Wonderful

Page 395

Hey.

:)

It's been a wonderful week.

I guess effort really does pay off.

There are special things falling into place.

Things that keep me occupied.

And I feel so weird but satisfied.

First of all, I get to enjoy my block leave this week. Yaaaaas to longer weekends to rest!

Been training hard, & managed to score a Silver (never thought I could do it) in my physical test today.

I guess that's something to be proud of?? Haha. Hoping to maintain and improve on my fitness.

It's been something that I've been lacking.

Also, yesterday and the day before.. I've been sitting down with my bunkmates, singing to a song that I wrote..

All I can say is that they really liked it. It's really personal to me. And I hope to share it one day.

I'm determined to and I promise I will.

..

And let me just say this...

The flashbacks never stopped.

It's harder than it seems but.. I guess I'm used to it.

Just popping in my mind at random times.

It gets to me. And I try not to let it.

Sometimes I wonder... Wasn't it kind of wonderful?

.. us?

Don't you feel so too?

..

I guess I'll never know.

Love, Eran.

Wasn't it?

Current Song Mood: Lianne La Havas - Wonderful

Did the world get a little bit colder
Not wiser just a little bit older
So slow that we're bound to fall over, oh

Did the heart grow a little bit harder
Too much, too late, too far, too gone

But wasn't it kind of wonderful
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, wonderful

You can trip, flick a switch like a thief
Break the circuit between us
But electricity lingers
In our fingers

Oh you can burn every fuse and refuse
Turn your positive minus
Electricity lingers
In our fingers

From here there's nothing but horizon
Near dawn, I'm searching for the sunrise
Remember when you put the stars into my eyes, oh

Wasn't it kind of wonderful
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, wonderful

You can trip, flick a switch like a thief
Break the circuit between us
But electricity lingers
In our fingers

Oh you can burn every fuse and refuse
Turn your positive minus
Electricity lingers
In our fingers

Wasn't it kind of wonderful
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, wonderful

Wasn't it kind of wonderful
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, wonderful

DKLA

Page 394

Lazy hazy Sunday.

Didnt even go out this week haha. Been recording, watching tv shows, listening to new albums, & updating my laptop.

Productive? Maybe.

My thoughts are wrapped around my mind.

Kept busy.

By the countless names popping up on my phone.

But the truth is..

I can't do it.

I've been lost in my thoughts day & night.

What am I trying to prove to myself?

Or rather, who am I trying to prove?

It's been exactly a month. Exactly a month since you've cut all forms of contact from me.

How fast time has passed.. I've never been the same person since.

The nerve to do that, after everything.

After giving me so much to remember. After I've given so much.

When I close my eyes, I still see your ghost.

I still feel you.

I still care.

Sometimes I walk alone in a crowded area, and everything seems to be in slow motion.

Emptiness sinking hard.

The realisation that..

I don't keep love around.

Not anymore.

...

What do I do now?

...

Love, Eran.

Wish I could play back and press rewind..

This song gives me all the feels.

Current Song Mood: Troye Sivan Ft Tkay Maidza - DKLA

Wrapped my thoughts around your mind
Wrapped your body on my mind

Play it back and press rewind
To when you traced your fingers, drew my spine
Lost it's beat and so I find
Starve my heart of touch and time

So what do I do now?
I don't keep love around
So what do I do now?
I don't keep love around
What do I do now?
I don't keep love around, love around
Love around

When we tried it, we were a fire with no smoke
Rags to riches but I'm addicted to being broken
Take my breath away, you know I'm bound to choke
When I close my eyes. I still see your ghost

So what do I do now?
I don't keep love around
So what do I do now?
I don't keep love around
What do I do now?
I don't keep love around, love around
Love around

I don't keep love around
I don't keep love around
Ooh yeah, I don't keep love around
Love around
Love around

[Tkay Maidza:]
They can't stand, I handstand
I don't hold on right anymore
Pleased to meet you, I'm kinda' moved
But that last one was my antidote
Green eyes, become green times
But there is no first or a last chance
They're telling me to turn down
'Cause I'm so lit, recall flashdance?
Only A1, and I stay 1
And I'm counting for that day when
Residuals become imminent
'Cause failure is not pivotal
They just be asking the same
Try switch it up, I switch lanes
No love in this world, I'm still sane
Right? Because that's enough?
When the lights on
And you don't keep love

'Distance makes the heart grow fonder'
Said by someone stronger than me
So what do I do now?
Do now?
So what do I do now?
I don't keep love around anymore
I don't keep love around anymore
I don't keep, I don't keep
Love around

The Quiet

Page 393

Well.

