Right Where You Left Me

Page 1485

Picking up from where I left off. 

It's been 10 days since I last blogged.

I didn't even realise it.

Damn.

Time really flies.

Been so focused on.. living.

And getting it through day by day.

Life feels different these days.

But it feels.. good.

I just want to make the most of my time.

And do the things that I love.

Waking up early each day has been a positive change in my life.

And I'll try to keep it up of course.

My partner gave me a ring today.

And doesn't know this - but it means a lot to me

😊😊

'Where you do see us in the future?' I was asked.

Me: 'In our own place.  With our personal workspace/studio/gaming area. With a cat. Maybe two. Thousands of pillows and making it as comfortable as possible.'

Heh. Time to work on it.

Goodbye January.

And hello February.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Right Where You Left Me

Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me
Matches burn after the other
Pages turn and stick to each other
Wages earned and lessons learned
But I'm right where you left me

Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight", I...
I swear you could hear a hair pin drop
Right when I felt the moment stop
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me

You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me, you left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?
Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it
She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
How it was supposed to be
Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?
Breakups happen every day, you don't have to lose it
She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
And you're sitting in front of me

At the restaurant when I was still the one you want
Cross-legged in the dim light
Everything was just right, I...
I could feel the mascara run
You told me that you met someone
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on

Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight", I...
I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
I'm sure that you got a wife out there
Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware
Cause I'm right where
I cause no harm
Mind my business
If our love died young
I can't bear witness
And it's been so long
But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever

New Grass

 Page 1484

The week seems to be passing by quickly.

That's a good thing.

Just been... focused on my daily routines.

And trying to be more productive with my time.

I'm just excited to unwind & spend the weekends with my partner.

:)

With President Joe Biden taking over as POTUS, it feels like the world is much more calmer these days.

Like a soft sigh of relief.

A slow thread to a meadow of new grass.

I know a lot of people have called him out for his own shit.

But hey, nobody is perfect.

Let's see what he has to offer the US.

And the world.

And I'm happy to see a lot of positivity out there already.

The world needs more of that.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Olafur Arnalds - New Grass

Deep

 Page 1483

There comes a time where you'll get so tired of running.

And hiding. 

From your fears.

That you either succumb to it. 

Or face it straight in the eye.

It takes a lot of courage to do that.

No matter what.

But you have it.

Somewhere deep inside you.

There's so many things that is uncertain right now.

But I'll just need to face it.

And push through.

Right to the end.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Peter Sandberg - Deep

It's Time To Go

 Page 1482

It's been a friggin' looong week. 

Damn.

Waking up early everyday has made me feel so damn productive though.

Wow. I feel good.

But also, tired as fuck.

I guess there's just some things you need to sacrifice. 

To have more time on your side.

I'm gonna keep this up.

With adequate rest in between of course.

Work has been.. meh.

Same shit, different day.

I've found.. more reasons to leave.

And I'm just appalled.

I didn't leave my previous company just to fall into something worse.

And now I feel like a complete prisoner.

Yikes.

Time to tidy up my resume this weekend.

If it's time to go, it's time to go.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - It's time to go

When the dinner is cold and the chatter gets old
You ask for the tab
Or that moment again he's insisting that friends
Look at each other like that
When the words of a sister come back in whispers
That prove she was not
In fact what she seemed, not a twin from your dreams
She's a crook who was caught

That old familiar body ache
The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul
You know when it's time to go

Twenty years at your job
Then the son of the boss gets the spot that was yours
Or trying to stay for the kids
When keeping it how it is will only break their hearts worse

That old familiar body ache
The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul
You know when it's time to go

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing

Fifteen years, fifteen million tears
Begging 'til my knees bled
I gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all
Then wondered why I left
Now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones
Praying to his greed
He's got my past frozen behind glass
But I've got me

That old familiar body ache
The snaps from the same little breaks in my soul
I know when it's time to go

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
That will find you the right thing
And you know in your soul
And you know in your soul
When it's time to go

And you know, you know, you know, you know
When it's time to go
So then you go
Then you go
You just go

Bad Habits

 Page 1481

Time.

