Stay In Love

Page 401

Phew. Well it's been quite a week. Hooray for an early release! It's a miracle.

I've been sweating non-stop, moving here and there a lot for the past few days. It's been so mentally and physically tiring. Wait.. it's always been. I guess the only reason I managed to pull through was being able to stay positive, with the help of people around me. I'm soooo thankful for them.

Cant imagine next week. It's gonna be real long one, and 10x more intense. Sigh. Gotta be mentally prepared for it.

It's October already. How fast time flew...

I'm getting stronger each day. I can feel it. The change within me.

My feelings though.. I can't describe it.

Last night I saw something I shouldn't.

The memories & feelings that came back for a short while.

I guess it triggered some sort of sadness.

It's been a while since I saw that familiar face again.

...

I'm sorry if my posts have been so damn emo lately.

I'm really trying my best to stay positive each day.

It doesn't hurt to stay in love. Love comes in so many forms.

I guess what I'm leaning on right now is a different form of it.

Friends, brothers, & family.

Yup.

So tired right now. Off to bed. 

xx

Love, Eran.

Give me a reason.

Current Song Mood: Hilary Duff - Stay In Love

Real life, broken glass
Left them by the sea
Holding onto things
We don't really need
Our edges used to
Fit together perfectly
Why does something good
Always start to bleed?

Hurting, hearts go wild
Bruised girl, broken down
Praised you, many times
One big lie
Passion, washed away
Fake it, fake today
Please give up
And just say goodbye

Stay in love
Give me a reason
Holding on just for the weekend
Crave the world
We're barely breathing, oh
Stay in love
Give me a reason
Do you remember when I said I'd die for you?
Every single day pretend it's true
And you remember when I said I'd die for you?
Holding on just for the weekend

All is said and done
All the fights are fun
Trap each other
And waiting to get caught
Two birds sitting
And the air is all we got
Baby I love you
But we need to break up

Hurting, hearts go wild
Bruised girl, broken down
Praised you, many times
One big lie
Passion, washed away
Fake it, fake today
Please give up
And just say goodbye

Stay in love
Give me a reason
Holding on just for the weekend
Crave the world
We're barely breathing, oh
Stay in love
Give me a reason
Do you remember when I said I'd die for you?
Every single day pretend it's true
And you remember when I said I'd die for you?
Holding on just for the weekend

Oh, we'd be different from the rest
I guess just like everybody, everybody else
Oh, we'd be different from the rest
I guess just like everybody, everybody else
Like everybody else, no

Stay in love
Give me a reason
Holding on just for the weekend
Crave the world
We're barely breathing, oh
Stay in love
Give me a reason
Do you remember when I said I'd die for you?
Every single day pretend it's true
And you remember when I said I'd die for you?
Holding on just for the weekend

Holding on just for the weekend
Holding on just for the weekend

The Letter

Page 400

Dear B,

It's been 2 months. I've been trying my best to avoid everything.. Well, because I guess I wanted to be more private about it. And maybe not even thing about it. It's been so tough. Handling things on my own. Keeping it to myself. I've been so, so lonely. I'm don't even know why writing this letter. 

I know.

You probably don't even care by now.

You've probably moved on.

Heck, You probably won't even be read this. It doesn't matter.

You know me... I need to say what's on my mind.

There's this constant need to always express myself & my thoughts.

I can't help but wonder each day..

Do you hate me?

Was it me all along?

What if I hadn't said all those things.. would it have turned out different?

Would we still be talking?

Do you miss.. Us?

I do.

Maybe..

Maybe I'm too much to manage.

Maybe I didn't deserve you.

Or maybe it's the other way round too.

We're two completely different souls now.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder. 

How are you now? Are you happier?

I could be out there still, trying to get you back in every way I could. You know I would.

But no, that would be a foolish thing to do.

And I, am tired of being a fool.

Thinking all this while, that I was in a real relationship.

I never regretted anything.. I guess.

All the special moments keep replaying in my head.

I just hope you're in a better place now.

I hope for the best for you.

Just one last thing.

Never Forget.

Love, Eran.

Don't forget me.

Current Song Mood: Kehlani - The Letter

I can hear your laugh
It's ringing through the hallways
I can see your smile
It's what gets me through my hard days
And your words was suppose to get me through my heartache, before my heartbreak
There's an emptiness that only few ever fill
And I somehow missed the meaning of love that is real
And it compliments my scars that will never heal

[Chorus:]
Maybe I didn't deserve you
Maybe I just couldn't cure you
They told me that I didn't hurt you
Why do I feel like I turned you?
Maybe I don't understand it
Tell me is this how you planned it?
Did you see us so stranded
Maybe I'm to much too manage

[Verse 2:]
And if you weren't gonna guide me
Why bring me into the light?
Must have done something to make you want to run and hide
Why oh why didn't you just live your life?
And every girl needs a mother
And damn it I needed you
Instead you duck for cover
And you ran from the truth
And like kids do
You waited around for proof

[Chorus]

Maybe I didn't deserve you...

