Right Where You Left Me

Page 1485

Picking up from where I left off. 

It's been 10 days since I last blogged.

I didn't even realise it.

Damn.

Time really flies.

Been so focused on.. living.

And getting it through day by day.

Life feels different these days.

But it feels.. good.

I just want to make the most of my time.

And do the things that I love.

Waking up early each day has been a positive change in my life.

And I'll try to keep it up of course.

My partner gave me a ring today.

And doesn't know this - but it means a lot to me

😊😊

'Where you do see us in the future?' I was asked.

Me: 'In our own place.  With our personal workspace/studio/gaming area. With a cat. Maybe two. Thousands of pillows and making it as comfortable as possible.'

Heh. Time to work on it.

Goodbye January.

And hello February.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Right Where You Left Me

Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me
Matches burn after the other
Pages turn and stick to each other
Wages earned and lessons learned
But I'm right where you left me

Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight", I...
I swear you could hear a hair pin drop
Right when I felt the moment stop
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me

You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me, you left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?
Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it
She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
How it was supposed to be
Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?
Breakups happen every day, you don't have to lose it
She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy
And you're sitting in front of me

At the restaurant when I was still the one you want
Cross-legged in the dim light
Everything was just right, I...
I could feel the mascara run
You told me that you met someone
Glass shattered on the white cloth
Everybody moved on

Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight", I...
I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned up hair
I'm sure that you got a wife out there
Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware
Cause I'm right where
I cause no harm
Mind my business
If our love died young
I can't bear witness
And it's been so long
But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me
You left me no, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever

New Grass

 Page 1484

The week seems to be passing by quickly.

That's a good thing.

Just been... focused on my daily routines.

And trying to be more productive with my time.

I'm just excited to unwind & spend the weekends with my partner.

:)

With President Joe Biden taking over as POTUS, it feels like the world is much more calmer these days.

Like a soft sigh of relief.

A slow thread to a meadow of new grass.

I know a lot of people have called him out for his own shit.

But hey, nobody is perfect.

Let's see what he has to offer the US.

And the world.

And I'm happy to see a lot of positivity out there already.

The world needs more of that.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Olafur Arnalds - New Grass

Deep

 Page 1483

There comes a time where you'll get so tired of running.

And hiding. 

From your fears.

That you either succumb to it. 

Or face it straight in the eye.

It takes a lot of courage to do that.

No matter what.

But you have it.

Somewhere deep inside you.

There's so many things that is uncertain right now.

But I'll just need to face it.

And push through.

Right to the end.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Peter Sandberg - Deep

It's Time To Go

 Page 1482

It's been a friggin' looong week. 

Damn.

Waking up early everyday has made me feel so damn productive though.

Wow. I feel good.

But also, tired as fuck.

I guess there's just some things you need to sacrifice. 

To have more time on your side.

I'm gonna keep this up.

With adequate rest in between of course.

Work has been.. meh.

Same shit, different day.

I've found.. more reasons to leave.

And I'm just appalled.

I didn't leave my previous company just to fall into something worse.

And now I feel like a complete prisoner.

Yikes.

Time to tidy up my resume this weekend.

If it's time to go, it's time to go.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - It's time to go

When the dinner is cold and the chatter gets old
You ask for the tab
Or that moment again he's insisting that friends
Look at each other like that
When the words of a sister come back in whispers
That prove she was not
In fact what she seemed, not a twin from your dreams
She's a crook who was caught

That old familiar body ache
The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul
You know when it's time to go

Twenty years at your job
Then the son of the boss gets the spot that was yours
Or trying to stay for the kids
When keeping it how it is will only break their hearts worse

That old familiar body ache
The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul
You know when it's time to go

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing

Fifteen years, fifteen million tears
Begging 'til my knees bled
I gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all
Then wondered why I left
Now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones
Praying to his greed
He's got my past frozen behind glass
But I've got me

That old familiar body ache
The snaps from the same little breaks in my soul
I know when it's time to go

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
That will find you the right thing
And you know in your soul
And you know in your soul
When it's time to go

And you know, you know, you know, you know
When it's time to go
So then you go
Then you go
You just go

Bad Habits

 Page 1481

Time.

It's always been a problem.

It doesn't stop.

So I have to make the best out of what I'm given.

24 hours.

That's all we have.

I'd usually sleep in through the morning.

But I decided to change it up today. 

And break out of my bad habits for once.

My natural alarm (parents) woke me up at 6am.

And I decided to go gym at 6.30. 

Surprisingly there were a lot of souls there.

Like.. does no one sleep????

Decided to do shoulders and some statics.

Cycled a bit after, and went back by 8am.

Spent the rest of the days just.. taking a moment to relax. Unwind.

Watched 2 episodes of Defending Jacob.

And then Runescaped all the way till it was time to prep food for work.

Damn. I've been missing out on a lot of time.

Haha. Let's see how long I can keep this up.

I've already been yawning throughout the day. 

Dont want to depend on caffeine.

Gotta try and keep this up.

What else can I do?

