Dancing With The Devil

 Page 1500

Sakura Blossom Strawberry Frappucino. So refreshing!

Phew.

Been a hectic week indeed.

But I've made it.

I'm so thankful for my partner.

And the fact that we can spend time together each week.

It's the only motivation to get me through the week. :)

We watched the first two parts of Demi's Docu today.

Dancing With The Devil.

Damn.

I.... didn't expect it to be so triggering

My partner felt it too.

Sorry.

It was really hard to watch.

Demi could've easily joined the 27 club.

And that would've been so sad.

To see her go through what she did.

And the after effects of her overdose.

I absolutely teared up.

I can relate to her struggles.

Life is so.. short.

Treasure what you have now.

Be kind to others.

Be kinder to yourself. 

Cause you just.. never know.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato - Dancing With The Devil

It's just a little red wine, I'll be fine
Not like I wanna do this every night
I've been good, don't I deserve it?
I think I earned it, feels like it's worth it
In my mind, mind

Twisted reality, hopeless insanity
I told you I was okay but I was lying

I was dancing with the devil, out of control
Almost made it to heaven, it was closer than you know
Playing with the enemy, gambling with my soul
It's so hard to say no, when you're dancing with the devil

It's just a little white line, I'll be fine
But soon that little white line is a little glass pipe
Tinfoil remedy, almost got the best of me
I keep praying I don't reach the end of my lifetime

Twisted reality, hopeless insanity
I told you I was okay but I was lying

I was dancing with the devil, out of control
Almost made it to heaven, it was closer than you know
Playing with the enemy, gambling with my soul
It's so hard to say no, when you're dancing with the devil

Thought I knew my limit, yeah
I thought that I could quit it, yeah
I thought that I could walk away easily
But here I am falling down on my knees
Praying for better days
To come and wash this pain away
Could you please forgive me?
Lord, I'm sorry for dancing with the devil

Dancing with the devil, out of control
Almost made it to heaven, it was closer than you know
Playing with the enemy, gambling with my soul
It's so hard to say no, when you're dancing with the devil

Never Leave You

 Page 1499 

Maaan.

Weekends passed by too fast.

Like. How.

Haha.

Guess I cant complain.

 

Getting to spend it with family and my partner is such a blessing.

Watched a show called 'Room' today.

It was so emotional, and very hard to watch.

Cant believe I missed this from 2015. Guess I was just too busy with army life and heartbreak back then.

I'm pretty sure I remembered watching the trailer, and how captivated I was by the visuals.

It's just that I did not remember the name, and forgot all about it. 

Brie Larson is such an incredible actress. And it's definitely one of my fave films.

It even got me bummed out a bit.

Spent the rest of the day wrapped up in my partner's arms.

Thank you for giving me warmth and love all the time.

How I wish I don't have to leave you every time.

But.. it's something to always look forward to in the week.

😊🤍

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: WATTS - Never Leave You 

{Verse 1}
You got, you got tired of me last night
Said your goodbyes, always ends in a fight
I think you're wrong, you think you're right
Try to be strong, but will this be the last time?

{Chorus}
All of the sleepless nights
Them empty bottle fights
Won't ever hide the truth
I'll never leave you
Say what you want to be
This love has empathy
It's not always black and white
But I'll never leave you

{Post-Chorus}
I'll never leave you
I'll never leave you

{Verse 2}
You got, you got that temper from your dads side
Came out last night, saw fire in those green eyes
So you storm out but you cool off
Then you come home and bring that love back

{Pre-Chorus}
Can't you see we've figured it out?
There's nothing that won't keep me around
Now, my baby

{Chorus}
All of the sleepless nights
Them empty bottle fights
Won't ever hide the truth
I'll never leave you
Say what you want to be
This love has empathy
It's not always black and white
But I'll never leave you

{Post-Chorus}
I'll never leave you
I'll never leave you

{Bridge}
Honestly
I'd never let you go because you're part of me
And every inch of you is all I wanna see
The lowest lows won't bring us down
You know you're all I want

{Chorus}
All of the sleepless nights
Them empty bottle fights
Won't ever hide the truth
I'll never leave you
Say what you want to be
This love has empathy
It's not always black and white
But I'll never leave you

{Post-Chorus}
I'll never leave you
I'll never leave you 

Lonely

 Page 1498

Finally!