My phone's been buzzing the whole day.

It might have felt good for a while.

There's just… something missing.

It isn't the same anymore.

Conversations are just.. not how they used to be.

People are.. different.

I'm different.

It's fucked up.

There's no saying to it.

Maybe I just can't start over.

I'd rather be spitting blood..

Than have this silence fuck me up.

I guess there's no other way.

Anything hurts less than the quiet.

Love, Eran.

Say anything..

Current Song Mood: Troye Sivan - The Quiet

Growing distance real explanations
We're getting deeper in this mess
Take careful contemplation
I'd rather be spitting blood
Than have this silence fuck me up

This separation, time and space between us
For some revelation
You didn't care to discuss
I'd rather be black and blue
Than accept that you withdrew

Aaah, just tell me
Say anything
Anything hurts less than the quiet
Just tell me
Say anything
Anything hurts less than the quiet

Used to give each other the world, every bit
Used to be the one you'd come to
When it'd all go to shit
Now I'm left here in the dust
With the taste of broken trust

And I don't wanna walk away
But you left me no choice
Only talking to myself here
Now you muffled your voice
I'd rather have broken bones
And feel myself turn to stone

Aaah, just tell me
Say anything
Anything hurts less than the quiet
Just tell me
Say anything
Anything hurts less than the quiet

I don't mind that I know that you're wrong
I don't mind that you think you're right
All I want is a fight to fight
Anything but quiet

Just tell me
Say anything
Anything hurts less than the quiet

Save My Soul

Page 392

Guess it's come to this.. huh.

Back to that old life.

Just me, myself and I.

I'm gonna take it slower now.

I'm gonna need more time.

Time.. is passing by real fast.

Looking back at pictures and seeing posts that were only a few weeks ago..

It still feels so recent.

Incredible to see how things have changed in just a matter of weeks.

But I guess I'm slowly moving on.

I've accepted this fate.

You're etched in me like stone.

No matter how hard I tried.

Everytime I think about it, I feel like I go back to square one.

I can't afford to let that happen.

I can't afford any relapse.

It's like an addiction.

No one can save me now.

No one can save me but myself.

Nothing more I can do to save my soul.

Love, Eran.

Lord I tried but I can't say no...

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Save My Soul

You got what you wanted
Didn't you?
Don't know where your heart is
But mine's bruised
You knew when you started
That I'd lose
The blood on the carpet
Is not you

I tried to wash the scars and marks from under my skin
But you're etched in me like stone

You can't save me (yeah, yeah)
You call it love, but you still hate me? (yeah, yeah)
Lord I try and I can't say no
You're the pain and the medicine
One taste and I'm numb again
You can't save me (yeah, yeah)
Lord I try and I can't say no

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Ain't nothing I can do to save my soul
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

A moth to a candle
That's me to you
I was never this fragile
Or consumed
I'm covered in shrapnel
Through and through
And I wish I knew how to
Hate you

I try to wash the scars and marks from under my skin
But you're etched in me like stone

You can't save me (yeah, yeah)
You call it love, but you still hate me? (yeah, yeah)
Lord I try and I can't say no
You're the pain and the medicine
One taste and I'm numb again
You can't save me (yeah, yeah)
Lord I try and I can't say no

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Ain't nothing I can do to save my soul
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

You've got your chains wrapped around me so tight
Give me enough just to keep me alive
I try to run but it hurts every time, I try
Lord I try and I can't say no
(Oh Lord)
Lord I try and I can't say no

Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Ain't nothing I can do to save my soul
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah
Oh lord, na, na, na, na, na, yeah

You got what you wanted
Didn't you?

Politics

Page 391

I'm home a day early. :)

Thank you politics! Lol.

Things are so different now.

I'm appreciating all the bonds i'm making in there.
All the different type of people.
All the laughters. The lame jokes. The punishments.
We go through every shit together.