The Rain

Page 399

It's pouring hard as i'm typing this right now.

Packing up for later. Time flies so fast. 

It's been a nice couple of days. I guess I've spent them well.

I'm so done with this.. community. People are so obnoxious. Ugh.

Whatever, I'm just being myself.

And I won't apologize for that.

Got introduced to this sweet song today.

Fits the mood perfectly.

And the rain.

I've given all my love to you.

What do I have left?

Love, Eran.

Wont you stay with me?

Current Song Mood: Oh Wonder - The Rain

Ever since the rain I’ve been waking on my ownLeft an empty space in a home we built to grow
Watching waves at night I fell into the blue
I guess I lost the light, now I’ve given all my love to you

I’ve given all my love to you
I’ve given all my love to you
I’ve given all my love to you
I’ve given all my, given all my love to you, you

Ever since the rain I’ve been living days too slow
Lie around and wait for a heart I used to know
They say that over time there’ll be nothing left to lose
But I still can’t find the light, I’ve given all my love to you

I’ve given all my love to you
I’ve given all my love to you
I’ve given all my love to you
I’ve given all my, given all my love to you, You
[x2]

In the night when I’m dreaming
Oh I know your body’s next to mine
In the dark I can feel it
Don’t you tell me I’m dreaming

Won’t you stay with me?
[x4]

I’ve given all my love to you
I’ve given all my love to you
I’ve given all my love to you
I’ve given all my, given all my love to you, You
[x2]

I Am

Page 398

So tired. Met up with 2 of my makchicks today hehe, Ida and Syah. It's been a while... and we're all pretty much the same hehe.

Had supper with Ida at BP then headed to CCK to meet Syah. We lepak-ed at her place and started the heart to heart discussions.

I really let everything out.

It felt damn good.

After all this time. I finally realised.. I had nothing to lose.

I've been wasting precious time with the wrong person all this while.

I feel highly empowered tonight.

I'll care for the people who give an actual fuck about me.

I'll love those who deserve my love.

I'll continue doing what I love.

I'll become who I'm supposed to be.

I'll be somebody greater than him.

I'll be someone greater than he WILL EVER BE.

This is who I'll become.

This is who I AM.

Love, Eran.

And you can't take that away from me.

Current Song Mood: Leona Lewis - I Am

I thought the moment I was leaving
Barely breathing
Fall to pieces, couldn't face this
Why would I be leaving?
I was believing
It's you and me against the world

Not saying I was afraid of you
Won't put the blame on you
But I won't change for you
Just when you thought you dropped me
I gotta drop the news, I'm still existing
I'm still here

I am with or without you
I am breathing without you
I am somebody without you
I am, I am
I am free without you
I am stronger without you
Thought I would never rise again
But I am, I am

First steps that I was making
On this new planet
Never done, found all I wanted
The world was so forgiving
Open-hearted
Warm and loving, amazing

I never once regretted it
And I'll break my bread
I'm revealed again
All of the mistakes that I made
Finally led the way
To a better place

I am with or without you
I am breathing without you
I am somebody without you
I am, I am
I am free without you
I am stronger without you
Thought I would never rise again
But I am, I am

First my remedy, now my poison
Won't get down to love until I'm afraid to live
Oh yeah

I am with or without you
I am stronger without you
Thought I would never rise again
But I am, I am

Ooh yeah
I am me
Ohhhh

Confident

Page 397

Wow what a day! Went to YX's POP Parade in the morning hehehe.

Met up with Tomei who was late as usual (duhhhhh) ahahaha.

We took the train to Bugis and met up with Lily.. who was super cranky cause she just finished night shift. I know how she feels haha.

Took the train to the Stadium and caught up a little along the way.

We rushed to meet Prem who was giving us the look for being late hahaha.. Sorry Prem! Malays. ._.

Managed to work our way through the gates and got ourselves some seats. I had chills watching everything because I'll be going through it soon.. Hahaha met up with YX and they all kept teasing me :(((((((

Hahahaha idiots. Met up with a lot of familiar faces, then we took the train home.

Rested for a while at home then went out again in the evening to meet Buddy.

We were basking at Somerset today hehe. It's a totally new experience for me! And I was really nervous at first. But the passion started coming through and I started enjoying it. There were cute small kids who would stop by just to watch us in awe hahaha. It was an overall an interesting & fun experience for me.

Then at night, Buddy invited me to his hip hop event at Bugis. Took the cab and when we reached, I saw a lot of Malay dudes hahaha. Like those hip hop, rowdy type. I was uncomfortable at first because I was new to this scene. But wow,  I  ended up so impressed. The local music I heard today was really different from what I expected. The acoustic sets.. were hella amazing. I was grooving and vibing and cheering at them because they were so fantastic. So much swag & confidence hahaha I barely have all of that.

Guess it's time for me to buck up and be more confident in myself. That's something I've always been lacking.

Gonna head to bed now, have a good night! xx

Love, Eran

Current Song Mood: Demi Lovato - Confident

Are you ready?

