Come Through

 Page 1517

Not sure how I got through work today.

I wasn't myself and so distracted.

Pondering on whether my feelings were valid.

And just feeling so..

Vulnerable.

Still managed to come through.

For my own sake.

I had to.

I hate working with a heavy heart and a pitting feeling in my gut.

It truly sucks.

Talking it out makes me feel so much better.

When I usually keep this in my head.

I'm so.. used to that.

Ok, no more getting worked up.

It's time for the weekends.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: H.E.R. Ft Chris Brown - Come Through

Almost missed my flight today
I look good even though I feel shitty
I just got back out this way
You already got plans for the city
Call 'em off, could you call 'em off for me?
You're always going on and on
Got it all, ask me why I'll never leave
I don't go out much

But you should come through tonight
I'm chilling on the Westside, boo
Call my homegirl, tell your best friend he could slide too
On the low, a remote location
I don't want them seein' me getting faded
You should come through tonight
I only kick it with a tight crew
They won't tell 'cause they tryna live they best life too
On the low on my own, I'll be wavy
Hit me on my phone, I'll be waiting
Yeah yeah

Looking at you cry, going crazy
If I could, I would take the pain away
I don't see that smile I made
You already made plans that ain't with me
Trying hard, I been trying hard to breathe
Inhale, exhale, you expel what you been doing to me
Fighting it off, you been fighting me off for weeks
Don't leave, 'cause I need ya

But you should come through tonight
I'm chilling on the Westside, boo
Call my homegirl, tell your best friend he could slide too
On the low, a remote location
I don't want them seein' me getting faded
You should come through tonight
I only kick it with a tight crew
They won't tell 'cause they tryna live they best life too
On the low on my own, I'll be wavy
Hit me on my phone, I'll be waiting
Yeah yeah

I ain't really tryna spend no time
In the house, if you ask me how I'm feeling
I said yes to going out tonight
Oh I ain't did that in a minute
Called it off, oh, I called it off for you
You're always going on and on
Ask me why, oh, why I'm not with you
I don't go out much

But you should come through tonight
I'm chilling on the Westside, boo
Call my homegirl, tell your best friend he could slide too
On the low, a remote location
I don't want them seein' me getting faded
You should come through tonight
I only kick it with a tight crew
They won't tell 'cause they tryna live they best life too
On the low on my own, I'll be wavy
Hit me on my phone, I'll be waiting
Yeah yeah

Faded, uh
Hit me on my phone, I'll be waiting, waiting
Yeah yeah yeah, uh
Hit me on my phone, hit me on my phone, yeah
Ooh, I'll be waiting, yeah
Hitting me, alone, oh yeah yeah
Give me a call, oh yeah yeah
Give me a call, yeah

My Own

 Page 1516

Do I have the right?

To be feeling whatever I'm feeling right now?

Am I allowed to? 

Because I feel selfish. I feel wrong. Why do I feel this way?

Because you don't feel good. - You haven't been for some time.

Do I give in? I do right? Because it's the right thing. 

Right?

It's because I've planned it in advanced. 

It's because I hate when things don't work out the way I've planned in my head.

Like how I was looking forward to it the whole day.

Prepared for it.

Because I wanted to do it with you.

Because I can't see you tomorrow.

Took the effort to plan. Friday night instead of Saturday because I know that you're working out Sunday morning.

I drank coffee cause I was prepared to stay up.

These little things yet. I feel like I'm the petty one. Maybe I am.

Why?

Just.

Why is it that I always have to be the bigger person?

To give in and say it's okay.

'It's fine.'

When really, it's not.

I really don't have anyone to talk this out to.

I don't think I want to.

Because it's really not a big deal.

Honest.

But it's the little things that seem to hurt the most.

Or maybe I'm just an emotional wreck right now.

Just.. trying to hold my own.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: H.E.R. - My Own

Said I been away too long
Every time I hear that song
I don't wanna hear it no more
Baby I can't take no more from you
I don't wanna play no more
Don't be going back and forth on me
I be already on call
Even when I know it's wrong for me

Something
Don't know but it's something
I don't wanna work for something knowing it ain't worth it, no
Coming
You knew it was coming
You should know that I don't act like that without a purpose, no

Call me crazy baby, you just bring outta me
I'm tryna do better, but you ain't been helping me
Baby I can't help it, you know how to get to me
I, I...

I been tryna hold my own
My own, my own
Oh baby on my own
My own, my own
Ooh...

Don't mind me, cuz it ain't bout you
We both need space, and that's all so true
Know it's okay, if you can't come through
I'm saving your place, and it's all for you

We been waiting too long
I be tryna keep calm
Either way we both wrong
I been waiting on a call
Ooh I really wanna call you
I been tryna be strong
You're the only I wanna talk to

Ah yeah, you just know me better
And it just gets better
Just let me undress ya
On you, on you...
I just love to feel it
When you go inside it
And I get excited
Ooh...
You...
You...

