Ocean Eyes

Page 1494

Man, what a short month.

Already the end of Feb? 

Aiyayaaaay. 

Sheesh.

Time really doesn't wait for you.

Been quite a week...

Battling with sickness after my 2nd jab of the vaccine.

I really wasn't feeling myself.

Had fever and chills the first night.

Soreness and lethargic the next day.

And just overall weakness and migraines the following days.

It was horrible. But I'm so glad I'm through with it.

Watched Billie Eilish's Documentary: The World's A Little Blurry today.

Been waiting so long for this one.

And as expected, it was beautiful and brought me to tears.

I envied everything about her.

Her supportive parents. Her talented brother. Her natural talents. Her ocean eyes.

She's living the life I've always dreamed of.

But she truly showed how it was not all roses in this industry.

She is just as human as all of us.

And the pressure she faced countless of times really showed.

I felt that. I don't think I could've coped.

But yet she is so wise beyond her age.

And deserves to be where she is at right now.

I'm so proud of her. And inspired.

And I just.. want to be my personal best.

That's all. :)

We are just trying to survive in the meantime.

Who knows where the journey will lead next?

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Billie Eilish - Ocean Eyes

I've been watching you for some time

Can't stop staring at those ocean eyes
Burning cities and napalm skies
Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes
Your ocean eyes

No fair
You really know how to make me cry
When you give me those ocean eyes
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Falling into your ocean eyes
Those ocean eyes

I've been walking through a world gone blind
Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind
Careful creature made friends with time
He left her lonely with a diamond mind
And those ocean eyes

No fair
You really know how to make me cry
When you give me those ocean eyes
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Falling into your ocean eyes
Those ocean eyes

No fair
You really know how to make me cry
When you give me those ocean eyes
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Falling into your ocean eyes
Those ocean eyes

The Hope List

 Page 1493

Been a little quiet lately.

I'm fine, just been.. living in the moment.

Especially having all this time for myself.

It was a nice change of pace.

Doing my own thing. Gaming. Catching up with old friends. Spending time with my partner. And just.. living.

Time passed so fast.

Too fast.

I hate that feeling of having to go to work the next day, after having some time off. Haha.

Meh.

I don't wanna overthink anything..

Or feel hopeless over things I cant control.

Getting a little too tired of that.

Gotta face it somehow.

And just.. go with the flow.

A hope list to follow.

And just.. working towards the future.

Yeah.

That will do.

For now.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Lonely The Brave - The Hope List

Will all my songs reveal my pain?
It's such a shame, it's just a game
Will anyone still listen then?
It's such a game, I lose again

But now and then I
Oh now and then I listen

While I lie awake I
While I lie awake I
Let the bitterness in
I lie awake I
While I lie awake I
Let the bitterness in

It's not my view, then shame on you
It's just the way, oh such a crooked game
I hold out hope for everyone

While I lie awake I
While I lie awake I
Let the bitterness in
I lie awake I
While I lie awake I
Let the bitterness in

Watch me ride it out now
Instead I write it all down
This is me hopeless
Watch me ride it out now
Instead I write it all down
This is my, this is my hope list

Morning Mourning

 Page 1492

Happy Valentines Day :)

Celebrated today with my partner after such an eventful shift.

And had Prosperity Burger meal. Damn.

Is it me or did it shrink?? Haha hais.

Also yes, I had to work on a Sunday.

And yes, it was a shitty shift as usual.

The solid morning team and the prosperity received from the patients made it worth it though.

On a side note,

My heart goes out to those who's lost their loved ones.

There's been too many tragic accidents lately...

Involving car crashes and such.

Me and my mentor drove home today and had quite a discussion.

That we could never bear to watch the video. Or read the news.

It reminded us too much of our own trauma.

What happened to us was beyond words.

And I can only imagine the trauma felt by those young people and those at the scene...

Just please respect them and give them space to mourn.

