Rock Bottom

Page 519

UMMMMM WHAAAAAAAAT.

So in case you guys don't know what's up,

I just caught the Season 6 Finale of The Walking Dead.

And I was literally left shaking. And in an emotional MESS.

It was so intense, but HEY. Surprise, surprise, a lame cliffhanger that we have to wait for the next 6 months. Damn it.

But it was so good THO. I MEAN, NEGAN. Such a terrifying guy!!

My gosh.

Enough adrenaline for today.

Speaking of which, I was almost late for work hahaha.

All I remember was swiping away my alarm when I was half-awake lmao.

But I miraculously got there in time, Thank God.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

There are some people in life that will just, try to put you down.

And I've felt so pissed and angry today because of that.

Because of certain things said to me.

The neverending insults.

Because of certain knowledge, that I'm supposed to have just because I was a nurse.

I haven't touched my skills in about a year.

Do you really expect me to remember everything?

Being the patient person that I am, I guess I handled today extraordinarily well.

I don't know how much longer I can take though.

I won't take anymore bullshit.

You can't push me around with your fatass ego.

I'm not the same as I was a year ago.

All I can say is, I'm not afraid to hit rock bottom.

Not anymore.

The only way is up.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Marco Mengoni - Rock Bottom

I want to bury my head in the sand I want the seas to wash me away I wish someone was holding my hand But I'm too scared to ask you to stay I'm on my knees I'm calling my own name I'm on my knees I think this is it I'm on my knees I feel that the world can end I wish us a new beginning Because I hear a voice so small But big enough to hear There's more don't give up now Don't you give in Yeah, I can hear a voice so small But big enough to hear There's more don't give up now You're finally here Rock bottom I'll hit rock bottom I'll hit rock bottom I'm not afraid to hit Rock bottom The only way is up The only way is up The only way is up The only way is up (But now I'm standing) But now I'm standing staring at the sun (Can you come and pick me up?) You pick me up in your loving arms (I thought I'd never wake up) I thought that I would never let go (It's been a nightmare!) The nightmare and I had become one (I'm all alone, again) I'm on my knees I'm calling my own name I'm on my knees I think this is it I'm on my knees I feel that the world could end I wish us a new beginning Because I can hear a voice so small But big enough to hear There's more no don't give up no Don't you give in Yeah, I can hear a voice so small But big enough to hear There's more don't give up now You're finally here Rock bottom I'll hit rock bottom I'll hit rock bottom I'm not afraid to hit Rock bottom The only way is up The only way is up The only way is up The only way is up Rock bottom I'll hit rock bottom I'll hit rock bottom I'm not afraid to hit Rock bottom The only way is up The only way is up The only way is up The only way is up

Be Alright

Page 518

Been feeling a little off lately.

A little too emotional maybe.

I've been staring into blank spaces lately.

Feeling... empty.

But I'm positive.

Everything's gonna be alright.

I believe it will.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - Be Alright

Midnight shadows
When finding love is a battle
But daylight is so close
So don't you worry 'bout a thing

We're gonna be alright
We're gonna be alright
We're gonna be alright

Baby don't you know
All them tears gon' come and go
Baby you just gotta make up your mind
That every little thing is gonna be alright
Baby don't you know
All them tears gon' come and go
Baby you just gotta make up your mind
We decide it

We're gonna be alright
We're gonna be alright
We're gonna be alright

In slow motion
Can't seem to get where we're going
But the hard times are golden
Cause they all lead to better days

We're gonna be alright
We're gonna be alright
We're gonna be alright

Baby don't you know
All them tears gon' come and go
Baby you just gotta make up your mind
That every little thing is gonna be alright
Baby don't you know
All them tears gon' come and go
Baby you just gotta make up your mind
We decide it

We're gonna be alright
We're gonna be alright (ooh baby!)
We're gonna be alright
We're gonna be alright, yeah

Golden

Page 517

He was right.

But I couldnt tell him.

I knew it.

I felt it.

It was a close call tonight.

It was scary.

Funny how things turned out in the end.

God has such a way to plan everything out.

To connect the dots.

The choices we make.

Changes the paths that we take.

Like golden sands of time.

I felt Him tonight.

And I felt empowered that I did the right thing and walked away.

Thank you.

For watching over me.

Though I'm not worthy of your love.

Thank you.

Love, Eran.

Everything's like a jigsaw piece.

Current Song Mood: ZAYN - Golden

It goes and it's golden like sands of time
I hope and I hope you'll still be fine
I know that it's bright, look through the light and see, it's meant to be
I know that it's bright, look through the light and see, it's meant to be

Every single jigsaw piece
Seems to be you complete

The choices we make change the path that we take
But I know
That somewhere out there there's a path that we chose
There's a life that we share, there's a love and it grows

It goes and it's golden like sands of time
I hope and I hope you'll still be fine
I know that it's bright
Look through the light and see, it's meant to be

Every single jigsaw piece

The choices we make change the path that we take
But I know
That somewhere out there there's a path that we chose
There's a life that we share, there's a love and it grows

Cause it grows and it grows
And I hope that you know
Cause it grows and it grows
I know that it's bright, look through the light and see

The choices we make change the path that we take
But I know
That somewhere out there there's a path that we chose
There's a life that we share, there's a love and it grows

Recognize

Page 516

April.

