Sometimes it's hard to face reality. But I guess you can't stay upset forever. Gotta put your head up high and move on. That's the only way to grow better & stronger.
I'll be alright.
Love, Eran.
I'm still hoping for a miracle to happen.
Current Song Mood: Justin Bieber - Hard 2 Face Reality
[Chorus: Justin Bieber]
Sometimes it's hard to face reality
oh oh
Even though you might get mad at me
oh oh
Sometimes it's hard to face reality
[Verse 1: Justin Bieber]
Don't be afraid to stand alone
Don't be afraid to stand outside your comfort zone
I know it's hard away from home
It ain't easy all alone
Relationships over the phone
Talkin' to your significant other all night long
[Chorus: Justin Bieber]
[Verse 2: Pooh Bear]
Should've been adjusted to my life
Had the opportunity to stay and wait for the last time
I'm very upset. Something that I've been planning for a long time, something that I really loved doing, a golden opportunity, was taken away from me. Just like that.
I don't understand.. Ok, obviously my audition sucked, but to be not able to even get a second chance? It makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Like I'm not worth it. It f-cking sucks.
I love performing/singing. My close friends that are in the same year as me would know that very well. Even though my nerves take over and f-ck me up, I still want to do it. I still want to be on stage. I still want to express myself. Its a calling that I can never ever explain. A calling that makes me feel like I was born for this. Again, I've visioned myself performing this year on HS Day for a long time, and to not be able to do that just kills me. I'm used to rejection, but I'm not gonna tolerate it this time. Its my 3rd year, and I really wanted to make it really memorable for me. Now I can't anymore. I can't even fight for it. I can't do anything & i'm utterly helpless. Nobody will understand how much this means to me.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SPECIAL MOMENT.
Looking back, I won't regret auditioning. Because its my f-cking passion. I f-cking tried.
You can keep a songbird locked up and prevent it from flying. But you can't stop it from singing.
Love, Eran.
I've had enough. You and your stupid excuses. We were supposed to be more than this. Just.. enough.
Current Song Mood: James Arthur - Supposed
I should've known better
Than to ever
Look to heaven questioning
Whether I've found it
Put it up, sounded
Better than it looked
Now I'm your friend
Yea, yea
I'm stuck in this dead end
And all these words, they come too late
You could never compensate
For this pain oh
I should've said it all when I was close to you
I should've said it all when I was close to you
Like I was supposed to do
Like I was supposed to do
I should've known better than to be pacified
Now you just pass me by
I'm stumbling through this life like a man with no sight
Been going home late almost every single day because of FYP. It really has started to take a toll on us. Making us all turn toxic. Even the lecturers. But I believe we can thrive through this.. Just 4 more days!!
A couple of highlights of the week:
Met my Nephew!!!
Haha got to hold him for the first time. :')
SO ADORBZ.
Racial Harmony
Racial Harmony was on Wednesday and me and my classmates went to support Harini for her performance. Hehe. Also took lots pics!!
Me and my bae. :')
Photobombed!!!
T04 :)
My angels hahaha.
Cory Monteith's Death Anniversary
It's been a year. Everytime I hear his voice I get chills. That's why I'm dedicating this Lea Michele song. Know why? Cause you can hear his soft vocals in it. Its such a beautiful love song. & I'm relating to it as well. RIP..
The MH17 Crash
A horrible tragedy. Close to 300 lives lost. So, so sad. Praying for the victims and families affected by it.
My Audition
Yeah I auditioned for HS Day HAHA. So far I haven't gotten any response. But I'm still praying.. It's my last year and I want to give it my all. I want this so badly.
And lastly..
I have never felt this way about anyone in a long time. I'll wait for you to recover. I'll wait.. :)
Love, Eran.
Been saving this song for someone special. I dedicate this to You.
Current Song Mood: Lea Michele - Empty Handed
If I came to you empty handed
A barren ocean
With nothing at all
And if I came to you empty hearted
Searching for pieces
After the fall
All I've ever known is how to hide a secret
But I'm tired of going on without believing
And love is not illusion, love illuminates the blind
If I fell into you, would it be close enough
If I finally let you in, would you show me what love is
If I had nothing to give
If you came to me empty handed
I'd bring the ocean to bring you home
And if you came to me empty hearted
I'd find the pieces to make you own
If I fell into you, would it be close enough
If I finally let you in, would you show me what love is
If I had nothing to give
If I am a promise
Will you let me break again
I will be your congress, I will only let you ban
All I've ever known is how to hide a secret
But I'm tired of going on without believing
And love is not illusion, love illuminates the blind
If I fell into you, would it be close enough
If I finally let you in, would you show me what love is
Today.. I felt the epitome of pain. Idk why. When people act differently, or text me differently, I can feel it. But to have someone to kind of.. snap at you. It hurts like hell. Especially if it's someone you deeply care about.
