Been trying to keep my head up, but there's only so much one can take. There's got to be a reason why.
Sadly, I think I found that reason.
I'd like to give it a miss, and think of it as over thinking, which I do a lot. But somehow, my feelings are persistent. And they're accurate most of the time.
It kinda makes sense now.. All of this.. How you are..
It just makes me really really sad thinking about it.
I have no idea why I'm tearing up & getting so emotional now.
Maybe it was a right thing not to ask because it would've been a waste of time.
I can't believe it's been a week since I left Bali. :(
:((((((((
At least I have it's mark on me. (Those tan lines. Lmao)
Chilled at beau's today and we watched cartoons the whole day hahaha. #relationshipgoals? And I had to entertain the lil nephew ._. He so hyper pls, I can't keep up la hahaha. At least he was in a good mood today and not crying always. We even played scooter together hahaha. #achievementunlocked
Ah shucks. I'm getting ready for my next phase in life. It's slowly unfolding.. Hehe. Super excited!
Here's for anyone that needs a lil lift; show the haters that you're happy with your life & where you are now. Smile.
Just keep smiling an unbreakable smile.
:)
Ps Tori Kelly be preachin' y'all.
Love, Eran.
Wonder if your new year resolution has changed since then.
Current Song Mood: Tori Kelly - Unbreakable Smile
La da da da dee, you’re not breaking me La de da da da da da da da, yeah
Somebody told me fame is a disease You start singing the blues when you start seeing the green But I think it's all about what you choose The way you live your life, depends on you That’s when I realized I wanna make a difference Change other people’s lives, give hope, even for a moment Use my name for good and change the game I could Because to make it you think I gotta act a certain way, Be a little bit insane, live a little, it's okay I guess we have different definitions of living, but you’ll twist my words anyway You’ll say that I’m naïve, like I don’t have a past, You're the one being deceived, I see right behind the mask Tryna to stir me up and get me mad I smile because happiness is all I have, so
La da da da dee, you’re not breaking me La de da da da, ain’t got time for ya, singing La da da da dee, you won’t shatter me La de da da da, got an unbreakable smile
You see me hanging with my fam, but that don’t mean I’m living in a bubble You’ll find me at church, but that don’t mean I can’t cause trouble Stir up a little scene 'cause isn't that what you want? For me to mess up, so you can dress up some story Saying, Tori this’ll sell more records But I’d rather make ’em yawn than be a pawn on your chessboard So call me boring, call me cookie cutter Call me what you want A matter of fact Just say it loud and don’t st-stutter 'Cause I know who I am, yeah I’m still the same Just a California girl with big dreams Thinking maybe they’ll let me sing songs about real things And baby who knows maybe I can sell out shows without taking off my clothes God made me sexy I don't care if only I know
La da da da dee, you’re not breaking me La de da da da, ain’t got time for ya, singing La da da da dee, you won’t shatter me La de da da da, got an unbreakable smile
Oh oh [2x]
And I'll just keep on singing.
La da da da dee, you’re not breaking me La de da da da, ain’t got time for ya La da da da dee, you won’t shatter me La de da da da, got an unbreakable smile
I might be smiling, yes But don't mistake kindness from weakness
Finally, I've been waiting for this moment for ages. 3 years of schooling life has finally come to this. 3 years ago, I didnt even know what the heck I was getting myself into. There were many times where I was unmotivated and just wanted to give up.
I wanted to do music. But my parents weren't supportive of the idea. I didnt care. So I applied, because my points were sufficient. And then I spoke to a graduate from the course, and he told me the hard truth. It was indeed to be successful in that area, especially in Singapore. And I knew myself.. I couldnt do it. I wasn't born talented. My guts told me to do choose the safest route. So I changed my options. And there I was in nursing. I didnt see my self as one tbh.
It was tougher than I thought it would be. Definitely.. it shouldn't be looked down at. We don't just take care of other people's shits. We go through the entire journey of their stay in the hospital including the said shit. And on top of that it depends on your luck on the diff shit colleagues you get. Lmao.
So back to school;
Year 1 - I was in my own world most of the time. I pretty much kept to myself, to my circle of friends only. I was so.. innocent??? Idk haha. Just wasn't wary of the people around me. Studies were my focus.