It's been quite a week. 

Still getting used to all this freedom.

Stayed in for a night and I really enjoyed it.

Haha, starting to get crazy & comfortable with everyone.

Hopefully I'll start picking things up/learning the ropes fast.

Just wanna address something.

I'm so glad I didnt get in.

I don't know whats up with this place and the people full of ego and pride.

The way they overdo things. Like fuck, chill dudes.

I mean, that's the only thing that gets on my nerve.

We're all human beings.

Tone down a little.

Treat one another with respect.

I don't club, drink or smoke.

I don't need to change to 'fit in'. 

I'm perfectly comfortable with who I am.

Just being honest.

I hope you realize your true friends.

I hope you recognize a real one when you see one.

That's all.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Skizzy Mars Ft JoJo - Recognize 

[Chorus: Jojo]
Baby, if i tell you what I want, don't call me crazy
If I tell you I'm in love, know I ain't playing
And if you give me your heart, no, I won't break it
Baby, I, I hope you recognize a real one when you see one
I hope you recognize a real one when you see one
A real one when you see one, yeah

[Verse 1: Skizzy Mars]
Yeah, tonight I wanna switch it up
They said I need help, I didn't get enough
White whine, swishers, blunts
And your hating girlfriend, chilling in the cut
They told me you the realest so I had to check
And I don't lift weights but I had to flex
Then we had sex
And we stayed up for three straight nights
Talking 'bout shit that's abstract

[Pre-Chorus 1: Skizzy Mars]
I love it when you tell me stories
I love it when you kiss my head
I love it when we in the club
I love it more when we're in my bed
I coulda wrote a love letter
But I wrote you a song instead
And I think our timing is fine
I'm reminded girl, you're the realest
So we got it so timeless

[Chorus: Jojo + Skizzy Mars]
Baby, if i tell you what I want, don't call me crazy
I won't, I won't
If I tell you I'm in love, know I ain't playing
I know, I know
And if you give me your heart, no, I won't break it
Baby, I...
Baby, I, I hope you recognize a real one when you see one
I hope you recognize a real one when you see one
I know you recognize a real one when you see one
You better recognize a real one when you see one, yeah
A real one when you see one, yeah

[Verse 2: Skizzy Mars]
Oh, tonight I wanna do it big
Natural shit, all real, we ain't forcing it
And if we ain't winning then we forfeiting
Cause we don't take L's, we don't take L's
Money on the dresser, condoms in the second drawer
Back in high school I had game but I never scored
Real with your words so I trust you
After the show, girl, I really wanna fuck you

[Pre-Chorus 2: Skizzy Mars]
I love it when you tell me stories
I love it when you kiss my head
I love it when we in the club
I love it more when we're in my bed
I coulda wrote a love letter
But I wrote you a song instead
PJ's, Atlantis, Saint Barts to Bahamas
And I think our time is now girl, I promise

[Chorus: Jojo + Skizzy Mars]
Baby, if i tell you what I want, don't call me crazy
I won't, I won't
If I tell you I'm in love, know I ain't playing
I know, I know
And if you give me your heart, no, I won't break it
Baby, I...
Baby, I, I hope you recognize a real one when you see one
I hope you recognize a real one when you see one
I know you recognize a real one when you see one
You better recognize a real one when you see one, yeah
A real one when you see one, yeah

Rock Bottom

Page 515

Sometimes when you feel like you've hit rock bottom, you can only depend on yourself to get up.

I've been used many times in my life.

Falling for that shit over and over again.

You just gotta take a while to think it.

And ask yourself.

Should I?

Does it feel right?

If it doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to say NO.

Because I've hesitated so many times.

Being dumb and vain.

I can't do that no more.

Ultimately, it's your decision.

Listen to your heart.

It's the best way.

Love, Eran.

We keep on coming back for more.