Because honestly, it could've happened to anyone.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Lemolo - Morning Mourning 

Put it on my windowpane

I'll see it in the morning mourning

I'll go against all of my wood grain

And see it in the morning mourning

We're hardly asking of all the ways I'm wasting

I have this restlessness inside me

Put it on my windowpane

See it in the morning mourning

I'll run around my hall of fame

And see it in the morning mourning

It's stage dives, bright eyes, I want at my side

Head over heels, that's how I want to feel

Keeper

 Page 1491

I just hope you know how much you mean to me.

The only person that has ever peeled off my petals.

And gotten to know me deep inside.

The real me.

You're my keeper. 

And I hope you keep me around, forever.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Lonely The Brave - Keeper

Face down, I've been smothered in
Drown out the surface, so I can't swim
Remembered a time, now I've done it

The lies I told disguise a fold, I promise
What I was told, reflects us all, I want this

Cheater
When my head unties, please, tell me why I, I need her
She's my keeper
She's my keeper

The lies I told disguise a fold, I promise
What I was told, reflects us all, I want this

Cheater
When my head unties, please, tell me why I, I need her
She's my keeper
She's my keeper

(In my mind, didn't I want this?)

Failure
I knew it was all I could hope for

The debt of a promise, could I ever be honest
Oh, failure
I knew it was all I could hope for

The debt of a promise, could I ever be honest

Cheater
When my head unties, please, tell me why I, I need her
She's my keeper
She's my keeper

26

 Page 1490

26.

I made it.

Phew.

Spent a quiet birthday today.

And that was fine.

Getting the day off to rest & recover.

Doing the things that I love.

And eating so much good food at night.

All the little things, I'm grateful for. 

Pretty cool that I'm still alive.

Thank you for all the wishes & love.

🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Paramore - 26

Man, you really know how to get someone down
Everything was fine until you came around
I've been chasing after dreamers in the clouds
After all wasn't I the one who said
To keep your feet on the ground?
Man, you really brought me back down

Hold on to hope if you got it
Don't let it go for nobody
They say that dreaming is free
But I wouldn't care what it cost me

You got me tied up but I stay close to the window
And I talk to myself about the places that I used to go
I'm hoping someday maybe I'll just float away
And I'll forget every cynical thing you say
When you gonna hear me out
Man, you really bring me down

Hold on to hope if you got it
Don't let it go for nobody
They say that dreaming is free
But I wouldn't care what it cost me

Reality will break your heart
Survival will not be the hardest part
It's keeping all your hopes alive
When all the rest of you has died
So let it break your heart

And hold on to hope if you got it
Don't let it go for nobody

Hold on to hope if you got it
Don't let it go for nobody
They say that dreaming is free
I wouldn't care what it cost me

Asystole

Page 1489

Feels... weird.

Usually I’d be excited for birthdays.

But somehow this year, I’m dreading mine.

Is it the fear of growing old creeping up to me? 

I try not to think about it

But you can never really escape it.

Today I had a small celebration for my dad’s birthday. We cut a cake and everyone was so happy and smiling.

Somehow - I wasn’t feeling it.

I did not feel anything inside me.

Like my heart's gone asystole.

Went out in the evening with my partner and just. 

Took a breather.

Sat down by the sea and just, soaked in the moment.

That momentary peace.

That's all I ever want to feel. Peace.

Thank you for spending time with me. It means a lot to me. 

More than you know. 🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hayley Williams - Asystole

I don't live for you
I live for me
If only that were true
If only I could prove

That on my own I'm worthy, funny how it feels like
We're talking to each other on the other line
But it's quiet here
Nothing playing but the song of Asystole

Asystole
Asystole
Asystole, Asystole

And I can't get my head
To say anything a heart could ever understand

I want to forgive
But the feeling isn't something I can let myself let go of, the trouble is the way you stick
To any part of me that remains in tact
But if I pull the plug
It isn't only me that I'm holding back

Asystole
Asystole
Asystole, Asystole

Revive your love in me
Revive another side of me
My eyes, to see the poisoned devotion in me

Revive, revive, revive Asystole
Asystole

No Use I Just Do

 Page 1488

Damn.