Today was a really bad day. Felt so emotional on the way to school for FYP project. And to make things worse, the bus service was so slow. Was scrolling through my playlist for something that could lift off all the heavy weight on my chest, but they were all either sad songs or intense love songs. I needed something different.. Then I came across Cellophane. And it was the perfect fit. I swear. This was the song of pain. Intense. Emotional. Lyrically amazing. And I instantly felt better as I heard it repeatedly.
Maybe I'm better off alone..
Love, Eran.
I dont know what to feel. People have been coming in and out of my life and it's confusing. I want you to know how much you mean to me. But I can't seem to tell you.. I don't know what to do. I don't know if you know. I don't want it to affect our friendship. I can't hide the pain..
Current Song Mood: Sia - Cellophane
Look at me, I'm such a basket case
Delivered to you wrapped in cellophane
Waiting on your doorstep every day
Delivery, a basket filled with pain
Patience is your virtue, saint o' mine
I'd have fallen through the cracks without your love tonight
I'm your groundhog and I'm skating on thin ice
But you see me at your feet and carry me inside
[Chorus]
Can't you see I'm wrapped in cellophane
Watch the blood pump through my veins
Electricity floods my brain
Can't hide the pain, can't hide the pain
When you're wrapped in cellophane
Look at me, I'm such a basket case
While I fall apart you'll hide all my pills again
And all the things I need to hear you say
You'll watch as all my thoughts get right back on the train
Another hectic week has ended. Just came back from a trip to Geylang Bazaar with my babes. :) Met up with Tomei at Admiralty then headed to Paya Lebar. Met up with the gang then headed to Anis to get baju kurung for Yx haha! Then went to the bazaars and bought fooooood! I swear I ended up checking people out instead of looking at food ._. Mymy. Cant help it. LOL.
Shuq was like so distracted when we took this photo LOL.
Oh wells we went to break fast under a nearby block like some hobos. I just ate a kebab and felt full enough! After dinner, we went for a second round (LOL) and went to buy churros and coconut ice-cream! It was my first time trying both and it was really good! Tomei dropped her pack of churros though. >_> Hahaha.. Also had a nice chat with Yx. *winkwink*
CHURROOOOOS
Le boyz.
Iftar on the floor yoz. Haha.
Went to lepak somewhere near Delifrance before heading home with Tomei & Lily! Hahaha Lily was so full she wanted to explode. ._. Anyways I love them soso much. We need more outings!
Oh oh and on Wednesday, I went to break fast at this new restaurant called Tenderfresh with my classmates.
Weirdos.
Squeezin dem boobies. ._.
The food was good!! Although kind of pricey, but it was worth it. :) Will definitely come back!
Music update: Y'all need to check out this amazing upcoming youtube artist called Adriana and her friend lubxtpf. Amazing high quality Rnb Music and videos! They inspire me!!
Well that's all for now.
Love, Eran.
Looks like you backed out the last minute. You know what this means? It means you're not fighting for me. You had a chance and you blew it.
Current Song Mood: Nicki Minaj - Pills N Potions (Adriana Cover)
Current Song Mood #2: Nicki Minaj - Pills N Potions
Pills and potions
We're overdosing
I'm angry but I still love you
Pills and potions
We're overdosing
Can't stand it, but I still love you
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still lo-o-ove, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still lo-o-ove, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still love
Hey yo they could never make me hate you
Even though what you was doing wasn't tasteful
Even though you out here looking so ungrateful
I'm a keep it moving, be classy and graceful
I told 'em it's no friends in the game
You ain't learned that yet
All the bridges you came over, don't burn that yet
Niggas want respect, but niggas ain't earned that yet
Self-righteous, and entitled
But they swearing on the Bible that they love you
When really they aint no different from all your rivals
But I still don't wish death on them, I just reflect on them
Pills and potions
We're overdosing
I'm angry but I still love you
Pills and potions
We're overdosing
Can't stand it, but I still love you
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still lo-o-ove, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still lo-o-ove, I still love
I still love, I still love
I still love, I still luv
Yo, people will love you and support you when it's beneficial
I'm a forgive, I won't forget, but I'm a dead the issue
Soon as you out the nigga's lives is when they start to miss you
They see you doing good now it's kinda hard to diss you
Niggas be sick when they remember all the bad they wished you
Niggas be mad when they can't come and live lavish with you
But I sped off in a Benzy, I see the envy when I'm causing a frenzy
So I pop pills for them, cop cribs in the Hills on 'em
So today, JoJo had an impromptu question & answer session on Twitter, and out of about 4-5 questions she managed to answer one of mine! :') I was over the moon I swear HAHA. Suddenly my Monday Blues all disappeared x) This is like her 3rd-4th reply to me I guess? She replied me in 2011 & 2012 before. Anyways, that question just randomly came to me because she has never really talked about how the label treated her during those years in limbo.. So I'm glad that she finally talks about addressing it. I've been following her story for many years.. and I'm glad she is no longer in that kind of situation. I cannot wait to hear more from her. She was the reason why I got interested in becoming a recording artist in the first place… Nobody knows how much I look up to her. <3
2014 is her year. She will thrive.
Love, Eran.
A boy can dream…
Current Song Mood: JoJo - Just A Dream
I paint my nails black, cuz it fits my mood
I'm tired of lookin' around for something to prove
You don't know how it feels inside my skin
But neither do I, because I numb the feeling
Take it away, all of my pain
I gotta bottle I got to finish
Take it away, take it from me
Cuz if you don't, I might drown in it
And I keep tellin' ma, tellin' ma, tellin' myself
That my bad luck's gonna go away
And I keep tryin' and tryin' and try, try to win
But I'm losing every day
I wanna get up and fight, but I don't have the time
I'm too busy feelin' sorry for me
When it looks like the clouds are gone
I wake up, it was just a dream, it was just a dream
It was just a dream, it was all a dream
I walk around, cold to the warmth of life
I see ya tryin' to talk, but I'm deaf to lies
Right, I believe in promises of tomorrow
If I don't make it there, know that I'm that sorry, though
Take it away, take it from me
Cuz I really wanna believe
After the rain, someone'll say
There's really more for me
I keep tellin' ma, tellin' ma, tellin' myself
That my bad luck's gonna go away
And I keep tryin' and tryin' and try, try to win
But I'm losing every day
I wanna get up and fight, but I don't have the time
I'm too busy feelin' sorry for me
When it looks like the clouds are gone
I wake up, it was just a...
See, I've been through Hell and I am still yet to come back
There is no conductor to get this on track
I have dreams of freedom from the circumstance I'm in
If it's in His plans for me, then I will win
I'll just dream til' then
I keep tellin' ma, tellin' ma, tellin' myself
That my bad luck's gonna go away
And I keep tryin' and tryin' and try, try to win
But I'm losing every day
I wanna get up and fight, but I don't have the time
I'm too busy feelin' sorry for me
When it looks like the clouds are gone
I wake up, it was just a dream, it was just a dream
Its been a week back in school. My school block has been quite quiet cause the Year 1s and 2s are out for attachment. School has been.. Ugh. So exhausting. Lessons are dry as usual and I seem to only care about outings and meet ups.
Monday was full of lessons & so exhausting. Miss K was leaving and passed her role to a new lecturer who was really, really, really boring. ._. I sweaaar.
Had my hurrrr cut on Tuesday. I had how my hair is extremely curly now ugh. It wasn't like this before. Short + curly is bad combination. Whatevs.
Wednesday; found out something shocking. Like omg. Anyways, Had a little photoshoot sesh with Lily & Tomei. Lily said I was looking cool on that day and insisted on taking my OOTD HAHA! So cute la she.
Staircase pose. *winkwink* HAHA.
My awkward pose.
My even more awkward pose.
Excuse my trying-to-act-sexy-by-airing-my-armpits pose but Tomei's photobomb was hilarious LOL.
Got my ass back in the gym on Thursday. I was alone and felt extremely awkward & lonely around those dudes ._. But well I did my own thing. There was this guy that asked me for support while bench pressing and I kinda panicked (okay I freaked out) cause he looked like he couldn't make it LOL. He thanked me afterwards when he bumped into me in the toilet.
It kinda went like this:
Him: Hey thanks for helping me earlier!
Me: No problem!
Him: Year 1?
Me: Haha.. Year 3. You?
Him: *shocked look* Really?!
Me: Haha yeah! You?
Him: Year 4 *smirks*
Me: Oo haha.
Him: First time gymming?
Me: Uh kinda.. You can tell huh? *paiseh*
Him: Its okay! Continue going to the gym and you will get bigger :)
Me: Thanks! I will :)
So nice haha. Met up with N after gym sesh at SP and we both looked damn shagged. Haha! We were supposed to play pool but it was fully booked so we ended up lepaking & just chatting/gossiping LOL. Nice short meet-up. SP is pretty coolz.
Friday passed by so slowly okay. Had NSL lessons, NS5, FYP Meetings, & more NSL. Was so damn tired at the end of the day.
Oh oh and we had to babysit Ida's car while she went for her class for a while HAHA. Had to lookout for the summon aunties cause they kept looking at us when we parked -.- SO ANNOYING.
Music Update: - SIA HAS STREAMED HER ALBUM EARLY AND OMG I was so excited okay ._. Turned out there were a lot of 'fillers' in the album but I feel like the rest of the songs were amazing.
Standout tracks: Chandelier, Eye Of The Needle, Free The Animal, Elastic Heart, Fire Meet Gasoline
- Ariana Grande just released her second single 'Break Free' Ft Zedd and I've been playing it non-stop since its release! So addictive! Summer jam indeed. And her album 'My Everything' drops on August 25!! Great, exam week. ._. Oh wells. The title track is so relatable to me… The snippet is on youtube if you want to hear :)
- The Veronicas have announced that they're album was coming soon and that their first single will feature an orchestra. Yes, violins and epic shit. IT SOUNDS AMAZING ALREADY.
Woots! Cant wait!!
Well that's it for the week. Sigh. When can I break free?
Love, Eran.
I can totally relate to the lyrics.. Especially the first verse. Maybe I should have taken the chance…