Baby, you keep showing out
But I just can't slow it down
Cuz I just want you right now
With me now
Don't you keep on holding out
Giving me the run around
Are you just noticing now

I'm on my own
My own, my own
Ooh baby, on my own
My own, my own
I been tryna hold my own
My own, my own
I'm just tryna hold my own
My own, my own
Yeah...

Celebrate

Page 1515

WHEEEEEW what a fun weekend it's been.

To celebrate life and some time off of work.

Was supposed to be on leave for a week but it was cut short.

But hey, I'll take what I get.

Did a lot with my partner over the weekend.

A staycation (who needs a hotel???), Loads of coffee & foooooood, and movies :)

Seriously, the coffee we had this week has been on point hahaha.

I mean look at that.

So insta-worthy. And it tasted as good as it looked!

The weather has been amazing too. Reminded me of how gloomy Melbourne 2 years ago. We were reminiscing so much.

We finally caught 'A Quiet Place 2'. The movie blew us away as usual. I hope this franchise expands as much as it can. Seriously, not for the faint-hearted. 5/5!!!!

Mini photo sesh haha. Despite the rain.

Haven't had this much fun in a while. :)

So thankful. So grateful.

Until next time. x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Isaac Dunbar - Celebrate 

Get your head up out of bed and put on your coat
It's easier said than done
If I could do it, you can do it
You'll never know, you're in your head (Here's my love)
You can blame it on the memories that ruin your day
Blame it on your bad luck and stay the same
Or maybe you could break the curse
You never know but I know

Those good days are somethin' you choose
You don't have to fight, fight, you got nothin' to lose
So let go of all the weight
And let's celebrate the pain, yeah

Celebrate with me, today, tomorrow, and yesterday (Yesterday)
Celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate with me, forever, never and for only a day (Only a day)
Celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate all your pain to me

On and on and on, the days they blend
I lost myself (I lost my friends)
I marinated in the hate and hated the love
Alone I stayed (Where's my head?)

Those good days are somethin' you choose
You don't have to fight, fight, you got nothin' to lose
So let go of all the weight
And let's celebrate the pain, yeah

Celebrate with me, today, tomorrow, and yesterday (Yesterday)
Celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate with me, forever, never and for only a day (Only a day)
Celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate all your pain to me

Accept the love
It's right in front of your face
Oh, what are you waiting for?
It's right in front of your face
Oh, accept the love
It's right in front of your face
Oh, and celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate all your pain to me

Maybe you need some time
Maybe you need some space
Or maybe you need
To ce-ce-celebarate

Celebrate with me, today, tomorrow, and yesterday (Yesterday)
Celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate with me, forever, never and for only a day (Only a day)
Celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate all your pain to me

Accept the love
It's right in front of your face
Oh, what are you waiting for?
It's right in front of your face
Oh, accept the love
It's right in front of your face
Oh, and celebrate all your pain to me
Celebrate all your pain to me

Blue

 Page 1514

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!

Took the liberty to treat my family to breakfast today.

I rarely get to do that as my elder brothers are always the one forking out money.

It felt fulfilling to.. Just to see the happy look on their faces.

I know I don't appreciate family enough.

But it's only cause of the things I've been through in the past.

Maybe there are just some things I cant forgive or let go of.

But I am just doing all I can to try put that aside.

While I still have a family.

A Certain Breakdown

I watched my partner break down the past week amidst all the issues surrounding his life.

Hugs.

It's a lot..

But there is nothing we cant handle.

There will be better days. 

I hope you know that.

I'll be your sponge in the meantime.

Even though it can get to my head sometimes.

I get asked a lot about how I can maintain such calmness and composure.

I guess.. I was just built that way.

I grew up with a lot of childhood traumas - watching my own family breaking apart so many times.

The trauma has got to me in such that even abandonement, loud noises or someone raising their voice can trigger me really badly.

I guess that got me maturing early (which a lot of people pointed out to me when I was younger) and being independent emotionally (or so I thought I was until I met my partner).

I've always kept my problems to myself, analysed them and focused on dealing things one at a time.

I have to, even in my line of job.

Cause I cant afford to... blank out.

Which I have done so many times before.

I tell myself to always anticipate.. the worst.

Because life will keep throwing you shit.

And you just have to keep fighting through.

Its the way life is.

One day at a time.