It's really.. different.

Something I've never had before.

Something I needed.

I feel like I'm a part of something big.

I feel like I matter.

For once.

Here's to the 'long weekends.'

Love, Eran.

All I know is i'm trying.

Current Song Mood: Kenna Ft JoJo - Politics

Wild

Page 390

Went to Bugis today. It's the last place I ever wanted to go…

But I had to, to get some stuff for camp.

Met up with my fellow Buddy and ZP. And we spent the day walking around beach road, cleaning our eyes, gossiping, eating at zamzam, and buying lots of things.

I haven't introduced you guys to my Buddy yet.

We're the same age and about the same height lolol. Ok fine I'm a little shorter okaaay. He's really cool & outgoing. And he's an amazing performer & beatboxer.

We connect really well and have about the same love for music. It's amazing. I'm blessed to be able to know him. And the fact that we've gone through similar situations, we can related to each other well. I'm glad that I'm not alone.

:)

Cant wait to see how this journey will unfold for us.

Things are gonna get wild. 

I just know it.

This is meant to happen.

I can't wait.

And you? You can continue running away from your problems & living your pathetic life.

Ps. This new Troye Sivan EP is amazing as f*ck.

Love, Eran.

I wanna leave this blue neighbourhood.

Current Song Mood: Troye Sivan - Wild

(Wild, wild, hey!)

Trying hard not to fall
On the way home
You were trying to wear me down, down
Kissing up on fences
And up on walls
On the way home
I guess it's all working out, now

'Cause there's still too long to the weekend
Too long till I drown in your hands
Too long since I've been a fool, oh

Leave this blue neighbourhood
Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh
And it drives me wild

Cause when you look like that
I've never ever wanted to be so bad, oh
It drives me wild

You're driving me wild, wild, wild
You're driving me wild, wild, wild
You're driving me wild

(Wild, wild, hey!)

White noise in my mind
Won't calm down
You're all I think about

Running on the music
And night highs
But when the light's out
It's me and you now, now

Cause there's still too long to the weekend
Too long till I drown in your hands
Too long since I've been a fool, oh

Leave this blue neighbourhood
Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh
And it drives me wild

Cause when you look like that
I've never ever wanted to be so bad, oh
It drives me wild

You're driving me wild, wild, wild [x4]

You make my heart shake
Bend and break
But I can't turn away
And it's driving me wild
You're driving me wild

You make my heart shake
Bend and break
But I can't turn away
And it's driving me wild
You're driving me wild

(Hey)
Leave this blue neighbourhood
Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh (hey)
And it drives me wild (hey, hey)

Cause when you look like that
I've never ever wanted to be so bad, oh (hey)
It drives me wild (hey)

You're driving me wild, wild, wild [x4]
(Hey, hey)

(Wild, wild, wild, hey!)

Fools

Page 389

Day by day…

Things get clearer to me.

Everything happens for a reason.

I just haven't figured it out yet.

I guess I've found certain motivations to keep me going.

Is it enough?

For now.. yeah.

I pray that it doesn't stop.

I need to keep going.

I need to live my life.

I need to find my purpose.

I'm tired of being a fool.

Love, Eran.

Cause only fools fall for you.

Current Song Mood: Troye Sivan - Fools

I am tired of this place, I hope people change
I need time to replace what I gave away
And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small
Though I try to resist I still want it all

I see swimming pools and living rooms and airplanes
I see a little house on the hill and childrens' names
I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake

Only fools fall for you, only fools
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall
Only fools fall for you, only fools
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall

Oh, our lives don't collide, I'm aware of this
The differences and impulses and your obsession with it
The little things you like, stick, not like carousel
Don't give a fuck, not giving up, I still want it all

Only fools fall for you, only fools
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall
Only fools fall for you, only fools
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall

I see swimming pools and living rooms and airplanes
I see a little house on the hill and childrens' names
I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake

Only fools fall for you, only fools fall
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall
Only fools fall for you, only fools fall
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall

Only fools fall for you (only fools)
Only fools do what I do (only fools)
Only fools fall for you (only fools)
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall
(Only fools)
(Only fools)
(Only fools)
(Only fools)