Hands To Myself

Page 408

Haiii :)

Currently blogging from camp haha. This tablet is useful at last.

Anyways. Had a pretty.. good weekend. There are certain things that.. turned out unexpected. The number of people I've met that's been so nice to me, showering me with love.

I've missed this feeling. 

And I never want it to go away. 

Alas I have to spend my weekdays here for now..

But at least there's something/someone to look forward to when I'm out of here.`

I'll be honest.

I'm afraid of falling again.

Afraid of opening up again.. Letting anyone in.

But I have to try eventually.

I have to be brave.

Today.. I couldnt keep my hands to myself. 

Cuddles.
Soft lips.
 Warm kisses.
Chivalry isnt dead.
I've never felt this warm in a long time.

Thank you.

<3

Love, Eran.

I miss you already.

Current Song Mood: Selena Gomez - Hands To Myself 

Can't keep my hands to myself
No matter how hard I'm trying to
I want you all to myself
You're metaphorical gin and juice
So come on, give me a taste
Of what it's like to be next to you
Won't let one drop go to waste
You're metaphorical gin and juice

Cause all of the doubts and the outbursts
Keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, trying
All of the doubts and the outbursts
Keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, but I

Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself

My doctor say you're no good
But people say what they wanna say
And you should know if I could
I'd breathe you in every single day

All of the doubts and the outbursts
Keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, trying
All of the doubts and the outbursts
Keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, but I

Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself

Can't keep my hands to myself
I want it all, no, nothing else
Can't keep my hands to myself
Give me your all and nothing else
Oh, I, I want it all
I want it all, I want it all
Can't keep my hands to myself
I mean I could, but why would I want to?

My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
I want it all, no, nothing else
Can't keep my hands to myself
Give me your all and nothing else
Can't keep my hands to myself

Same Old Love

Page 407

Today was pretty sweet.

Flattered, really.

But I guess I just had to hold back.

Having that question to pop up.. No I'm not ready.

Idk.. I'm just.. scared to open up again.

Scared to let anyone in at the moment.

I'm scared & tired of going through this cycle over and over.

Your face still pops up.

I still get affected.

I'm scared that history will repeat itself.

I'm just sick of the same old love.

Love, Eran.

I'm on my knees right now.

Current Song Mood: Selena Gomez - Same Old Love

Take away your things and go
You can't take back what you said, I know
I've heard it all before, at least a million times
I'm not one to forget, you know

I don't believe, I don't believe it
You left in peace, left me in pieces
Too hard to breathe, I'm on my knees
Right now, 'ow

I'm so sick of that same old love, that shit, it tears me up
I’m so sick of that same old love, my body's had enough
Oh, (that same old love) [2x]
I’m so sick of that same old love, feels like I've blown apart
I’m so sick of that same old love, the kind that breaks your heart
Oh, (that same old love) [2x]

I'm not spending any time, wasting tonight on you
I know, I've heard it all
So don't you try and change your mind
Cause I won't be changing too, you know

You can't believe, still can't believe it
You left in peace, left me in pieces
Too hard to breathe, I'm on my knees
Right now, 'ow

I'm so sick of that same old love, that shit, it tears me up
I’m so sick of that same old love, my body's had enough
Oh, (that same old love) [2x]
I’m so sick of that same old love, feels like I've blown apart
I’m so sick of that same old love, the kind that breaks your heart
Oh, (that same old love) [2x]

I'm so sick of that, so sick of that love [4x]

I'm so sick of that same old love, that shit, it tears me up
I’m so sick of that same old love, my body's had enough
Oh, (that same old love) [2x]
I’m so sick of that same old love, feels like I've blown apart
I’m so sick of that same old love, the kind that breaks your heart
Oh, (that same old love) [2x]

Jealous

Page 406

I laid in the bunk, staring blankly at the spaces above me. It was lights out. My earphones were on, and music therapy was ongoing, like it has been everyday. Music has been keeping me going. Keeping me strong, warm & loved. The double-decked bed started rocking a little as my Buddy climbed down. 

'Do you mind?' 

'Nope.' :)

And he laid by my side.

We talked. About the past. About our exes. We were different, but we had similar situations. We understood each other.

'If only you knew the truth.' I thought to myself.

Today I scrolled through an app.

And your face popped up.

'Looking for dates.'