Sometimes the blue, can be beautiful too.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Rebecca Black - Blue

We've been here before

Re-opened up the door
With high expectations
I think that we both know
There's gonna be a storm
An avalanche waiting

Tried to pretend for the night
Wish it was easy to lie
But you could see in my eyes
That I was changing
Feels like I fell through the sky
Swimming through my ocean mind
Wish I could understand why it
Feels like I'm breaking

Everything's blue
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us

Means walking through
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us
Means I'm losing you
Means I'm losing you

2 years down the drain
A whole life we had made
It was ours for the taking

But the last 40 days
They have been so painful
I guess we won't make it

Tried to pretend for the night
Wish it was easy to lie
But you could see in my eyes
That I was changing
Feels like I fell through the sky
Swimming through my ocean mind
Wish I could understand why it
Feels like I'm breaking

Everything's blue
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us

Means walking through
What do I do
If the only way to save us
If the only way to save us
Means I'm losing you
Means I'm losing you

Kiss Me More

 Page 1513

So. Much. Food. This week. @_@

Hahaha.

But no complaints tho. 

Just my weekly update.

Pain In The Ass Part 2

So. Uh. My hemorrhoids are back.

Fuck.

It's so damn weird.

Just when I thought it was getting better.

I think it was the spicy sambal chicken I had the other day.

It started with the feeling of compressed bowel movements the past few days

Swelling on Friday.

There was even bloodstain when I came home from work on Saturday.

I was like. Fuck????

Okay. 

Guess I have to use the creams the doctor prescribed me after all.

Hahaha.

Today, the inflammation has lessened. So I guess I'll keep it up.

Geeeeze. Give me a breaaaak.

Plotting leaves

Speaking of breaks, I plotted out my leaves for the rest of the year. 

Seeing as how the circumstances are, it's safe to say we're not going anywhere anytime soon.

Hais.

But oh well, more long breaks to look forward to!

Another conjuring

Some weird stuff has been going on in my partner's home.

And wow, my senses were all over the place especially today.

Hm.

I feel like I am getting more sensitive to things I cant see.

Or maybe I've just lost it. 😳

My partner in crime.

So much laughter and kisses this weekend.

Thank you for tolerating my weird antics and letting me be myself.

I cant wait to share a home with you in the future.

In the meantime, this is all we have. 

And I'm more than contented. ☺️

Love, Eran

Current Song Mood: Doja Cat Ft SZA - Kiss Me More

We hug and yes, we make love
And always just say "Goodnight" (La-la-la-la-la)
And we cuddle, sure I do love it
But I need your lips on mine

Can you kiss me more?
We're so young, boy
We ain't got nothin' to lose, oh oh
It's just principle
Baby, hold me
'Cause I like the way you groove, oh oh

Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it
Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it

I, I feel like fuckin' something
But we could be corny, fuck it
Sugar, I ain't no dummy-dummy
I like to say, what if, but if
We could kiss and just cut the rubbish
Then I might be onto somethin'
I ain't givin' you one in public
I'm givin' you hundreds, fuck it
Somethin' we just gotta get into
Sign first, middle, last, on the wisdom tooth
Niggas wishin' that the pussy was a kissin' booth
Taste breakfast, lunch and gin and juice
And that dinner just like dessert too
And when we French, refresh gimme too
When I bite that lip, come get me too
He want lipstick, lipgloss, hickeys too, uh

Can you kiss me more?
We're so young, boy
We ain't got nothin' to lose, oh oh
It's just principle
Baby, hold me
'Cause I like the way you groove, oh oh

Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it
Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it

Say give me a buck, need that gushy stuff
Push the limit, no you ain't good enough
All your niggas say that you lost without me
All my bitches feel like I dodged the county
Fuckin' with you feel like jail, nigga
I can't even exhale, nigga
Pussy like holy grail, you know that
You gon' make me need bail, you know that
Caught dippin' with your friend
You ain't even half man, lyin' on ya [*bleep*], you know that
Got me a bag full of brick, you know that
Control, don't slow the pace if I throw back
All this ass for real (Ah)
Drama make you feel (Ah)
Fantasy and whip appeal
Is all I can give you

Kiss me more
We're so young, boy
We ain't got nothin' to lose, oh oh
It's just principle
Baby, hold me
'Cause I like the way you groove, oh oh
Oh, darling

Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it
Boy, you write your name, I can do the same
Ooh, I love the taste, oh-la-la-la-la-la
All on my tongue, I want it

Supernatural Girl

 Page 1512

Another weekend passed by too fast.

Hahaha I don't get it.

It just doesn't feel enough. Oh well.

Gotta face reality.

Had a good time with my partner, just lazing around, gaming and having good meals.

So grateful to have the comfort of our own space to do what we want. :)

The Conjuring 3

Caught The Conjuring 3 today.

Maaan, what a horror!

Been waiting so long for this, and it was worth the wait.

I'm always in awe of Lorraine Warren and her ever-growing abilities which was perfectly painted in this movie.