Time is.. precious.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: JoJo - Bad Habits

Feed me love, sex, and drugs
Bring me more, it ain't enough
Tell I'm pretty, yeah, I need that
Think I'm too sober, where the weed at?
Pay me attention
Give me any and everything to forget all that I'm missing
I know I'd rather be anywhere but here with me
Here I am stuck in reality
Gotta leave for my sanity
'Cause the mirror won't lie to me no more
And I can't hide from me no more

Everything, everything, everything
Everything, yeah
Everything, everything, yeah
Everything to forget

On The Nature Of Daylight

 Page 1480

Been back and forth to clinics for my dental appointments today.

After a tiring day, I found myself walking to a significant park nearby.

The weather, just as I remembered it.

With the nature of daylight nowhere to be seen, it was dark & gloomy.

And slightly drizzling.

So many things.. have changed since. 

As I walked around the park, and past the playground.

I time-walked through it.

Those flashbacks.

Funny, they do not affect me anymore.

But I figured it was fine for me to just revisit.

I took a deep breathe of fresh air and soaked in the moment.

And went home to sleep the rest of the day away.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Max Richter - On The Nature Of Daylight 

Happiness

 Page 1479

Happy Anniversary.

Yes it was our anniversary this past week.

I know I rarely post about us, because I like to keep things simple & private.

2 years since my life has changed.

You've brought so much happiness in my life. 

I hope you know how much love I have for you.

Thank you for always making me feel so special and loved.

The best relationship I've ever had.

Your love.. healed me.

I cant imagine a life without you..

And I hope to spend the rest of my days with you.

🤍

:)

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Happiness

Honey, when I'm above the trees
I see this for what it is
But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given
Is just shit we're dividin' up
Showed you all of my hiding spots
I was dancing when the music stopped
And in the disbelief, I can't face reinvention
I haven't met the new me yet

There'll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you
Both of these things can be true
There is happiness

Past the blood and bruise
Past the curses and cries
Beyond the terror in the nightfall
Haunted by the look in my eyes
That would've loved you for a lifetime
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness

Tell me, when did your winning smile
Begin to look like a smirk?
When did all our lessons start to look like weapons
Pointed at my deepest hurt?
I hope she'll be your beautiful fool
Who takes my spot next to you
No, I didn't mean that
Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury
You haven't met the new me yet

There'll be happiness after me
But there was happiness because of me
Both of these things, I believe
There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind
And there is happiness

I can't make it go away by making you a villain
I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven
And I pulled your body into mine
Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties
No one teaches you what to do
When a good man hurts you
And you know you hurt him, too

Honey, when I'm above the trees
I see it for what it is
But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head
After giving you the best I had
Tell me what to give after that
All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness
You haven't met the new me yet
And I think she'll give you that

There'll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you, too
Both of these things can be true
There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind
Oh, leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness

Therefore I Am

 Page 1478

Not sure what the Universe is trying to send my way today.

An unexpected complain that made me feel so bad and not myself today.

You really cant please everyone..

And everyone will judge you out of context.

Its all up to you. And your conscience.

Therefore I am.. not gonna apologise for something that I did not do.

I am standing my ground.

Whether you like it or not.

Love, Eran. 

Current Song Mood: Billie Eilish - Therefore I Am

I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am

Stop, what the hell are you talking about? Ha
Get my pretty name out of your mouth
We are not the same with or without
Don't talk 'bout me like how you might know how I feel
Top of the world, but your world isn't real
Your world's an ideal

So go have fun
I really couldn't care less
And you can give 'em my best, but just know

I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am

I don't want press to put your name next to mine
We're on different lines, so I
Wanna be nice enough, they don't call my bluff
'Cause I hate to find
Articles, articles, articles
Rather you remain unremarkable (Got a lotta)
Interviews, interviews, interviews
When they say your name, I just act confused

Did you have fun?
I really couldn't care less
And you can give 'em my best, but just know

I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am
I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I think, therefore, I am

I'm sorry
I don't think I caught your name
I'm sorry
I don't think I caught your name

I'm not your friend (I'm not your friend)
Or anything, damn
You think that you're the man (They wanna, they can try)
I think, therefore, I am (I am)
I'm not your friend (Friend)
Or anything, damn (They wanna)
You think that you're the man (You're the man)
I think, therefore, I am (Therefore, I am)

Woven Song

 Page 1476

Another cosy day spent with my partner.

With the cooling rainy weather.

I was wrapped like a comfy woven sweater and slept through the evening.

2021 has really started out more peaceful than I expected.

And I'd like to keep it that way.

Simple.

Watched a Pixar movie called Soul today.

It is so.. relatable. And touching.

It's not just about chasing your dreams.

It's all about.. appreciating the small things.

Your goals in life may not fulfil you in the end.

It is all about the process.

And taking the time to stop and appreciate life.

I loved it. And got teary at the end.

So many things I wanna do, so little time.

But that's how it be like.

One day at a time..

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Olafur Arnalds - Woven Song

Gold Rush

 Page 1476

Started off the year with a reunion with one of my besties.