I paused. It seemed like a very long pause. A tinge of jealousy. I envisioned somebody else... Someone new that took my place. And then I reminded myself that I shouldn't be caring anymore.

Back then, the thought of seeing you with another guy would kill me.

But now.. I guess I've accepted it.

I guess it'll have to happen.

We'll both move on eventually.

And deep down inside.

I'll die.. slowly.

Love, Eran.

This song says it all...

Current Song Mood: Labrinth - Jealous

I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind, cause

[Chorus:]
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love, cause

[Chorus]

As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day
Cause all I do is cry behind this smile

[Chorus]

It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

Drowning Shadows

Page 405

It's been reallyyyy long week.

Phew. So glad I'm done with it.

Even though my time back here is short, I guess I'm doing all I can to do what I want.

If you know me well, you'd know that I'm probably one of the most patient guys around. There are certain things.. I can tolerate. 

Like certain people who think that they're the best in everything.

I know you're better than me. 

I know you're always challenging me.

I know what kind of person you are by now.

But it DOES get to my nerve and my patience has been running low.

Yeah I might be a little different now.

It doesn't matter.

I'm not someone who'd make such a big fuss of this.

But what you said really hurts.

I'll let it go lightly, but don't expect me to be the same again.

You can take the spotlight all you want, I don't care.

I guess I'll just go back to the shadows, where I belong.

And maybe drown in your shadows.

Love, Eran.

I need time alone.

Current Song Mood: Sam Smith - Drowning Shadows

RUNNING ROUND,

CHASING HEARTS,

CHASING BODIES,

TO FIX THE PAST

I DON’T KNOW HOW I REACHED THIS PLACE,

SO FAR FROM HEAVEN, SO FAR FROM GRACE

AND I RUN TO GIVE IN TO THE PRESSURE,

‘CAUSE I FEEL LIKE THE CITY’S GOT THE BETTER OF ME,

OH, THIS CASUAL LOVE,

ISN’T WHAT IT SEEMS.

AND I TRY TO IMAGINE SOMETHING CLOSER,

AND SOMEBODY WHO IS GOOD FOR ME,

I’M SO TIRED OF ALL THIS SEARCHING,

DO I, DO I, DO I, DO I GO HOME TO NOTHING?

OR STAY OUT FOR MORE?

GIVE IN TO SOMEONE?

OR KNOCK DOWN MY DOOR?

OR DROWN ALL MY SHADOWS,

DROWN THEM LIKE BEFORE,

DROWNING SHADOWS, ONCE MORE

THE MORE I DRINK,

THE MORE I DROWN,

I FOUND THAT THINKING,

I WROTE IT DOWN

THE MORE I RISE ABOVE IT ALL,

THE LESS I CARE, ABOUT THOSE FALLS

AND I RUN TO GIVE IN TO THE PRESSURE,

‘CAUSE I FEEL LIKE THE CITY’S GOT THE BETTER OF ME

OH, THIS CASUAL LOVE,

ISN’T WHAT IT SEEMS.

AND I TRY TO IMAGINE SOMETHING CLOSER,

AND SOMEBODY WHO IS GOOD FOR ME,

I’M SO TIRED OF ALL THIS SEARCHING,

DO I, DO I, DO I, DO I GO HOME TO NOTHING?

OR STAY OUT FOR MORE?

GIVE IN TO SOMEONE?

OR KNOCK DOWN MY DOOR?

OR DROWN ALL MY SHADOWS,

DROWN THEM LIKE BEFORE,

DROWNING SHADOWS, ONCE MORE

ONCE MORE

ONCE MORE

GO HOME TO NOTHING, OR STAY OUT FOR MORE?

GIVE IN TO SOMEONE, OR

OR DROWN ALL MY SHADOWS,

DROWN THEM LIKE BEFORE

DROWNING SHADOWS, ONCE MORE.

Thunder

Page 404

Sigh. It's that time of the week already.

Kinda lazy to go back...

:(

I miss freedom.

I miss having time to myself.

I know it's still early to say, and I know I have to be grateful that times have changed.

But I'm really starting to get tired of this routine.

The most important phases starts next week.. And I'll only get to be back on Sunday.

But I guess I have to remain positive. I have to.

Hell week.. Begins.

I'll be back with the thunder.

Love, Eran.

I want to be free again.

