Forever Free

Page 1252

Patient: 'I'm going to ask you a question that I've asked everyone working here.'

Me: 'Sure.'

Him: 'What would you be doing if you're not in nursing?

I smiled.

'I love music. I would be doing that instead.'

Him: 'How about acting?'

Me: 'Yes, that too.'

'Oh nice. Well you if you're in nursing, doesn't mean you have to give all that up.'

Me: 'I know, I'm still doing it' :)

He chuckles. 'That's great.'

He shook my hand before I left.

'I hope you don't have to come back here, only because you stay so far, but I wish you all the best.'

-----------------------------------------------

Today was a long day.

Bumped into an old section mate from BMT, on the way to work.

'Can you imagine, 4 years ago, we were out in the sun doing strenuous activities?

Me: 'Yup... Good times haha.'  (No, not really)

But there were really memorable moments within the section :) 

Reached work, and boy, was I in for a culture shock.

Had to step out of my comfort zone.

Had to adapt fast in an environment that was super messy.

Everyone there just threw me a cubicle and expected me to handle everything - Which, I did.

My OCD got the best of me. So I made it work out, rearranging everything.

The first patient I encountered was so obnoxious.

Snapping at me and complaining about EVERYTHING.

I rolled my eyes, and walked away from her, like the toxic disease she was.

( Rot in hell Bitch )

Tuning it all out, I moved to other patients, who were much more appreciative.

Thankfully, the day went by so much better.

Reconnected with a senior from Poly when he came for PM shift. And had lots of gossip.

Made acquaintances with new patients and colleagues.

People who.. put their faith in me.

I kind of liked it.

I left feeling contented.

That I could help make a difference.

But please, don't ever call me back.

Hahaha.

I just. 

Want to be forever free.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: San Holo Ft Duskus - Forever Free

Forever free, forever free
Forever free, forever free
Forever free, forever free
Forever free, forever free
Forever free, forever free
Forever free, forever free
Forever free, forever free
Forever free, forever free

Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, this feel
So good, this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel

Its okay, we don't have to fix it now
Its okay, we don’t have to fix it now
Its okay, we don't have to fix it now
Its okay, we don't have to fix it now
Its okay, we don’t have to fix it now
Its okay, we don't have to fix it now
Its okay, we don't have to fix it now
Its okay, we don't have to fix it now

Its okay

Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, this feel
So good, this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel

Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel
Feeling so good, this feeling
Feeling so good, this feeling
So good, in this feel
So good, this feel

Feel, feel
Feel, feel

Worthy // Show Me

Page 1251

You are worthy.

Of me, and everything around you.

I love you for everything that you are.

And everything that you've done for me.

Nothing can replace that. 

You showed me what pure love can truly be like.

And I am always grateful for that.

I hope you feel better today,

Because I feel much better because of you.

Because I have you by my side.

To be affectionate with or to cry to.

 Please remember that I am..

Always here for you too.

Goodnight.

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: San Holo - Worthy // Show Me

I remember you said
Do you even need me?
Is it outside my head?
Tell me am I worthy?
I remember you said
Do you even see me?
Go find someone else instead
Tell me am I worthy?

Am I even worthy
Tell me am I worthy?
Tell me am I worthy?

Tell me am I worthy?
Tell me am I worthy?

I remember you said
Do you even hear me?
Are you ever coming back?
Tell me am I worth it?
I remember you said
Do you even feel me?
Looking back at my worst end
Tell me am I worthy?

Am I even worthy
Tell me am I worthy?
Tell me am I worthy?

Tell me am I worthy?
Tell me am I worthy?
Tell me am I worthy?

Am I worthy
Am I worthy
Am I worthy

Tell me am I worthy?
Tell me am I worthy?
Tell me am I worthy?

--------------------------------------------------------

I am floating out to see
Time will take it off from me
Don't know whether where it will take me now
But we'll see
But we'll see
I am searching undersea
I'm right where I want to be
Don't where this road will take me now
But we'll see
But we'll see

I guess we will see
Won't you show me?
Won't you show me?
Won't you show me?

Close my eyes and I can't see
All these lights are lighting me
Don't know where my mind will take me now
We will see
But we'll see
All these moment to be free
What a life could let it be
Don't know when will I ever find a land
We will see
But we'll see

I guess we will see
I guess we will see
Won't you show me?
Won't you show me?
Won't you show me?

Sorrow // Conscience

Page 1250

My head hasn't been a great place to be in lately...

If I could rip my mind out, I would.

A throbbing headache.

A certain sorrow.

And so much negativity lately.