The weekends at laaast.

Been a while. 

I've had a pretty hectic week.

Been... taking up a part time job.

Yes, even I didn't expect myself to.

But the money's good, so why not?

And it's a good experience.

Sorta like.. giving back to the community.

I like it.

It makes me feel whole. :)

It's always fun working with people you know too.

Met some interesting folks.

Even those teasing me about being a 'recording artist.'

Hahaha.

They even played my song in the hall. 

I- 

Died.

Lmao.

Ya'll are funny.

I just hope I don't push myself too much.

Once or twice a week is fine.

But I feel good about it.

Gonna grab every chance, while it's still there.

Lately being around people can be pretty overwhelming.

People know how I work.

And I have patients that like to approach me to attend to them first.

I am not bragging. But it is honestly tiring.

There is only 1 me. 

I just want to hibernate in a corner somewhere.

Let me be the lonely loner that I am.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Justin Bieber & Benny Blanco - Lonely

Everybody knows my name now
But something 'bout it still feels strange
Like looking in a mirror, trying to steady yourself
And seeing somebody else

And everything is not the same now
It feels like all our lives have changed
Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down
But it's killing me now

What if you had it all
But nobody to call?
Maybe then you'd know me
'Cause I've had everything
But no one's listening
And that's just fucking lonely

I'm so lo-o-o-onely
Lo-o-o-onely

Everybody knows my past now
Like my house was always made of glass
And maybe that's the price you pay
For the money and fame at an early age
And everybody saw me sick
And it felt like no one gave a shit
They criticized the things I did
As an idiot kid

What if you had it all
But nobody to call?
Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything
But no one's listening
And that's just fucking lonely

I'm so lo-o-o-onely
Lo-o-o-onely
I'm so lo-o-o-onely
Lo-o-o-onely

Stay Close

 Page 1497

What a tiring, but lovely weekend I had.

The best I've had in ages.

After work yesterday, had a sleepover at my partner's.

We had the best time. Drinking tea, and catching Big Bang Theory. It was cozy. And warm.

Had IPPT the next day.

Both of us couldn't really sleep well. 

But we still managed to get up quite early - 5:30am 🤣.

Daaamn.

It was a good thing.

We were mentally preparing for our individual activities.

Got to the camp 30 minutes early. So I just sat around till it was time.

There was a lot of people, to my surprise.

And I also surprisingly managed to do pretty well compared to my last attempt in January.

FINALLY.

Strangely, the machines could not detect me every time I stepped on them.

Even the trainers were puzzled. Haha. Damn. What is going onnnn.

My 2.4km run was intense. I've always dreaded it. And I was about to slow down at the 5th lap.

Till this god-sent dude came up and asked me to pace him.

Out of all the people there, it happened to me.

And I managed to push through, while he kept encouraging me.

'Stay close. Pace with me. Control your breathing. You can do it. Increase your speed.'

He didn't have to do that. I'm pretty sure he was a regular.

Thanks dude. Whoever you are.

Crawled back to my partner's place, while admiring the morning sky.

Showered, and straight up went out for FOOOOOOD.

Damn, my stomach was growling at this point.

Tried the new Starbucks chocolate cake at laaaast.

Hahaha it was amazing.

Then had Kenny Rogers after for the first time.

It was like another Andes restaurant. Yumm.

Hahah we totally deserved this so. Just enjoyed our meals :)

Went back, cozied up and caught a movie called Saint Maud. UHM. Damn intense.

We've been watching too much intense stuff. Including the latest Walking Dead episode last night.

Oh. My. Gawd.

Self-cared at night and put our masks on while lighting up some newly bought candles.

Just.. perfect.

Ok. That's enough for now.

Thank you for staying with me.

Till next week. 