Year 2 - I started opening up to people, ever since I went to an overseas trip. Good times.. My circle of friends started increasing. People were finally noticing me. And the best thing happened; I was chosen to join the EXCOs. These group of people changed my life forever. And I am forever grateful.
Year 3 - The year where true colours came out. 'Friends' weren't what they seemed. I had to filter a lot of people out of my life. It was tough, losing people, but those that stayed, I really treasured them.
School started becoming a chore, and I wasn't as motivated. FYP almost killed me.
Love started becoming complicated. More people kept coming in and out of my life. I went through more heartbreaks. But I handled it better this time. The more I went through, the less pain I felt. I got used to it.
And then. During the end of the year, I found the one. The one that's stuck with me until now. You make me a better person. I'm forever grateful to have you in my life. <3
Internships were a pain in the ass. I didnt feel like a normal poly student because of them. They took up too much of our holidays. The ward I mostly worked at was biased as f*ck. And it really affected me during that time. The last day? I went through hell. I was so mentally exhausted. I was glad to get out of there. No appreciation whatsoever. Good riddance. I've been through so much. And I'm sure the rest of you have too. Heck, I even got stalked home by a patient's relative. Remember that crazy shit?! Lmao. But you know, at the end of the day, when they say thank you and show appreciation, it made it all efforts worth it. I realised that making a difference in other people's life is such a great blessing.
I kinda miss school life already. Well minus the ridiculous ASSignments haha. To be honest, it really felt surreal. To be graduating. It still does..
Today's Graduation was definitely a proud moment. My heart was racing as I queued to get my award. The moment my name was called, all eyes were on my. Dr Phang shook my hand and congratulated me. I smiled for the camera, walked away, almost tripped, but played it cool. And I did it. It was done.
It really was emotional to go through all that. I couldn't stop getting feels.
'This is it. 3 years… I deserve this moment. I've been through so much to get here. I want to live in it.'
I kept telling myself over & over.
After the ceremony, the buffet was open. I didnt even eat cause there were just too many people. And those kiasu people finished the food anyways. ._.
Took lots and lots of pictures.
Before the ceremony <3
After the ceremony <3 My gorgeous horny biatch hehehe.
And most importantly, my parents. Who've both supported me so much over the years. My dad sending to work in the morning whenever I was in a rush. And my Mum for always making breakfast/ packing food for me to eat at work. No words can describe how grateful I am for the both of you. Thank you so much.
<3
Busy check picture hahaha.
Close-up.
Managed to snap a pic with this kukubandung!! Secuteeeee.
Like couple only?
Ohtakeh.
._.
Nat!!!!! So pretty but your roses prettier. HAHA.
My Makchicks <3 I love you guys so much. My pillar of strengths during school life. A matured-minded group that I can rely on. I'll miss you guys so much. After this, it'll be hard to meet up. You guys will forever be in my heart. <3
My GF <3 The person who's been through thick and thin with me. We've been through so much together. We're best friends for a reason. I can always tell her anything I want to without being scared of being judged. She knows me inside out. I love you.
I love you guys so much <3
Dr Anu. She saw me and she immediately came over, all smiles. Congratulating me, showering me with praises in front of my parents hahaha. So embarrassing! She kept thanking me for starting the trend to study on FB (back then I helped her create an FB page to study pharmacology). Haha, it was an honour. She's like a mother to me in school. Such a dear. <3
This dude!!! Omg, how are we only friends now? I only got to talk/know him during the 2 weeks of Project P last year. He suddenly came up to me. He was like 'Woah, honoured to take a picture with you.' and such haha. Make me shy only. Literally the coolest/wackiest guy I know!
Done with the night.
Well that was the end. I looked back one last time, and left.
I really wished you'd have come. Surprise me in some way.. I won't lie, I was really super disappointed. I told myself to stop hoping so much, but deep down I did. But I guess it was just in my dreams. I guess there are just some things that are more important than me.
Been working hard for it since last year. I hope you guys dig it!
Really happy about how it turned out to be this time.
Well another chapter ends. I can't wait for the next one to start.
Everything I've wanted to do, I've done.
I was here.
<3
Love, Eran.
This time, I feel free.