The worst part is going through work and having to be kind to those around you.

Having to hold all my crumbling shit together.

Putting a facade on because that's the only way to get through the day.

'Can you change the channel?'

Sure.

'Why you never do this??'

Smile.

'Can you help me with this?'

Yeah.

Dealing with people's problems.

Entertaining nonsense requests.

When I am battling my own personal demons.

Dwelling beyond my subconscious.

 I don't know.. who I am anymore.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Jacob Lee - Sorrow

She left a thousand tears upon my bedspread
A couple thoughts, a box of regrets
Full of memories that we shared
I left a single kiss upon her forehead
A selfish heart out by the doorstep
And carved a chasm into her chest

I
I wonder whether she knows
That I am imperfect
I wonder where the time goes
In her uncertainty
I wonder, if I let go
Would she return to me?

Sorrow is all I see
I try to breathe but I
Never seem to find
The will to take one more
Stay with me
And help me grieve
'Cause I, honestly
Have never needed someone more

She wept, slid out past inside the cabinet
Kissed my shoulder out of habit
Asked if this had really happened

Now I
I wonder whether she knows
That I am imperfect
I wonder where the time goes
In her uncertainty
I wonder, if I let go
Would she return to me?

Sorrow is all I see
I try to breathe but I
Never seem to find
The will to take one more
Stay with me
And help me grieve
'Cause I, honestly
Have never needed someone more
Someone more
Someone more
Someone more

Sorrow is all I see
I try to breathe but I
Never seem to find
The will to take one more
Stay with me
And help me grieve
'Cause I, honestly
Have never needed someone more

Current Song Mood #2: Jacob Lee - Conscience

Let me become what I want
You won't believe what I ponder
I saw the world through a notch
Somewhere within I uncovered
Everything that I once was
Dwelling beyond my subconscious
I saw myself as a god
That's when I realised I wasn't

When I asked how you colour the sky
And you told me I already knew
When I asked could I see through your eyes
And you told me I already do
Oh then why do I feel like a fool

Tell me there's a path to take
Where I'll know
I will get another day
Tomorrow
If you could just elaborate
I'll follow
Cause I don't know if I'm awake

Let me become what I'm not
I don't decide what I ponder
I saw the Earth as it was
The moment I fell to its aura
There I erased all my thoughts
Teaching myself to discover
Everything I thought I lost
Hiding right where I left off

When I asked how you colour the sky
And you told me I already knew
When I asked you to see through my eyes
And you told me you already do
Oh then why do I feel like a fool

Tell me there's a path to take
Where I'll know
Everything will be okay
Tomorrow
If you could just elaborate
I'll follow
Cause I don't know if I'm awake

I'm unsure if I should ask
But I question everything that I see
I venture into my past
Reliasing that it's in front of me
I sit with hands in my lap
Piecing together these memories
I left you where I began
Knowing that I'm what you used to be

Breathe

Page 1249

Life is full of surprises.

Decisions that could change your life in an instant.

No matter what happens next,

Just breathe.

It will all be okay.

Everybody's journey is different.

Just remember that,

I am here for you.

No matter what.

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Joji & Don Krez - Breathe

You found the best of me inside your feelings
The worst of me was waiting for that evening
It's just me these days, I can't say I'm great
I can't stop seeing your face on all these ceilings
You've saved me for the last time, I'm alright
I'll find somebody else to watch me die
Somebody I can push away and reel back in
Like the bait that I am, I am

So let me know, let me know when we gonna find the time
So let me know, let me know when I get a little bit wise
And if you hear me, get on the phone
Sedate me till I'm normal

Won't you be a darling, feel my rage
Let me feel fantastic, broke my cage
Hold my breath until you call my name again
I can't say what's on your mind but I know we feel the same
(The same)

(So let me know, let me know when we gonna find the time)
(So let me know, let me know when I get a little bit wise)
(And if you hear me, get on the phone)
(Sedate me till I'm normal)

I Get To Love You

Page 1248

Sigh.

Weekends passed too fast.

Wish it could be a little longer.

It is never enough.

But at least it was well-spent with you.

The best part...

Is that I get to love you.

Thank you for always being there for me.

We are comedic and loving in our own ways.

And that is so, so special.

