reached your bus stop. My heart was racing. My hands were trembling. I walked past the small convenience store. Took the lift up to your level. Walked to your door. It was wide open. I knocked. No response. I knocked even harder. Nothing. I walked around… and saw that the fan was switched on. Someone must be home right? I heard movement. Then nothing. I decided that maybe no one was home. Annoyed, I sat at the staircase and waited… and waited. Nothing. I tried knocking and calling out again, and it was still in vain. And then I decided… I had to shit. ._.

Seriously, I didn't know how long I was gonna wait. So I went back to Jurong Point just to do my big business and buy some food. Then I went back again. Still determined. Once I reached your door, I noticed the lights were on. And a female figure was in the kitchen.

'Excuse me.' I said as I knocked the door.

The lady turned. She was cautious, observing me from far, a frown on her face. I signalled her to come closer. And then I told her that I wanted to see you. And she went to wake you up. As I waited.. and waited.. It felt like forever. Your dog suddenly came out barking at me. Trying to get to me from the door. I didnt flinch. I watched as it gnarled its teeth, like I'm some kind of danger. Like as if I'm the evil one here. Maybe it's right. And then you came out, with a half-awoken face, and you signalled me to wait. And when you came back, you were holding the jacket.

'Sorry I was sleeping… Bye.' *flashes a smile*

And at that moment I was speechless. Was this really happening? My heart fluttered a little. I never thought I'd see you again. I never thought THIS would ever happen. One year… I grabbed my jacket, muttered a 'Thanks', took one last glance at the still-growling dog, and walked away. There was nothing more to be said. Was it that difficult? And to have ME coming to your doorstep just to collect what's mine? You truly have no sense of guilt.

I walked into the lift, closed my eyes and just leaned back and sniffed the jacket. It smelled a mixture of air-condition and cigarettes. I felt a tear in my eye. I was a wreck. But I didnt care. I got it back. That's all that matters.

'Thanks.' I texted. And that was that. The rest is history.

It's been exactly one year since this blog was created. And it's been one heck of a year. I guess after all this time, I've been desperately finding a closure for us. I guess.. this is our closure. Goodbye, I.

Love, Eran.

My first love.

Goodbye.

My heart can now rest in peace.

Current Song Mood: One Direction - Story Of My Life

Verse 1 - Harry

Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain,

I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days.

[Liam]

She told me in the morning she don't feel the same about us in her bones,

It seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone.

Pre-chorus - Zayn

And I'll be gone gone tonight

The ground beneath my feet is open wide

The way that I been holdin' on too tight

With nothing in between

Chorus - Harry

The story of my life I take her home

I drive all night to keep her warm and time...

Is frozen (the story of, the story of)

[All]

The story of my life I give her hope

I spend her love until she's broke inside

The story of my life (the story of, the story of)

Verse 2 - Niall

Written on these walls are the colours that I can't change

Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage

[Liam]

I know that in the morning now, I'll see us in the light upon a hill

Although I am broken my heart is untamed still

Pre-chorus - Louis

And I'll be gone gone tonight

The fire beneath my feet is burning bright

The way that I been holdin' on so tight

With nothing in between

Chorus - Harry

The story of my life I take her home

I drive all night to keep her warm and time...

Is frozen (the story of, the story of)

[All]

The story of my life I give her hope

I spend her love until she's broke inside

The story of my life (the story of, the story of)

Bridge - Zayn

And I been waiting for this time to come around

But baby running after you is like chasing the clouds

Middle 8 - Niall

The story of my life I take her home

I drive all night to keep her warm and time...

Is frozen

Chorus - All

The story of my life I give her hope (give her hope)

I spend her love until she's broke inside (until she's broke inside)

The story of my life (the story of, the story of)

The story of my life

The story of my life (the story of, the story of)

[Harry]

The story of my life