It's time for me to take it
I'm the boss right now
Not gonna fake it
Not when you go down
Cause this is my game
And you better come to play

I used to hold my freak back
Now I'm letting go
I make my own choice
Yeah I run this show
So leave the lights on
No, you can't make me behave

So you say I'm complicated
That I must be outta my mind
But you had me underrated
Rated, rated, rated

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident? 
What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident? 

It's time to get the chains out
Is your tongue tied up?
Cause this is my ground
And I'm dangerous
And you can get out
But it's all about me tonight

So you say I'm complicated
That I must be outta my mind
But you had me underrated
Rated, rated, rated

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident? 
What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident? 
What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident? 
What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident? 

So you say I'm complicated
That I must be outta my mind
But you've had me underrated

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident? 
What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident? 
What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident? 
What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being
What's wrong with being confident?

Be Alright

Page 396

Had a greaaaat day out today!

Haha met up with my section mates, and we went to NEX to play LAN.

Hahaha tbh I've never went anywhere just to play games before when I could do it in the comfort of home. But this was a good time for us to go out and bond. :)

Pretty fun shiz. Totally slayed L4D. Ok maybe I got owned as usual (le sigh).

We decided to part ways after playing for 2 hours, but some of us stayed to have chat & dinner. Someone was driving anyways *winkz*

Went to Thompson Road for dinner and had the biggest murtabak in my whole life hahaha. Lucky there were 5 of us to finish it in less than 5 mins LOL.

We decided it wasn't enough and ordered one more... ._.

My gosh, what hungry creatures we've become. Hahaha they wanted to eat more but we decided not to overdo our tummies and waste our trainings lmao. We parted ways home, and now here I am feeling damn sleepy.

I'm so super duper nervous & excited tomorrow.

It's my first time...

Everything will be alright.

I'd like to believe that.

Love, Eran.

It'll be alright.

I hope.

Current Song Mood: Kehlani - Be Alright

[Verse 1:]
There's always been those times when I needed a breather
When I might need a quick break from being the leader
Cause I'm just human, you gotta feel that
We're all just here to learn and everyday we are put up to bat
If you feeling down, no you ain't alone
And if you feeling all confused, no you are not on your own
Don't stress
Yeah we're too blessed

[Pre-Chorus:]
Someone once told me babe when the tide is high, you just get low
Hold your breath and take it slow
Yes I might get wet
I might get thrown
But I'll resurface all on my own

[Chorus:]
I'll be alright, be alright
Just go with the tide
I'll be alright, be alright
I'll be doing fine
Be alright, be alright
Just go with the tide

[Verse 2:]
I always have those days when I feel unworthy
When I sit back and ask God why he chose me
Cause I'm just human, just like you are
We see the same ol' sky, at night we see the same stars
So if you feeling down, no you not alone
And if you feeling all confused, no you are not on your own
Don't trip
Baby just live

[Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus]

Wonderful

Page 395

Hey.

:)

It's been a wonderful week.

I guess effort really does pay off.

There are special things falling into place.

Things that keep me occupied.

And I feel so weird but satisfied.

First of all, I get to enjoy my block leave this week. Yaaaaas to longer weekends to rest!

Been training hard, & managed to score a Silver (never thought I could do it) in my physical test today.

I guess that's something to be proud of?? Haha. Hoping to maintain and improve on my fitness.

It's been something that I've been lacking.

Also, yesterday and the day before.. I've been sitting down with my bunkmates, singing to a song that I wrote..

All I can say is that they really liked it. It's really personal to me. And I hope to share it one day.

I'm determined to and I promise I will.

..

And let me just say this...

The flashbacks never stopped.

It's harder than it seems but.. I guess I'm used to it.

Just popping in my mind at random times.

It gets to me. And I try not to let it.

Sometimes I wonder... Wasn't it kind of wonderful?

.. us?

Don't you feel so too?

..

I guess I'll never know.

Love, Eran.

Wasn't it?

Current Song Mood: Lianne La Havas - Wonderful

Did the world get a little bit colder
Not wiser just a little bit older
So slow that we're bound to fall over, oh

Did the heart grow a little bit harder
Too much, too late, too far, too gone

But wasn't it kind of wonderful
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, wonderful

You can trip, flick a switch like a thief
Break the circuit between us
But electricity lingers
In our fingers

Oh you can burn every fuse and refuse
Turn your positive minus
Electricity lingers
In our fingers

From here there's nothing but horizon
Near dawn, I'm searching for the sunrise
Remember when you put the stars into my eyes, oh

Wasn't it kind of wonderful
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, wonderful

You can trip, flick a switch like a thief
Break the circuit between us
But electricity lingers
In our fingers

Oh you can burn every fuse and refuse
Turn your positive minus
Electricity lingers
In our fingers

Wasn't it kind of wonderful
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, wonderful

Wasn't it kind of wonderful
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, baby
Wasn't it kind of wonderful, wonderful