This new Hayley Williams album has been on repeat.

I'm so blown away.. and inspired. 

Got me on my feels.

Vulnerability is so hard to show..

But so beautiful when you do.

Thank you Hayley. 

For being you.

And showing us that.

This came at such a right time.

As I wiped his tears and caressed his head lightly.

Happy Monthsary.

You can be vulnerable with me, any time.

It's no use, I just love you.

Thank you, for being with me this long.

🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hayley Williams - No Use I Just Do

Nobody wants to be alone
But that is not why I want you
See, I have tried
And I keep trying
But baby it's no use, it's no use, I just love you

It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you

If I just wanted someone to hold
Then really anyone would do
I'd close my eyes and really try
Not to turn them into you, it's no use, I just love you

It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just do

It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you

It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you
It's no use, I just love you

Descansos

 Page 1487

What a fucking busyyyy weeeeeek.

Shit.

I've never felt so tired.

But it's ending soon.

And I'm so fucking glad I made it through.

So many times where I could've just broken down.

But I held on, and went ahead anyway.

No point dwelling on it.

Time will just pass anyway.

So I just - made most of my time.

And kept working.

Even though it was unhealthy.

And I was overworked.

But I did not want to sink any further.

I realised my body adapts fast.

Even when I was awake for 18 hours straight.

It just.. goes into survival mode.

And there was some kind of high.

Where you could just - collapse anytime.

Ya know? 

But it's really.. all in the mind. I suppose.

I took a good nap just now. For a few hours.

And felt reinvigorated.

Especially after listening to the new FLOWERS FOR VASES / Descansos album by Hayley Williams.

My soul.. is healed.

Thank you. 🤍

Love, Eran. 

Current Song Mood: Hayley Williams - Descansos

‘Tis The Damn Season

Page 1486

‘Tis the damn seasonnn.

#FebruaryBaby

It’ll be a short month because of the leap year. 

I find that so interesting.

How do people born on 29 Feb celebrate their birthday?

365 days becomes what, 363??

Damn. It is trippy.

Or I might just be high from the COVID vaccination I had today.

Haha.

It’s not as scary as it sounds. 

Feels nice to take part in the fight against it.

Anywhoo 

10 more days till I grow older.

No, I am not looking toward to it...

#denial

But I am certainly excited to spend time with loved ones and catch up with old friends. 

May it be.. a blessed month. ✨

Love, Eran

Current song mood: Taylor Swift - Tis The Damn Season

If I wanted to know
Who you were hanging with
While I was gone, I would've asked you
It's the kind of cold
Fogs up windshield glass
But I felt it when I passed you
There's an ache in you
Put there by the ache in me
But if it's all the same to you
It's the same to me

So we could call it even
You could call me "babe" for the weekend
'Tis the damn season, write this down
I'm staying at my parents' house
And the road not taken looks real good now
And it always leads to you and my hometown

I parked my car
Right between the Methodist and the school that used to be ours
The holidays linger like bad perfume
You can run but only so far
I escaped it too
Remember how you watched me leave
But if it's okay with you
It's okay with me

We could call it even
You could call me "babe" for the weekend
'Tis the damn season, write this down
I'm staying at my parents' house
And the road not taken looks real good now
Time flies
Messy as the mud on your truck tires
Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out
We could just ride around
And the road not taken looks real good now
And it always leads to you and my hometown

Sleep in half the day
Just for old times' sake
I won't ask you to wait
If you don't ask me to stay
So I'll go back to LA
And the so-called friends who'll write books about me if I ever make it
And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking
And the heart I know I'm breaking is my own
To leave the warmest bed I've ever known

We could call it even
Even though I'm leaving
And I'll be yours for the weekend
'Tis the damn season

We could call it even
You could call me "babe" for the weekend
'Tis the damn season, write this down
I'm staying at my parents' house
And the road not taken looks real good now
Time flies
Messy as the mud on your truck tires
Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out
We could just ride around
And the road not taken looks real good now
And it always leads to you and my hometown
It always leads to you and my hometown

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