The demonic possessions were incredibly dark and traumatising - having seen it before, I'm glad it wasn't this bad.

The movie ended on a lighter note - thank god. 

And the love shared between the Warrens was so moving & inspiring. Aw. I hope they make more franchise out of their investigations. I've always found it so intriguing!

My Own Conjuring.

Work has been a drag of course, but the most interesting one was the day where I was PM shift and my colleague Kak S had to OT.

It was her first day (if you know what I mean) and it was pretty heavy.

We went for break together.

And when we got out, our other colleagues were looking pale.

They said someone pressed the toilet call bell outside at the waiting area, but no one was there.

And there was a foul smell.

Me and Kak S looked at each other. Shit.

Of alllll dayssssss.

I accompanied her outside for a smoke break, and we were both clearly spooked.

We even played surah on the way back. Clearly it didn't last cause the next song was an old r&b club jam. HAHAHAHA.

What a night that was.

Hahaha. Okay. Enough supernatural for the week. 

Have a good week ahead! x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: The Veronicas - Supernatural Girl

Said to meet you in the car park
Face to face in the dark dark
Now I'm only seeing stars stars
Now I'm only seeing stars
I feel a chill in the air
As you hold my hand

You give me a reason
Something to believe in
I see the constellations in your eyes
Both my hands tracing your thighs
It's only you I see for miles
A feeling I don't recognise

Where did you come from
I don't know why
You make me feel like it's the first time
Where did you come from
Supernatural girl, Supernatural girl
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world

Got me dancing real slow slow
You've uncovered my soul soul
Now I melt like gold
I melt like gold

Celestial fever
Let's vanish into the ether

You give me a reason
Something to believe in
I see the constellations in your eyes
Both my hands tracing your thighs
It's only you I see for miles
A feeling I don't recognise

Where did you come from
I don't know why
You make me feel like it's the first time
Where did you come from
Supernatural girl, Supernatural girl
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world

Now the whole worlds spinning
I see the end from the beginning
Got me floating through the ceiling

Where did you come from
I don't know why
You make me feel like it's the first time
Where did you come from
Supernatural girl, Supernatural girl
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world
You're out of this world

Wilt

 Page 1511

It's JUNE!!!

We're already halfway through the year, wow.

I know I've gone missing a while.

Just been.. going through some stuff and feeling like a wilted flower.

A Pain In The Ass

Seems like I'm going through some kind of painful trauma each month. Haha. Can't catch a break yea? 😅

The past two weeks I've been having this consistent pain in my rectum area, after a series of constipated bowels. My first thought was that it was some sort of haemorrhoids, growth or the worst case scenario; some sort of prolapse. The pain grew worse and I couldn't sneeze, pee or even shit properly. Tried self-medicating for a week, and there was not really much progress. It was so depressing, and I tried not to let it get to me.

So I saw the doctor yesterday. After some painful examination and embarrassing screams of pain from me, she concluded that it was just a laceration, which should heal up in 2 weeks time. Phew. 

Today was the first time it felt slightly better, and I could finally pee & sneeze without flinching. Do y'all know how much you use your rectal muscles in a day? A LOT 😂.

Ah well that side, it's a road to recovery from here. At least I know what's been going on with me. And I definitely get to appreciate performing basic ADLs without any problems.

It'll get better. The only way out is through. 

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Holding Absence - Wilt

"Could you fade away just as quickly as you came?
You're a burnt bouquet
There's nothing left to say
Simply dissipate, dissolve or just decay
You're a burnt bouquet
There's nothing left for me to say"

Hold me now, for a little bit
Burn it down, get it over with
If I admit that our lives were doomed to entwine
I'd turn back the time for your piece of mind
Hold me now, for a little bit
The love that we watched wilt

"Could you fade away just as quickly as you came?
You're a burnt bouquet
There's nothing left to say"

Hold me now, for a little bit
Burn it down, get it over with
If I admit that our lives were doomed to entwine
I'd turn back the time for your piece of mind
Hold me now, for a little bit
The love that we watched wilt

Whenever I see the tapestry, your blessed hand wove for me - The poetry, the misery - It all meant so, so much to me
Just give me a lobotomy and cure these things inside of me, and maybe I can be free to love you for an eternity

If in another life, my heart is beating fine, and love is on my mind... You'll be the first in line

Whenever I see the tapestry, your blessed hand wove for me - The poetry, the misery - It all meant so, so much to me
Just give me a lobotomy and cure these things inside of me, so maybe I can be free to love you for an eternity

If in another life, my heart is beating fine, and love is on my mind... You'll be the first in line

(Whenever I see the tapestry, your blessed hand wove for me - The poetry, the misery - It all meant so, so much to me
Just give me a lobotomy and cure these things inside of me, so maybe I can be free to love you for an eternity)