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: RUELLE - I Get To Love You

One look at you; my whole life falls in line
I prayed for you; before I called you mine
Oh I, can't believe it's true, sometimes
Oh I, can't believe it's true

I get to love you, it's the best thing that I'll ever do
I get to love you, it's a promise I'm making to you
Whatever may come; your heart I will choose
Forever I'm yours, forever I do
I get to love you, I get to love you

The way you love, it changes who I am
I am undone and I thank God once again
Oh I, can't believe it's true, sometimes
Oh I, can't believe it's true

I get to love you, it's the best thing that I'll ever do
I get to love you, it's a promise I'm making to you
Whatever may come; your heart I will choose
Forever I'm yours, forever I do
I get to love you, I get to love you
I get to love you, I get to love you

They say love is a journey, I promise that I'll never leave
When it's too heavy to carry, remember this moment with me
I get to love you, I get to love you
I get to love you

Lighthouse

Page 1247

Finally, the weekends with you.

I've been waiting for this. :)

Ever since my busy week last week.

It's something.. i always look forward to.

To lie down and ease my mind.

Watch a movie or two.

To spend time with you.

Things have not been looking great at home.

So this is a nice change.

Like a lighthouse, you saved me.

You.. light up my world again.

See you tomorrow.

<3

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Axel Flovent - Lighthouse

Cold day calling me now
It’s waiting for the fight
Like nothing will satisfy my soul

Something in your reflection
Helps me understand
Which way I should turn from here

And you found my forest fall in everything
While you stay until the rest of the night

Why do I keep the hours
I'm trying to find a way
Feel like I am losing my mind again

And you found my forest fall in everything
While you, stayed until the rest of the night
And you, made me notice why I try my best
Still you, lost your own ideas of leaving this place

On The Train Ride Home

Page 1246

Finally, an off-day where I can do things in my own pace.

Took some time to drag my ass to the gym today. 

And did a full-body workout. 

It's been 2 months.

I couldnt afford to because of my back-to-back schedule with school and work.

The past few months has been crazy. 

Well, at least I can breathe a bit now, with half of my assignments completed.

I stepped foot in Yishun today.

I guess being away from this place for awhile was a good thing for me.

So many new changes. 

The new interchange.

Some new shops.

Well.. some old shops closed, and replaced by empty spaces.

I walked out of the mall... and passed by a nostalgic area.

A few flashbacks played in my head.

The lights. The dark corridor. The playground.

I winced a little. 

But it was okay.

The workout was good, my legs died the most. (I could feel my muscles getting sore)

Went home.

Had lunch and just caught up with a tv series. #FTWD

Ate. And Ate. And Ate.

Hahaha.

When it was time, met up with my boy and we cuddled the rest of the day away.

Cuddles & affection. They keep us going.

On the train ride home, I was still half-awake. 

But I was thankful.

Thankful for all the little things.

Thankful for how things worked out in the end.

And thankful for how things are looking for the rest of the year.

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: The Paper Kites - On The Train Ride Home 

Waiting down at the station
I don’t remember
I think it was late then
Standing always so quiet
We’re like elevators
Filled up with strangers

No sound, no Hallelujahs
Still I was praying on the train ride home
That I can get the things I want
I can get the things I want
Give me what I need

Our words fill up the pages
Fill up the days with
A song for the ages
Still those browse and we all speak
We break down like concrete
And just make our words cheap

I want someone to grow with
Songs I can sing to
And a family to cling to
But if I can't get the things I want
If I can't get the things I want
Just give me what I need
Just give me what I need

Remember Not To Forget

Page 1245

It's been a tiring past few days..

But I've finally found time to rest and breathe today.

Its the little things that.. matters most.

Just an extra few hours of sleep, and a little alone time, really does wonders.

Remember not to forget.

To breathe. 

To appreciate the things around you.

And with that I'll leave behind these quotes from Winnie The Pooh;

Doing nothing often leads to the very best of something. I must go forward where I have never been instead of backwards where I have. Nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. When I'm going somewhere and I wait, somewhere often comes to me.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Audiomachine - Remember Not To Forget

Dynamite

Page 1244

Love is in the air today.

Like an exploding dynamite.

I'm exhausted.

But it was worth it.

Witnessing 2 of my closest friends getting married..

Nurul & Prema.

It was just magical.

I am so happy getting to be a part of it.

Reconnecting with old friends as well.

And getting reminded of how much we've all grown.

Good times.

I keep thinking of my own happiness.

How... blessed I am. 

To find my own.

The realisation of how..

I am in love.

& I am enough.