Current Song Mood: Hailee Steinfeld Ft DNCE - Rock Bottom

What are we fighting for?
Seems like we do it just for fun
In this, this stupid war
We play hard with our plastic guns

Breathe deep, bottle it up
So deep until it's all we got
Don't speak, just use your touch
Don't speak before we say too much

You hate me now and I feel the same way
You love me now and I feel the same way
We scream and we shout
And make up the same day, same day

Oh, we're on the right side of rock bottom
And I hope that we keep falling
We're on the good side of bad karma
Cause we keep on coming back for more
We're on the right side of rock bottom
And to you I just keep crawling
You're the best kind of bad something
Cause we keep on coming back for more

You get under my skin
More than anyone's ever been
But when we lay in bed
You hold me harder till I forget that

You hate me now and I feel the same way
You love me now and I feel the same way
We scream and we shout
And make up the same day, same day

Oh, we're on the right side of rock bottom
And I hope that we keep falling
We're on the good side of bad karma
Cause we keep on coming back for more
We're on the right side of rock bottom
And to you I just keep crawling
You're the best kind of bad something
Cause we keep on coming back for more
Keep on coming back for more
Cause we keep on coming back for more

What are we fighting for?
Seems like we do it just for fun
In this, this stupid war
We play hard with our plastic guns

Oh, we're on the right side of rock bottom
And I hope that we keep falling
We're on the good side of bad karma
Cause we keep on coming back for more
We're on the right side of rock bottom
And to you I just keep crawling
You're the best kind of bad something
Cause we keep on coming back for more
Keep on coming back for more
Cause we keep on coming back for more
Keep on coming back for more
Cause we keep on coming back for more

Space Between

Page 514

28.

A date that will always haunt me.

Its been.. a challenge.

And I must admit this, I never thought it'd happen to me.

I've been keeping quiet about it, cause that's what I do best.

Truth is, I've had some sort of a relapse.

Just 2 weeks ago before I passed out from my course.

That week, I was having so much uncontrollable flashbacks.

I don't even know where they came from.

Or how it was triggered.

My only guess was, when I was looking through the Facebook past year moments.

That one night... it happened.

I dreamt.

I dreamt we were together again.

I dreamt that I was still in love, that we were going out together, hand in hand. Exploring places. Enjoying each other's company. A feeling that I've haven't felt in a long time.

And then.

I woke up.

I was in bunk, in bed, in the dark, alone, depressed as fuck.

Drowning about the past, feeling so damn down about everything.

Blaming myself.

Wondering if it could've turned out differently.

How can emptiness feel so heavy?

I was on the verge of breaking down.

But I didnt, and I couldn't.

Because I knew then, that I was supposed to be over this.

And I was.

It's just certain triggers..

That can't be helped.

...

I'm tired. 

And I hope,

And I pray,

 that this wouldn't happen again.

And I hope, that someday,

 I'd find something fill up, this space between.

Love, Eran.

This silence.

It's getting deafening.

Current Song Mood: Sia - Space Between

A neverending sentence in my head
We lay hollow in the emptiness
I'm too tired to push you from the bed

No more fighting, there's no more fighting
There's no more fighting for us

Fill the void in our bed
The space between is deafening
Oh, we don't bend, we're breaking
The space between is deafening
The space between is deafening

No one's moving, we lack the courage to
We lay in stalemate, wishing the other would
But we're too tired, we let the embers cool

No more fighting, there's no more fighting
There's no more fighting for us

Fill the void in our bed
The space between is deafening
Oh, we don't bend, we're breaking
The space between is deafening

No more fighting, we've given up now
Silence says more than words
Imagination cures loneliness
When you become a prisoner

Fill the void in our bed
The space between is deafening
Oh, we don't bend, we're breaking
The space between is deafening

Dangerous Woman

Page 513

Still thinking about yesterday.

And the actions that took place.

I was captivated.

You intrigued me in certain ways.

I was tensed, but you seemed relaxed about it.

What was your motive?

Company?

Another round?

I couldnt put a finger to it.

I had to be careful.

Play it safe.

Be Cautious.

There's something about you.

That makes me feel like a dangerous woman human.

But yet, I didnt mind.

You... you're not like the others.

I hope we cross paths again.

One day.

Love, Eran.

You still haven't grown up haven't you?

You're still the same petty spoilt bitch.

Mind your fucking tongue.

Current Song Mood: Ariana Grande - Dangerous Woman

Oh yea'
Don't need permission
Made my decision to test my limits
Cause it's my business, God as my witness
Start what I finished
Don't need no hold up
Taking control of this kind of moment
I'm locked and loaded
Completely focused, my mind is open

All that you got, skin to skin, oh my God
Don't ya stop, boy

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you
Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

Nothing to prove and I'm bulletproof and
Know what I'm doing
The way we're movin' like introducing
Us to a new thing
I wanna savor, save it for later
The taste of flavor, cause I'm a taker
Cause I'm a giver, it's only nature
I live for danger

All that you got, skin to skin, oh my God
Don't ya stop, boy

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you
Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you

All girls wanna be like that
Bad girls underneath, like that
You know how I'm feeling inside
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout
All girls wanna be like that
Bad girls underneath, like that
You know how I'm feeling inside
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you
Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you

All girls wanna be like that
Bad girls underneath like that
You know how I'm feeling inside
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout
All girls wanna be like that
Bad girls underneath like that
You know how I'm feeling inside
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
(Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you)
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy
(Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you)