Even though I was tired from work (surviving on 3 hrs of sleep), it was worth it.

Where else but to have our yearly affair @ Mukshidonna!

This girl was so confused she thought we had Mukshidonna last year.

When in fact, the last was in 2019. Hahaha.

Ok to be frank, we've concluded that the food isn't that great anymore. 

So probably will be our last time here in a while xD

But meh, it was a nice catch-up indeed!

Managed to fill each other on what's happened the past year. Some crazyyy revelations made.

I'm sure her mind was >  🤯🤯🤯.

Haha. Felt so cozy today.

The weather has been super nice lately and I even got to wear my Melbourne jacket without breaking a sweat. It's that cold!!!

Not complaining, loved every single second of it. Yas.

We bought Starbucks after dinner, walked around the mall, then walked back to Pasir Ris Interchange.

It really feels like a brand new world today. A gold rush like no other.

I'm so thankful for having someone close that I can confide in.

Thank you for always being there for me.

Till next time. 

x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Taylor Swift - Gold Rush

Gleaming
Twinkling
Eyes like sinking ships
On waters so inviting
I almost jump in

I don't like a gold rush, gold rush
I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush
I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch
Everybody wants you
Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you
Walk past, quick brush
I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush
I don't like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush
Everybody wants you
But I don't like a gold rush

What must it be like
To grow up that beautiful?
With your hair falling into place like dominoes
I see me padding across your wooden floors
With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door
At dinner parties
I call you out on your contrarian shit
And the coastal town
We wandered round had never
Seen a love as pure as it
And then it fades into the gray of my day-old tea
'Cause it could never be

'Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush
I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush
I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch
Everybody wants you
Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you
Walk past, quick brush
I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush
I don't like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush
Everybody wants you
And I don't like a gold rush

What must it be like
To grow up that beautiful?
With your hair falling into place like dominoes
My mind turns your life into folklore
I can't dare to dream about you anymore
At dinner parties
I won't call you out on your contrarian shit
And the coastal town
We never found will never
See a love as pure as it
'Cause it fades into the gray of my day-old tea
'Cause it will never be
Gleaming
Twinkling
Eyes like sinking ships
On waters so inviting
I almost jump in

Good Days

 Page 1475

Happy New Year!!!!

Damn.

Time reallyyy flies.

I wonder what the next year will bring.

It is gonna be scary. 

Yet exciting.

Hopefully, another year of healing and growth.

Growing older.

Maybe pick up a new skill? I'm quite serious about learning music production..

Maybe changing careers? Nursing is so.. diverse. Maybe there's a perfect job out there waiting for me. I kind of miss working in an office.

What about a change of course? Studying Medicine? Seems far-fetched but if fucked up people can become doctors, why the heck not? (Based on experience) 

I hope we can start traveling again.

Who knows.

Melbourne, my heart longs for you.

So many places. I wanna visit. Japan. Korea. Iceland. New Zealand.

So many things to do.

So many opportunities to explore.

So many days to just... live.

Good days will come.

And I'm looking forward to it. 🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: SZA, Jacob Collier - Good Days

Good day in my mind, safe to take a step out
Get some air now, let your edge out
Too soon, I spoke, you be heavy in my mind
Can you get the heck out?
I need rest now, got me bummed out
You so, you so, you, baby, baby, babe
I've been on my empty mind shit

I try to keep from losin' the rest of me
I worry that I wasted the best of me on you, baby
You don't care
Said, "Not tryna be a nuisance, it's just urgent"
Tryna make sense of loose change
Got me a war in my mind
Gotta let go of weight, can't keep what's holding me
Choose to watch
While the world break up and fall on me

All the while, I'll await my armored fate with a smile
Still wanna try, still believe in good days, good days
Always inside (Always in my mind, always in my mind, mind)
Good day living in my mind

Tell me about my fears, my limitations
I'll disappear, if you let me
Feeling like, yeah (On your own)
Feeling like Jericho
Feeling like Job when he lost his shit
Gotta hold my own, my cross to bear alone, I
Ooh, paid a deal, way to kill the mood
Know you like, that shit getting good with it
Baby, baby, heavy on my empty mind shit

I gotta keep from losin' the rest of me (Rest of me)
Still worry that I wasted the best of me on you, baby
You don't care
Said, "Not tryna be a nuisance, it's just urgent" (It's urgent)
Tryna make sense of loose change
Got me a war in my mind (My mind)
Gotta let go of weight, can't keep what's holding me
Choose to watch
While the world break up and fall on me

All the while, I'll await my armored fate with a smile
Still wanna try, still believe in good days, good days
Always sunny inside (Always in my mind, always in my mind, mind)
Good day living in my mind

Gotta get right, tryna free my mind before the end of the world
I don't miss no ex, I don't miss no text
I just choose not to respond
I don't regret, just pretend shit never happened
Half of us layin' waste and our youth is in the present
Half of us chasin' fountains of youth and it's in the present

Always in my mind, always in my mind, mind
You've been making me feel like I'm
Always in my mind, always in my mind, mind