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Westlife - Dynamite

Last night I thought I was dreaming
’cause things like you don't usually happen to me
Outside, the stars are the ceiling
We sang to the moon then we danced underneath

I fell so hard but you kissed so soft
I felt my heart couldn't beat enough
You pulled me closer and called my bluff
I am in love, I am enough

Sleeping in on Sunday morning, I am
Lying next to you
Darling, if we're falling sparks will fly and
Ignite the fuse
(Like dynamite)

We are exploding colors that shining purple and green and red
(In the sky)
Love is unfolding before our eyes and lighting the way ahead
(Like fireflies)
This is a memory in our minds and we will never forget
(You and I)
We are the love and we are the night, we are
Dynamite

First love with a reason
Darling, hold my hand and take my heart
Say love once more with a feeling
And kiss me slow in the back of the car

I drop my guard, let you in
This love is ours, it's everything
And we both know, it's simple stuff
We are in love, we are enough

Sleeping in on Monday morning, I am
Lying next to you
And darling, if we're falling sparks will fly and
Ignite the fuse
(Like dynamite)

We are exploding colors that shining purple and green and red
(In the sky)
Love is unfolding before our eyes and lighting the way ahead
(Like fireflies)
This is a memory in our minds and we will never forget
(You and I)
We are the love and we are the night, we are
Dynamite

We are exploding colors that shining purple and green and red

We are exploding colors that shining purple and green and red
(In the sky)
Love is unfolding before our eyes and lighting the way ahead
(Like fireflies)
This is a memory in our minds that we will never forget
(You and I)
We are the love and we are the night, we are
Dynamite

It's Alright

Page 1243

Wish time wouldn't pass so fast.

But we'll make do with what we have.

Things are changing, people are getting married.

New beginnings everywhere.

Well, it's another busy day tomorrow.

I need a proper break haha.

But its going to be worth it.

My old, bestest friends are getting married.

And I am honoured to be a part of it.

It is going to be a tiring & emotional day.

It's alright.

Let's do this.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Fractures - It's Alright

It's alright, It's alright
It's alright, It's alright
It's alright, It's alright
It's alright, It's alright

It's alright, It's alright
You see the fault lines, started panicking
It's alright, It's alright
You confide in the low light, you're so kind
You're caught up in the crossfire
It's alright, It's alright

Don't get dragged through
Don't be consumed
Don't catch it through
Don't be consumed

Get out the tight robes
Keep your eyes closed
Let her know you're falling
Follow your shadow
Lost count of the dice rolls
And the man hoes fighting in the morning
Acting like you don't know

Don't get dragged through
Don't be consumed
Don't catch it through
Don't be consumed

It's alright, It's alright
It's alright, It's alright
It's alright, It's alright
It's alright, It's alright

Alps

Page 1242

'Do I deserve you?'

Yes. Of course you do.

We deserve each other.

All the time spent together.. just in our own world.

Hiding. Healing.

Away from the rest of the world.

Keeping our relationship.. a private & personal thing.

It's what makes this.. sacred.

:)

Thank you for cheering me up today.

You knew how stressed I've been these days.

And I have been...

But you've been there for me throughout.

You're the sweetest. 

And I am the luckiest. 

x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Novo Amor & Ed Tullett - Alps

Fault her further on
All her flaws were gone
Covered in everything
Coveted all at once
Everything covering
Everything all at once

But I would fake
I would hate
I would break every inch of my love
But I would fake
I would hate
I would break every inch of my love
Every inch of my love

Halt her collarbone
All her haunts were home
Covered in everything
Coveted all at once
Everything covering
Everything all at once

And I saw the peaks on my own
That you probably meant for us
And I tore the fear from my bones
That you probably never lost
And I saw the peaks on my own
That you probably meant for us
And I tore the fear from my bones
That you probably never lost

But I would fake
I would hate
I would break every inch of my love
But I would fake
I would hate
I would break every inch of my love
But I would fake
I would hate
I would break every inch of my love
Every inch of my love

Blinded

Page 1241

'I'm so lucky to have you.'

Me too.

It's already September.

Time flies so fast.

But we're still here.

Breathing. Healthy. Living.

2 more months, and we will be free.

I'm excited for the future.

But I'll always look back.

And see how far I've come.

I'm not blinded by anything else.

Only you. 

:)

Love, Eran.

I just hope, you'll never lose feelings for me.

Current Song Mood: Emmit Fenn - Blinded

Don't need this like I used to
'Cause I feel blinded, blinded by you
Don't need this like I used to
'Cause I feel blinded, blinded by you
Don't need this like I used to
'Cause I feel blinded, blinded by you
Don't need this like I used to
'Cause I feel blinded, blinded by you
Don't need this like I used to
'Cause I feel blinded, blinded by you
Don't need this like I used to
'Cause I feel blinded, blinded by you

Don't need this like I used to
'Cause I feel blinded, blinded by you