Current Song Mood: Glee - This Time
These walls and all these picture frames Every name they show These halls I've walked a thousand times Heartbreaks and valentines, friends of mine all know
I look at everything I was And everything I ever loved And I can see how much I've grown
And though the mirror doesn't see it It's clear to me, I feel it I can make it on my own
I'm not afraid of moving on and letting go It's just so hard to say goodbye to what I know, I know
This time no one's gonna say goodbye I keep you in this heart of mine This time I know it's never over
No matter who or what I am I'll carry where we all began This time that we had, I will hold forever
This old familiar place is Where every face is another part of me I played a different game then They called me a different name then I think of all the things I did and how I wish I knew what I know now
I see how far I've come and what I got right When I was looking for that spotlight I was looking for myself
Got over what I was afraid of I showed 'em all that I was made of More than trophies on a shelf
For all the battles that we lost or might have won I never stopped believing in the words we sung, we sung
This time no one's gonna say goodbye I keep you in this heart of mine This time I know it's never over
No matter who or what I am I'll carry where we all began This time that we had, I will hold forever
I'm looking out from the crossroads I don't know how far away I will roll I take a breath, I close my eyes Your voice will carry me home
I keep you in this heart of mine This time I know it's never over
No matter who or what I am I'll carry where we all began This time that we had, I will hold This time that we had, I will hold This time that we had, I will hold Forever
Forever
I've achieved so much during my poly life. It's made me who I am today.
I hope I've touched lives in ways that only I could.
Thank you.
Current Song Mood: Beyonce - I Was Here
I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time Know there was something that, meant something that I left behind When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets Leave something to remember, so they won't forget
I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here
I wanna say I lived each day, until I die And know that I meant something in somebody's life The hearts I have touched will be the proof that I leave That I made a difference, and this world will see
I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here
I just want them to know That I gave my all, did my best Brought someone some happiness Left this world a little better just because
I was here
I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here I lived (I lived), I loved I was here I did (I did), I've done I was here I lived (I lived), I loved (I loved) I was here (oh) I did, I've done
How I've been so willing to sacrifice things for others.
My time, love, money..
But I guess I should just take it as a reminder not to expect too much.
The thought of it is freezing me out.
I'll just drown in my feelings tonight.
…
Love, Eran.
I won't run away.
I'll feel the pain instead.
Current Song Mood: Marina Kaye - Freeze You Out
You know I've been hurt before you
Yeah you know the score
And I know you want more
You want me to thaw out
Yeah you know I get ice cold I get cold when you don't go slow
But I know you want more
You need me to thaw out
And I know you were worth it
And I know this gonna work it
I could only let you win
But I'm freezing
I'm not running away
I'm not running away
I will feel the pain instead
I'm not running again
I'm not running again
Even though I'm scared
Baby
And I won't freeze you out
Like I've been
I won't freeze you out
I'm gonna let you in
And I won't freeze you out
Like I've been
I won't freeze you out
My heart is melting So here's my heart for you to hold
Feel the beat, feel the warm blood flow through my core Feel it go out Yeah I feel the feather that I pushed through
And so and you you wanted more
And so I thaw out And I know you were worth it
And I know this gonna work it
I could only let you win
But I was freezing
I'm not running away
I'm not running away
I will feel the pain instead
I'm not running again
I'm not running again
Even though I'm scared
Baby
And I won't freeze you out
Like I've been
I won't freeze you out
I'm gonna let you in
And I won't freeze you out
Like I have been
I won't freeze you out
My heart is melting
I won't freeze you out
My heart is melting
I won't freeze you out
My heart is melting
I'm not running away
I'm not running away
I will feel the pain instead
I'm not running again
I'm not running again
Even though I'm scared
Baby
And I won't freeze you out
Like I've been
I won't freeze you out
I'm gonna let you win
And I won't freeze you out
Like I've been
I won't freeze you out
My heart is melting
And I won't freeze you out
Like I've been
I won't freeze you out
I'm gonna let you in
And I won't freeze you out
Like I've been
I won't freeze you out
My heart is melting
Been doing chores in the morning and napped my afternoon away.
Also been busy editing my covers. #Focused.
Hehe can't wait to shareeeeeeeee.
I still feel kinda tired from Bali. Haha.
You know you have your own way of doing things.
You'd think I'd get used to it by now.
I'm really excited about tomorrow.
It's the simplest things you do that can make me happy.
Even though you rarely tell me how you feel, and keep to yourself a lot.