Goodnight. x

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: SYML - Stay Close 

I know mourning is mourning and we heal differently
Right now it's all I see
In my brokenness, I found some peace
This mourning wakes my memories
When I got it wrong and you let me know
When I got it right and you told me so
Slow at first but it's rushing now
When I look for you and you're not around
Don't let me drown

I want to keep you forever my love
But wanting is never enough, so stay with me
I need somebody, to save me
I'm caught in a flood, stay with me, stay with me
I want some more time, I can't give you up
One lifetime is never enough, so stay with me
More than a body, you're more than my heart
You're my blood, stay with me, stay with me

If there's no cure and there's no medicine
Do we count the days until the end
We've got the count, the fix is in
It's been decided before it begins
Stay close, stay close
No, I can't stay here and let you go
I lost my faith but heaven knows
It can't be your time to go
Can't stay here and let you go

I want to keep you forever my love
But wanting is never enough, so stay with me
I need somebody, to save me
I'm caught in a flood, stay with me, stay with me
I want some more time, I can't give you up
One lifetime is never enough, so stay with me
More than a body, you're more than my heart
You're my blood, stay with me, stay with me

Stay close
Let's see the world you've never seen before
Stay close
Let's drink it up, swallow it whole
I lost my faith
Clear at first but you're fading out
Take my hand don't leave me now, don't leave me now
Stay close

I want to keep you forever my love
But wanting is never enough, so stay with me
I need somebody, to save me
I'm caught in a flood, stay with me, stay with me
I want some more time, I can't give you up
One lifetime is never enough, so stay with me
More than a body, you're more than my heart
You're my blood, stay with me, stay with me

Stay with me, stay with me
Stay with me, stay with me
Stay

Inordinary

 Page 1496

Sorry I haven't been updating much.

Just been so.. occupied with life.

That I forget to live sometimes.

Today was the first off day I had in a while where I could just slow down, and take a deep breath.

Spent some time on my own.

Completing tasks that I've wanted to do.

Gymmed in the morning. Finished a music production video guide. Finished a mega Quest in my game.

Had lunch at a nearby rooftop garden.

And just listened to music.

While it started pouring.

It was lonely, yet so peaceful.

And I am learning to appreciate that.

I've always felt inordinary.

Like I have always been this lone wolf.

A complete loner.

Especially as the years go by, you forget who is there by your side.

Your circle, grows smaller.

You don't even know who's there anymore.

But then again, you learn to cherish those that still stay.

I know, I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hayley Williams - Inordinary

I don't want your concern
As some consolation prize
And I don't want to be your friend
Or just one of the guys
I am nobody's

We left home when we were teens
I grew bored of simple things
You gave me another chance
A renegade, holding your hand
I was somebody

I wasn't ordinary, ordinary, ordinary
I wasn't ordinary, ordinary
I wasn't ordinary, ordinary, ordinary
I wasn't ordinary, ordinary

Life began in seventh grade
When me and momma got away
Came home from school one afternoon
She was waiting in the car for me
She said, "Don't worry"

Started over, Tennessee
Rent was cheap and we were free
I wish that feeling stuck around
There's a beauty to be found

In the ordinary, ordinary, ordinary
In the ordinary, ordinary
In the ordinary, ordinary, ordinary
In the ordinary, ordinary

Wait On

 Page 1495

I'm just out here, tryna survive each day.

Fell sick again last night.

So weird.

It could be the vaccine.

It could be my body clock.

It could be the negativity and toxicity from co-workers at work.

But the sickness I felt was real and intense.

I could just take sick leave.

But I'd feel bad. 

Because's there's a lot of things to do.

And I don't like leaving my team shorthanded.

🙂

Pushed through anyway.

A lot of.. challenges these days.

Everyday actually.

But I just gotta wait on it & make the best out of everything.

Love, Eran.

Current Song Mood: Hayley Williams - Wait On

I don't want to wait on you
But it's just what I keep doing
As if I've got nothing to do
As if my life won't keep on going
Without you

The sky will wake up every morning
And sometimes feel the need to pour out
All the feelings it's been holding
But either way
It never comes down
It knows its place
And knows a way around the clouds
And their design

For every fairytale untrue
And all the hearts yet to be broken
For every bird that never flew
Well it's a wonder we keep going
Without you

The sky still wakes up every morning
And sometimes feels the need to pour out
Everything it's tired of holding
But either way
It never comes down
It's gonna stay
And find a way around the clouds

There was a bird who never flew
But she still kept all of her feathers
So she could pluck 'em out for you
And you could wear them in your hair and
She'd be with you