It's always been a problem.

It doesn't stop.

So I have to make the best out of what I'm given.

24 hours.

That's all we have.

I'd usually sleep in through the morning.

But I decided to change it up today. 

And break out of my bad habits for once.

My natural alarm (parents) woke me up at 6am.

And I decided to go gym at 6.30. 

Surprisingly there were a lot of souls there.

Like.. does no one sleep????

Decided to do shoulders and some statics.

Cycled a bit after, and went back by 8am.

Spent the rest of the days just.. taking a moment to relax. Unwind.

Watched 2 episodes of Defending Jacob.

And then Runescaped all the way till it was time to prep food for work.

Damn. I've been missing out on a lot of time.

Haha. Let's see how long I can keep this up.

I've already been yawning throughout the day. 

Dont want to depend on caffeine.

Gotta try and keep this up.

What else can I do?

Time is.. precious.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Bad Habits

Feed me love, sex, and drugs
Bring me more, it ain't enough
Tell I'm pretty, yeah, I need that
Think I'm too sober, where the weed at?
Pay me attention
Give me any and everything to forget all that I'm missing
I know I'd rather be anywhere but here with me
Here I am stuck in reality
Gotta leave for my sanity
'Cause the mirror won't lie to me no more
And I can't hide from me no more

Everything, everything, everything
Everything, yeah
Everything, everything, yeah
Everything to forget

On The Nature Of Daylight

 Page 1480

Been back and forth to clinics for my dental appointments today.

After a tiring day, I found myself walking to a significant park nearby.

The weather, just as I remembered it.

With the nature of daylight nowhere to be seen, it was dark & gloomy.

And slightly drizzling.

So many things.. have changed since. 

As I walked around the park, and past the playground.

I time-walked through it.

Those flashbacks.

Funny, they do not affect me anymore.

But I figured it was fine for me to just revisit.

I took a deep breathe of fresh air and soaked in the moment.

And went home to sleep the rest of the day away.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Max Richter - On The Nature Of Daylight 

Happiness

 Page 1479

Happy Anniversary.

Yes it was our anniversary this past week.

I know I rarely post about us, because I like to keep things simple & private.

2 years since my life has changed.

You've brought so much happiness in my life. 

I hope you know how much love I have for you.

Thank you for always making me feel so special and loved.

The best relationship I've ever had.

Your love.. healed me.

I cant imagine a life without you..

And I hope to spend the rest of my days with you.

🤍

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Happiness

Honey, when I'm above the trees
I see this for what it is
But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given
Is just shit we're dividin' up
Showed you all of my hiding spots
I was dancing when the music stopped
And in the disbelief, I can't face reinvention
I haven't met the new me yet

There'll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you
Both of these things can be true
There is happiness

Past the blood and bruise
Past the curses and cries
Beyond the terror in the nightfall
Haunted by the look in my eyes
That would've loved you for a lifetime
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness

Tell me, when did your winning smile
Begin to look like a smirk?
When did all our lessons start to look like weapons
Pointed at my deepest hurt?
I hope she'll be your beautiful fool
Who takes my spot next to you
No, I didn't mean that
Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury
You haven't met the new me yet

There'll be happiness after me
But there was happiness because of me
Both of these things, I believe
There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind
And there is happiness

I can't make it go away by making you a villain
I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven
And I pulled your body into mine
Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties
No one teaches you what to do
When a good man hurts you
And you know you hurt him, too

Honey, when I'm above the trees
I see it for what it is
But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head
After giving you the best I had
Tell me what to give after that
All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness
You haven't met the new me yet
And I think she'll give you that

There'll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you, too
Both of these things can be true
There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind
Oh, leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness