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December. Back to the month that changed me.
I couldn't concentrate at work today. I kept thinking about how incomplete yesterday felt. After work, I changed into my red top and blue jeans. The same significant ones I wore when we went out for the first time together. Took the green line to Boon Lay. Went to the interchange and walked towards the bus queues.
'Which bus… which bus dammit.'
I was trying so hard to recall it. And then a number popped up in my head. Trusting my instincts, I went for that bus number. And I was right. The details were faint in my head. But everything came back. All the small details in my head helped me out so much.
I reached your bus stop. My heart was racing. My hands were trembling. I walked past the small convenience store. Took the lift up to your level. Walked to your door. It was wide open. I knocked. No response. I knocked even harder. Nothing. I walked around… and saw that the fan was switched on. Someone must be home right? I heard movement. Then nothing. I decided that maybe no one was home. Annoyed, I sat at the staircase and waited… and waited. Nothing. I tried knocking and calling out again, and it was still in vain. And then I decided… I had to shit. ._.
Seriously, I didn't know how long I was gonna wait. So I went back to Jurong Point just to do my big business and buy some food. Then I went back again. Still determined. Once I reached your door, I noticed the lights were on. And a female figure was in the kitchen.
'Excuse me.' I said as I knocked the door.
The lady turned. She was cautious, observing me from far, a frown on her face. I signalled her to come closer. And then I told her that I wanted to see you. And she went to wake you up. As I waited.. and waited.. It felt like forever. Your dog suddenly came out barking at me. Trying to get to me from the door. I didnt flinch. I watched as it gnarled its teeth, like I'm some kind of danger. Like as if I'm the evil one here. Maybe it's right. And then you came out, with a half-awoken face, and you signalled me to wait. And when you came back, you were holding the jacket.
'Sorry I was sleeping… Bye.' *flashes a smile*
And at that moment I was speechless. Was this really happening? My heart fluttered a little. I never thought I'd see you again. I never thought THIS would ever happen. One year… I grabbed my jacket, muttered a 'Thanks', took one last glance at the still-growling dog, and walked away. There was nothing more to be said. Was it that difficult? And to have ME coming to your doorstep just to collect what's mine? You truly have no sense of guilt.
I walked into the lift, closed my eyes and just leaned back and sniffed the jacket. It smelled a mixture of air-condition and cigarettes. I felt a tear in my eye. I was a wreck. But I didnt care. I got it back. That's all that matters.
'Thanks.' I texted. And that was that. The rest is history.
It's been exactly one year since this blog was created. And it's been one heck of a year. I guess after all this time, I've been desperately finding a closure for us. I guess.. this is our closure. Goodbye, I.
Love, Eran.
My first love.
Goodbye.
My heart can now rest in peace.
Current Song Mood: One Direction - Story Of My Life
Verse 1 - Harry
Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain,
I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days.
[Liam]
She told me in the morning she don't feel the same about us in her bones,
It seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone.
Pre-chorus - Zayn
And I'll be gone gone tonight
The ground beneath my feet is open wide
The way that I been holdin' on too tight
With nothing in between
Chorus - Harry
The story of my life I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm and time...
Is frozen (the story of, the story of)
[All]
The story of my life I give her hope
I spend her love until she's broke inside
The story of my life (the story of, the story of)
Verse 2 - Niall
Written on these walls are the colours that I can't change
Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage
[Liam]
I know that in the morning now, I'll see us in the light upon a hill
Although I am broken my heart is untamed still
Pre-chorus - Louis
And I'll be gone gone tonight
The fire beneath my feet is burning bright
The way that I been holdin' on so tight
With nothing in between
Chorus - Harry
The story of my life I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm and time...
Is frozen (the story of, the story of)
[All]
The story of my life I give her hope
I spend her love until she's broke inside
The story of my life (the story of, the story of)
Bridge - Zayn
And I been waiting for this time to come around
But baby running after you is like chasing the clouds
Middle 8 - Niall
The story of my life I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm and time...
Is frozen
Chorus - All
The story of my life I give her hope (give her hope)
I spend her love until she's broke inside (until she's broke inside)
The story of my life (the story of, the story of)
The story of my life
The story of my life (the story of, the story of)
[Harry]
The story of my life
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