Current Song Mood: Leona Lewis - Thunder

First, it was heaven
Everything roses and fire
You and I were golden

Now it's armageddon
And I woke up like a fighter
Putting up a legion

You were rising like a star
Reigning like a king
While I was waiting in the wings

And I won't wait any longer
When you left me down, I got stronger
If you want to wait for lightning
I'm on the horizon
Well, I'm coming back with the thunder
Well, I'm coming back with the thunder
Well, I'm coming back with the thunder

Scared that you're a missile
Scared that I would shine without you
So you held me down, down

But this voice was getting loud
And it just wouldn't give in
Cause I was made to sing

And I won't wait any longer
When you left me down, I got stronger
If you want to wait for lightning
I'm on the horizon
Well, I'm coming back with the thunder
Well, I'm coming back with the thunder

With an empty heart, I am free again
Some things have to start, some have to end
With an empty heart, I am free again
Some things have to start, some have to end

But I won't wait any longer
When you left me down, I got stronger
If you want to wait for lightning
I'm on the horizon
Well, I'm coming back with the thunder
Well, I'm coming back with the thunder
Well, I'm coming back with the thunder

Homeless

Page 403

Ah well. 

Got to experience the things I'd never thought I'd get to again.

It was sweet. But.. it's not the same.

I guess I've outgrown it.

I guess it's just not meant to be.

I guess this isn't the path I'm suppose to go through again.

Whatever it is, I'm wiser now..

I'd like to think that.

I won't trust anyone that easily anymore.

Home.. home doesn't feel like home anymore.

I'm as good as homeless.

I feel like going out each day.

Mama knows best.

She's always worried whenever I go out.

She has every reason to.

Because you never know, what foolishness I might get into next.

Love, Eran.

It won't let me go.

Current Song Mood: Marina Kaye - Homeless

In this house where I grew up
With cozy chairs and broken cups
Memories piled up to the ceiling
Can they tell what I am feeling?

I know this house outside and in
But three birds fly upon my skin
Lay my head down in the darkness
Like so many nights before this

In this bed where I rest
I'm homeless
This house I know best
But I'm homeless
My hunger it grows
And it won't let me go
And it burns in my chest
I'm homeless

Heavy steps on hardwood floors
Into my room through broken doors
Try to leave this day behind me
But peace will never find me

In this bed where I rest
I'm homeless
This house I know best
But I'm homeless
My hunger it grows
And it won't let me go
And it burns in my chest
I'm homeless

I have a place I can call my own
That's where I go til the night is gone
I travel my mind and into my heart
Nobody knows when I go that far
(Oooooh)

In this bed where I rest
I'm homeless
This house I know best
But I'm homeless
My hunger it grows
And it won't let me go
And it burns in my chest
I'm homeless

Arms Around A Memory

Page 402

It's been a fairly peaceful day.

Slept in real late, went for prayers, bought some snacks to indulge on, recorded some sweet covers, and caught up with tv shows.

Simple & perfect haha.

Single life is so liberating & free.

I don't have to care so much about anyone but myself.

I don't have to spend on anyone but myself.

It's just me.

Me, myself & I.

Love, Eran.

But I do miss the memories.

Current Song Mood: Hilary Duff - Arms Around A Memory

Hot sweats in cold sweaters
I feel a little lost since you've been gone
The blame helps you feel better
Until you run across the cloud I'm on

You're reaching for a hand that's in the past
And beaches where the sand has turned to glass
Your television life couldn't channel this love

You can't put your arms around a memory
You can't put your arms around a memory
And now I'm wishing you were here
As much as I wish you would disappear
So will you remember to forget me?
You can't put your arms around a memory (a memory)
Can't put your arms around a memory (a memory)
And will you remember to forget me?
You can't put your arms around a memory (a memory)

A life boat in dead water
A ship inside, a battle that we broke
And we lost our true colours
We opened every door until we closed

And I could feel you in my air tonight
Coming through the waves in satellites
But our city skies will never light up

You can't put your arms around a memory
You can't put your arms around a memory
And now I'm wishing you were here
As much as I wish you would disappear
So will you remember to forget me?
You can't put your arms around a memory (a memory)
Can't put your arms around a memory (a memory)
And will you remember to forget me?
You can't put your arms around a memory (a memory)

Hot sweats in cold sweaters
I feel a little lost since you've been gone