In fact, I'm always happy whenever you want to spend time with me.
Cause I really really really really really really like you.
<3
xx
Love, Eran.
Do you want me too?
Current Song Mood: Carly Rae Jepson - I Really Like You
I really wanna stop But I just got the taste for it I feel like I could fly with the boy on the moon So honey hold my hand, you like making me wait for it I feel I could die walking up to the room, oh yeah
Late night, watching television But how'd we get in this position? It's way too soon, I know this isn't love But I need to tell you something
I really really really really really really like you And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too? I really really really really really really like you And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?
Oh, did I say too much? I'm so in my head When we're out of touch I really really really really really really like you And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?
It's like everything you say is a sweet revelation All I wanna do is get into your head Yeah we could stay alone, you and me, in this temptation Sipping on your lips, hanging on by thread, baby
Late night, watching television But how'd we get in this position? It's way too soon, I know this isn't love But I need to tell you something
I really really really really really really like you And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too? I really really really really really really like you And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?
Oh, did I say too much? I'm so in my head When we're out of touch (When we're out of touch) I really really really really really really like you And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?
Who gave you eyes like that? Said you could keep them? I don't know how to act Or if I should be leaving I'm running out of time Going out of my mind I need to tell you something Yeah, I need to tell you something
(YEAAAAAAH!) I really really really really really really like you And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too? I really really really really really really like you (Oh, oh, ohh!) And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too? (Do you want me, too?)
Oh, did I say too much? (Did I say too much?) I'm so in my head (I'm so in my head) When we're out of touch (When we're out of touch!) I really really really really really really like you And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?
(YEAAAAAAH!) I really really really really really really like you And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too? (Yeah, I need to tell you something) I really really really really really really like you (Oh, yeah!) And I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me too?
We woke up really tired, bathed, had our last breakfast in the hotel, and checked out.
So fat and black now hais #whatislyfe
Took the cab to the airport.
And this bitch starts walking ahead without me :') So loved.
While waiting for our flight.
Feel like taking a bite out of those clouds.
During the flight. He drooled HAHAHA. So annoying! He always does. ._.
F-cking tired faces hahaha.
We collected our luggages (My handle was spoiled this time) and took the cab home.
I had such an amazing time. Bali wasn't what I expected though, but I still enjoyed myself. Even though B puts the B in Bitch and I wanted to strangle him many many times. :') HAHAHA.
It's been a wonderful trip. With no Maps at all hahaha.
I'm gonna miss you, Bali.
<3
Love, Eran.
Just remember, I was there for you when you needed me.
Current Song Mood: Maroon 5 - Maps
I miss the taste of a sweeter life I miss the conversation I’m searching for a song tonight I’m changing all of the stations
I like to think that we had it all We drew a map to a better place But on that road I took a fall Oh baby why did you run away?
I was there for you In your darkest times I was there for you In your darkest nights
But I wonder where were you? When I was at my worst Down on my knees And you said you had my back So I wonder where were you? When all the roads you took came back to me
So I’m following the map that leads to you The map that leads to you Ain't nothing I can do The map that leads to you Following, following, following to you The map that leads to you Ain't nothing I can do The map that leads to you Following, following, following
I hear your voice in my sleep at night Hard to resist temptation 'Cause something strange has come over me And now I can’t get over you No, I just can’t get over you
I was there for you In your darkest times I was there for you In your darkest nights
But I wonder where were you? When I was at my worst Down on my knees And you said you had my back So I wonder where were you? When all the roads you took came back to me
So I’m following the map that leads to you The map that leads to you Ain't nothing I can do The map that leads to you Following, following, following to you The map that leads to you Ain't nothing I can do The map that leads to you
Oh oh oh Oh oh oh Yeah yeah yeah Oh oh oh
Oh, I was there for you Oh, in your darkest time Oh, I was there for you Oh, in your darkest nights
Oh, I was there for you Oh, in your darkest time Oh, I was there for you Oh, in your darkest nights
But I wonder where were you? When I was at my worst Down on my knees And you said you had my back So I wonder where were you? When all the roads you took came back to me
So I’m following the map that leads to you The map that leads to you Ain't nothing I can do The map that leads to you Following, following, following to you The map that leads to you Ain't nothing I can do The map that leads to you Following, following, following
